All language subtitles for Benson s04e22 Love in a Funny Phase

Crouse, Lord Barclay wasn't fitting with
that soup.

Yeah, well, tell him to put it where his
shoes get shined.

He was insulting my soup.

He wasn't insulting your soup. I was
insulting your soup. He was fishing for

monocle.

had it busy, sit -down dinners. The next
time the governor wants to entertain

someone, he can take them out to dinner.

Oh, pew.

Here. Don't give it to me. Clean it off,
send it back to the table.

Oh, Benson, what am I going to do about
him?

Does this have anything to do with Pete?

Oh! What a silly question.

Denise! I wasn't flirting with old man
Barkdale's daughter.

You were holding her hand.

No, we weren't holding hands.

Cecily was reading my palm.

See? Denise isn't having any fun with
those Blackdale's eyes.

Miss Krause, Lord Blackdale wants his
monocle. You just made me drop his

monocle. Oh, no, find it, find it. Lord
Blackdale's in a foul mood already. This

dinner is a disaster.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Just relax
a minute. Here it is.

Oh, good.

Most of it, anyway.

All right, let's remain calm. Everybody
down on their hands and knees.

I don't think praying's going to help.

Benson, I'm looking for Denise. She
seemed upset.

She went that way, Jennifer. Oh, thanks.

Oh, hi, everybody.

Benson, Lord Barkdale's boring me to
tears.

What was that?

I think you just found Lord Barkdale's
monocle.

You stepped on it. You stepped on it.

do such a stupid thing?

You talking to me, Clayton?

It was a rhetorical question.

I'll get a duck pan.

Lord Barkdale's going to be furious.

Perhaps if I give him some more wine,
he'll forget about his monocle.

I love it when Clayton panics. Could you
explain this to me?

I can, sir, but I prefer not to.

Can I speak to you?

Oh, brother.

Sure, hon.

I think she's lost.

Oh, nuts.

Isn't this fun?

You're kidding, right?

Yeah, look, I'll make this up to you.
Saturday night, I'll take you someplace

special. Oh, I'm glad you reminded me.
Do you mind if we skip Saturday night?

Why? Well, a friend of mine from school
is coming into town, and I thought we

could spend some time together.

Well, she can come with us.

Well, it's not she.

What is it?

Benson, sweetheart, don't get that look
on your face.

I'm not getting any look on my face.

Oh, let's talk about this later, honey.

Denise? Yes? Is everything all right?
Oh, yes. Thanks, Jeff.

I kind of would like to talk about it
now.

Right now?

You're standing right in the glass,
Dodo.

Lady Boftale.

coot from worrying about his monocle.
He's... Vockdale, please.

Take a seat.

I must have something to eat. I think
I've drunk too much.

I was just about to serve the ham.

Is there anybody else I should know
about?

Vincent, please. You're embarrassing me.

Could someone point me to the loo?

Where is everybody?

have any silverware.

Okay, now everybody's embarrassed. Can
we talk?

How many times do I have to tell you,
Benson? Wes is just an old

friend from school.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. A dog can
qualify as an old friend or maybe the

mailman, but as I understand the term...
A guy whose ring you wore for 11 and a

half months and who took you to the prom
cannot qualify as simply an old friend.

Well, then what would you call him?

A previous romantic entanglement.

Oh.

It's been 15 years since Wes and I
dated. I told you I don't want to hear

name.

Wesley, Wesley, Wesley, Wesley, Wesley,
Wesley, Wesley.

Okay. Maybe you're right. Maybe we
should discuss this rationally.

I'll tell you what.

I suggest you go home, get a good
night's sleep, call me in the morning

me you have no plans to see this guy.
Benson.

End of discussion.

Now, wait a minute.

You can't tell me what to do. I'm a
free, independent woman.

Fine. Start a magazine.

I'm seeing Wes on Saturday.

Okay.

Where are you all going?

To have a drink, to Smitty's probably
for dinner, and that's it.

You gonna leave him at Smitty's?

No, I'll probably drive him back to his
hotel.

Why can't he take a cab?

Benson, what do you think is gonna
happen?

Nothing if he takes a cab.

I didn't know your opinion of me was so
low.

Oh, come on, simmer down, Jennifer. I
didn't mean that. I'm just a little

I apologize. Oh,

Benson, if you were going to see an old
girlfriend, would you want me to act the

way you are? You would if you loved me.

I do love you.

I really do.

Can I go witches?

Jennifer, I thought you and I had an
understanding.

Ah.

Kind of understand.

Well, you know, about our relationship.

Exactly what is this relationship?

Well, you know.

Are we engaged?

No. Going steady?

Well, then maybe you can just explain
this understanding to me.

Well, I thought you just understood that
you're my... Woman.

You know something, Benson?

You've been listening to too many Barry
White albums.

So despite what I think, you're going to
go ahead and see this clown.

Yes, I am.

Oh,

Benson, don't worry. Nothing's going to
happen.

I ain't worried.

Oh, listen.

