Original subtitles

Is this Big Bob's video land?

This is Gretchen Krause. I want to rent a movie tape for the weekend.

Good morning.

Can the chatter? I'm on the phone.

I want an officer and a gentleman.

She'll settle for a sailor and a six -pack.

Oh, that's great. I'll pick it up this afternoon.

Thank you.

Ah, damn.

Another weekend in front of the TV.

Well, ever since you got that videotape machine, you haven't stepped outside.

Well, why should I go out on dates with losers when I can bring movie stars into

the privacy of my own home?

In that case, maybe you should get Star Trek.

Those guys love to go where no man has gone before.

You better watch it, Buster. Star Trek IV could be the search for Benson.

Ben? Benson, Benson, Benson.

Clayton, Clayton, Clayton.

Well, I'm glad to see you're in a jovial mood. You're going to need a sense of

humor when the governor gets a hold of you.

What are you bellyaching about now?

The Civic Center project. He's a little ticked off about the Marathon Brothers

construction running over budget yet again.

Clayton, the governor does not hold me responsible for those cost overruns.

Don't be too sure, Mr.

Budget Director.

Do you like him? No, he's all yours.

Good morning, Governor.

Good morning, Lieutenant Governor.

Nice to see you again, Bronson.

For the hundredth time, Benson.

Well, I'll get it right by the time I need your vote.

You can have him, too.

I hate to cut into your social hour, Benson.

I have a little problem. Have you read this?

No.

State construction costs skyrocket.

Gatling denies mismanagement.

They gave it to us with both barrels, huh? Us?

What do you mean, us, Kimo Sabe?

Where in there does it say Benson? The press is blaming me.

Hey, everybody, we got great news.

Yeah, little Pete got his first tooth.

Governor, with all due respect... Oh, can it, Benson. I've had it up to here

with your double talk.

Just what are you accusing me of?

The facts are you awarded several very important state contracts to Marathon

Brothers Construction, and they went over budget every time.

Governor, I had no choice. Marathon gave the lowest bid.

Oh, wasn't that a coincidence?

And who had charge of those sealed bids?

Well, you know damn well who had charge.

Yeah, I certainly do.

And I am tired of covering up for your incompetence. Me, incompetent?

Well, if that isn't the pot calling the kettle black.

Don't you try to make a racial thing out of this.

For goodness sakes, Gutman, don't be so stupid.

Who'd like some fresh crumb cake? Stupid?

The only stupid thing I ever did was appoint you budget director.

And the only stupid thing I've ever done was accept your stupid appointment.

I just realized I don't want you to be my budget director anymore.

And I don't want you to be my governor anymore either. I quit.

Nobody quits on Eugene X.

Gatling. More than you.

Governor Gadley.

Governor.

Governor.

Huh? Oh, I'm so glad you're here. What took you so long?

What are you talking about? It's been exactly 11 minutes since you called me.

Gee, you're in a rotten mood.

For 4 o 'clock in the morning, this is a good mood.

What's going on? Well, I have some important news for you. Why do we have

meet in an alley?

Clemson, if I went to your place or you came to my place, people would know that

I hadn't really fired you.

Why couldn't you tell me this on the telephone?

Well, the whole idea of your going undercover is to keep our plans a

What if the bad guys had bugged your telephone?

Well, then they'd know we were meeting in and out.

That's a good point.

It's always so important.

Well, I have been called out of town unexpectedly.

I'll be gone two days.

That's it? Yeah.

Well, have a good time.

Oh, thank you. No, wait a minute.

I want you to postpone the meeting with you -know -who until I get back. Well,

it's too late for that. I got an appointment with the Marathon Brothers

tomorrow. Don't say the name.

What, they bugged the alley?

Listen, Benson, you know what really gets me is the thought that my own

lieutenant governor has been passing information to those birds. Yeah, I

but there's nothing we can do about it until we get some hard evidence.

Now, if you don't mind, I'm very tired. I'm going home. Wait a minute, wait a

minute. I've got something I want to give you.

A fountain pen?

No, actually, it's a miniature tape recorder disguised as a fountain pen.

Well, how does it work?

You just twist this to the left and it's ready to go. The antenna's optional.

Thank you. The attorney general said if we can get those birds on tape, we've

got them cold.

Oh, and I've got a little spy camera for you here.

Good, good.

And some rubber bands. Rubber bands.

What am I going to do with these?

My grandfather always said no matter how prepared the man, he can always use a

rubber band.

Sounds to me like your grandfather could have used a rubber room.

No, actually, if my Uncle Harry could use the rubber room, he thought he was

Eleanor Roosevelt.

Have I ever told you that story?

No, why don't you tell me in the car? Oh, no. Oh, I can't. We mustn't be seen

leaving together.

Oh, what a shame. I'll miss the story. Good night.

Mr. DeFore, I'm glad you could come.

I'm Augie Marathon. This is my brother, Gus.

You're late.

Nice meeting you, too.

Please, sit down.

I understand Governor Gatling has greatly maligned your reputation.

Is that why you guys invited me here? To help me relive unpleasant moments?

You're wasting my time.

Mr. Dubois, I have a proposition to make you a very rich man.

Oh, really?

Hey, I'm all ears.

We need someone who has expertise in the area of multimillion -dollar government

construction projects.

What are you talking about?

More like the new airport expansion job you've been working on.

Do go on.

Hey, what are you doing with that pen?

What? Oh,

nothing. This is just a nervous habit.

Well, cut it out, because it's making me nervous, huh?

We need to see the sealed bits submitted

by our competition for the new airport expansion project.

