Original subtitles

Thank you.

Hello? Uh, Governor, I've got a problem.

Have you seen Miss Cross?

Yeah, but that's another problem.

Well, I mean, she's supposed to bring me my lunch. I'm starving.

So what's up?

Uh, well, the budget.

specifically that section dealing with the school system. Now, we're about 22%.

Oh, excuse me just a second. Come in. That must be my sandwich.

Gentlemen. Oh, I see you ordered turkey.

Governor, this awaits your signature.

Thank you. Have you seen Miss Krause? I heard something clumping down the hall.

Benson, by the way, I have yet to receive my copy of the new state budget.

There's a good reason for that. I haven't finished it yet.

It's due before the legislature within the week. What's holding you up? What's

holding me up is I'm trying to find enough money to run our schools this

It's a perfectly simple solution, Benson.

Find some waste and eliminate it. I'm going to miss you, Clayton.

We're going to need even more money in the future if people are having children

again. Yes, as opposed to puppies and kittens.

I mean, there's a baby boom. We're going to have more children to educate.

Well, I know if I had children, they'd be in private school.

Clayton, if you had children, they'd be in Ripley's Believe It or Not.

Here's your lunch, Governor.

Thank you, Miss Clark. Uh, sir, I still need that signature.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. I was here first.

Governor, our problem is that the student population is shifting and our

are underutilized. Well, this is terrible.

I know.

There isn't any tomato in this sandwich.

That I didn't know.

Sorry, Governor.

Just that I had my heart set on a BLT. This is really only a BL.

When you get right down to it, it's the tea that makes this sandwich what it is.

You're absolutely right, sir. Of course, that is assuming you can find decent

tomatoes. There's nothing wrong with my tomatoes.

I'm going to pass up this golden opportunity.

Right, let's get back to business. I'll get you another sandwich, Governor.

Guess what, guess what? Hey, goodness, wait!

Governor, how would you like to have a robot?

I'd rather have a tomato.

No, no, no, this is the Jessamine Industries mobile microprocessor.

It's called Jim.

I just read about that. It's the most sophisticated computerized robot ever

produced. We've got him for a whole month. I thought it would be a good

publicity idea for the State Science Expo.

Oh, I don't know, Pete. What exactly does this robot do?

Yeah, does he take meetings?

No, he can do anything. He's even programmed to do kitchen stuff.

Forget it, Buster. The machine has not been invented that can replace me.

What about a dump truck?

I'm telling you one wrong beep from this talking toaster and I'll pull its plug.

I'm getting back to the subject. So the robot is okay with you, Governor? All

right, Pete. Go ahead, Senator.

Oh, great.

Now, getting back to the subject... Yes, sir, I still need the signature.

What is it? I've got to get something to eat. I'll be right back.

Sir... I don't know why I put up with this. There are people in the private

sector who are begging for my services.

And they're willing to pay me what I'm worth.

Yeah, sure they are.

And who can live on that kind of money?

in one minute and 20 seconds.

You do something to your hair again, Kraus?

I am not the biochemical unit Kraus. I am Jim, Jessamine Industries' mobile

microprocessor. Well, I'm pleased to meet you. I'm Benson.

I am pleased to make your acquaintance.

Enchanté.

C 'est mon plaisir aussi.

Oh, you speak French, too.

Actually, I speak 16 languages and 41 dialects, not counting machine

Coffee's ready.

Ah, good morning, Krauss. Goodbye, Benson.

I'm off.

I hope it was something I said.

My leaving has nothing to do with you.

You don't mind if I take the credit?

The reason I am leaving, dear friend, is because Jim did all my work for me.

He's the best helper I ever had. Thank you, Miss Krause. Oh, no, no.

Thanks to you, I am free to take the morning off and go to the zoo.

Homesick?

Now I'm leaving because of you. Good. For a moment there, I thought I'd lost

touch.

Auf Wiedersehen, Jim.

That's very impressive, Jim, but I imagine you must have a lot of trouble

your neck.

Occasionally, I crack a ball socket.

Oh, that must be very painful.

How do you work, anyway? What are all these gadgets? Warning, warning. Do not

touch my input device.

