Original subtitles

You sure you have the plane tickets, Kraus? Oh, get off my back, Benson. I

all the arrangements for this trip without your help. I don't need you

in now.

Well, I'm just checking, Kraus. What is all this? Well, this is my luggage. I

wanted to be sure I had something for every occasion in Hong Kong.

Looks to me like you got something for every citizen in Hong Kong.

I don't know anything about any chart paper. What is all this?

Krause is smuggling luggage out of the country. Well, it's far too much. Cut it

down to two suitcases and make it snappy. Who died and made you, Chief

Where are my charts?

Why don't we leave while he's out of the room?

All right, I found my charts. We can go to the airport.

What are these charts you're so hopped up about?

They just happen to be the visual representation of the projected

silicon sand over the next few fiscal years. In other words, the very backbone

of our sales pitch. Now, let's get going.

Do you realize that in about 16 hours, Clayton will be halfway around the globe

boring the oldest culture on Earth?

We're just humoring. Otherwise, he'll sulk the entire flight.

Come on, Krauss. Let's get going. You're going to miss all of Hong Kong.

Here's an Yves Saint Laurent evening dress. We can copy it and sell it for a

third of what he charges. I don't like it.

All right. We have a lovely Pierre Cardin.

Original. No, no, no. Don't you understand?

I am tired of counterfeiting famous designers.

I want to have my own designs.

I want Edie Williams to go to the Oscars next year in a Van Dyne original.

But, Ursula, you have no talent for design.

I know that.

But I have a plan.

I've recently discovered that Alexander Chasseur is going to be in Hong Kong.

And what's more, he's going to have his new dress designs with him.

Alexander Chasseur? Nobody has seen him. He's a famous recluse.

Yes, but I have a description of him.

He's a tall, thin man with an eccentric nose, a mustache, and an overbearing

personality. My information is that he'll be flying in this afternoon.

Now, you and Kung meet every plane that arrives from the States.

Get those designs from Chasseur.

Yes, Ursula.

I'll call Kung.

Why can't you use the intercom?

Hong Kong. City of mystery. City of intrigue. City of suspense.

City with an airport very close to the mountains.

Yeah, I don't mean to be a party pooper, but we are here on business.

I know that, Clayton. No, selling that silicone sand to Chipstar will bring

millions into the States. Clayton, go back to your seat. We're landing.

I've never been so embarrassed.

You're very rude, Clayton.

Yeah, that's the first time I have ever had my luggage searched by customs.

That's the first time you've traveled with the ugly American.

I was merely trying to protect my charts from prying eyes.

He wasn't prying. He was looking for contraband. That's his job.

Do I look like a smuggler? Is this the way a smuggler dresses?

All right, it's over. We're done.

Let's forget about it. I don't want to forget about it. Is that all right with

you, Branson?

Sure, sure. It's all right with me.

Sixteen hours on the plane made me a little grouchy.

Is there something more you want to say, Branson?

No, no, no, no, no. I was just saying to the crowd that I hope this is our car

from the hotel.

Here.

That's like cake. Those must be the draft designs.

No, no, no.

Driver, take us by Man Mo Temple, then over to the Tiger Balm Gardens, and then

run us through the Tsim Sha Tsui District.

Clayton, maybe we should fake the tour until after we're all rested.

Oh, no, that's all right, sir. I'm fine. What we know as Hong Kong is, in fact,

the Kowloon Peninsula, Stonecutter's Island, Hong Kong Island proper, and

recently, the new territories that make up 588 of... Hong Kong, 644 kilometers.

Driver, just take us to the hotel.

Vincent, there's so much to see.

We don't have to see every steaming, inscrutable kilometer in an hour.

Fine. Missed the chance of a lifetime.

Stupid, blundering, incompetent, imbecilic idiots.

Oh, I can see I'll have to take care of this myself.

Kung, bring the car around, the big one. And don't play with the radio.

You embarrass me in front of Kung.

You're embarrassed.

I'm throwing a party for the creme de la creme of Hong Kong the day after

tomorrow. They're expecting me to unveil my designs. But did you bring me

Chaucer's designs?

Oh, no. Shh. You brought me an enormous amount of useless information about

sand.

You! You! You!

I have lost a large black portfolio. It was with my luggage when I arrived. Now

find it immediately and deliver it to 951.

This isn't my key. This is Benson's key. Oh, this is wonderful.

I lose my chart. I lose my key. It's a wonder I don't lose my temper. That is

room 947.

Make it snappy.

That's room 947.

Would you kindly get in the car?

I'm sorry, I...

don't know you, and I never get into a car with strangers.

And perhaps you know my friend, Mr. Gunn.

Uh, well, perhaps a little spin around the block wouldn't hurt.

Hey, Clayton, where are you going?

Stuck up, yuppie.

Ask me any man who's traveled 8 ,000... mile for a business meeting and then not

show up. It's just irresponsible.

It's no excuse.

Well, maybe he met a girl.

Not you, no bean curd.

I saw him get in a car full of women right after we checked in. I didn't see

either of you guys moving that quick.

Like to leave with some women? Yeah, it was in a red Rolls Royce.

Eats, maybe.

Don't worry, Governor, you'll meet someone.

Well,

that was very good.

Can I go home now?

Idiot. Forget about them.

Tell me about your clothes.

Well, uh, what is there to say? The suit is a light cotton poplin, the shirt is

English Oxford, and the shoes are hand -tooled leather.

Gagging annoys me.