So what do you want me to do?

We want you to steal them.

Well, what's your answer? asking me to do is illegal.

Just think of it as a aggressive marketing technique.

I don't know. I've never done anything like this before.

You got anybody on the inside who could help me out?

Who says we already got a guy on the inside?

Oh, well, I just assumed that you've used this marketing technique in the

Well, you assumed too much.

I think we've misjudged you. Thanks for your time. Goodbye.

Oh, come on, fellas. Don't get your pinstripes in a knot.

I'm just having first felony jitters.

Do I take that to mean that our business proposition is acceptable to you? Yeah,

yeah. I'll steal the papers.

Have them for you in a couple of days.

Tonight. Tonight?

Governor's out of town.

That should make it a lot easier for you to break into his office.

Yeah, you guys really know your marketing techniques, don't you?

Now, one bit of advice, Dubois.

Don't disappoint us.

You know what we do to employees who disappoint us?

You guys really get cranky when you get disappointed, don't you?

Oh, Benson.

I've missed you, you bit for Luca. Oh, and I have missed you, too.

If you ask me, you got a raw deal.

Well, I certainly appreciate the sentiments, Cross, but I've got to be

along. So what are you doing here anyway?

Oh,

what is this? What, what?

This. Let me see this.

Confidential government papers.

Benson. Benson!

Benson!

Benson! Oh, it's not what you're thinking, Krauss.

I think you are trying to steal these papers. Okay, so it's what you're

thinking. I can't believe you have turned against your own government.

You are nothing but a lowdown sneaky spy.

Oh, Krauss, don't be so dramatic. Let me explain.

Spy!

Spy!

Why do I always end up with this woman in my arms?

Okay, Kraus, now.

If I take my hand away, do you promise not to scream?

Okay.

You lied to me.

You lied to me and you bit me. Now I'll have to get a rabies shot.

Casals, stop talking. In the first place, the governor didn't fire me.

Come on, don't give me that malarkey. I saw him fire you. No, that was part of

the plan. I'm working undercover on a secret project.

Oh, yeah, yeah, sure.

That makes sense to me.

Spy!

Shut your mouth!

Think!

Have I ever lied to you?

No. All you ever did was insult me.

All right, what's going on?

Benson, what are you doing here, buddy?

Hey, Clayton, come on. It's only Benson.

I was just guarding the hallway.

At least someone tried to escape.

What's going on here?

Oh, nothing.

Nothing is not a sufficient answer.

It's time they learned the truth.

No, no, no. Let's just keep this our little secret. Not any longer.

It's between you and me. The truth is...

That for the past five years, Benson and I have been having a secret thing.

You and Benson?

Wow.

Wait till Denise hears about this.

I had no idea.

It's a surprise to everyone.

I always kind of suspected it myself.

And now, if you would be so kind as to leave us alone.

Yeah, we have to take advantage of every stolen moment.

Are you going to give me that love letter?

Sugar shorts?

Oh, well, yeah.

I guess so.

Thanks, Cross. I owe you one.

Clayton, get your mind out of the gutter.

Welcome to the family.

Thank you.

Hey, who says crime doesn't pay?

I like this guy.

Mr. Marathon, Mr. Marathon, your next appointment is on its way up in the

private elevator.

Thanks, Rita.

If you'll excuse us, Mr. Dubois, we have a meeting with another member of our

family. Oh, I don't have to rush right on.

I'll call you when we got something for you. Okay, okay.

I'll be on my way.

In the private elevator.

If you don't mind, we'd like you to take the public elevator.

Oh, but I like the decor in the private elevator so much.

Gus, how would you like to be the decor in the private elevator?

Here's a wayward words.

Excuse me.

Rita, right?

Yeah.

Well, I just wanted to say hi.

Tell you that I'm part of the family now.

Terrific.

So, how long have you been with us, Rita?

What is it, 20 questions?

Sorry, sorry. Back to business.

Actually, what I wanted to do was leave a message for the guy in the office.

What's his name?

You mean Gus? No.

Augie? No.

The guy that just came up in the elevator. What is his name?

Oh, I know his name.

But you obviously don't.

I'm going on my coffee break.

When I get back, you better be history.

I'd get big money to see her go five rounds with Krauss.

I'm going to have my head examined.

Don't look down, fool.

It's 27 floors up.

$2 ,000? I was expecting a little more.

Hey, Jerry, we got expenses, too, you know?

Yeah, last week was Mother's Day.

I'm gonna get a picture of these clowns.

I guess I can safely assume that I have lost the element of surprise.

Hey, DeBoer, what are you doing out there? I can see my condo from here. I

getting some pictures.

You know, for insurance purposes.

You set us up. Look, we gotta get that camera. If anyone sees that picture, I'm

through. The next picture of you is gonna be a mud shot.

All right, get out of here, Decker. We'll take care of this bum.

I'm warning you, don't come out here. Why not?

There's gum on the ledge.

get you, Dubois.

Fine. Run your shoes.

Give me the camera. No, no.

All right. Hold it right there. I'm going to shoot.

You're bluffing. You ain't even got a gun. Yeah?

I got a rubber band.

You got him?

Yeah, I got him.

Good, good.

You guys won't be needing me.

What?

You're not going to leave us out here, are you? Oh, now, yeah, well, I got to

run. You know, I got to get these pictures over to the attorney general's

office. What's going to happen to us?

Well, I imagine when he sees them, you guys are going to be in big trouble.

No, I mean, what if I lose my grip on Gus?

Oh, well, then only you will be in big trouble. Gus will be a big spot on the

sidewalk.