Original subtitles

Krauss, I have a plane to catch.

Benson, I have a terrible feeling.

It shows on your face.

I had a very bad dream about your plane.

And you figured you'd tell me about it on the day I have to fly.

Okay.

Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute. What was it about?

I dreamt that your plane disappeared into the Bermuda Triangle.

Oh, that's ridiculous. Krauss says no Bermuda Triangle between here and

Baltimore. Oh, that's too bad, because I met Tom Zellick at your funeral.

He seemed very upset.

I'm not surprised.

His agent booked him into a lousy dream.

Hold it just one minute. Where do you think you're going?

Well, my ticket says Baltimore, but according to Krauss, there may be a side

trip through the Bermuda Triangle.

You cannot walk out on me like this. You know very well that this is the weekend

of my fundraiser for Senator Stratton.

Clayton, collecting bail money for a crooked senator is not considered

fundraising.

Alleged crooked senator.

Alleged? They got the guy on videotape.

They can't prove it was him. He was wearing a pig mask.

That was a mask?

I thought he just pressed his nose up against the camera.

All right, fine.

We don't need your help. Give my best to Porky.

Good morning, Benson.

Oh, good morning, Miss Cassidy. I brought you a present for your trip.

Oh, that's nice.

Hmm.

Little plastic thingies.

They're earplugs.

Oh.

I wore them at all of the late Mr. Cassidy's family reunions.

They kept me out of a lot of family arguments.

You've worn these? You gave me used earplugs?

Hey, I'm an old woman on a fixed income.

Give me a break.

Well, what am I supposed to do with it?

Stick them in your ears.

Hi, Vincent.

Hi, Sugar. How are you? Oh, I see you're all packed and ready to go to

Baltimore. Just think, in a few hours' time, you'll be reunited with all the

people who love you best. I really envy you, Benson.

You're lucky you've got relatives you want to see.

Well, what's wrong with your relatives?

You kidding?

They're weird.

Catherine, there's no time for you to go to school.

Someone ticked off.

Bye, Benson.

See you when you get back. Okay, sweetheart.

You know, I hate to admit it, but Katie's right. We do have some weird

relatives.

You? No.

Did I ever tell you about my weird cousin Floyd?

No, but unless the ground opens up and swallows us, I know you're about to.

He thought he was the Cocker Spaniel.

He was really no problem until he started chasing cars.

Well, you better introduce him to Kraus.

Oh, no, no, no. Floyd's a happily married man.

I got a postcard from him just the other day. Said he and his wife were

expecting a litter.

Benson, your limo driver says if you don't hurry it up, you can hitchhike.

I'm on my way.

Well, Governor, I guess you'll have to put a muzzle on that Floyd story until I

get back. Now, listen, I'm not in a hurry. Why don't I just ride along with

Here, let me give you a hand. Mm -hmm. Here.

Uh, come along.

and turn that chicken.

Allison, put the bread on the table.

Warren, stop picking that cake. Are you gonna be wearing it?

Aunt Lil, look who I found at the airport.

Benson!

Earl, who invited Lena Horne to this party?

Don't try to butter me up. You just get over here and give your Aunt Lil a kiss.

How you doing, sugar?

Fine. Yeah, you been a good girl. Mm -hmm.

Why you giving out hugs?

I bought one for baby sister.

Oh, nice.

Good to see you, Benson.

And now that you're here, I have to... Yeah, why aren't we all here? What is

occasion? You are the occasion, ma 'am. Now that you're a big celebrity, Aunt

Lil's decided to roll out the red carpet.

But Aunt Lil, I told you I didn't want to see all these people.

Oh, it was no trouble, honey.

I've only been cooking for three days.

You should have seen her this morning.

She even had Elaine cooking.

Really? It got that desperate?

What's so funny?

Elaine, you couldn't boil water in a microwave.

You remember the year Elaine cooked Thanksgiving dinner?

Yeah, that was the only time we had to pray before and after the meal.

Just like old times, right? Two against one.

That's enough.

I'll do the fussing around here. Come on, Benson.

Benson, I need to talk to you. Oh, I gotta talk to you too, Benson. You can

to him later.

Right now, I want to introduce him to everybody.

Sorry, Aunt Lil has spoken.

At least someone around here listens to me. Well, I mean, it's either that or

get clubbed over the head with a gravy spoon.

You remember that?

Oh, who could forget?

I had a dent in my head for two years.

Look who's here, everybody.

My nephew, the guest of honor.

Lieutenant Governor Benson Dubois.

Oh, Aunt Lil, who cares?

Well, I'm just so proud of you, honey.

He runs half of the country.

Sweetheart, it's one thing.

Oh, they don't know that.

Hi, Vincent.

Hey, Sandra.

Well, guess what's new with your cousin?

Let me take a guess now. You pierced your ears.

It's so good to see you, Vincent.

Yeah, nice to see you.

You know, we're all very, very proud of you. Thank you very much. I guess I

don't have to ask.

What you been up to?

Where's that husband of yours?

Oh, that's right. You never met him.

