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Good morning, Krauss. Good morning, Benson. Oh, Benson, I'm glad you're
need your opinion on something.
What's up?
Well, Arnold is giving me an early birthday present.
Oh, that's nice.
What's he buying you?
Europe. No kidding. Where are you going to put it?
Oh, no, no. I mean, he's giving me a trip to Europe, and we can't decide
to go.
What are your choices?
Well, I want to go to Switzerland, and Arnold thinks he'd be happier on the
Riviera. Well, he will be if you're in Switzerland.
Good morning, Gretchen. Good morning, Benson. Good morning. What a wonderful
to start the day. Hey, you were really serious about this jogging, weren't you?
Sure, I even talked Pete into it.
Pete? What Pete?
Boy, that last mile was a killer.
Pete, we only ran one mile.
What? That's the longest mile I ever ran.
It's the only mile you've ever run.
I'll get myself something to eat.
Good morning, all.
Peter, a new suit.
Benson, I've been looking for you. I have a message. Your nephew will be
arriving on a later flight, but he said, and I quote, no sweat, Harlington is
making the grab in the hog limo and shooting me over pronto.
What language is that?
Baltimore.
Thank you, Clayton. You did that very nicely. That's a fact, Jack.
Now I gotta split, catch you on the rebound.
What language is that?
Preppy jive.
Benson, how long has it been since you've seen your nephew?
Oh, well, we haven't really spent any time together since he was a little boy.
He's a basketball player, isn't he? Yeah, he's the star of the Mount Carroll
University Cougars.
So, Benson, how long will your nephew be staying here?
I don't know, until next school year. He's got some sort of summer job.
Boy, he sounds like a talented young man.
Yes, he is. He's very talented.
Very good looking, too. Of course, that runs in the family.
It sure isn't running rampant.
Why don't you start your vacation to Europe today?
I'd love to. I love vacations.
I remember when I was a little girl, my parents used to take me to the Black
Forest every summer.
Yeah, but apparently it didn't do any good. You kept finding your way back.
Benson, someone's looking for you.
Oh, Tommy.
Come on in.
How you doing, Uncle Benny?
Uncle Benny?
Tommy, while you're here at the mansion, call me Uncle Benson, okay? Right.
I see you met Krauss. Oh, sure. We've been talking basketball.
It's boring.
Governor, this is my nephew, Tommy Caulfield. Tommy, Governor Gatling.
I'm very glad to know you, Tommy. Pleased to meet you, Governor. I heard
pretty good things about you. Oh, I've heard nice things about you. Benson
me you are one heck of a basketball player.
And a captain, too.
More basketball.
I think this is where I came in.
Nice meeting you, Tommy. Same here, Miss Gross.
I used to play basketball in the Navy.
I wasn't the captain. I was just an ensign.
What did you play? Post -up, off -guard, small forward? What?
No, just basketball. We didn't have those other games.
I'll explain it to you later.
I had one heck of a two -hand set shot.
What's your favorite shot?
Actually, my favorite is a 360 -degree cradle jam or a simple gorilla dunk down
the center of the lane. That way they can't hijack the ball even if they post
low.
I'll explain it to you later.
Well, I'm sure you two have plenty to talk about. It's good to have met you,
Tommy. Have a seat, Tommy.
Hey, Uncle Benson, I really appreciate you letting me stay with you this
Oh, think nothing of it.
How's your mom and pop? Oh, pop's okay, working hard in the store. You know,
shoes are his life.
And with Cynthia married and me away at school, mom's talking about a career,
interior decorating.
Yeah, but look at you, Mr.
Basketball. Your father thinks you're going to be another Dr. J.
Hey, fathers don't lie, do they?
It won't be long before you see me in the pros raking in the big bucks.
Well, good. Maybe then I can get a good seat for a change. Well, if you ever
need good seats, see my friend, Mr. Harlington. Who is that?
Alan Harlington, Arlington Industries.
He's on the alumni committee.
That's who I'm working for this summer. You know, they look out for us
ballplayers. Well, what do you mean?
