Original subtitles

Okay, sweetheart, why don't you set up over there and we'll shoot by the

fireplace, okay?

Benson, I gotta talk to you.

Krauss, we need this room.

What is going on here? It's a photography session with the governor.

first day of the state lottery.

Nobody ever tells me anything.

I could tell you a few things.

In your ear, if it's a can of beer.

What's up, Pete?

Benson, remember when you asked me to arrange some airtime for you to discuss

whatever it was that you wanted to discuss?

Yes, I remember.

What was it that you wanted to discuss?

The new unemployment benefit rules.

Knew it was something boring.

I got you six minutes on Coffee with Connie.

Coffee with Connie?

Yeah, two weeks from Wednesday, 7 a .m. We all set, Pete. All ready to go, sir.

It's the big day.

All right, let's get this over with. I'm on a very tight schedule. You know Mr.

Montez, head of the state lottery board. Benson, how are you? How are you, John?

Could we get these pictures taken?

Such a waste of time.

It's an even trade. Taking your pictures is a waste of film.

How do you want to do this?

Well, I want to get a picture of each of you buying a lottery ticket from me and

then a picture of me presenting that plaque to Mr. Montez to commemorate the

opening of the state lottery.

Sounds pretty good. As long as I'm here, why don't I be the first one? Peter!

Pete, I can't change a 50.

I don't want to change. I want 50 tickets. Here we are, Governor. Tickets

through 50.

Uh, Benson, you're next. Peter, do you mind? I am in a hurry.

Hold it, hold it. I just want to run a comb through my hair.

Clayton, why do you have to act like such a jerk? Peter, I told you I have

places to go, people to see.

Children to frighten.

Oh, Clayton, you look fine.

Now, wait a minute, wait a minute. Is my tie straight? It's fine.

It feels like it's crooked.

It's fine. Benson, take my place while I check my tie. Oh, come on, Clayton,

good grief.

You should have told him the truth. What?

His tie's on straight, his head's on crooked.

I tell him that all the time. He doesn't listen. How many tickets you want? Just

one. Here we go.

Ryan, hair comb, tie in place.

Still surrounding an ugly face.

Now, this picture is by Debbie Maxwell, and I guess it's supposed to be me on a

bicycle.

I'd like to thank Mrs. Henderson's third grade class for these lovely pictures

of yours truly.

We'll be right back.

But I guess you know that. Yes. And I know who you are, Benson Dubois. I saw

your picture in the paper buying a lottery ticket. Yeah, well... I bought

too, but I won't win. I don't have that kind of luck.

My husband jocks the winner in our family. He's a hockey player. Did you

that? Yes, I... Oh, what am I saying?

Everybody knows that.

I just can't help it. My life's an open book. Oh, you're on next. Good luck.

Is she gonna let me talk?

Come on, it's your business, Benson. Just go with the flow. You're going to

to keep quiet, fella. Now, get out.

Who is this? Hitler?

Come on.

Can I have some coffee? It's in the pot, fella.

We're going in five seconds.

Four, three, two.

We're back, and I hope you are, too.

My guest today is Benson Dubois, our state budget director, who wants to talk

us today about what?

Well, let's ask him. Welcome, Mr. DuBois. Oh, thank you, Connie. Thank

I'm so glad to have you with us. What's on your mind today?

Well, as you probably know, we have just recently liberalized the unemployment

benefits, and I just dropped by to fill your viewers in on the new rules. Oh,

good idea. Get a pencil, girls. This is important information.

And since the, uh, rules... are rather complex, I'll just be covering the major

ones.

What is it, my time up? Oh, no.

My noodles are ready.

Her noodles are ready.

Yes. Well, anyway, as I was saying... Why don't we go over to the kitchen and

you can fill us in on unemployment while I finish that pasta salad I was making.

Connie, I really wanted to talk about the rules.

Oh, it's okay. We're listening.

You need an apron.

Here, we'll put this over your head.

Thank you so much.

Now, you were saying...

As I was saying, the qualification

period has been changed from 26 weeks to 20 weeks.

Oh, that is good news.

Why don't you mix the mayonnaise into the noodles while I finish chopping up

celery? Yeah, why don't I do that?

And the second major change is the raising of the maximum benefit from 98

$114. Hopefully, this will help to ease some of the burden of being unemployed.

But not as much as winning the state lottery would.

Well, that's a long shot, Connie. This is something you can count on. Could I

get up close and personal for just a moment?

Why, a shock on a road trip?

What would you... do with the money

if you won the lottery?

Well, I haven't thought about it, Connie.

Maybe if you won... Just keep on stirring. You could use the money to

of our less fortunate viewers.

I think any of us who have the means should reach out to those in need.

Isn't this done yet?

Oh, add the parmesan.

So, if you won...

You'd give the money away.

Well, since I haven't won, that's a very hypothetical question.

Oh, but seriously, don't you think there are people who need the money more than

you? Lots of them. Then you'd give it away.

