Original subtitles

Mr. Benson, could you come back a little later, please? This is kind of

personal. Well, this is my office, and the governor has me on a deadline.

What is the matter, Cross?

Why should I tell you?

You're just another heartless, insensitive male who likes to prey on

vulnerability of us women.

Gretchen and Arnold had a disagreement.

There was no disagreement.

The turkey dumped me.

He thought they should start dating other people. He thought they were

too close.

Well, they're engaged. They're supposed to get close.

I'll show that honored lumditter.

There's a hundred men out there.

Yeah, you show him.

Yeah, from now on, I am the hunter and the men are the meat.

Let me write that down.

Valentine's Day is coming.

Benson, I have here a very informative article on the Sheikh Mahmid. I thought

you might like to look it over before he arrives.

I don't have time right now, Clayton. Oh, hey, I wouldn't mind locking lips

this little cutie.

Denise, will you take her outside and throw a bucket of cold water on her?

Oh, sure, it's fine. But you meant to be aggressive.

Come on, Gretchen, let's go into the kitchen, have a cup of coffee, and

at the gardener.

Thank you very much.

Benson, I really do think it's important for you to take the time to familiarize

yourself with the sheep, likes and dislikes.

Clayton, I will be glad to read the article when I have the time. Benson,

got a problem.

Big problem.

Show him, Pete.

You're not going to believe this.

Well, what is it?

It's a drawing of the corporate headquarters that Sheikh Mahmoud wants

Is it upside down or something?

Ugly sucker, isn't it?

Who is the architect of this monstrosity? Sheikh Mahmoud.

Looks like a used wedding cake to me.

Oh, I agree, but we've got to find some diplomatic way of letting him know that.

Diplomatic, huh? We could say... Hey, Sheik, that's a whole lot of ugly in one

spot.

Wait a minute, Pete. What is this all about? All I know is we were on the

highway coming back from the airport. I was in the press bus.

All of a sudden, the governor's limo screeched to a stop. Clayton came flying

out the door, and the limo took off.

Well, what did Clayton do? I don't know.

Ah, good, Benson. I'm turning the Sheik over to you.

Why? Because he doesn't like Clayton.

Well, who does?

I've got those revenue projections to finish. The sheet takes precedence. This

is a $600 million project we're talking about. Now, I want you to turn all your

work over to Clayton.

Governor, I hate doing paperwork.

Clayton, my patience with you is wearing very thin, so pick up the paperwork, go

to your office, and don't come out unless the building's on fire.

Yes, sir.

What did Clayton do?

Not now, Pace. I mean, he came flying out of that limo like a bag of litter.

Pete, take a walk, huh?

Yeah, sure.

What did Clayton do, just so I avoid doing it?

Do you know a limerick that starts the once was a sheep named Abdul?

No. Good.

Sheep Mamid, may I introduce my budget director, Benson Dubois. Your

I am pleasure to meet you.

If there's anything you need, Chief, just ask Benson.

What could I possibly need?

I have three billion dollars.

Perhaps you'd like to adopt a black budget director.

Most amusing.

You're an okay guy, Benson Dubu.

Dubois. That is what I say.

Dubu.

Well, I see you two are going to get along just fine, so we'll talk later,

Sheik. Excuse me, Sheik. Uh, Governor?

Yes, sir?

Did you talk to him about that ugly building?

No, I figured you'd find a way to settle that.

Mm -hmm.

How's that limerick go again?

I'm sorry.

Perhaps your excellency would like some lunch.

Business first.

Have you seen my building?

Oh, yeah.

seen it.

What do you think of it?

Well, uh, to be perfectly frank about the building. Ah, excuse me.

I'm sorry to interrupt, but I thought you might be hungry.

Good idea, Krauss. We can talk about the building later, Sheik.

Hi,

Sheik.

Welcome to the land of opportunity.

I beg your pardon.

Um, where have you been all my life?

In the desert.

Uh, Sheik, would you excuse me a moment? Uh, Kraus, may I speak to you a minute?

Hang on to your headdress, handsome.

I'll be right back.

What do you think you're doing?

I'm going to make Arnold jealous.

You're going to make the Sheik sick.

Did it ever occur to you that the Sheik might find me attractive?

No.

Dubu!

Yes, Your Excellency, I'll be right there.

Let's get out of here.

Bye -bye.

See you around.

Sorry about the interruption, Sheik. Why don't we have some sandwiches here? Who

would that...

Who was what?

That gorgeous woman.

You mean Kraus? Kraus.

Kraus.