Well, they see you get spending money when you need it, take you out to
help you meet the right people, you know, look out for you. Oh, I see.
Oh, well.
It's great to see you doing so well. You want to get some grub?
Our grid's groceries.
Oh, by the way, there's a piece on you in the sports section this morning.
In here?
Yeah, that is you, isn't it? Tommy Caulfield, the blade?
Oh, yeah.
Okay, well, bring it along with you. You can read it in the car.
Nah, that's okay. I'll read it later. Let's go eat.
Are you gonna take the basketball with you? I go everywhere with this
basketball. I eat with it, I sleep with it, I do everything with it. Ah, yes, a
perfect companion.
It's always glad to see you, and it doesn't mind if you dribble.
Well, Sid, I see you back again today.
Yeah, thought I'd come back and give it another try.
I'm almost finished here.
I don't know whether this cable system is worth all this trouble.
Oh, yes, it is.
Cable is going to revolutionize the television industry.
Yeah, it's going to bring back radio.
There. Let's see if that'll do it.
Well, at least it has a nice, peaceful hum to it.
I'm paying $18 .95 a month for a kazoo.
I'm sorry about that, Benson.
I'm going to have to pick up another part.
Well, that's okay. I'll probably be busy with my nephew for the next few days
anyway. Oh, that reminds me. He left a note for you on your desk.
Oh, he must be out somewhere trying to hustle up a game.
All he thinks about is basketball.
Yeah. I was the same way when I was his age. Oh, yeah? Another basketball
player? Yeah.
Pretty good, too.
Oh, we were all pretty good on the playground, Sid.
No, I played in college.
I made All -American.
Small college.
It's been a mighty small college.
I'll show you my scrapbook sometime.
Okay, I can read it while I'm waiting for the television revolution to be
completed. I'll give you a call when I get that part, okay? All right, Sid.
Night. Night -night.
What in the world is this?
Dear Uncle Benzie, I went out for a minute...
Pretty soon, Tommy.
Whoa.
Hey, Uncle Vincent. Oh, I see you got my note, huh?
Yeah, yeah.
You're putting me on, huh?
What do you mean?
This note.
Oh, you mean my handwriting. Pretty bad, isn't it? I always did write like a
chicken. Yeah, now you're beginning to spell like one.
That's a good one.
Yeah. I thought your mother said you were doing well in school.
I am.
Well, what's your answer?
Oh, now I'm beginning to see the problem.
What problem?
You've forgotten why you're in school.
I'm there to win games and get to the pros.
Well, I don't see how you're going to do either if you flunk out of school.
What are you talking about? I'm a B student.
Well, with spelling like this, Tommy, how do you swing that?
I get by.
Well, how's your reading?
I can read. What is this, anyway?
Here.
Read this article on you.
I already read it.
Read it to me.
Come on, Uncle Benson. I said read.
Tommy the Blade Caulfield. There. Go on, go on. Keep going. Keep going.
Tommy the Blade Caulfield.
Phenomenon. Phenomenon.
Yeah, phenomenon.
And very
table. Variable.
Variable.
Genius.
His Pro Pro
Proficiency
Oh, Francis, sweetheart, I don't see how you could not know.
I don't care what his grades are.
I'm telling you, Tommy can barely read or write.
Oh, no, I don't think sending him home is the best way to handle it.
I don't know yet.
Why don't you give me some time and let me see what I can do?
Okay, babe.
Take care.
Oh, my best to Ted, okay?
Bye -bye.
Tommy?
Can you come down here for a minute?
Come on.
Where are you going?
Oh, Mr.
Harlington's taking me to the athletic club for dinner.
Oh, good. Then you'll have somebody to read the menu to you.
I bet you understand, Uncle Benson. I'm going to be rich. I'm going to be a
star. I'm going to be a fat cat.
A fat head is more like it.
My old man went to college, didn't he?
What does he make, $25 ,000 a year?
I'm going to make more than that just for signing my name to a contract.