Sure, sure. If I won, I'd give it away. You're right.

Sweetheart, these noodles are beginning to knot up.

Does anybody know when the winning numbers are published?

They're in this morning's paper. Oh, good. Let me have it.

Great, we can all check our numbers together.

Okay.

Get your tickets out. Oh, you too, Mr. Dubois? Okay, let's skip over the little

winners and just read the big one. Is everybody ready?

For $50 ,000, the winning ticket is

000051.

Well, Benton, that's Benton!

Rainwear for your pet.

But I... Here

comes the millionaire.

Thank you, Pete. $50 ,000.

Are you complaining?

Not at all.

Congratulations, Benson.

Thank you very much.

That's something, huh?

Of course, you realize you're going to have to give most of it to the IRS.

Well, no matter what they leave me, it's got to be more than you got for

straightening your tie.

He doesn't have to give any to the IRS.

He said he was going to give it all to charity.

No, I didn't say that. Pasta Brain said that.

That's what I heard you say, Benson.

Of course, I will give some of the money to charity.

Hey, Benson, congratulations.

Thank you, sugar. Our church is raffling off a TV. How'd you like to buy a

ticket? Sure, I'll buy one. I'm on a roll.

Great. There you go.

Anybody else?

Yeah, I'll buy ten.

Anything from this lottery experience?

Yeah, you're right. Make it 11.

Oh, Benson, I'm glad you're here.

You really put your foot in your mouth this time.

Everybody else began with congratulations, Benson.

A lot of people heard you say you were going to give that money away.

I didn't say that. Yeah, well, tell them that. Who? A lot of people. They're

waiting in your office.

What?

All these people want money? Uh -huh.

What about that guy with the sign? What's he need money for?

He wants to rent the billboard.

For one night?

What do you want me to do?

Well, sort them out. I'll talk to as many as I can.

Okay.

All right.

Edible sand.

Busts and walks like a duck.

Yeah? It's me, Benson.

Yeah?

There's a Dr.

Gillespie out there. Denise, I told you I don't want to see no more of them

people. But he's a doctor.

Who does he look like? Very distinguished. Nice suit. A briefcase.

Sounds safe. Send him in.

Dr. Gillespie.

Good afternoon, Mr. Dubois.

Good afternoon, Doctor. I'm sorry to take up your time.

That's quite all right. Have a seat.

Thank you. I understand you're interested in donating some of your

to worthy causes.

Well, you could say the word was out.

Yes, I saw your outer office.

That's quite an assemblage.

So, how can I help you?

Well, Mr. Dubois, I'm a professor of astronomy.

Just how much do you know about the planet Venus?

Well, I suppose about as much as the next guy. It's the second planet from

sun, home of...

50 -foot women and killing tomatoes.

Good, then you'll understand where I'm coming from.

Maybe not. Where are you coming from?

Well, what's important here is where I'm going.

I'd like to spend Christmas on Venus.

Oh, nothing, nothing, nothing.

You see, I've converted a 1955 Studebaker to space travel.

Yes, well, that is extremely interesting.

Excuse me.

If it's a nice day, we can roll the windows down.

Denise!

Doctor, you see, I had decided that I would...

Restrict all my charitable donations to earthbound activities.

Oh, well, that's perfectly understandable.

Yes?

Denise,

would you have security show the doctor to his car?

Sure, where is it?

Well, it shouldn't be very hard to spot. It's a 1955 Studebaker on a booster

rocket.

Right this way, Dr.

Gillespie.

What?

I'm sorry, Benson.

She whizzed.

Huh? What?

Listen,

we have a problem.

What's the problem, sir?

We've been getting some pretty disturbing phone calls. Well, I'll trade

weirdos show up here in person.

Actually, Benson, several senators have received complaints from their

constituency about a member of the government winning the lottery.

Now, wait a minute. That's perfectly legal in this state. I won that money

and square. Oh, but that isn't the point. No, the point is that if people

faith in the lottery, they'll stop buying tickets.

And if the lottery fails, your budget is going to be short $6 million.

Not to mention the political cost.

Oh, yes, because... And, of course, you did agree to give away the money. I

didn't agree to anything.

Look, Governor, I have every intention of giving some of that money to charity.

He wants you to give it all away.

Why would I want to give it all away?

Well, Benson, let me give you a couple of good reasons. First, it'll give you a

tax deduction.

Second, it will help a lot of needy people.

And third, I'd stand a much better chance of not being impeached.

Impeached? Who's talking impeachment, Clayton?

I merely mentioned the possibility.

Think it over, Benson.

I'm sure you'll do the right thing.

Giving it away would be the right thing.

Oh, and by the way, Benson, while you're thinking of worthy causes, don't forget

that the governor's benefit for the Myerson Children's Clinic is coming up

I'll be sure to consider it, sir. Assuming you think sick children are

Whoever knew having money could be this much fun?

Check the parking lot, Benson. Okay, Denise.

Sit down.

What's that all about?

