Original subtitles

Uh, Clayton, don't rush off. The governor wants to see you.

He's upset with me, isn't he?

Good guess.

It's because of what I said to that so -called author he invited to dinner,

isn't it? That's two good guesses in a row. I wish I had a prize for you.

I think you're going, Clayton.

I told her it's time to stay.

Don't bite my head off. I told him.

Sir. Clayton, don't you ever insult a guest in my house again.

Sir, I was merely expressing an opinion. The man writes drivel. I'm sure Benson

would agree. No, no, no, no, no. You're not dragging me into this.

I'm out of here. Good night, Governor.

Now, wait a minute, Benson. Sit down. I want you to hear this.

Clayton.

Don't ever pull a trick like that again. A guest in my home is expecting

hospitality, not petty criticism.

Yes, sir, and please... Can it! Just get out of here.

Go on.

I'll see you at 10 o 'clock tomorrow morning.

Yes, sir. I want a full staff meeting in my office.

Sir, good night, sir.

Good night, Benson.

Can I go home now?

I'm sorry.

I don't think I've been this angry since Gregory Abbott sold tickets to see his

singing chicken.

Well, Clayton got to go home.

Good night.

Do you have a minute?

Do you know that I paid 50 cents for that ticket? A whole week's allowance.

Of course, the chicken didn't sing.

Why didn't you get a refund?

Well, the duck went on instead.

A singing duck.

Oh, come on, Benson. Ducks don't sing.

I'm a dancing duck.

Doesn't mean very good dancer.

Sounds like petty criticism to me.

Good night, Benson.

Good night, sir.

Hello, Gene.

Congresswoman, nobody told me you were here. No one knew. Agent Collins thought

of that.

How do you do, sir? Agent Collins?

What's going on, Barbara? I'll get right to the point, Jean. I flew in from

Washington to personally escort you to Camp David.

Camp David?

Am I meeting with the president? That's classified, sir.

It's time to go, Jean.

Oh, well, I'll have to notify my staff. Afraid not, Governor. National security.

We have a cover story arranged.

Oh, this is big.

Really? Do I have a code name?

Yes, sir.

Crossbow.

Crossbow. Oh, I like it.

We'd better get going. Crossbow. Oh, Barbara, do you have a code name?

No. Oh.

Don't feel bad. Maybe next time, huh?

I'll show myself out, sir.

Roger.

It's your command.

Thank you, Collins. How do I look?

Perfect. Just keep a low profile till noon tomorrow.

Noon? That's when Kacholnick arrives.

Oh, right.

Good luck.

Good morning, Governor.

Good morning, Governor.

Good morning. Good morning.

Is the morning paper here?

Yes, sir. It's on the table.

Oh, thank you.

Could you get me a cup of coffee, Gretchen?

Yeah, sure.

Coffee break already, young lady?

Oh, oh, no, no, no. I'm working.

Someone take your desk?

I should be working at my desk.

You're right.

By the way, Governor, I really love my job. It's the best job I ever had.

I'll be at my desk working.

You in a bad mood today?

Me in a bad mood? Don't be silly.

Would you like some breakfast?

No, thank you.

Morning, Krause. Morning.

Morning, Governor.

Morning, Benson.

Are we still on for that meeting?

Meeting. Meeting.

Oh, you mean the one at, uh... Ten o 'clock. Oh, no.

No. No, we'll have to reschedule that.

Ten o 'clock's no good. Hi, Daddy. Hi, Benson.

Hi, Sugar.

Oh, well, good morning, Catherine.

What did I do?

He's in a bad mood.

In that case, I'm leaving.

See you later.

Kiss. So, when would you like to reschedule that meeting? Uh, five o

Yes. Five o 'clock. That would be perfect.

Boy, he's really in a strange mood.

Yeah, tell me about it.

Maybe he needs more fiber in his diet.

He barely said a civil word to me.

Oh, well, in that case, maybe he's just wising up.

Oh, no, he's acting really strange.

Maybe it's like that outer space movie where the president wasn't really the

president because his body had been taken over by a lizard.

Don't look at me that way. I'm not crazy.

This is my theory.

You are crazy. That's my theory.

Now, now, listen to me, Benson. There's something very wrong with the governor.

Unless...

He isn't really the governor at all.

Maybe he's a double. I think your first theory was closer.

You mean he's a lizard?

Well, there's one way to find out.

What's that?

When he comes down for lunch, offer him a bowl of flies.

Who is it?

Guess. Ah, hello.

What can I do for you?

Well, I came by to tell you that I rescheduled our meeting for 5 o 'clock.

Ah, good, good.

Fine. You are a good man, Benson.

And I'm glad to have you on my team.

Gee, thanks, coach.

I've got important news.

Ah, Collins. This is Benson.

Hi. Department of Agriculture.

Oh, great. Listen, I've got some figures worked up on the farm subsidy.

Now would be a good time to go over them. Not right now, Benson.

Maybe later. Uh -huh.

Well, you'll excuse me.

Oh, sure, sure.

Tough room.

Why do you move that first thing in like that?