Good evening, I'm Vincent Dubois, Tommy's uncle. Come in. How you doing,
Harrington? Let him grab a tie and I'll be with you in a minute. All right. Can
I get you a drink or something?
Oh, any juice at all would be just fine, thank you.
Okay, have a seat.
Thank you.
How about that nephew of yours?
One heck of a basketball player, huh?
Well, that's what I hear.
Oh, he's terrific.
That boy's gonna put Mount Carroll University back on the map where it
Did you know that Tommy is having a problem with reading and writing?
Well, it can't be that big of a problem. After all, he is in college.
True, but he can barely read a simple paragraph from the newspaper.
Oh, well, maybe it's a little awkward.
We can't all be Einstein.
That's true, but I was hoping for something a little more than C -spot
Believe me, we all are concerned about Tommy's future, and we have his best
interests at heart. I don't believe you.
I think all you guys are interested in is Mount Carroll University's basketball
program. No, that's not all we're interested in.
It's true, a winning basketball team can pay the tab for Mount Carroll.
But even beyond that, it brings national recognition.
And when you say Mount Carroll, people know what you're talking about.
And that's a good feeling.
And that's important to you. Sure it is.
I'm proud that I attended Mount Carroll University.
And I want to see it get the credit it deserves.
Even at the expense of kids like Tommy?
Wait a minute, Uncle Benson.
Mr. Harlington's my friend.
He's even going to help me get an agent when I turn pro.
Yeah, but Tommy, only about one in a thousand makes the pros. What are you
to do if you don't make it?
Mr. DuBois, don't you have any confidence in your own nephew? Of course
confidence in him.
It's just that I don't want to see him give up on the one thing he can count
his mind. Please, can we talk about this later on?
Tommy, they're just using you. Can't you see that? Mr. Dubois, everybody gets
used. Damn few make a million dollars for it.
Let's go, Tommy. I don't want to be late.
You really embarrassed me, Uncle Benson.
Now, I'm 19 years old. I know that.
But it's my life.
And I can handle it, okay?
You mean nobody knew that your nephew couldn't read or write?
Oh, I think they knew, Governor. They just passed him anyway.
Oh, I hardly believe anybody would do that.
Well, in order to promote their athletic programs, some schools are willing to
overlook a student's lack of academic skills.
We're not talking about physics and calculus, Clayton. We're talking about
reading and writing.
What it boils down to is that this school is using student -athletes to
pockets. Why don't you tell Tommy that?
Oh, he won't listen.
Especially when he's got a millionaire telling him he's got it made.
Sometimes talking just won't do it. You have to show him.
Always worked for me.
I remember when I was a kid, I always wanted a dog.
Governor, you're not going to... All the other kids have dogs. He is.
So I was about 11, I guess.
I won!
I won!
You cheated. You cheated.
What are you talking about? We saw you jump on the bus.
I didn't know. I just wanted to sit down for a minute. I didn't know I was going
to move.
Have a lot of fun, Daddy. You should come with us next time. We're going to
every morning.
Well, I could certainly use the exercise, but running's so boring.
How about basketball? You said you played in the Navy.
That's a pretty good idea, Pete. We should get up a game. What about you,
Clayton?
Absolutely. An endicott never shies away from competition.
So what do you say, Benson?
Basketball? No, sirree. I've had it with that subject.
Oh, that's right. That's why I was going to tell you that story.
Get ready.
Oh, see, where is it?
Get set.
Oh, yeah.
Go.
Oh,
they are in excellent shape.
See, I always wanted a dog, but my father was allergic, so I had to settle
pig.
Yeah.
But Rover wouldn't fetch.
Well, that's why nobody takes a pig duck hunting.
Well, anyway, my father thought it was a waste of time, and he tried to talk me
out of it, but I tried to teach that pig how to fetch.
And I would throw the ball and retrieve it, and toss the ball and retrieve it,
so Rover could see how it was done.
And I did that for about a week.
I imagine you got pretty good at it.
Yeah, I did. But you're missing the point, Benson. Well, why don't we leap
forward to the pig?