Well, now that I've decided to give the money away, they follow me wherever I

go. A woman came up to my table at lunch the other day and demanded $3 ,000 to

study the toxic effects of kitty litter.

Weirdos have gotten to you, huh? It's not just the weirdos. Even the people

legitimate claims drive you crazy.

If you give it to A, B is offended. If you give it to C, D is offended. And E

F, they're all offended.

Who knows what's the right decision?

You know, Bunsen, this reminds me of a story.

Governor, it's been a long day.

Oh, no, wait a minute.

About a hundred years ago, my family braved the frontier in a Conestoga

You have any idea how difficult that was?

I know it ain't first class on a 747.

Well, anyway.

Somewhere in the Great Plains, they came across a fork in the road, and they

didn't know which way to take.

They argued and they argued and they argued and they argued and they argued

they argued and they argued and they argued and they argued. I get it, I get

They had a long argument.

Yeah, right.

All except my great -great -uncle Nelson.

You know what he did?

He picked a direction, hopped on a mule, and took off.

The rest of them never did agree, so they turned around and went home.

That's a good idea. I think that's what I'll do.

The point is, make a choice and commit to it, because you'll never

please everybody.

All right, I think I see what you're saying. I'll call a press conference

tomorrow and announce my choices.

It's all clear, Benson.

Good. Well, wait a minute. Don't you want to hear what happened to Uncle

Well, I don't think I should keep Denise waiting here.

In no hurry.

Good, good. Sit down. This is kind of interesting.

About ten miles down the road, Nelson ran into a pack of angry pumas.

They ripped him in half and left him for dead.

By the way, check the parking lot for pumas.

It worked out.

Nelson survived.

And he became a famous wrestler.

In fact, he invented the half -Nelson.

Governor, that's not a true story, and you know it.

Well, Benson, a story doesn't have to be true.

It just has to make its point.

You mean out of all the stories you've told me, none of them have been true?

Why, sure they have, Benson. Lots of them.

You just have to figure out which ones.

Benson, Benson, Benson. I know that we've had our disagreements in the past,

I want you to know that I think what you are doing here today is very...

What do you mean?

All right, let's just get to the point.

The kind of publicity that you're getting for this little stunt is going

you a very popular political figure. And with the proper handling, you could go

right to the top. But you are going to need someone by your side who is capable

of saying no.

And you want that job?

Yes.

No.

You'll have to make up your mind right away.

No.

Think about it.

No.

We'll talk later.

Boy, they are working my tail off today. I'm beat.

Oh, Crouch, you look nice.

Did you do something to your hair?

Baloney, you're just trying to set me up for one of your cheap jokes.

Why can't you ever take a compliment?

Because I know that with you, behind every compliment, there is an insult. It

makes me nervous. I'd rather you just insulted me and got on with it. Okay.

Do they cut your hair or do you just weed your scalp?

Thank you. I feel better now.

Fourth sandwich.

Oh, yeah?

Can I touch the $50 ,000 check before you give it away? I don't have it yet,

Pete. Mr. Montez is going to bring it over, and then I give him this ticket,

he gives me the check.

Benson, could you move that for me? Sure.

Welcome.

Well, Benson, I guess we're all here now.

Hello, Benson. Hello, John.

It's a big day.

Yes, yes. I'm about to say a quick hello and goodbye.

to $50 ,000.

Benson has decided to divide the money among four different organizations.

Ah, how very clever, Benson.

Butter your bread on all four sides.

No.

Right now, if you give me the ticket, I'll give you the check.

Sure.

Where is it? I had it here.

Oh, I put it... I put it right over here, where the ketchup stain is.

Who made this ketchup stain?

Gee, I guess I did. I'm sorry. I'll pay to have it cleaned.

I don't care about the tablecloth. I want the ticket.

You mean you lost the lottery ticket?

No, I didn't lose it. I put it right there.

Is that it?

That's part of it. I want all of it.

I must have swallowed it.

Somebody get me a flashlight. I'm going in.

Don't get excited here.

Everybody knows you won.

Well, I'm sorry, but the rules specifically state I can't turn over the

you cannot produce a ticket. Well, I can't produce a ticket. Would you settle

for an X -ray? I'm sorry, Benson.

What'll happen to the $50 ,000?

Oh, it reverts to the state treasury.

Easy come, easy go, Benson. Wait a minute. Wouldn't that be called

revenues?

Sure, that's right. It reverts to the governor's discretionary fund.

Well, you mean I get it? I didn't even buy a ticket.

I can follow this.

Paragraph 28, subsection 11 of the state treasury code says, all monies not

accrued through taxation, commerce, or war will be considered serendipitous

revenues whose distribution will be at the discretion of the governor.

Want to hear the next paragraph?

No, I think that about covers it, Denise.

Then I can give it away?

Sure, sure.

Benson, was one of those four charities you talked about, the Meyerson

Children's Clinic?

Yes. Good.

Then I am going to give this money to Benson's four charities. All right.