I have an early appointment in the
morning, so I got to get going,

Okay.

Sweet dreams. Drive safely.

Will you call me on Sunday?

Unless an old friend happens to come
into town.

Oh, I see. Well, I guess I'll just have
to wait.

Yeah, I suppose so.

Good night. Good night.

We're going to get Barry White.

Are you ready to order, sir?

I beg your pardon?

Are you ready to order?

Oh, yeah. I'll have another one of
these.

Another glass of water.

Oh, well, I'm expecting some friends.

Oh, very good, sir. I'll tell them A to
D. What are their names?

Well, uh, it's kind of a surprise.

Would you care for an appetizer while
you're waiting?

A what?

An appetizer.

Oh, yeah. Uh, give me an order of, uh,
uh, uh, uh...

Toast! Toast.

Thank you.

I forgot to ask you, sir, how do you
want your toast?

Medium. With butter? With butter.
Currant jam or marmalade? Currant jam or

marmalade. Surprise me.

Let me take a look at you.

You look wonderful.

Well, you look pretty wonderful
yourself.

Oh, Wesley.

Come on, let's sit down. All right.

Talk. I can't believe it's been 15
years.

Mm -hmm.

And you look just as good as you did on
graduation night.

She's not going to buy that.

If you're trying to sweet -talk me, it's
working.

She bought it.

Probably something very dull.

I'm still a test pilot.

But I've just been accepted in the
astronaut program.

I'm hoping to go to the moon.

You have my permission to leave the
moon.

And here's your toast, sir.

Just a minute.

Is there a way out of this restaurant?

What about your friends?

That's none of your business.

Is there a way out?

Well, sir, we usually use the front
door. I know that, Antoine.

Is there a back door?

No, sir.

You mean the only way out is in that
direction?

Unless you can pass through a wall.

How would you like to pass through my
napkin ring?

Enjoy your toast. Thank you.

member, Jennifer.

And this is, uh... Wesley.

Wesley. Oh, you know, I've heard so much
about you. What are you doing here?

Well, I'm having dinner with Pete.

Uh, sit down, Pete.

I ordered the toast already.

Uh, can I speak to you a moment?

You don't mind doing Wes?

No, no problem. What a guy.

Now, don't you feel a little bit silly?

Why should I feel silly? Because you
knew Wesley and I were coming here

That's what I wanted to talk to you
about. You see, I wanted to try to make

up to you by you guys, didn't I? No.

Well, let's ask Wes.

Benson.

Now, I can go out with whomever I want,
whenever I want him. You have nothing to

say about it. Yeah, wait. Nothing.

Now, either you trust me or you don't.
And if you don't, then we don't have a

relationship and there's no need for you
to be jealous.

But if you do, then you'll leave this
restaurant right now and stop

me in front of my friend.

Well,

keep them flying, Ace.

Enjoy yourself, Pace.

I'll be right with you, Clayton.

If you're studying eating, you'd be
better off with Pete. I'll let my

license expire. I'm studying for the
test.

I told him all he has to do is call the
Department of Motor Vehicles. They'll

issue him a new one. After all, he is
the governor.

Clayton, that wouldn't be fair.

Oh, please.

This is the real world.

Your continual cynicism is beginning to
irritate me.

Beginning? Anybody home?

Come on in, Jennifer.

Oh, hi.

You look terrific.

Thank you. You keep that up and I may
vote for you next time. You're too late.

can't run again.

Governor, I hate to interrupt this
hilarious repartee, but I just can't

quiz you on all these little driving
questions.

I'm not all that fond of sarcasm either,
Clint.

Nice to see you again. Nice to see you
too.

Left turn.

I'm glad you dropped by, sweetheart. I
owe you an apology.

Thank you.

Do you have time for lunch?

Well, I'm a little backed up here.

But I guess I can take an hour.

Good. Because I think we need to talk.

Listen, I understand about you and Wes.

You were right and I was wrong.

He seems like a nice enough guy.

He is.

What'd you two talk about?

Oh, I'll tell you at lunch.

What's the big secret? Tell me now.

Well, I'd rather just wait until lunch,
Benson.

Oh, come on, sweetheart. Tell me now.

He asked me to marry him.

That's a heck of a thing to tell a guy
just before lunch.

Are

you

ready to... Oh, it's you again.

I'll have a cup salad and a glass of
iced tea.

And for you, sir?

Nothing for me.

Are you sure?

We have an excellent batch of toast
today.

Antoine, I'm trying to have a
conversation here.

Nothing.

Okay, give me a cheeseburger.

Okay.

And how would you like that, medium
or... I'll surprise you.

Spencer, try to understand. Listen to
me. I want a family. I want to be

And you think I don't?

But you never mentioned it, do you?

That's not the subject under discussion
at the moment.

Then what is the subject under
discussion?

The subject is whether you're going to
marry a total stranger.

Benson, he's not a stranger.

I would hardly call 15 years between
dates a relationship.

Benson, he asked me to marry him. I know
that, Jennifer. You don't have to keep

rubbing my nose in it.