She's stunning. She's sublime. She reminds me of the graceful ostrich.

Well, that would explain her walk.

Look, Dubu, you must... How do they say, fix me up?

Do you find...

Cross -attractive?

Don't you?

Well... Let's just say that she reminds me of your building.

Then we agree.

Tonight, the three of us will paint the town red.

Wait a minute. Say it, Ahmed.

Don't forget to boo.

Bring the steamy leggy blonde to dinner. But she... Do it.

It will make me happy.

Why doesn't he just want to go to SeaWorld like everybody else?

Okay, buster.

Why'd you skip out and leave me alone with Ali Baba and his 40 hands?

He was pawing me all night.

He pawed you?

you, Benson, you keep him away from me or I'll nail his sandals to the wall.

Hi, Mr.

Kraft. Hi, Benson.

Hi, Sugar. My name's Katie Gatling and I represent the Capital City Girls

Softball League.

What are you selling?

Peanut brittle.

How much is it? A dollar and a half a jar.

I'll take three.

Great. To boo, my friend.

Good morning.

Good morning, Sheik. Well, you seem in high spirits.

Ah. I am the hawk.

Flying on the wings of love.

And who are you, my beautiful child?

My name's Katie Gatling, and I represent the Capital City Girls softball.

She's selling peanut brittle.

I buy them.

How many do Dubu buy?

Three. I buy 300.

Why? Where do you want me to send them? Send them to Dubu.

It is my gift to him.

I can't thank you enough.

Allow two weeks for delivery.

Ahmed, go with her. Pay her in gold.

Now, Sheik, can we get down to business now?

I've been reviewing the geological report for that land, and I have a few

thoughts for you. I must tell you, Gretchen is wonderful.

She is electrifying. I want to be with her again tonight, Dubu.

Arrange it.

Well, you see, that's not really my area. I'm more like what you might want

call the budget director, not the social director.

But it would make me very happy. And that is something we all want, yes.

Yes, but I think you better talk to Krause yourself.

I don't believe you treat me this way.

Especially...

When I am making $600 million building in your state.

Well, that's what we all should be concerned with. Why don't we just talk

building? Benson, oh, Benson.

Get out of my sight, fig face.

Get me that woman. I am

not getting you any woman.

If I do not get the beautiful woman, you do not get my beautiful skyscraper.

That solves both my problems.

Cooperate or I'll have you fired.

Don't threaten me. I will threaten whomever I want. I'm the Sheikh Mahmoud.

Son of Prince Bachan.

Glowing hope of the Eastern world.

Graduate of Kansas State University.

The most creative architect in the face of the world today, and you are nothing.

I'm nothing?

Nothing.

Let me tell you something about your architectural skills, pal. I could

better building than you with a deck of playing cards.

You cannot address me with such insolence, Dupu. Down!

feel fine right now.

I'm proud of you, Benson. I am so glad you didn't back down. That's right.

Just because we want the guy's business doesn't mean we have to kiss his

burnoose.

That's right.

What is that?

I don't know. Sounds like a crash. Somebody got creamed.

Hey, it's my car!

The sheep.

Vincent, what about the bodyguards?

Well, I don't have to go out there.

$1 ,600

worth of damage, and the guy doesn't even have any insurance.

Vincent, I can't tell you how sorry I am this happened, and I wish there was

something you could do about it. Oh, there is something I can do about it.

going to take him to court. You can't do that. Why not?

You're afraid I'll jeopardize the building deal, is that it? Well,

concerned about the deal. Your friend is in trouble. My car is smashed to

smithereens and all you're worried about is a crummy $600 million, eh?

If I may finish my thought.

Why don't you just give him the keys to the city and let him wreck the whole

damn town?

Just let me finish.

The reason you can't sue is because he's the son of a diplomat. He has

diplomatic immunity.

I don't care what he has as long as it's fatal.

Unfortunately, under the treaty we've signed, he is protected from civil or

criminal prosecution.

Governor, you'll understand if I don't come to the reception tonight.

Oh, yeah, Benson. I'll handle the sheep from here on in. And you can tell him

from me that he has not heard the last of Benson Dubois.

Dubois.

Leave with me for a year. Try it. I'll give you anything you want.

Forget you and the camel you rode in on.

Get out of my kitchen.

Hey, Bert Green. Yes, Bert? Not you, Crowder.

You owe me money. Sixteen hundred dollars.

Oh, get out of my way, Dubu.

I must kiss her lips.

Listen, you call me Dubu one more time and you won't be tall enough to kiss her

ankles.

Why are you bothering me? You wrecked my car.

So?

