Original subtitles

Hey, Benson, how's the talent search coming for this year's telethon?

is fine.

Do you mind being just a little more specific?

How do you expect me to introduce the acts?

You're the master of ceremonies? What happened to Ernie Depew? Oh, he was

that Sunday show on Channel 3, and he was at the zoo, and he tried to kiss

raccoon, and it made a snack of his nose.

So I am filling in for Ernie Depew.

Too bad you didn't fill in at the zoo. The raccoon could have had a feast.

Well, anyway, I have got a surprise for both of you. I booked a big -name act

for our show.

Oh, really?

Who? Did you go to the state fair last summer?

You got Kenny Rogers?

No, no, no. I got the animal act.

Walkers, rats, and cats.

That's a great act.

Rats and cats?

They do a rodeo, a little soft shoe.

But the best part is when they recreate the chariot race from Ben -Hur.

Rats and cats.

This is the greatest animal act since Topo Gigio, and I want it in the star

position.

Sir...

How am I going to introduce a bunch of rats?

Well, you could say, and now, here are some close personal friends of mine.

It's terrible. It's just terrible. One minute you're here, and the next minute,

poof.

I'm so sorry, Governor. It's a tragedy.

What's a tragedy?

Walker's cats ate Walker's rats.

Now, that's what I call real dinner theater.

Governor, I called the florist, and they're going to send some flowers to

Walker. Thank you, Miss Cross. Yeah. They are yellow daisies in the shape of

wedge of cheese.

That's nice.

Sir, I just heard. It's a tragedy, a horrible, horrible thing.

You laughed when I told you.

Nervous tension.

Who's taking their place? Oh, I haven't even thought about that.

Oh, oh, my mother went to school with Beth Parker.

Well, maybe he knows somebody.

Look, I have an idea. How about Gladys Knight and the Pips? Sure.

Why don't we just get Frank Sinatra?

All right.

They're in town, and I kind of know them.

I kind of know them. How come you kind of couldn't get tickets?

Well, I don't know them all that well.

Actually, I only know one of them. You know Gladys Knight?

No, that's not the one.

You remember when I was in the hospital with my allergy?

Yeah. Well, Bubba was in the room across the hall. He's one of the Pips.

He'll never remember you. Sure he will.

Look, I'm going to the concert tonight. I'll drop backstage and ask him about

doing the telethon.

That's exciting.

Gladys Knight, the Pips. on my telephone.

Yeah, I can get their autograph.

I'm going to go upstairs right now and listen to all their albums.

You got their albums?

Yeah. You look surprised.

A little bit.

Just because I'm governor doesn't mean that I can't get down.

This song is called simply Save the Overtime for Me.

Benson, are you sure it's okay for us to be back here? Sure.

Who's going to throw us out? Hey, get out of here!

Huh? I said get out of here!

Uh, hi.

I'm a personal close friend of Bubba, and we were in the hospital together.

I don't care if you were in Hello Dolly together.

You can't be back here. Hey, hey, keep your hands to yourself, you big palooka.

Excuse me.

What is your name?

Leland. Want to make something out of it? No, no, no, no, no. I just wanted to

tell you that we didn't come down here really to see Bubba. We came down here

see you.

Huh?

Well, actually, Gretchen came down to see me.

Huh?

She was watching some of your moves during the show, and she said that you

quite a hunk.

Excuse us a moment, Leland. Vincent, may I speak with you?

What are you doing?

I'm trying to buy some time.

With my body?

You're right. I may need to throw in some cash.

Forget it.

Krauss, it's for the telethon. Just hang it.

So, uh, Gretchen, how would you like to see me flex my pecs?

Do what?

Just humor him. Right, right.

So, Leland, what exactly are pecs?

Here, I'll show you.

Oh!

Counting every second.

Is this another one of your wacko friends?

I think he broke my toe. Hey, brother, this guy broke William's toe.

Oh, what a great audience. I'm telling you, they were something else. They even

applauded when I dropped the microphone.

Well, that's because you were so wonderful this night.

Thank you.

Who is he?

Well, actually, I'm a friend of both.

Well, was this another one of your wacko friends?

Wacko, yes.

No.

Well, we only met briefly. I'm Budget Dubois, the state Benson director.

Uh,

my name is Benson Dubois.

I'm the state budget director.

Benson? Mm -hmm?

You got some great moves for a budget director.

Well, thank you. Thank you very much.

I'm sorry about barging in on your act that way. I hope I didn't ruin anything.

My toll.

Let it die home.