Well, do you know what it means to me?

Yes, it means now you've got leverage
against a guy you really want to get

married to.

Oh, you think this is a trick?

Come on, Jennifer, this guy doesn't mean
zip to you.

Now, don't tell me how I feel.

Then I'll tell you how I feel.

Trap.

Well, I wouldn't want to be responsible
for that, so I'll just set you free.

From now on, you're as free as a bird.

Goodbye, Mr. Bird.

Come on. Good gracious.

I'm sorry.

Very good, Governor.

Yeah. Now, two cars reach an
intersection at the same time. What

They crash.

It's a good thing you only have a
driver's license, Governor. The car on

right goes first.

Right. You know this stuff.

Governor, when are you going to
practice? is the driving part of the

I've been practicing in my office all
afternoon. All I do is sit down and

pretend I'm driving my chair.

I don't understand.

Now, here, get in the car.

What? Go on, get in the back seat.

See?

Right turn.

into some speed here.

Got to check the traffic as we merge.

Now we got to pick up a little more
speed.

Now we're going along at a pretty good
clip.

You were jaywalking.

Didn't you hear me? I called you a
dummy.

Thanks a lot, Cross.

What's with him?

Uh, Benson.

How are things?

No, thank you, Governor. I already got
it covered.

Back to the grindstone.

Phew, he's off to a deep end.

He's been acting that way ever since he
got back from lunch.

I think it has something to do with
Jennifer.

Ah.

I better go talk to it.

Not that I have any great authority on
women, but then who is?

Oh, that's it?

Oh, hi, Captain.

You and Jennifer have a fight?

Yeah. No.

Yeah.

Well, not exactly a fight. Let's say
negotiations have broken down.

Well, if you'd like to talk about it,
I'm willing to listen.

No, that's okay, sir.

You want me to stay?

I'm not ready for marriage.

I just meant for a little while.

She knows that.

Oh, I see. She wants to get married and
you don't. It's not that I don't want

to. It's that marriage could ruin a
perfectly wonderful relationship.

Oh, I've seen that happen.

Yeah. The way things are now, she always
sees me at my best.

There are things about me she may not
like. Oh, I doubt that.

For instance, I don't like for anybody
to talk to me while I'm watching a ball

game on TV.

Oh, I'd like that, too. And on Sunday, I
may wear my pajamas all day long. I do

that. And I like to mush my soft -boiled
eggs with my toast and ketchup.

That must look horrible.

Tastes good.

Oh, I bet it looks horrible.

The point is, sir...

If Jennifer and I get married, she'll
find out about all these things, and

she'll want to change them.

And that could lead to fights and
arguments and separation, divorce.

And I don't have to tell you, I'm a very
busy man, and the last thing I have

time for in my life right now is a messy
divorce.

Benson, when two people get married,
it's for better or for worse. And

me, most of the time it's for the
better.

Well, I agree with you intellectually,
but I can't buy it in the pit of my

stomach.

Well, think about it, anyhow.

Oh, Benson, one other thing.

I'd warned Jennifer about that egg and
ketchup glop. That sounds horrible.

Did you want to come in?

I love you, Benson.

I love you.

In that case, I think you should
definitely come in.

Did you want to talk or something?

Oh, Benson, I can't marry Wesley.

Why not?

I love another man.

Another one? You.

I love you.

I love you, too, but I'm a little
confused.

What happened to the astronaut?

You should be thankful he came to town.

Well, I'm sorry I didn't give him a
ticker tape for race.

Well, maybe you should. After all, if it
hadn't been for Wesley, you wouldn't

have acted a fool and I wouldn't have
known how much you love me.

That doesn't make any sense.

Well, who cares if it makes sense? We're
in love. We don't have to make sense.

You know what I think?

What? I think that you should take me
someplace wonderful so we can celebrate.

All right, let me get my coat.

Can I ask you a question?

Sure. If I were to ask you to get
married, you'd probably say yes, right?

Well, you'll have to ask me to find out.
But you would say yes. Are you asking

me? No, no, no, no, not right now, no.

Now's not the time. I'm just curious,
that's all.

I probably will ask you sometime in the
future. Ah, well, then you'll get your

answer sometime in the future.

Oh, I'm in no hurry.

Me neither.

I mean, now that we have this
understanding.

You know, there's just one thing wrong
with this. What?

Why are we going out to celebrate?

next time. Why aren't you talking to me?

I'm still hoarse from screaming.

Did something go wrong with the driving
test?

I flunked parallel parking.

He not only flunked parallel parking, he
made a mockery of parallel parking.

He didn't do that well backing up
either. I backed that limo up perfectly

straight. At well over 50 miles an hour.

You took the test in the limo? That's
why I flunked parallel parking.

Are you going to take the test again?

No, why should I? I'm the governor.

That's my signature on all those
licenses, you know.

Oh, I remember when I got my first
driver's license.

I was 16 years old.

16, hmm.

I guess the test was easier back then,
huh?

All you had to know was whoa and
giddyup.