Original subtitles

Give me a favor.

Does sardine look okay to you?

It's hard to tell. Is it running a fever?

What the heck?

Did you learn to eat SeaWorld?

What is it, Ray Benson?

Why don't you carry a purse, Krauss, like other women?

I got this new garbage can for Pete.

Let's walk, Krauss.

I'm going to get this over to my office.

Can't wait to try it out. Hey, you forgot your lunch.

How about you like a nice cheeseburger for lunch with a slice of raw onion and

fresh tomato and a delicious potato salad?

That sounds great. Thanks, Cross. It's a special at the Melody Cafe today.

Enjoy yourself.

I must be getting tired. I didn't see that coming.

Sir, I didn't insult him. Oh, yes, you did.

Well, it wasn't meant as an insult.

Benson, you're a narrow -minded, unreasonable manipulator. Now, wait a

What did I do? See, Benson thinks it's an insult.

Right, all right. So I insulted Fred Crandall. He's still going to pull the

Sunshine Toaster Company out of this state and move it to Singapore.

Wait a minute. He can't do that, can he?

Doesn't he have to abide by the stockholder's vote?

Oh, he's more than happy to.

Well, that corporate report says he only holds 15 % of the stock.

Yes, but he also holds the proxy to J .B. Gallagher's 36%. Which gives him a

majority, so he can do anything he wants to. And since it was his idea to move

the company... We can kiss our toasters goodbye.

And 800 jobs.

Well, did anybody try to go over Crandall's head to J .B. Gallagher in

Now, that's a good idea, Clayton. Oh, really?

To a billionaire like J .B. Gallagher, Sunshine Toasters is small change.

I'm sure she's not even aware she holds the stock.

Well, in that case, I think we should try to contact her.

Ah, Benson, you know nothing about how the very rich live. They surround

themselves with toadies. They'll never get through to her. Where does she live?

She lives outside Houston in a little town called Gallagher. Yeah, sure, when

she's not at her villa in Mallorca, her townhouse in Boston, or Key Lodge at

Vail. Yes, operator, could you get me a listing for J .B. Gallagher in

Gallagher, Texas, please?

Manson, you are so stubborn. I guarantee you the number is not listed.

Yes, well, thank you.

Well, that number is probably her lawyer's or her business manager's or

tennis pro's or whatever.

Hello. I'd like to speak to J .B. Gallagher, please.

You're wasting your time.

Well, I didn't expect you to answer in person.

Judy Bob.

Well, sure, I'd be happy to call you Judy Bob, and you can call me Benson.

Listen, Judy Bob, if you have a few minutes, I'd like to talk to you about a

company called Sunshine Toasters.

Yes, I'll wait while you put your things in the dryer.

Have a seat.

What seems to be the problem?

Pete, he's a selfish, inconsiderate slob.

Yeah, well, Pete is a little immature.

That's not a very nice thing to say.

Well, you just called him a selfish, inconsiderate slob. Well, it's

I'm in love with him.

Denise, I think you better talk this over with another woman.

Or Krause.

Benson, I need a man's point of view.

on a date, I drive.

We go to a movie, I pay.

So I ask him for one little favor. Have dinner with my parents and you know what

he says?

No way, Jose.

I can certainly see why you're in love with him.

Benson, what do men really want from women?

Well, what do men really want?

That's right.

No, no.

Benson, could I see you for a moment? Yes, come on in, Governor. I could use a

friendly face.

Okay, Clayton, come on in.

Benson, Clayton tells me that you don't want him at this first meeting with J

.B. Gallagher. And I'm the expert on Sunshine Toaster, sir. Don't forget

I'm the expert.

Who's the expert?

Governor, for this first meeting with Judy, Bob, I would rather not bother her

with a lot of technical detail.

Well, it is not detail.

It's important information.

Be that as it may, I've established a pretty good rapport with Judy Bob on the

phone, and I'd rather strengthen that before I hit her with important

information. All right, Benson, I trust your judgment. I'm sorry, Clayton,

you're going to have to sit this one out.

May I be at the second meeting?

Yes.

of this masquerade. Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't introduce myself.

I'm Judy Bob Gallagher.

Woman, you're about two inches from a straightjacket.