Wait here. I'll go get him. Okay. We can talk with them later.

Come on. Let's find Uncle Buster. He's been waiting for you all morning.

Put your hands up.

Take your face.

You do know where your face is.

Let me show you how it's done.

Keep your left up.

Jab.

Pinson. Sure good to see you.

How you been?

You the talk of the town, Lieutenant Governor?

Well, I know who's been doing all the talking.

Always knew you would do good.

Here, have a cigar.

Buster, you know these things are bad for you.

Your cousin's going to give me a heart attack quicker than they will.

I guess that's my cue to cut off. Well, I'll see my two favorite men later. All

right.

Now, where were we?

Oh, yeah.

Have a cigar.

So, what's new in the furniture business?

It's not like when I was running the store.

Earl is keeping track of inventory on a computer.

You know where I used to keep it?

In my head.

Well, maybe Earl's afraid of losing his head.

That's your nephew Bobby's new girlfriend.

Nice, huh? Mm -hmm.

I see you still got an eye for the ladies.

It's just about all I've got for the ladies.

Say, uh, Benson, just what does a lieutenant governor do?

Well, I'm next in line to be governor. I'm president of the senate, and I got

very own pair of gold scissors for supermarket opening.

Buster, can I talk to Benson, please?

Well, I'm talking to Uncle Buster. Yeah, go ahead, baby.

Keep your guard up.

Move. Jab.

Yeah, so what's up?

I'm about to make a drastic change in my life, Benson. Oh, and what is it this

time?

I decided to go back to art school.

Oh, well, that's wonderful.

That's not the exciting part. Guess where I'm going to art school. Hey,

I got Russell on the phone.

Oh, sweetheart, I got to talk to Russell.

Gee, Paris, that's great, Elaine. Well, thank you. I thought so, too.

Here.

Hey, man!

You've got to be crazy.

Hey, hang on, Russell.

Hello? Hello?

Mr. Warren, any cup of barbecue sauce?

Hey, good ball pack.

Hey,

Benson. I need to talk to you about something. I need your help.

About Uncle Buster.

What? Something wrong with him?

Thanks a lot, Benson.

You just left me kneeling over there and talking to myself like a fool. Elaine,

do you mind? I'm trying to have a very serious conversation with Benson.

Well, so am I.

Wait a minute, guys. Wait a minute. Not one serious conversation at a time.

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. Go ahead, Earl. Why does he get to go first?

Because he's, uh, more.

I don't know.

I spot Uncle Buster in the store.

Now, he shows up every day, but it really doesn't seem like he wants to be

there. Here we go again.

Benson, it's put me in a very tough position.

Everyone looks at me to keep this company together.

And it's a very difficult situation because everyone looks at me. I mean,

know what I mean? It's tough.

I mean, everyone is looking at me and then Buster comes in. And can you

understand my position?

Well, I did when you started out.

What he means is that he's going to throw an old man out of his own

Oh, don't be ridiculous, Elaine.

Why are you going to throw an old man out of his own business?

I'm not trying to throw anybody out.

I was just hoping that maybe he'd retire.

No way, Earl.

Uh -uh. Have you talked to him about retiring? No. And this is where you come

in. No, this is where I go out.

Good. Then I can tell you my news.

Guess where I'm going to art school.

Watch the food, Elaine.

Benson, I'm trying to do what's best for everyone.

Nobody listens to me.

Might as well be vice president.

Well, Earl, you're running the family business. Why don't you just talk to

Buster? I was gonna, and Lil got wind of it. Told me if I did, I would no longer

be a nephew.

So I was hoping that maybe you would talk to her. You're her favorite.

Earl, I'm here on a visit. I just can't walk in and tell these people how to run

their lives. You're still part of the family, aren't you?

Yeah, as long as I keep my mouth shut, you know how they are.

You need some help, Elaine?

Oh, you don't think I can cook either, huh? Of course not, baby.

Now just turn that over.

Where are those two brothers of yours?

They're out there in the alley talking about the store.

I warned Earl.

I warned him.

Here, don't let those birds burn.

What I'm asking you to do is to bring up the subject.

And I'm saying to you that if Aunt Lil does not want to discuss it, the subject

is closed.

Benson, I am not the bad guy in this. I'm only trying to do what's best for

family. I mean, let's face it.

Buster just doesn't care about furniture anymore.

Earl, I told you that subject was not to be discussed in my house. Aunt Lil.

Don't Aunt Lil me.

Wait a minute. Why don't we just discuss this extensively?

You hush up.

Buster is my husband, and I don't need anybody to tell me what's good for him.

Lil, we have a problem here, and ignoring it is not going to make it go

Well, I know how to make my problem go away. You just pack up your family and

hit the road.

No, Aunt Lil, not today.

Hit the road.

All right, that's the way you want it.

Sweetheart, don't you think that was a little harsh?

You want walking papers, too?

Well, shut up.

Yes, ma 'am.

From welcome home Benson to hush up Benson in 13 minutes, that's got to be

sort of a record.

Aunt Lil, what is going on here?