What the heck were you doing out there?

Well, I was trying to escape from Leland.

Oh, the guy with the pants. Yeah, I just thought I'd come by and ask you

all a little favor.

If you're bucking to be the fourth pimp, forget it.

No, no, I'll never try anything like that again.

Actually, the favor is not for me. It's for the Meyerson Children's Clinic.

Children's clinic.

Yeah. You see, every year they do a telethon to raise money. Money. Yeah.

Because without money, we wouldn't have any sick children.

I mean, we would have sick children, but they wouldn't have a place to be sick

in.

Well, I mean, they'd be sick all over the state.

I'm not explaining this very well, but you want us to be on the show, huh?

you.

Right. When is it? Day after tomorrow.

Oh, I'm sorry. We booked in Mount Brewster day after tomorrow.

Oh, fiddlesticks.

I don't suppose you're lending me one pip.

Maybe another time. It was really nice meeting you, Benson. Thank you very

It was a wonderful show. Thank you all. Thank you. Maybe next year. Yeah.

Tough luck, Leadfoot.

Well, keep in touch.

Okay. Straight ahead, brother.

Well, it's just great.

Pips are on the road, and Ernie Depew is in the hospital, and Walker's rats are

in his cats.

Great day.

Shame. Real shame.

Well, I'm sorry, Governor. They just weren't available.

You know, I really believed you knew Gladys Knight and the Pips. Me too.

Why did you fib?

I didn't fib.

I said I kind of know them, and I do kind of know them. Well, I kind of know

them. Oh, I have all their albums.

But I don't go around bragging that I can get them on the show.

Well, Dad's mad.

How am I going to explain this to the kids at school?

I told them I could get Gladys Knight's autograph.

Benson, Benson, Benson, I have just written my introduction for Gladys

and the Pips. I'd like to run it by you. That won't be necessary, Clayton.

Benson, may I finish?

Just once. I wish you would let me finish.

All right, here we go.

except the part where you said they are here.

What's wrong with that? They're not going to be here.

What?

Benson kind of exaggerated his friendship with them.

You mean he doesn't know them?

Right.

Benson, Benson, Benson.

Who would have thought you'd think this low?

That's the last thing I'll volunteer for.

Hey, Benson!

Get you here. I don't care.

Mattis, Nate, and Bubba.

Pete, I don't want to be teased.

I'm serious.

Look.

Look.

Landis, Bubba, what are you guys doing here? We had to cancel our concert in

Mount Brewster. They just got 15 inches of snow.

Do you still need someone to help out the kids?

What are you saying?

We can do the telethon.

You're kidding.

He's kidding. You're not kidding. You're not kidding.

I gotta ask you one small favor in return.

You name it, Mama, you got to get it. You caught me with it.

I'd like for you to sing with me.

You got to be kidding.

Me sing with you? Oh, I couldn't sing with you.

That's what I thought.

It'll be fun. And all the people around here who know you will get a kick out of

it. It'll be great for the telethon.

I'll take that as a yes.

Now, we have an interview to do, so I got to run, okay?

I'll see you later. Okay.

We'll call you later about rehearsal.

that you had a surprise for them. I certainly do.

Gladys Knight and Bubba were just here, and they are going to do the telephone,

and what's more, they want me to sing with them.

Oh, Benson.

So let's keep those phones ringing, and we'll be right back after these

messages.

Well, sir, how am I doing?

Well, I don't know. You seem so at ease.

Considering... Considering what?

Well, considering all those millions of people watching you on their TVs.

Imagine all of those millions of strange faces staring up at you.

Think of all those eyes.

Kind of creepy, isn't it?

Oh, I think you're right.

look funny to you? He always looks that way.

He looks sick or something.

You should help him.

Oh, yeah, I'll take care of it.

Hey, Clayton, how you doing, old buddy?

This man's something else, isn't he? Huh? He's really come a long way.

He was a very ugly baby.

How ugly was he?

He was so ugly, he had to sneak up on his teddy bear.

Get ready to go on.

He had a very friendly sister.

Everybody liked her. I mean everybody.

She was picked up so many times, she grew handles.

Got a message here.

Shut up and introduce the next act.

Say goodnight, Clayton.

in the pit.

living hurt so much you can't believe it

turn around and see my smiling face

waiting to lend a hand just when you

I'm staring.

You should know that I'm someone who tears

enough to pull you through my situation.

And when you need a shoulder,

I'm standing...

And when you think you've had enough and you're crying from the strain,

take a sip from my French soup cup. It'll help to ease the

pain.