Original subtitles

Mr. Benson, I just had some terrific news. Your summer job's bill passed

unanimously. No kidding.

No, I just heard from the legislature.

Okay, tell me what happened. Don't leave anything out. Okay. Well, I was sitting

in my office, and the phone rang. And I reached for it, and I banged my elbow.

You know, that awful... Governor, governor, please, leave something out.

Oh, well, okay. You've already heard the important part. Your bill passed. Okay,

thank you. Thank you. You know, it's things like this that make the job so

satisfying. You didn't feel that way when you first became lieutenant

What are you talking about?

Oh, I figured you'd forget. You have a way of always blocking out unpleasant

experiences.

Not quite.

I don't know what Miss Cross is talking about. Mayor Waring. Oh, yes, Mayor

Waring. I almost forgot about him.

Then I will refresh your memory.

No, thanks.

It was your first... today as lieutenant governor.

Krause, I don't want you to tell the story.

Oh, well, I'll be happy to tell it.

We were all there in the reception room, just waiting.

And there was a banner overhead.

Welcome to your first day of service.

Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you.

Whoopee!

I'm Benson. I'll show you to your new office. Thank you. I don't think I could

have found it by myself.

Here it is.

Your new office.

Conference area here. Coffee table. Couch.

Chair.

The balcony.

Here it is.

Your new office.

You know...

have a story about every piece of furniture in this office. Maybe in that

should redecorate.

Take this couch, for instance.

I remember what time I came in here. Wait, wait, wait a minute.

Shouldn't one of us be running the state?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I guess I better do that.

I'm supposed to be meeting with Assemblyman Carter right now.

You want me in on that? No, no. No, I'm just doing a little fence mending. You

stay here, enjoy your office. Okay, well, if you need me, give me a call.

Well, I just hope that I'm alive when I need you.

Well, if you're not alive, don't call.

Because you know what's written in our Constitution, don't you? What? If I

croak, you're the big cheese.

Well, do me a favor, stay healthy.

Oh, I feel fine, but...

You never know when you're gonna come face to face with the Grim Reaper.

It's time.

I always knew he had another job.

Oh, I'm just on my way, Clayton. Oh, by the way, I'm giving you to Benson.

I'd rather have a rash.

Just for the week?

Uh, sir.

I want you to make Benson's transition a smooth one. Sir, I really prefer...

That's an order, Clayton. Oh, this is ridiculous.

It sure is.

How difficult can it be to make the transition to a meaningless figurehead

position? Clayton, let me tell you something.

Other lieutenant governors may have considered this job just an extended

vacation. I assure you, I do not.

Excuse me, Benson.

Governor Decker left behind.

I'll look through that.

Denise, what's on my calendar for the rest of the week? Oh, let's see.

Tomorrow the 4th, you cut the ribbon for the new Little League field.

That sounds like fun.

What else?

Thursday the 6th, you're supposed to appear as Grand Marshal of the Capital

Rodeo. Okay, Little League Rodeo. What else you got?

Oh, that's it for this month.

That's it for the month?

Yeah, I think so. You want me to go ask around?

Here, go ask around.

Look at this. It's a picture of the former lieutenant governor with a bunch

Playboy bunnies.

To Jerry, who makes Hef look like a Cub Scout. Love, Miss June,

July, and August.

Boy, those are the three hottest months of the year.

Well...

I wonder what this key is.

No.

Oh, it's the lieutenant governor's field office.

Oh, I wasn't aware the lieutenant governor had another office.

Great, I ain't got nothing to do, but I got two offices to do it in.

Well, I never heard of the place, so I'm sure it doesn't exist.

Oh, here's an address.

Why don't we go down there and check it out?

That's in. You're the lieutenant governor, and now you haven't got time

traipsing around in search of offices.

Well, I got plenty of time before I have to be back here for my next

appointment.

27 hours from now.

I gotta remind Denise to throw this out. Mm -hmm.

This

is

it?

Certainly doesn't look like much.

Well, you gave it a chance, Clayton.

Said the same thing about you.

Excuse me, is this the Lieutenant Governor's field office?

Yes, it is. Can I help you with something? Yes, I'm the new Lieutenant

Benson Dubois. Well, that is something.

I'm your secretary, Susie McNamara.

How do you do, Miss McNamara? This is Clayton Endicott III, my assistant.

Yeah, only for a week.

Well, it's nice to meet you. We haven't had a Lieutenant Governor around here in

over 3 ,000 scarves.

It was 13 years ago.

Snooki Porter was lieutenant governor.