I can't. I know.

Is he bothering you, Cross? You want me to throw him out of the kitchen?

That's okay, Benson. I can take care of this.

Sheik Mahmid, will you step this way, please?

This won't take a moment.

moments when you were simply magnificent.

Thank you very much, Benson.

Moment's over.

You want some coffee? Sure.

Wait until you hear the latest that come of Araby has come up with. What? What'd

he do?

The man has flipped.

What did he do?

He's over the edge. And?

He's got bats in his falafel.

Would you just tell us what he did?

How, Clayton? He is donating his hideous painting of that monstrosity of a

building to the art museum.

As what, a doormat?

He thinks it's a masterpiece. Not only that, we're having a formal unveiling of

it at the reception tonight.

Wait a minute.

Hold it, hold it. You know, it might be worth going to that reception after all.

We might be able to teach the little sheik a lesson.

I love it, I love it, I love it. Count me in, what do I do?

You'll have to shave your mustache.

Of course. I'll do anything.

I'll... Shave my mustache?

He'll do it. He'll do it. Okay.

Now, tonight, when the reception is in full swing...

All

right,

Katie. How was school today?

Okay.

Learn anything interesting?

Not really. We start sex education.

I really should circulate. We'll talk later. Five or six years.

Thank you. Hi, Katie. Did you see Benson? No, I don't think he's coming.

Guess he couldn't get a ride.

You know, his car's in the shop.

It's a joke.

One man's joke is another man's... You know.

Do they ever grow up? No. They just stop getting pimples.

Well, Stenson, I didn't expect to see you here tonight.

Well, I thought that I'd be a big man about it. Besides, I wouldn't miss this

unveiling for anything.

There's going to be some shocked faces around here tonight.

Hello, Governor.

Okay, Benson, everything is set.

Great. What's that?

Are you two up to something?

Well, to tell you the truth, Governor... I really don't want to know. I should

circulate. We'll talk later.

Ah, you're right.

Okay, Cross, let's do it. Yeah.

As I was saying, an art critic of this stature could make a man famous

internationally.

Or... ruin his reputation forever.

Who are they talking about?

I really should circulate.

Uh, imagine the great Bahindi, the renowned art critic coming to this

very reception.

Who is this art critic, Bahindi?

Oh, you overheard. It was supposed to be a surprise.

It was supposed to be a surprise.

Make way, make way. The great Bahindi comes to view the world.

Ah, Mr.

Bahindi.

Yes, what an honor to have you with us.

Your hands and your face are not the same color.

You know Sheikh Mami?

Only by his reputation.

But he won't hold that against you.

Before I show you my work, I must explain it.

Ah, if you must explain it, it is not art.

It is advertising.

True art is like a fine piece of crystal.

Every facet a prism refracting man's experience.

Uh, uh, uh, elephant boy, would you spare us the lecture?

Mm -hmm, but why waste time? Let us view the world. Yes, right this way.

Mm -hmm. I am waiting with the best breath.

Yes.

Would you like to bet a couple of billion dollars on that?

This painting must perish.

It is vile.

Stop him!

Disgusting!

Governor, arrest him.

Uh, well, uh, golly, Sheik, he can't. He has diplomatic immunity.

But he destroyed my property.

And you destroyed Benson's car.

Oh, Krause, it's a different thing.

No, it isn't, Sheik. It's exactly the same thing. It's a guy acting like a

and then hiding out on the diplomatic community.

How do you like them kumquats, Abdul?

Abdul!

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

You are...

critic, the Hindi.

He is camel drool, thick face, and the cat.

That's absolutely right.

And you planned this whole trick.

Yep. Because I wreck your car. That's right.

And because I hide behind the law.

You're not one of the three wise men, but you're catching on.

a true friend, Dubois.

Dubois? Yes.

Only a true friend would go to so much trouble to teach man a lesson.

Does all this mean that you're going to pay for my car?

No.

I owe you.

Big apology.

I buy you new car. I buy you two new cars.

Just say you're sorry and fix his old car.

Perhaps the man knows what he's doing as a graduate of Cambridge.

And who you have made me?

Newman.

Gretchen, look.

I am Newman.

You want to go to my place?

Hold it.

No hands.

Well, okay.

We go to your place, but no funny business.

Wonderful. I call my pilot will be there first thing in morning.

You like to make couscous?

Jensen, what did you think of my performance?

Oh, that was really something.

I was extraordinary, wasn't I? Mm -hmm. You know, I've always known there was a

little part of me that had the talent to be an actor.

Yeah.

And I made you shave it off.