Gag me? I've been a good sport.

I will get your designs, Mr. Shotser. I'm a resourceful woman.

I can't believe Clayton hasn't come back to the hotel yet. Maybe he's up in my

room. Look, my door's open.

I don't like the looks of this.

Wow, when you unpack, you unpack.

I didn't do this. Looks like somebody searched my room.

You've been robbed, Benson.

Oh, there's my tape recorder and there's my camera.

Wait a minute.

What's this?

Well, it looks like a...

Button or cuff link or something.

Well, it's not mine.

No.

Wait a minute. Here's my key.

You don't think Clayton did this?

No, but he was the last one to have this key.

I'm getting a little worried about Clayton. I think we'd better call the

Well, personally, I shouldn't worry too much. Great many people come to Hong

Kong to let their hair down.

What about the room?

If I were you, I'd just call for the maid.

Wait a minute, Inspector.

I found this on the floor.

Where did you find this?

I just told you, on the floor.

What? Nothing.

What's going on?

Never mind, mate. It's police matter. Sir, just let us handle it.

Good evening.

Good evening.

I'd like to page a Mr.

Benfon Bouvard.

I'm sorry, sir. I didn't understand the name.

Benfon Bouvard.

One moment, please.

Thank you.

Paging Mr.

Benfon Bouvard.

Paging Mr.

Benfon Bouvard.

They are paging you, Benson.

They are not Beijing Benton. They're Beijing Benton.

How do you think this cloth is white?

This cloth?

Benton.

Maybe they shouldn't talk with their mouths full.

Beijing Benton. Beijing Benton.

Hello?

President Benton?

I can't understand you. Listen, just speak slowly.

Where are you?

I don't know.

I don't think they believed us. Well, as long as we gave much to go on. I told

them everything I know. Clayton's a prisoner in a castle, whatever that

No, we are right back where we started.

That symbol on the pen is our only lead.

But we don't know what that means.

Why don't you and I try to track her down and Kraus can go back to the hotel?

No way, dim thumb.

I came to Hong Kong for mystery and adventure. I am not going to spend all

time in a hotel room.

We need you there in case...

Clayton calls again.

Clayton is not going to call again.

The bad guys are on to him. They are going to keep him tied in a dank, dark

basement with a 24 -hour guard.

And if he makes one false move, they will bash his wormy little face in.

It's moments like this that make me happy you're on our side.

Here's a cat.

Come on, Miss Krause. We'll check in with you.

I have to go back to my room.

She's right. Let's send her back to Bavaria.

I hear you.

Come on, let's try to find that symbol.

Where do we look?

Everywhere.

You know, one of the things I really like about this town is there's no

graffiti.

They don't need it.

What do you mean?

The language looks like feeding.

Ah, yeah.

Yeah, of course, there's some over there. No, I guess that's a sign.

Yeah?

Just keep your eye out for that symbol.

Where are we going to find that symbol in all of this?

Governor, I don't know Hong Kong any better than you do. If you have any

suggestions, speak up.

Want to split a catalog?

Not right now.

Hey, Governor, look.

Sit.

May I help you? Yes, we'd

be interested in buying this bowl.

You'll be very proud to own this piece.

Will you tell us what the design means?

Yes, of course.

It is the symbol of Lung Chau, the most evil of warlords during the Opium Wars.

It literally translates as, we do bad things for money.

Catch it.

Wait a minute.

I have the strangest feeling.

Oh, me too. I think it's those spicy pork things.

They're being followed. I think I spotted someone.

Why don't you go on ahead as a decoy? I'll hang here and see if I can get

whoever it is. Okay.

But be careful.

Careful?

You're supposed to be back at the hotel.

Well, I didn't want to miss any of the fun.

All right, all right. Come on. Let's see if we can catch up with the government.

There's a red Rolls Royce.

And there's the thing.

Governor! Well, where is he going?

I don't know.

Must have gone back to the hotel.

Said he wasn't feeling well.

Oh, we might as well go after him.

Let's see if I can get his cap.

I knew some kind of castle.

Castle? Castle! That must be what he meant.

It'll be a couple of hours till dark. I'd better wait before I start snooping

around.

It's a good thing I spotted that Red Rolls Royce.

$35. How much is that in America? Breakfast was only $112.

Great, I'll just convert Cornflakes to Hong Kong dollars.

Do I have to pay for this?

Yeah. Oh, brother, am I supposed to give you the red money or the blue money?

Oh, Inspector, did you find Clayton yet?

I should like to ask you some questions.

What was the relationship between Mr.

Dubois and Mr. Endicott?

Emperor, they hate each other's guts.

I think I'd better have some words with Mr. Dubois.

Do you know where he is?

Yeah, uh, no.

Well, so long.

You wait here. I'll go get him.

Back in the cab, Benson.

Never mind. Just do it.

Step on it. Drive up schnell.

Jawohl, warlein.

You won't believe that, Benson, but are you in trouble.

The police think I had something to do with Clayton's disappearance?

Yeah, they want you for questioning.

Maybe we should go back and talk to them. You want a rat in a Hong Kong jail

until Clayton shows up? This is not turning out to be a fun trip.

Is this 1741 Soft Maple Dryer?

Next on Benson.

Can't you see you've got the wrong man?

You can't gag Alexander and do rude things to him.

Benson, look!

The police have blocked your face all over Hong Kong.

Get rid of him.

This is a nightmare.

You should be traveling with Indiana Jones.