If you don't want your input device touched, Jim, you shouldn't be flashing

Hi, Katie.

Do we still have a date this afternoon?

Affirmative, Katie.

Jim's going to help me figure out which access method to use on my new database

program. Oh, I see you two speak the same language.

For sure.

For sure.

That's just great. A valley robot.

See you guys later. Okay.

school budget from data processing this morning. Let's have a look. As you can

see, it's divided by school districts.

Yeah, but the machine went off the bottom of the page. I can't tell what

total is. Oh, that's okay. I can add it up.

$331 ,680 ,419.

And 36 cents.

Shame you two can't have children.

Jim, you're terrific. You do everything but play the piano.

Hop on my platform, Denise. We can boogie.

Thank

you,

Jim. Jim. Oh, Benson, get this.

What is the square root of 754 ,000 divided by 20?

The answer is 194 .16487.

He's been right all morning.

Just can't trip him up.

Governor, I still need to speak with you on that school budget proposal.

I can't, Benson. I'm on my way to the Capitol.

Well, what about over lunch? No, I got to talk at the Rotary, but leave the

proposal on my desk and I'll look at it later. All right, I'll leave the

afternoon open for you. But before I go...

Jim, in 1975, what state had the greatest number of milk cows?

Wisconsin. 1 ,812 ,000.

You try it, Benson.

Name them.

I'm not sure I understand this, Jim. How do you come to this conclusion?

Given the aforementioned variables, I project the present situation will

itself for a minimum of eight weeks.

So you really think the White Sox are going to take it all?

Governor, can you spare some time now?

Our discussion is concluded.

You may enter.

Thank you.

Sure, Benson, go on in. Jim and I were just talking baseball. He knows

everything.

It's only natural. My creator is a sports enthusiast and fitness expert.

Yeah, well, I bet my creator can beat up your creator.

What did you want to discuss, Benson?

Well, Governor, I'm still having some trouble solving the problems in the

budget. I'm afraid we're going to have to have an extension before we go to

legislature. Extension?

Benson, we are down to the wire as it is. Come Monday, the state's going to be

without a budget.

I know, but I don't want to make any hasty decisions.

Well, you know, I have reviewed most of your budget data with Jim here. He could

be of help to you. Well, maybe so, but this is more than facts and figures.

Well, all right, I'll call Senator Chaplin about the extension.

Okay, and I'll keep plugging away at the budget.

But you know, Benson, you really shouldn't resist using Jim.

He's the shape of things to come.

Well, if so, they're going to have to start making bigger hats.

Benson, I cannot believe that you still haven't completed work on the school

budget. Thank you for dropping in, Clayton. Goodbye.

A delay like this could be very costly to the governor.

Are you going to get out of my office or do I have to call an exorcist?

All right, Benson.

Well,

it certainly took you long enough.

I've repaired your sanitation unit.

Oh, this is terrific, the three of you together.

Listen, I want to take some publicity shots. I have a better idea. Take a

Come on, this robot's the best idea I've had all year. Now give me a break.

I don't have time, Pete. I'll take candid shots.

I've got work to do.

Yeah, uh -uh, work, which should have been done a long time ago. In fact, if

were doing it, I'm sure it would have been done.

Actually, he could probably do the entire budget director's job more

efficiently. Isn't that right, Jim?

Based on a comparative performance capabilities study between a human and

adjustment industry's mobile microprocessor, that is a logical

Jim, you're beginning to get on my nerves.

Jim, could you lean in and put your arm around Benson?

Okay, that's it. Pete, you and the ten men get out of here and take the Wizard

of Oz with you.

It really is amazing how some people are so threatened by technology.

Tell me about it. Come on, Jim, let's go where we're wanted.

Oh, Jim, there you are. I've been looking all over for you. Oh, Governor,

you talk to Senator Chapman about that extension?

Yes, he said he'd give it to you.

Good. When hell freezes over.

Actually, Benson, I didn't want Chapman to get the upper hand, so I'm going to

go with Jim's suggestion.

You're going to what?

Don't take that attitude. You should hear what he's come up with. You see, he

feels that... Well, it's your idea, Jim, so why don't you tell him?