Snooki Porter.

He loved this place.

Close to the people.

He loved this place? The man was obviously deranged.

I don't think so, Clayton. He probably got a lot accomplished.

He didn't get anything accomplished.

I rest my case.

He was trampled to death by a Brahma bull while he was grand marshal of the

capital city rodeo?

Now keep that in mind.

Am I to understand that I'm the first lieutenant governor to come here since

trampling? That's right, Chief.

And I've been here every day.

Well, this is an unconscionable waste of government funds. This place will have

to be closed down.

Oh, well.

I knew it would be over someday.

I'll get my things.

It's okay, Miss McNamara. There's no need to move Yarn City.

We're going to keep this place open.

And, sir, there's no way to justify the expense.

I think it's a great idea for the lieutenant governor to have a field

What's that?

Probably that gang of kids.

Are these children ill?

Don't you have any contact with reality?

He's here to break me.

What seems to be the problem?

I've warned these guys over a hundred times not to loiter on city property.

Well, I don't think they're loitering. They're just dancing.

Yeah, why don't you go bust some crush?

Just let me handle it. I think I have an idea. Benson, Benson, mind your own

business. This is my business.

Dancing in the street is not the business of the lieutenant governor.

appropriate for the host of Soul Train.

state property instead of city property.

Then it's out of my jurisdiction.

Well, then it's settled. It's a state property.

Then the problem's solved. You can break on the state. See you around,

Lieutenant Governor. All right.

Am I going to see you around here, Chief?

You certainly are, Miss McNamara. You can tell the people around here that the

Lieutenant Governor will be in this field office on, uh, let's see,

and Saturdays from noon to three.

Got it, Chief. All right.

He's a rank amateur who has no idea what he's doing.

Coming, sir.

Oh, you should have seen Decker when I played it on him.

Did you want something?

I just wanted to share this joke with you. Oh, that's so sweet of you. Thank

for sharing.

Excuse me, Benson. Mayor Waring is here to see you. Mayor Waring, how are you?

Come on in. Come on in, Mayor. You're damn right I'll come in. How you doing,

Governor? Oh, fine, fine.

Just who do you think you are?

Well, what are you talking about? Who do you think you are?

This is the new lieutenant governor, Benson DuBois.

You should know that, Mayor. You worked for the opposition during the campaign.

Yeah, but that doesn't give him right to tell my cops what to do. I'm the mayor

of this city.

Herman, what is the problem?

You know what the problem is, but this time you're not going to get away with

it. And don't you call me Herman. I hate that name.

I didn't know.

Well, if you would just calm down for a minute, I'm sure we can work out

whatever it is you're so angry about. Oh, don't play games with me, Dubois.

know perfectly well what I'm talking about.

What are you talking about? You overstepped your authority when you gave

sanctuary to those juvenile delinquents over at your field office.

The kids dancing?

You can't be serious. Look, this is my city. I know the situation.

Now, either you butt out or be prepared to answer to me.

He seemed awfully mad.

Benson, I don't think you handled that very well.

Me? He's the one who came in here yelling his head off. Yeah, but he's the

mayor. He deserves a little respect.

Well, what about me?

What am I, a bowl of chitlins?

Don't I deserve any respect? Of course you do, but these things have to be

handled diplomatically. These petty arguments are beneath the dignity of

office. You're talking to me about dignity?

A man who plays dead on the floor?

That was a cheap shot, Brunson.

Thank you.

Now, if you don't mind, I have official state business to conduct.

Is your first day as lieutenant governor starting to come back to you? Yeah,

thanks to your big mouth.

Mayor Waring was really steamed at you that day. He sure was.

He was at such a low boiling point.

I remember after you had that argument, he sent over some city workers to tear

up all the streets around the mansion.

Yeah, you couldn't get in, you couldn't get out.

Boy, it's a lucky thing you decided to go and beg the mayor for forgiveness.

That's not the way it happened.

Well, that's the way I remember it. Well, that's because every time you open

your mouth, your brain leaks.

I don't remember it at all. How did you manage to calm down the mayor?

Well, you see, I figured that he had to be upset over something more than a few

kids dancing in the streets, you know, so I invited him back here to the

to discuss the problem. Excuse me, Benson. Mayor, where are you? All right,

do you want to see me about? Have you decided to apologize?

Mayor, I wouldn't know what to apologize for.

I thought maybe we could sit down and discuss this like two rational people.

Oh, discuss what? I run this city. You got nothing to say about it. I'll make

that one rational people.

I didn't come here to be insulted.