Well, the point is that sometimes the only way you can teach somebody
is by showing them.
And you taught the pig how to fetch.
No, pigs don't pay attention.
But it showed me something.
That you can call a pig Rover, but you can't make him fetch you.
Now, I know it must be crystal clear, but I don't get it.
Sure you do, Benson. See, my father tried to talk me out of wasting my time
Rover, but I wouldn't listen.
So he let me learn the hard way.
The hard way?
Well, why didn't I think of that?
Bunsen, you weren't there.
But I'm going to be at that basketball game, Governor, and I'm going to bring a
friend. Good.
I used to take Rover with me every day.
Gee, it's been years since I thought about that pig.
What ever happened to Rover?
Oh, we had him for Christmas dinner.
There it figures.
Well, he couldn't fetch.
Thanks for stopping by. Yeah. Need another guy?
Hang around.
Okay. Okay, here we go.
Great defense, Pete.
I thought so.
He could have hurt me.
Okay, that's game.
Yeah, well, I don't know about you, but I am beat.
Governor? Oh, Benson, you must be tired.
How about you, Clayton?
Oh, not really. I could go another couple of seconds. Ow!
What'd you say?
Nothing.
Pete? Oh, you count me out. It's making me too hungry.
You only played one game. I was just warming up.
Well, maybe Sid will play with you. Oh.
Him play me?
I don't mind. A little one -on -one. Go on. Be social.
All right. I'll try not to embarrass you, Sid. Hey, thanks, man. I really
appreciate that. Here, warm up, Sid. Thanks.
You got a lot of good stuff, man. Keep working on it.
See ya.
How could I lose seven straight games into a cable repairman?
Maybe because he was an All -American once.
That explains it. He must have played pro.
No, he never made it past training camp.
Well, I'm not surprised.
A little guy like that doesn't stand a chance.
He beat you, didn't he?
You set me up.
Only to prove my point, Tommy.
You're right, too.
I gotta get with it.
Now you're talking.
I gotta practice more, push myself, lift weights.
It's not too late.
Tommy, who are you kidding?
Hey, I can make the pros. I know I can make the pros.
I'm not saying you can't make the pros.
But suppose you don't. Then I'll get a job as a coach someplace.
Where? What college wants to be bothered with some coach that can't read or
write? Don't worry about me. There's a lot I can do.
Yeah, but are they the kind of things you want to do for the rest of your
Well, it's too late to go back to high school.
Basketball's all I know.
Well, you can change that.
I don't know, Uncle Benson.
Okay.
Give up.
Let me tell you one thing.
If you don't do something about this, nobody else will.
Hey, I've got friends.
It's Coach Lovell, Mr. Harlington, lots of people.
Yeah, but who do they really love? Tommy Caulfield or the Blade?
It's all the same person.
But for how long?
Tommy, you can't play college basketball the rest of your life. Sooner or later,
you're going to be nothing but a memory to them.
You can't ask me to give up basketball.
You're a talented athlete. I would never ask you to give up your dream.
What are you telling me? I'm saying cover yourself.
But, Uncle Benson, I can't even read.
That just means you got a lot of hard work ahead of you.
You think summer school will help?
That's a good start.
You think I'm a loser, don't you?
No. You've always been a winner.
I just want you to start winning off the court.
I guess you're right.
Come on, let's go.
Where's the fife and drum?
Oh, I sure... Look at my fat eggs.
What a ridiculous sport. Nothing civilized should cause this much pain.
The pain fits you so well, Clayton.
I haven't felt like this since I helped my dad hang that moose head.
Boy, you get inside one of those things and you never get out.
I guess we all overdid it, huh, Benson?
Perhaps. But then again, some of us are in better shape than others.
Meaning you, I suppose.
Yes, I must admit to feeling rather well. I even thought we might play a
this afternoon.
Well, fortunately, I have appointments to fill my day.
Count me out. I got a lot of eating to make up for.
How about you, Governor?
I've got a few years on you, my friend. It takes no longer for this body to
recuperate.
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