All schools that do not operate at 65 % capacity will be shut down.

Well, won't that be kind of confusing when the students show up and find the

doors locked?

Those students will be reassigned to other schools so that all educational

institutions operate at or near 100 % capacity.

We're talking about people, micro -brain.

That's what Jim is trying to help.

Well, Governor, I think that our first consideration ought to be the welfare of

the students. Well, we think so, too.

We? Which is why I want to rush this budget through. We've got to save money.

1 .1 million, to be exact.

Why don't you go play in an electrical storm?

Benson, I have made up my mind about this. Jim's abilities are unique. I feel

secure with his budget proposal.

But, Governor... Now, that's all, Benson.

Okay, fine.

Fine.

You and the pinball machine can go work on the budget, and I'll be in the

kitchen consulting with the waffle iron.

Nice color.

I hate it.

So do I. I just don't want to make you feel bad.

Have you totaled the figures on the household maintenance budget?

Jim's doing it. But I didn't tell you to give those figures to Jim. I know. The

governor did.

But I need him to work on the administrative budget.

Oh, you don't. Jim's doing that, too.

This is ridiculous.

Jim's doing the school budget. Jim's doing the administrative budget. The

thing Jim isn't doing is your nails.

Benson, I need your help.

We must rid ourselves of that meddlesome robot.

I thought you and he were buddies.

Not anymore.

That little tin Judas on wheels is trying to take away my job.

I didn't know he had been programmed to grovel.

That's very funny, but you'll change your tune when he tries to take away

job. He already has.

Benson, there's only one thing left to do.

We have got to kill the robot.

What are you talking about? No, no, no, no. I've thought it all out.

You distract him and I'll push him down the stairs.

Distract him? What do you want me to do? Dress up in tinfoil and go coochie,

coochie, coochie?

Well, if it works, do it.

What happened?

Well, it all started innocently enough. The governor asked Jim to organize his

appointment calendar.

You're kidding.

Well, that wasn't so bad. It's just busy work.

But then he asked him to store the names of all the political and civic leaders,

their likes, their dislikes, their birthdays. Benson!

I have always been in charge of the important people's list.

No, I know, I know. That's terrible, Clayton. No.

You haven't heard the worst of it.

He's even cracked my secret code.

What code?

My maitre d' code.

Now he knows the names of all the great restaurants, the best tables.

Benson, what does the governor need me for?

Come on, come on, Clint. Come on, try.

Come on. Just calm down now. Just try to pull yourself together. Stop sniffling.

Come on. Here, have a tissue.

Well, we'll do something about the robot.

What? Well, I don't know. Maybe we'll try to talk to the governor again. We

can't. Jim makes all his appointments.

Oh, come on. Let's go to the kitchen.

Have a cup of coffee. We'll think of something.

And if we don't?

We'll push him down the stairs.

I just feel useless.

Jim's doing everything I used to do. I tell you, he's the best idea I've ever

had. He balanced my checkbook this morning. You could have done that

Pete. It only takes ten minutes to balance a checkbook.

Not if you haven't done it for eight years.

Think, Benson, think.

I can't think, Clayton. If you're going to keep whining, think, Benson, think.

Well, we've got to get rid of that... Shh, shh, shh.

Scrap metal at 10 o 'clock.

Hey,

guys, what's up? Don't you ever speak to me again.

What did I do? I'm not talking to you either.

They're upset about... Jim?

Yes, Pete?

Don't bring him over here.

Nothing, Jim.

Nice job on the checkbook.

What are you guys mad at Jim for?

We're not mad at Jim. We're going to kill him.

But we're not mad at him.

Well, then what's going on?

Well, we're just upset because the governor seems to be letting Jim take

He's only doing the menial, tedious stuff. I think he's wonderful.

Well, robots are wonderful, too. But that's all they are, is a tool.

They can't replace human minds working on human problems. Well, if you want my

opinion, you're overreacting.

Uh -uh, I agree with them, Pete.

Denise, please, this is man talk.

Benson, will you get through with the robot? Do you mind roughing up this

I can't believe you guys are jealous of a robot.

