Original subtitles

Krause, if that's lunch, I'll be eating out.

You dummy, I'm not cooking. I'm dying.

In that case, I'll go someplace fancy and celebrate.

You're going to put some pizzazz into my life. I'm dyeing this dress red. And

I'm also thinking of dyeing my hair.

Oh, really?

You need someone to hold you under?

Tired and a knot.

Dad, all I'm asking for is a $2 advance and my allowance.

I gave you a $2 advance last week.

That's why I'm $2 short this week.

Benson, will you tell her that she can't keep borrowing to make up her deficit?

I'll tell her if you'll tell Congress.

So what do you say?

You're wasting all your money on these video games.

It's just not productive.

Yes, it is. It helps develop my hand coordination.

So does sewing.

Great. Lock me in the back room and I'll turn out shirts all day.

Benson, will you say something to her? I wear a 1534.

Katie, no more... quarters for these video games.

I take it that's the end of the discussion.

Yes. So much for democracy.

Oh, Benson, by the way, are you 17 or 18?

I just told you I'm a 1534.

I was talking about our new telephone system.

What's your extension?

11. You can't be 11.

I'm 11.

What is wrong with the phones around here? I can't reach anyone.

Try dialing 11.

It does not make much sense to dial my own extension.

We all have the same number.

Isn't that cozy?

You know, somebody should call up the telephone company and read them the riot

act. Nothing would give me more pleasure than to take on that money -mad

monopoly. You know, Clinton, you are right. That does sound like fun. I'm

to call them myself.

Benson.

Yeah. Benson.

Yeah. This is for you. They just delivered it to the back door.

I didn't order a... Colored TV? Who's it from?

Well, I don't know. It probably has a card inside.

Lift here to open.

It's a skunk!

Well, it certainly looks like a skunk. It is.

It's a cute little pet skunk. Yeah.

Well, at least we all agree it's not a colored TV.

Who would send you a skunk?

Probably my old army buddies.

We're having a reunion this weekend, and they like... practical jokes. Well, get

it out of my kitchen before it stinks up the place. I am not touching this

skunk.

Oh, you two are being so silly. This is a harmless little creature, more

accurately known as Mephitus Mephitus.

Thank you, Marlon Perkins.

That has obviously been dissented.

Yeah, I don't know. I wouldn't trust that. You don't know my old eyes. buddy.

Fortunately not, but I do know a domesticated skunk when I see one. You

with me, we're going to be great friends.

Yes, good.

Would you believe it? To a skunk, he's nice.

Good, Mephitus, Mephitus.

Yes, good, good, Mephitus, good.

Call the zoo and find out if they want to adopt a skunk.

Sure, Bedford.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

What are you doing?

The phones aren't ringing, so every now and then I check to see if anyone's

calling in.

Uh -huh.

Hello?

Hello?

Denise? Yeah?

Can I see you for a moment?

There's a gorilla outside the window. Would you ask it to step in here a

Oh, you.

No, really. Go right out to the window there and holler out until you come in

here. Oh, come on.

Oh, come on. Quit kidding around.

It's okay. Here he is now.

Isn't he terrific?

He scared the stuffing out of you guys.

Wait a minute.

inside the suit. How you doing, Danny?

Oh, Sarge, how'd you know it was me?

You haven't changed much in five years. You still need a shave.

How you doing, Sarge? How'd you get in here? I got him past the guard. Said he

was Clayton's brother.

Denise, this is my old army buddy, Danny Miller. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet

you. Would you like me to hang up your head?

No, I'll just hold on to it. Two heads are better than one.

Not if they're both empty.

Oh,

good, Sarge. The Sarge could always come up with a topper.

Come on, Keith. These guys have a lot to talk about. Yeah, gosh, you're lucky.

You know, the guys I was in the service with never get together for a reunion.

Really? Yeah.

At least not that I know of.

Oh, how you doing?

Where's Jay and Scotty? They should be here, Sarge. I'm telling you there's

a terrible mistake.

Benson, would you tell these immigration officials who I am? I have never seen

this woman before in my life.

Come on, Benson.

They're going to send me back to Bavaria.

Auf Wiedersehen, Mama.

Let's go, sister.

Benson, but... Oh, come on, Kraus, relax.

These are my old army buddies.

Another dumb army joke.

Go climb a building.

Hey, Scotty. Hey, Jake.

Hey, Sarge.

You guys are still up to the same old thing.

Hey, just like old times, right, Sarge? Right, I'm working and you guys are

goofing off.

What were you looking us for?

Hey, wait till you guys hear about the deal I got for you. Oh, another deal

Scotty. Oh, now you're going to love this one.

Why don't you save it till the night?

No, no, if it's bad news, let him tell us now.

Do I have to pull rank on you guys?

You wouldn't do that, sir. I choose sorry excuses for human beings.

Fall in!

Fall in!

Dress it up! Dress it up!

See, Dad, let me talk to Mom.

What do you mean she's not at home?

She's pregnant. She has to be at home.

Garja, what did you do with my jacket?

I hung it up in the closet.

Shopping?

Well, you get right over to that store and help her.

Because I'm worried, that's why.

Okay, I'll call you back.

Goodbye.

Or maybe I better fly home.

Yeah, maybe you should.

There's nothing more dangerous than a pregnant woman with credit cards.

All right, Scotty, let's hear all about your big deal. Okay.

Here, take one of these.

What is it? It's a proposal.

Does this have anything to do with the rigs you drive? Yeah.

And my boss is just about ready to retire, and I've always been one of his

drivers, so he's going to give me the first shot at buying the trucking

And believe me, the price is right.

So I want you guys to invest with me.

Invest? Stop, Scotty. Come on, man. I haven't got any bread.

This trip is a major investment for me.