Miss Cross, are you all right?

Were you boys sucking on a jug before I got here?

Get out of that ridiculous costume and go on back to the kitchen.

much she looked like Miss Cross.

Governor, if you don't mind, I'm going to take a couple of days off.

Benson, what's the matter with you? Ever since lunch, you've been acting

strange. Did you watch Judy, Bob? She can't keep her hands off me.

Oh, well, she's just being friendly.

Friendly? Clayton, when a woman touches your arm, she's saying, let's be

friends. When she squeezes your knee, eh?

Benson, she is a single woman.

Now! But she's been married 14 times.

She's interested in you for number 50.

I don't think that's funny.

Benson, Benson, turn on the charm. Forget it. Do you want the toaster

remain in this state?

Is the president bowlegged?

You better flatter, flirt, neck if necessary.

I'll be in my office.

Hey!

Sorry we took so long.

We had to stop at the airport and pick up Lyndon. I don't go anywhere without

Lyndon. Judy, Bob, I think he likes me.

Lyndon, honey, this here is the governor and this is Slim.

And this cute little cupcake is Vincent.

Give me a kiss.

I was Lyndon wanted to kiss.

Judy, Bob, please come sit down.

Thank you, Slim.

You're a real gentleman.

So, Judy Bob, am I correct in assuming that you're going to help us keep the

Sunshine Toaster Company in our state?

You're darn tootin'. I don't want 800 Americans out of work.

I'll instruct Crandall to vote my proxy in favor of staying in this state.

Well, you know, that's great news, because I've got a lot of work piling up

my office, and if you don't mind, Judy Bob, I'm going to be moseying along.

Whoa there, cookie.

There is one thing. According to my tally, Judy Bob, your proxy alone is not

enough to swing the vote. However, if you were to appear in front of the board

in person... I'd get the strays back in the herd.

Exactly.

Well, now, Slim, that's worth discussing over dinner.

Oh, well, that would be my pleasure.

Not you, Slim.

Cupcake.

Well, actually, see, I'm not allowed to have dinner.

Doctor's orders.

Benson.

Clayton. You boys fighting over me?

You might say that.

Well, you can hang up your spurs, Slim.

You ain't got a chance.

This cowpoke's the most man I've met in many a year.

You've met most of them, huh?

That's something.

Damn, he's not only cute and sexy, he's funny, too.

Ain't that so, Governor?

We enjoy it.

Well, I'll send my car for you around eight.

We'll find us a cozy spot.

Adios, Cupcake.

Cupcake? Shut up, Pete.

Hello, Cupcake.

Why would you like to be surrounded by potatoes?

Sir Benson, I hear you and Judy Bob went for Chinese last night. Where did you

hear that?

It's right here in Capital Chatter.

What budget director was seen holding hands last night with the famous Texas

millionaires at Mandarin Mike's?

I wasn't holding hands with her. I was teaching her how to use chopsticks.

Forget it, Benson. It's all over town. You two are linked romantically.

Look, they even got a photograph.

Say, that's a good -looking woman.

Let me see that.

Today, capital chatter.

Tomorrow's a national inquiry.

Judy Bob Gallagher nightclubbing with her current amour, Benson Dubois.

Where'd he get that current amour business?

I wrote it.

I think it makes you sound like a dashing young bachelor.

You wrote it?

Yeah. Is that a problem?

Why, good morning, honey.

Guess you do want to be alone, huh?

Get out of here.

Judy, Bob, I'm glad you dropped by. We've got to discuss this. I saw it.

don't, don't propose to me. I'd have to turn you down. You see, I just found me

number 15.

What'd you do? Have room service? Send somebody out?

I'm on my way to cool. Wait.

There's an oil print there. Suddenly it becomes single. I'm off to the airport

now. Yeah, but, Judy Bob, if you're not here, I'm afraid we won't be able to

sway the members of the board.

Honey, you're talking toasters. I'm talking love.

But don't you worry, sugar.

There's always number 16.

Did you hear?

Judy Bob Gallagher. I know. She just left. But don't panic. Now, I have a

Okay. We dress Miss Krause up to look like Judy Bob Gallagher and we fool

everybody at the meeting.