You ought to know you got your nose in the middle of it. Here comes your Uncle

Dummy up.

Lil, I saw Earl and his family leaving. Why?

I don't know. Ask Benson.

Well, speak up, boy.

Uncle Buster, I just got here.

Benson, when are we going to get a chance to talk?

Right now. Go ahead.

Okay, here goes.

Guess where I am going the day after tomorrow.

I'm going the day after tomorrow.

Benson, I want an explanation.

Uncle Buster has some steak. He can't eat red meat.

Well, have some chicken.

Well, I have to take the skin off first.

Well, maybe I should go on out on the lawn and graze.

Well, it was funny, Adler. What do you want me to do?

You've done enough already.

I'll be right back. Hold my place.

May I speak to you in the alley, please?

Buzz off.

Aunt Lil, I have to speak to you in private. Please, get in the alley.

Okay, you got it. Excuse me.

What's your beef?

I invited you out here, so I get the first question. Fair?

Fair. Okay. What is your beef?

You and Earl want Buster to retire from the store, don't you? Nobody wants Uncle

Buster to do anything he doesn't want to do. Oh, don't tell me that.

I heard what Earl was saying to you in this alley. All Earl was saying was that

maybe Uncle Buster should think about retiring.

If you mention that to Uncle Buster, I... Way, I will never speak to you

Why, Aunt Lil, what is so terrible about retiring?

Your Uncle Buster doesn't want to retire.

Oh, then you've talked to him about it. I don't have to talk to him about it.

I've been married to him for 40 years. I know what he wants.

Aunt Lil, we are talking about a man's life, not what you think he wants for

breakfast.

Don't you dare use that tone with me, boy.

A man needs something that he can take pride in.

Something that gives him a reason to get up every morning. You think the job is

the only reason he gets out of bed?

Well, he's been doing it for 40 years.

You take it away and you'll kill his purpose in life.

And if you take that away, you'll kill him. And I will not allow that to

Why did I come right here?

That the Osmars don't have this kind of trouble when they get together.

There you are, Vincent.

This is my husband, Barry White.

The doctor, not the singer.

Thank you for pointing that out.

Barry's an obstetrician.

Looks like he takes his work home with him.

You want some more corn, Buster?

You're clicking your bridge work, Bill. So?

When you click your bridge work, there's something that you're keeping from me.

The guest of honor has returned.

Benson,

can you tell me what's going on around here?

Oh, yeah. Somebody stole my steak.

You know what I mean. Where's Earl?

Buster, the party is for Benson, so you keep quiet and have fun.

Who are you telling to keep quiet?

Why don't we change the subject?

Okay. Everybody, I have an announcement to make.

I don't want to change the subject.

Never mind.

This is about me, isn't it?

No.

And, Leo, maybe we ought to just bring it out in the open.

I'm not talking to you. Well, excuse me for living.

Everybody's been whispering behind my back all day long.

Now, if you don't have the decency to speak up, then I'd just as well be by

myself.

This is all your fault.

Well, now that I have everyone's attention, who stole my steak?

Uncle Buster, you want to come in and watch the ballgame with me?

You're just going to sit out here and steal?

Yep.

Okay, you want to be mad at me, you go right ahead. Everybody else is.

I'm not mad at you.

I'm just sitting here thinking.

About what?

I'm not the man I used to be.

Well, who is?

Except possibly Harry Belafonte.

What would I really like to do best?

Work in my garden?

Spend some time with Lil?

Traveled a little.

Well, why'd you do that?

Because your Aunt Del thinks a real man should work for a living.

Think she deserves a real man, even if he is old and worn out.

Now, who are you to decide what I deserve?

I don't believe this. How do you stand it? This woman is everywhere.

Furthermore, move over.

Why didn't you tell me what you just told Benson? I'm your wife.

She makes a good point.

Now, if you're wasting your time on a job you don't like, why don't you

Like, right now.

I thought you didn't want me to retire.

He makes a good point. Well, I thought you didn't want to retire.

Well, no, I just thought I'd be in the way around the house and all.

Well, how could you be in my way? You're part of me, you old sweetie pie.

Well, I think that's the winning point.

You don't mind if I retire, Doc?

As long as you keep on breathing, you can do anything you want.

Honey cakes.

Good.

Now, can we all kiss and make up?

Benson, I owe you an apology.

No, no, no, no.

The abuse I took over years since I've been here, you owe me three sweet potato

pies.

All righty. Come on, though.

Let's go to bed. Well, what about Benson?

Let him get his own check.

ruining Benson's party. Elaine, let me make my own apology.

It's too late, Earl. You have missed the apology portion of the party.

Well, I've got some good news for you.

I'm not coming in tomorrow or the day after.

I'm retiring.

Very good.

Well, Buster, you don't have to worry about a thing. I'm going to take good

of the business. Oh, I ain't worried.

I taught you everything you know.

Well, why don't we all go inside and sit down and have some good old peach

cobbler? Well, not until I get a picture. Now, everybody get over there.

you get right in the middle there. Come on. I want everybody to say, there's no

place like home.