Your meeting with Admiral Kacholnick has been moved to seven tonight.

It won't work.

That gal in the kitchen's already on to me. Then you'll have to terminate her.

We don't terminate people.

No, no, I mean farer.

Oh, we do that all the time.

Okay, I'll deal with our other little problem.

What's that?

Gatling's already on his way back.

Oh, great.

Don't worry.

We'll stop him at the airport.

Brenton?

I need a paper.

Sure.

No one can talk to Miss Krause the way you do.

They can. They just won't.

She doesn't seem to be herself anymore.

How I wish that were true.

I think we need some new blood.

She's kind of tall. Ain't that going to be expensive?

This is a serious matter. Could we please dispense with the levity?

Oh, sorry.

What's the favor?

I want you to fire Miss Krause.

What? I want her out of the house by this afternoon.

Why? What's she doing?

That's not something you have to know.

But, Governor... All right, I'll put it in the form of an order. Get rid of

Kraus!

Let me just be sure that I understand your theory, Benton. For a reason or

reasons as yet undetermined, a person or persons as yet unknown has managed to

substitute a double for the governor totally undetected. Is that basically

Anybody can make it sound silly, Clayton.

If you actually believe that this little spy thriller you've concocted has

merit, then you should seek psychological counseling.

Or a publisher.

Don't you think it's strange that he fired Krauss? Not in the mood he's been

lately. He'll reconsider and Krauss will be back by Friday.

Giuseppe is a gardener. I'm here to water your plants.

Kraus, what do you think you're doing?

How did you recognize me?

Your mustache gave you a wink.

Well, it was the only way I could get in to see you since I was fired.

See, I figured out what is going on.

Does this have anything to do with lizards?

Of course not.

The double is a spy.

Oh, really?

Yeah. Then who's he spying for?

The bad guys.

Now, who's he spying on?

Well, I don't have all the answers.

That's because you don't have all your marbles.

Benson, I'm on to something.

Oh, what is it?

Is he with us?

I'm afraid so.

Denise, it's me, Gretchen. See?

What's happening? Oh, well, I was in the kitchen when the stranger came in for

coffee. His name was Collins.

No, well, there's nothing there, Denise. He's from the Department of

Agriculture. No, no, wait. That's not all. He was wearing a gun in a shoulder

holster. Why would a guy from the Department of Agriculture be wearing a

Maybe he's expecting a vegetable uprising.

Wait a minute.

Maybe Collins is a spy, too.

Well, there's one way to find out what's going on.

I'm going in to see the governor, whoever he is.

These grapes are good.

I mean, this cross can make me a sandwich.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Hank. Come on in.

Just want to tell you I was home from school.

Did you miss me?

While I was at school?

While I was at Camp David.

You were at Camp David?

Oh, I wasn't supposed to say that. It's a top secret.

Oh, it's okay, though, because you're my daughter.

Maybe it's not okay. I mean, about the secret. It's okay, you're my daughter.

Right, Dad. Yeah.

See you later. Yeah.

Come on.

Answer your phone.

Don't kill me.

Okay, pal, I don't know who you think you are or what you're doing, but I'm

up and I want some answers.

Benson, is that you?

Oh, is that you, Benson?

Very clever.

Come on, Benson. Don't yell at me.

I just flew back from Camp David. I went to sleep on the plane and got off at

the wrong airport.

And I had to rent a car and drive 128 miles without a bite to eat. And while I

was asleep, somebody stole my cummerbund.

Stole your cummerbund, huh? Yeah.

Welcome back. For a minute, I thought you were the other guy. What other guy?

Have a seat. Now, I got a story to tell you.

Let me see if I understand this, Bunsen.

For a reason or reasons as yet undetermined, a person or persons as yet

has managed to substitute a double for me, totally undetected. Is that

it? Well, Governor, anybody can make it sound silly.

Who is it?

Collins. Collins?

Wait a minute.

I have an idea.

Ask Collins to come in and play along with me.

Come in, Collins.

I would like you to play along with Benson.

What? What he means is, I've been briefed. Yeah, Benson's been briefed.

you with us? Of course I'm with you, ma 'am. You don't think they briefed some

dude off the street, do they?

Okay, I'd better fill you in.

We got a break.

Apparently, Gatling missed the plane. So by the time the next flight gets in,

we'll be finished with Kacholnick.

Kacholnick? Of course, Kacholnick.

Collins, you haven't been doing a very good job. You better go over this again,

point by point.

Again? This guy can't remember anything.

I can remember a lot of things.

Why don't we just let him brief us?

And then we'll give you a test.

Oh, for example, Kachalnik's Russian.

Oh, very good.

Collins, will you fill me in? Wait a minute, Benson. There's more.

Yeah, we know you know it, but let's see if Collins knows it. His first name's

Ivan. Ivan. Ha!

Ivan. That's right. You got it right.

Yeah, well, now, let's let Collins do one. He's an admiral. Is your name

Collins?

He's right.

Admiral Ivan Kachalnik.

He served with Gatling during the war.

Oh.

So, maybe you're the one that needs briefing, huh?