Jeff, can I see you in my office, please?

Affirmative, Governor.

Hi, fellas.

Take a second. I wanted to talk to you about that press release you wrote this

morning. What were you saying?

Press release?

Did you hear that? He had the robot write a press release.

I don't know what you're getting so excited about. It's just one of those

menial, tedious jobs.

Denise, did you hear that? No, I wasn't listening. Man talk.

Okay, okay, I get the point. I'm with you now. How do we kill him?

He's a machine.

We can't kill him.

But we can break him.

All right. Where is that two -timing tin turkey?

Would your entitled head have a lover's quarrel?

Put it in a sock, Benson. I'm in a lousy mood.

That robot has pushed me too far.

Looks like he dragged you a bit, too.

I have just... come from the butcher shop. He changed my entire order. He's

taken over all my duties.

The next thing you know, Jim will be head of household affairs and I'll be

nothing. Well, we're all in the same boat.

Well, I am through talking.

I'm going to take that overeducated mailbox apart with a hacksaw. All

right, all right, all right.

This is ridiculous. We're blaming a machine. The real problem is the

He's so impressed with Jim's ability that he's forgotten what it is we do for

him. What can we do to change the governor's mind?

Simple. Starting tomorrow, we're going to remind him of what it is we do for

him.

Well, everybody, phones must be out of order.

What's going on?

Well, I don't know. I've just been out playing golf.

Came by to clean out my desk.

Clean out your desk, huh?

That's when I demand an explanation.

Didn't Jim tell you? Jim?

Yeah. You know, the tall, bug -eyed guy with the aluminum suit.

What about him?

Well, we had a meeting last night, and it was decided that it wasn't cost

-effective to keep all of us on the payroll as long as Jim was doing the

So you all decided to resign?

Oh, no.

As soon as we brought it to Jim's attention, he fired us.

Ridiculous. I want everybody back here tomorrow morning.

Now, wait a minute, Governor. Shouldn't we look at this logically?

There's nothing to be gained by hanging on to non -essential personnel.

What do you mean by non -essential personnel?

Well, here's Jim now. It's his idea. Let him talk.

Jim, could you define non -essential personnel for us?

Those employees whose prime function is the interpretation of data. This

function is more efficiently performed by a machine.

Could you scan the personnel file and give us an example?

Stand by.

Downey, Peter J.

No. Dubois, Benson, no middle initial.

Oh, now just a minute here.

Endicott 3, Clayton R.

This is ridiculous. I need these people.

Gatling, Eugene X.

I can't get along.

Gatling, Eugene X, that's me.

How can I be defined as non -essential personnel?

Well, let's face it. The governor's job is to interpret data.

The way Jim sees things, that job could be done better by a machine.

Is that basically it, Jim?

Affirmative.

Jim, how could you say such a thing?

I have a VoxPack 12 octave speech synthesizer.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, laser breath.

He means why.

It's logical.

But my decisions affect the lives of people. If we based every decision on

and figures, that would be inhuman.

I think you've made your point. What point?

I've been relying a little too much on Jim.

Oh, yeah, that was my point.

I would like to meet with you to discuss your proposals for the school budget.

Two o 'clock.

Fine, Governor. I think we need to study this problem from a more human point of

view. Oh, and Benson. Yes?

Fire the robot.

It'll be my pleasure.

Jim!

How should I say this?

I get the feeling you're not happy here.

I'm not programmed for emotions.

Oh, I'm glad to hear that, because that'll make this easier.

Is there something I can do?

Uh, Jimmy, your services here have been terminated.

Where will I go?

What will I do?

You're smart, Jim.

Get together with a few other appliances and try to get on Family Feud.

Oh, Benson, I need your help.

What's the problem?

I have a loose groove.

At least we agree on something.

No, no, I'm talking about Wolfgang, my robot.

I sent him away for a kit.

Kraus, didn't we have enough trouble out of Jim?

Yeah, but he had a personality problem.

I'm going to rip Wolfgang into shape.

Well, first you've got to whip him into a robot.

That would be easy. I have a mechanical mind.

Hopefully someday you'll find the on switch.