Wait a minute, Herman. I mean, Mayor.

I just want to find out why you're so determined to give me such a bad time

about letting some kids dance.

The problem is you people in state government think you can run all over us

officials. You didn't bother to get the facts from me before you decided to

interfere. What facts?

Has the Surgeon General determined that breakdancing is hazardous to your

health?

Did you know there's been a gang problem in that part of town for years?

Yeah, I knew that, but I didn't think that the kids that I was talking to were

part of any gang.

Oh, you didn't think, but you weren't sure.

Well, I was reasonably sure. You see very few muggers spinning on their

That did it. Herman, what is your problem? The problem is your nose in my

business.

And don't call me Herman.

All right, all right.

Have a seat.

Come on, let's see if we can work something out.

Now, I don't need an entire building for my field office. What if I convert the

extra space into an art center for the kids?

You are beautiful.

You know, I came up with that idea five years ago.

You people at the state level said you couldn't fund it. Well, that was five

years ago. You're dealing with me now.

Oh, yeah, sure, sure.

You'll be out there cutting ribbons and making with the big smiles, and then

five minutes after the press leaves, you and the funding will just disappear,

and I'll be stuck with the headaches.

Oh, you get headaches? I thought you only gave me.

Fine. This meeting is over. Oh, come on. Do yourself a favor, Dubois.

Maintain a low profile, and this office will lead you on to bigger and better

things. But if you step on my toes, believe me, you're gonna be sorry.

You know what your problem is, Herman?

You're too big for blood to get to your brain.

should take that mayor by the collar and say, if you don't stop busting my

chops, you're going to get your own chops busted.

Have you seen the mayor?

Who cares? The bigger they are, the bigger the mess.

Well, fine. If my plan doesn't work, we'll let you have a go at it. Thanks.

Bitch! The mayor just arrived. Yeah, he brought the police with him. Can I have

everyone's attention, please? I gave you fair warning. What? Thank you, mayor.

We've been waiting for you. You don't give up easy, do you?

Neither do you, which is why we're all here.

Ladies and gentlemen, Five years ago, Mayor Waring wanted in this community a

place where young people could direct their energies in a more positive and

creative manner. So, it is with great pleasure that I dedicate to the citizens

of Capital City the Mayor Herman J. Waring Cultural Arts Center.

still want us to bust everybody?

No, no, hold it, Ed.

Mr. Dubois, may I speak with you inside my new art center, please?

Yes, certainly, sir.

Mr. Light, everybody, I'll be right back.

I hope.

Now, if you think this little stunt of yours is gonna buy me off, Dubois,

sadly mistaken.

I didn't do it to buy you off.

Sounds like a snow job to me.

Look, Mayor, you and I are a lot alike.

We both put our pants on one leg at a time. Of course, your leg's a little

longer than mine.

Now are you making jokes about my size?

Oh, stop being so hesitant.

I'm just trying to tell you we're both on the same side. Oh, no, we're not.

I'm city, you're state.

Well, why do we have to have that separation?

We can work together.

I've heard that story before.

Well, I mean it. Your input and opinions are important to me.

Look, I'm just a local mayor.

In a town filled with state politicians.

Now, how much value do you think people give to my opinions? About as much as

they value the lieutenant governors.

Oh, well, it's not that bad.

What? Don't be so sensitive.

Look, separately, we don't have all that much clout. But if we work together,

Mayor Waring, there's probably nothing we can't get done.

Well, Dubois, if we're going to work together, there's one thing you better

straight. Now what?

Call me Herman.

It could be the start of something big.

It's just a joke.

Come on, let's go watch the dance.

Well, what's everybody standing around for? This is supposed to be a

celebration.

smoothest first week as lieutenant governor, but since then, everything's

relatively well.

That's one man's opinion.

All right. What's your opinion?

Oh, come on. You've got to admit you've fouled up a few things.

Yeah? Like what? Like what?

Well, the time you lost the governor's draft of the property tax bill.

Oh, I didn't lose it. I misplaced it.

For three weeks, he left it in a woman's apartment.

that took so long.

Well, we still made the deadline.

And then there was that Senator Hoover incident just last week.

I've been meaning to discuss that with you.

Does this have anything to do with Senator Hoover's not talking to me?

You bet he does. Benson read the Senator's riot act.

Well, you know, I mean, it was a mistake.

I mean, I thought he was Senator Anderson.

All those fat guys look alike.

It's very amusing, Bunsen.

My office in half an hour.

He didn't seem amused. That makes two of us.

My office in 45 minutes.

In 45 minutes.