That's your plan? Yeah.

Now can I panic?

list of Judy Bob's holdings. You might want to familiarize yourself with that.

Oh, here is an interesting article on import -export tariffs. I've underlined

some of the salient points. Now, Clayton, I've only got about an hour and

minutes. Just give me the basics. I don't have time to cram for a final

Don't snap at me, Benson. This wasn't my dumb plan.

Well, it certainly wasn't my dumb plan. Well, whose dumb plan was it? Actually,

it was my dumb plan.

Well, let's work out the details.

I thought we'd begin by my briefing you on the board. of directors, Crandall,

Randall, and Daniel.

Crandall, Randall, and Daniel.

Crandall is the big guy, although Randall is taller, and Daniel is short

mustache. I see.

Now, uh, now, Crandall has the mustache, Randall has the glasses, Daniel I've

never met. Well, I've met Daniel and Randall. Of course, Crandall, I've only

read about.

Well, gentlemen, I'm afraid I'm lost already.

I don't even remember why we were having this conversation.

You are the directors.

I certainly am.

Look, let's do this logically.

No, let's do it simply. Just tell me their first names. Fred.

Randall. Right.

And Randall? Right.

Right what?

Fred.

Randall and Randall have the same first name.

As Daniel.

They all three have the same first name.

God, at last we've got that straight.

Listen, everybody.

I've been practicing my Texas accent.

I thought it was agreed that you weren't going to speak.

Well, this is just in case of an emergency.

Okay, listen to this.

Howdy, possum of... Well, that's great, except it doesn't sound like Judy Park.

Fine, get rich little.

We found a cowgirl outfit that will fit.

That is a little gaudy, isn't it? Where did you get that thing?

A buddy of mine went to a Halloween party dressed as Tammy Wynette.

You must have a fascinating private life.

Good. Cute.

Gretchen, I think you should try it on just in case we have to alter it. Oh,

yeah. Benson, can I use your bathroom?

Sure. Thank you. Hey, be careful now. Don't ruin my buddy's dress.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Daddy, you know, they're not going to believe Miss Krause and Judy Bob.

Oh, so you think it's a dumb plan, too, huh?

No, I'm talking about Lyndon. I thought they were all named Fred.

And Lyndon is the parrot. Oh, my Lord, we don't have a parrot.

Glad to be at some help. Oh, she's right. We've got to get a parrot.

I know where we can get a parrot.

There's a Romanian guy lives downstairs from me. He's got a parrot.

I take it back.

Your private life isn't fascinating.

It's silly.

Give the Romanian whatever he wants, but get that parrot.

I'm on my way.

Congratulations, Miss Cross. You're beginning to sound like a Texan.

That was me. I sat on a spur.

Common household accident.

Oh, Benson.

The dress fits perfectly. Here's your stapler back.

Wait till you see.

Come on out, Cross.

I'm not coming out. I look stupid.

I've never stopped you before.

None of your smart remarks, Benson.

Well, do I look like Judy Bob Gallagher?

No, Crouch. You look like a hundred dollars worth of junk jewelry.

That's it. I'm going back in. Oh, you can't. We don't have another outfit that

will fit.

I got it. I got it. What? The parrot.

There's only one problem. What's that?

He's stuffed.

Good. Then we don't have to feed him.

Oh, I need to...

He brought us a dead parrot?

I didn't know.

All this time I thought he was just being quiet.

See, Lyndon was always talking. He was always saying things like, Lyndon's a

pretty boy. And hello, Daddy.

Do that again.

Hello, Daddy.

At least that gives me an idea.

Gretchen, does Katie still have that walkie -talkie? Yeah.

We can put a walkie -talkie in Pete's jacket, and he can carry the bird.

We can put Denise in the governor's closet with another walkie -talkie, and

can pretend to be the parrot's voice.

That's a good plan, Benson.

Don't do that, Pete.

That's a good plan, Benson.

There's just one thing that worries me.

What's that?

I'm beginning to think like the governor.

Somebody ought to tell Clayton and the governor what we're doing. There's no

time. They're having lunch with the board of directors. Okay, let's test it.

Okay.

Lyndon's a pretty boy.

