Original subtitles

Morning. Well, here's Benson. Give him some of your broccoli bread, Miss Cross.

No, fortunately for me, I have a physical this morning, and I can't eat

for 12 hours. Physical? Don't you feel well?

Oh, I'm in perfect health. I just want a couple of doctors to tell me I'm right.

I hope they find a cure for your chronic grouchiness.

Oh, there's a cure, all right, but it involves a shot.

So, roll up your sleeve and take it like a man.

I'm not the one they'd have to shoot.

You know, yeah...

This reminds me of an amusing little anecdote concerning an acquaintance of

mine. He had a whole battery of tests, and they assured him he was in perfect

health.

Two days later, he dropped dead while playing golf with his doctor.

Thank you, Mr. Funny Pants.

I'll see you guys tomorrow.

Yeah, say hello to Dr. Phillips.

Oh, I'm not seeing him.

They referred me to the University Medical Center. I'm seeing one of their

doctors. Oh, wait a minute. I need a lift.

They don't do that kind of work.

I want to check out the new shopping mall near the university. You can give

ride. Oh, what's wrong with your car?

The mechanic says I have a cracked head.

I could have told you that.

And it says here you've been vaccinated against polio. Yes.

What about rubella?

My third cousin.

Oh, that's funny.

How about smallpox?

No relation.

Yeah, I've been vaccinated against all that stuff.

Fine. Now, if you'll just get undressed.

What, do I have to prove it?

Fine. We'll wait for the doctor.

Good morning, Mr. Dubois.

I'm Dr. Burnett. Nurse, why isn't he undressed?

He was waiting until you got here.

Well, I mean her like a son.

I thought you were a man. I just assumed you were a man. How wrong I was.

Would you be more comfortable being examined by a male doctor?

Oh, no, I'm perfectly happy to have you examine me.

Well, me? I don't mean you specifically, any woman. I mean, well, no, not any

woman. She'd have to be a doctor, you know what I mean? Or a male doctor.

Well, any doctor, for that matter, can examine me.

Not a dentist.

Are you following any of this?

Oh, yes, I've heard it all before.

Tell you what, did you bring your gym clothes?

Yes. Good. Why don't we get along with the stress test first, and then we'll

to the poking and prodding later.

Poking and prodding, that sounds like fun.

Just step behind the curtain, please, and get changed.

Okay, doctor.

if you're going to see everything God gave me anyway, why do I have to step

behind this screen?

Oh, it's purely a matter of professional ethics. It preserves the patient's

dignity, and it helps the doctor to keep a straight face.

Good. Because if you giggle, I...

out of stress for a man your age.

Really? You're too kind.

Why don't you just sit down over here? We're going to leave you hooked up and

see what your heart rate does.

Okay, you're the doctor.

Do you have any specific complaints?

Loss, dizziness, headache?

Yeah, well, I get a few headaches, but then I work for the government.

What about exercise?

No, thanks. I've had more than my share.

Well, do you get any?

That's a rather personal question.

Are you trying to impress me with your sense of humor?

No. Is it working?

Well, your heart rate's back down to normal. I don't see how that's possible.

Benson, are you insane?

My goodness, are you all right?

No, it's just a Krauss syndrome.

Here you are, Benson. Then I'll be going home.

With your wife?

I am not anybody's wife.

That's a condition which is not likely to change.

I thought you were having a physical. Where's the doctor?

Oh, I'm Dr. Burnett. And you are? Oh, how do you do?

I'm Gretchen Krauss, a friend of Benson.

I thought you had some shopping to do. I'm through shopping. They're not

anything but torn sweatshirts.

I'm not paying $80 for something I wouldn't use as a rag. Now, isn't that

truth? You know, you can't find anything decent anymore.

Well, actually, I know... Krause, do you mind? I'm trying to get it physical

here, babe.

Well, how much longer are you gonna be?

Oh, it should be about an hour.

Oh, an hour. What am I gonna do for an hour?

Why don't you go down to the lab and visit your brain?

Mary, why don't you disconnect the lead?

I'll be back in just a few minutes.

Vincent, Vincent.

Oh.

That doctor is a knockout.