Yes. Well, I guess I'm a little hazy. Perhaps my briefing was too brief.

All right.

One last time.

At 1900 hours, I bring Kacholnik up here to meet with an old friend.

You feed him the company line and convince him to defect. When he agrees,

him away and you get out of here before Gatling returns.

Let me ask you something, Collins.

I hear that this Gatling's a fairly bright guy. I hear very bright.

Bright enough to zip it up?

Why don't we let Gatling meet with Kacholnik? Because we can't rely on what

Gatling might tell him.

And it's important to have Kacholnick on our side. So to make sure that that

happens, we're going to dangle a few carrots.

You mean lie?

Of course they're going to lie. Where'd you train, Camp Snoopy?

Not lies.

Enticements. You don't think freedom alone would be enticement enough, do

Well, listen, I better be going. I got to pick Kacholnick up in an hour.

What are we going to do?

Just what they want us to do.

You're going to meet with Kacholnik.

Okay, Pete, you know what you're supposed to do. Yeah, I just have to

around for a couple of hours. No big deal. I'm so proud of you, Pete. You're

brave.

Brave? You mean this might be dangerous?

The way you drive, it's always dangerous.

Okay, now you two get out of here.

Oh, uh, Governor, the guy from the Department of Agriculture wants you to

the Hotel Carlton in 35 minutes.

Call my driver.

There's no need, sir. Here he is now.

You look familiar.

Oh, yeah. Well, I got that kind of face.

Everybody thinks they know me.

All right, let's get going.

Good work, Benson. Thank you. Now, I'm going to watch out front for Collins and

Katolik. Okay.

Right on time. You certainly are. Come right in.

Good evening. I am Admiral Ivan Kutrolnik. I'm here to see my old friend

comrade, Gene Gatling.

Admiral, why don't you make yourself comfortable?

I'll go round up the governor.

I'm sure I can find one. They're all over the place.

How do I get to my office from here?

Never mind. I'll find it myself.

Clayton, have you seen the governor?

Yes, he was searching for his office. He went that -a -way.

What is it with him?

I've got to get there before him.

Boy, am I going to get a book out of this administration.

Gee! Sorry for the delay, Admiral.

Well, let's get down to business.

You mean you're not going to tell me a story first?

You want me to tell you a story?

I didn't know there was any way to stop you.

Ah, you're here.

Where'd you go? Why did you send me to some phony hotel?

Make sure he tells you the story about the kangaroo and the preacher's

I've got to run.

Have you seen the... the governor?

Benson, I told you he... Hold him! Don't let him get away!

Get that man! He's with them!

That's Krause.

He's a traitor!

I am a governor!

Come with me. I'll explain later.

Benson, wait!

Wait, wait!

We're talking bestseller.

I must tell you, Gene, you seem different than the last time we met.

How? You seem so much more serious, so much more political.

You're not a fun guy, I remember.

Oh, I'm still a fun guy.

You want me to tell you a joke? I'll tell you a joke.

What is black and white and red all over?

Pravda is a Russian joke.

Admiral, I got a surprise for you.

Ivan! What is going on here?

Admiral, these people wanted you to defect.

And they were afraid that Governor Gatling wouldn't tell you what they

you to hear. So they arranged for an imposter. This is true?

Yes, it's true. And this man is an imposter. Wrong!

This man is the imposter. Tell him, Benson.

This is the real Gene Gatling.

Who are you? I don't know you from Lenin.

Who am I? Who am I?

I am the man who can tell you that this is the real Gene Gatling.

Tell him the story about the kangaroo and the preacher's daughter.

I don't know that one, but... Does that mean there's another governor out there

somewhere?

I know one about the kangaroo and church.

That'll do.

Ah, well, you see, there was this organist's daughter and... Wait a

you're right.

It was.

the preachers. But she didn't know it was the kangaroo until after it was all

over.

Oh, I gave away the whole end of the story.

Gee, I have missed you.

Well, Dubois, how does it feel to have botched up a matter of national

Luckily, Collins, the security of this nation is built upon the integrity of

people and not on dirty tricks. I haven't botched up anything.

You interfered with an intelligence operation.

Oh, they'll be sending you someplace unpleasant.

Oh, don't worry, Ivan. Those birds can't do anything to Benson.

This is true. You can't be punished.

Well, that's one of the nice things about living in a free country. The

government is responsible to the people and not the other way around.

In that case, where do I sign?

Go on. We'll talk about it over dinner.

Oh, I just realized.

That wasn't a kangaroo. It was a koala bear.

I was in a bowling alley.

Well, we ended up with the same results, Dubois. So?

No hard feelings.

No hard feelings.

Let me ask you a technical question.

How'd you get a double for the governor?

Oh, well, with enough advance notice, we can prepare a double for just about

anybody. Oh, really?

What are the chances of getting a Jane Kennedy by Friday night?

It's okay, Krause. Everything's been taken care of. You mean everything's

to normal?

Except you.

Why can't you ever say anything nice?

Well, I'm just disappointed.

About what?

I kind of wanted him to be the real governor.

Yeah, but if he was the real governor, I would still be fired.