Okay,

that sounds great.

All right, gentlemen, I hope you enjoyed your lunch, so why don't we just step

into my office?

Katie, into the closet.

Pete, keep your bird up.

You've got a terrible look on your face.

You're right. There's nothing we can do about it.

Okay, Governor. Come on in.

Thank you, Buzzard. Ah, Mr.

Randall. Crandall. That's right. Crandall with a mustache.

And you are?

Randall. Right.

Mr. Daniel. Call me Fred. I was planning to.

Yes, I'd like for you to meet Pete Downey and Lyndon.

And, of course, you know Mrs.

Gallagher. Never had the pleasure.

Nor I.

We met once.

Hello, Judy Bob.

Well, you know, I'd like you to meet Clayton. We've met. Oh, you've met

Well, Clayton, meet Judy Bob.

Ah, howdy, Judy Bob. Are you enjoying your visit? Ah, thanks a lot, Clayton.

This is Linda.

Hello, Mr. Endicott.

Very smart bird.

Uh, gentlemen, why don't we get down to business?

Gentlemen, as you know, we are here to talk toasters.

Toasters, broasters, waffle irons. What we are talking about is commerce.

I don't get it.

Quiet, Lyndon. Mr. Randall is speaking.

Oh,

well, anyway, Fred has the floor.

I think I've made my position more than clear.

I'd like to hear what Judy Bob has to say. Me, too. I'm for that.

Well, I think Judy Bob's...

A written statement on the subject covers the point quite adequately.

Yeah. I mean, yup.

I cannot get over that bird knowing my name.

Look, Judy Bob, Fred is just trying to make the company more profitable. As a

stockholder, I'm sure you understand that. And frankly, Fred and I agree with

Fred. Well, good. Gentlemen, can we get down to discussing the 800 jobs?

The arm is going numb.

Well, put the bird on your other arm. Well, I can't. He's asleep right now.

He was just talking.

He talks in his sleep.

Forget about the bird, and let's talk about the toaster factory.

Thank you.

Sound asleep.

Perhaps we should hear from Mr. Randall.

To tell you the truth, I'm on the fence. I could go either way.

If Judy Bob feels strongly about asking me to vote with her, then I'll vote with

her. Me too.

Well, uh, be assured she does feel strongly.

I'd like to hear it from her.

You mean have her say it?

Out loud.

Judy Bob, do you honestly believe it would be better to keep the factory

Uh... Just a yup or nope. Let her answer.

Do you want us to cancel the Singapore move?

You bet your boots, buckaroo.

Then I'm with Judy. And I'm with Fred.

And I'm outvoted.

And I'm amazed.

And the factory stays here.

Well, that's fine.

I'm glad that's settled.

Judy Bob, no hard feelings.

Can I get you a drink?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Judy Bob has a plane to catch.

Pete, Clayton, let's get Judy Bob on that plane.

Prompto, forthwith. So long, Judy Bob.

Achoo! Keep your bird warm.

Auf Wiedersehen.

Auf Wiedersehen.

She gets around.

Thank you so much for coming by and for all the help you have given our state.

Let's get back to the office and start charting a new cause.

Goodbye,

Fred. Goodbye, Fred.

Goodbye, Fred.

Well, Benson, still think it was a dumb idea?

Well, Governor, after all I've done today, I have no room to talk.

Can we come out now?

Sure, Katie.

Denise, that was wonderful. Thank you. Oh, it was fun. Here's your walkie

-talkie, Katie. Thanks, Denise.

What was that all about?

Well, that was my part of the dumb plan.

It was Denise in the closet there with a walkie -talkie. That was her voice you

heard. That was Denise?

Oh, I see.

So that way Miss Cross didn't have to talk at all.

Why didn't I think of that?

How'd things work out with you and Pete?

Oh, everything's great.

Judy Bob gave me some advice about men.

Sounds like getting diet tips from Elizabeth Taylor.

Judy Bob says, men are like boots.

Once you wear the heel out, you might as well throw them away.

You believe that philosophy?

No, but I'll tell you, it keeps Pete on his toes.

Well, God didn't rest on the seventh day. He taught women to be tricky.

Maybe he's a she.

That would explain a lot of things.