You're telling me?

So did you ask her out?

No, she left on her own.

You know what I mean, Vincent. She's beautiful, she's smart, and best of all,

doctor. Everyone would be so proud and happy if you landed a doctor.

Everyone would be so proud and happy if you just landed.

Downstairs and wait in the lobby. Which way is the elevator?

Save time. Take the window.

Doctor, by the way, don't be surprised if Benson asks you out to dinner.

Oh.

Are you going to ask me out to dinner?

Uh, well, uh... Yes, if you're available.

Well, might be fun.

How about tonight?

How about tonight?

Sounds fine.

You'll be sorry.

Ah, Kraus, I have to go to a meeting at the Capitol in a few minutes.

So what do you want, a bon voyage party?

Uh, Dr. Burnett... will be calling with the results from my lab test. I'd like

you to do me a favor. Take the message and tell her I'll call her back.

Yeah, sure.

Benson?

Clayton?

Well, who was that lady I saw you with last night?

That was no lady. That was my doctor.

Well,

she may be a doctor, but you were the one doing all the...

Please, a little respect.

She must have one hell of a bedside manner.

Your beak just wandered into dangerous territory.

Touchy, touchy, touchy.

Must be serious.

What's the matter with you? Are you too good to answer the phone?

Yes.

Hello. Hello, is Benson there, please? This is Dr. Burnett calling.

Oh, sorry, Doctor.

No, Benson had to leave to go to a meeting.

He was very anxious about his lab results.

Can I have him call you back?

No.

I'll be in surgery all day.

Do you have a number where I could reach him?

No, I don't.

Is there something wrong?

Well,

I really need to talk to Benson.

Can you tell him, please, to meet me in my office at six tonight?

It's very important.

Thank you.

Miss Krause?

Miss Krause, what's wrong?

Help it if the man doesn't like you.

Oh, no.

That's not it. This was the doctor with Benson's lab results.

And? And she was crying.

She was crying?

It must be bad news.

Oh, I warned him not to have that physical.

Well, do you want to hear my cheer?

Miss Krause, have you broken the news to Benson yet?

Why should I be the one to break the news?

Break what news?

Oh, nothing to worry your pretty little head about, Katie.

So, Miss Krause, have you heard anything more from the DOJ?

P -I -D.

Boy, I thought I'd never get out of that meeting.

Ah, Benson.

Benson, Benson, Benson.

What is his problem?

Um, who knows?

Did Dr. Burnett call with the results of my lab test?

Uh, yeah, she did.

Well, what'd she say?

Oh, what am I, your personal answering machine?

Don't bite my head off. I'll call her myself. Oh, wait, you can't.

She's going to be in surgery all day.

She wanted you to meet her at her office at 6 o 'clock tonight.

6 o 'clock?

She say why?

Well, she said she had some news that she didn't want to tell you on the

telephone.

Well, what was it about?

I got a date with her at 8 o 'clock. What kind of news couldn't wait two

Well, she didn't say it was bad news, right?

So maybe it's good news.

Yeah, yeah, that's right.

That was probably why she was crying.

What?

She was crying?

Oh, just a little.

Poor Beth.

What is with her?

She acts like it's the end of the world.

You are the bravest guy I ever knew.

Yes, sir.

I'm afraid the doctor is going to break the news to him this evening.

Hi,

guys. Oh, Benson.

There you are.

Nice of you to drop by, Benson.

I'm not dropping by.

Came here for a meeting.

Oh, yeah, right.

Have a seat, Benson. Well, thank you.

You fellas comfortable?

Yeah.

How you doing, Benson?

Fine, yes.

Fine. You sure?

Fine. Oh, good. Fine.

Well, shouldn't we get on with the meeting?

Yeah, fine. Fine.

Fine. Fine.

I spoke to Senator Andrews, and I am sorry to report that he is very negative

about the bill in its present form.

That is the worst news I've heard all day.

Well, not the worst.

Benson, I guess it's obvious.

We know.

I was there when the doctor called.

Oh, Dad.

Well, I guess he's got a little bad news for me, but how bad could it be? You

know, my blood pressure's probably kicking up.

Yeah, that's probably it.

She'll put me on some medication and that'll be the end of it.

Right. Uh, shouldn't we get back to the meeting?

Yes, yes. I'm sure Benson would have wanted it that way.

than would have wanted it that way. I'm right here.

So I spoke with Senator Andrews, and he's very concerned about the highway

expansion bill.

Oh, well, I'm not surprised.

I have been having these headaches. I figured, you know, it's just the

of the job.

Oh, that's probably it. I get headaches all the time. Clayton gives them to me,

don't you, Clayton?

Yes, sir, all the time.

And my memory isn't as good as it used to be.

Where did that start?

I can't remember.

That happened to my Aunt Sadie. She started forgetting things near the...

end.

Of course, that isn't what killed her. Well, in a way it was. She forgot to

both ways crossing the street and a truck full of frozen chickens got her.

Well, I guess we just have to accept it. Someday each of us will come face to

face with that...

Frozen chicken truck.

I think Benson's absolutely right. I mean, we all have to face it. It's going

happen to all of us.

I think about death every day.

I do, too.

But you know, death is like the weather. Everybody talks about it, but nobody

does anything about it.

I often wonder if I'll have friends up there.

Probably not.

jokes about it, that's good. It means he's accepted it. I've accepted nothing.

And you shouldn't. If I were you, I would approach this just the way John

always did in his movies.

John Wayne?

Yeah. With the Duke, you always knew that no matter how rough things got, he

would come through in the end.

Yeah, that's true. He did get out of some pretty tight spots.

Oh, yeah. There were times nobody ever thought he could make it through alive.

He always did.

Yeah, wait a minute, wait a minute. What about the Alamo? He didn't survive

that.

Well, as far as I know, nobody survived the Alamo, fool.

Alamo, I forgot about that.

Well, he sure made it through the high and the mighty, though.

I was high and mighty.

Uh -uh, but he died at the end of the cowboys, didn't he?

That's right.

I forgot that.

I never realized how many times he died.

Yeah, but he made it through the longest day.

Red Buttons didn't.

Eddie Albert didn't. And practically all of those German actors bought the farm.

If you guys are going to sing, I'm going back to my office.

See you later, pilgrims.

I just don't know how I'm going to tell him.

Why don't you just say it straight out?

Oh, sure. What am I supposed to say?

Vincent, it's been a glorious weekend. You're a wonderful man. And oh, by the

way, I'm married.

Well, why don't you just tell him you can't see him anymore?

No, it's gone much too far for that.

He deserves to know everything.

You think you and Mark are going to be able to work things out?

I don't know.

I would just at least like to give it a chance.

Good luck.

Thanks.

Hi, Benson.

I'm going to miss you.

Said that you wanted to see me.

Yeah, I needed to talk to you in private.

Benson, I just... I wanted to tell you how much this past week has meant to me.

It's meant a lot to me, too. Next week would mean even more.

You're a very warm and loving man, which makes it much more difficult for me to

say what I have to say.

Why don't you sit down? It's all right, Liz. I can take it.

Oh, I'm just too damn... short.

Second thought, maybe we better just ease into it.

If only we had met a few years ago.

You mean we might have caught it in time? Well, I don't know. It's just,

the timing is all wrong.

Benson, I'm gonna miss you a lot.

I'm gonna miss me too.

Isn't there anything we can do?

Try to forget, I guess.

Try to forget?

That's not going to be easy.

Well, it's not going to be easy for me either.

It'll be a hell of a lot easier for you than for me.

Are you serious?

I'm deadly serious. I mean, this is my life I'm talking about.

Well, when will it end?

Benson, when you walk out of this office, that's it. It's going to be all

What if I stayed?

That's not going to change anything. It's better for both of us this way.

How the hell do you figure that?

I've got no future with you. Okay, okay, okay.

What's wrong with me?

Oh, it's not you. It's me.

You?

You trying to tell me I caught something from you?

what I'm talking about.

I'm married.

Well, so you're married. What's that got to do with what we're talking about?

wonderful bring your husband this is not the type of response that i was

expecting oh liz liz oh the fact that i'm gonna lose you breaks my heart but

good news is my heart can take it