I'd like to help you, Scotty, but I got two kids in college and one on the way.

Which reminds me, man, can I use your phone? Can I send you the bill?

I'm reversing the charges.

How about you, Sarge?

No way, Scotty. I work for the state.

So?

Well, I'm involved in trucking regulations.

If I invest in an interstate trucking outfit, I mean, there could be problems.

Why? Because it's a conflict of interest.

I'd like to help.

Don't sweat it.

This is a good deal. I'm not going to have any problem finding a partner.

Hello, Brenda?

It's me.

Yeah, I tried calling you earlier, but I mean, I only got Tim on the phone.

Jay, if you're going to talk that loud, you don't need the phone.

lousy connection no no no that was vincent talking to me that's um she can

me but she can't hear him now i can hear you darling are you okay do you

need anything oh okay i'll call you back i love you baby she had to get

off the phone because somebody was ringing the doorbell

This is weird, man.

It's like a Twilight Zone.

Yes? I'm Kim Won -Joo.

Who? Don't you remember, Sarge? Kim Won -Joo. I was your prisoner of war.

I'm here for the reunion.

How you doing, Sarge? Well, I don't believe it. Come on in. Come on in.

Do you remember Jimmy?

Hey, kid, how you doing?

Where'd you come from?

Dallas. I'm a cowboy now.

Well, you look a little small to be playing football.

Hey, don't laugh.

My oldest son plays college ball.

So does mine.

And my wife is having a baby.

Hey, that reminds me. Can I use your phone again, sir?

Use the one in the den, Jay.

Sit down, Kim.

Have a drink.

Hey, Kim, it's really good to see you, buddy. Great, great. How did you find

anyway? Oh, I was in town.

I have a store here.

Then I saw Benson's picture in the paper and the article about the reunion.

What's all this stuff about the store?

Oh, I have a small chain of convenience stores.

Have you heard of Run Run Shops? You own those stores?

Only about 73 of them. Wow.

Hey, everything is okay?

And she hasn't had a pain all day.

Well, no wonder you're here.

Hey, Jay, you missed a minute.

Jim here is a regular millionaire.

No kidding.

Well, my accountant's a millionaire.

A millionaire?

I didn't even know you were in this country.

Yeah. Do you remember Lieutenant Henley?

Oh, yeah. Lieutenant Henley, the 90 -day wonder.

The only guy who went through the war without getting dirty.

Well, he wasn't so bad.

After it was all over, he helped me become an American citizen.

Well, congratulations,

Kim. It's fantastic, Kim.

Isn't that wonderful?

It's great. It's a success story.

Yes. America's been good to me.

It looks like it's been good to you. That Italian suit must have cost a few

bucks. This isn't Italian. It's made in America.

Where I got my money, that's where I spend my money.

You running for political office or something?

I don't have that much money.

Well, it's certainly hard to believe that you're the same scrawny 15 -year

kid that we captured at Quang Chiu.

I'll never forget that day.

Boy, I was really surprised to see you guys.

Always take your rifle into the outhouse with you.

Well, that reminds me.

Oh, pictures of the kids?

I got some pictures of mine, too.

Where's my wallet?

Oh, I left it by the phone.

I'll be right back. You might as well call your wife while you're in there.

Very funny.

This is what I wanted to show you. Anybody know what it is?

No, what is it? I'll give you a hint.

Remember the poker game in Pusan?

Yeah, where you cleaned us all out? Do you remember, Scotty?

Yeah, sure, I remember. What about it?

This is your marker for $50. I kept it the whole 30 years.

Let me see that.

What is this written on? Army -issue toilet paper.

No wonder it lasted 30 years.

Look at this, Scotty. You signed that baby 30 years ago, man.

Yeah. Guess I did, huh?

Hey, hold it. That's worth 50 bucks.

Here's 50 bucks.

Add it to your millions.

Hey, Scotty, I didn't want your 50 bucks.

Did I say something wrong?

You got me.

Here we go, Kim.

Looky here, man.

Pictures up front of my son.

Where's Scotty?

He just, uh, flipped out and took off.

What's the matter with him?

Me. No, no, no, no, Kim. He's got business problems.

It's all it is. Forget it.

No, Sarge.

It's me.

Excuse me, Benson.

Scotty's here.

Oh, come on in, Scotty.

By the way, Denise.

Have you heard from the phone company?

How could I? We don't have any phones. Right.

I'm going to grab a gallon. Okay.

Have a seat, Scotty.

I'm glad you dropped by early. I think I found the money for your trucking

company. That's great.

That's great. But I thought you had a conflict of interest. No, no, no. It's

me. I think I found you a silent partner.

Ah, that's the best kind. Who is it? Kim.

Oh, thanks, but no thanks.

What's wrong with Kim's money? Why?

I just didn't risk three years of my life to end up with the enemy as my

partner. What enemy?

Kim's from Dallas.

If you want to ignore reality, that's up to you.

Scotty, the reality is that an American with a hefty bank account thinks enough

of your idea to invest in it.

Look, if you guys want him at the reunion, it's no skin off my nose, but I

have to have him as my partner.

Oh, hi, Scotty. Having a good time? Oh, yeah, the time of my life.

Burt and Benson, I wanted to ask you.

Excuse me.

Did your coat just ring?

Oh, that's my portable phone. They gave it to me in case of an emergency.

Hello?

Oh, hello, Senator. Yes, I wanted to talk to you about the farm bill.

Listen, let me put you on hold until I get back to my office, okay?

I don't see a hold button, so I'll just put you in my pocket.

Ray and Danny are here. Oh, okay. Ready to go, Benson?

Yep. Hi, Governor. How you doing?

Hi, Governor.

You coming to the party tonight, Governor?

Party? Yeah, just the guys.

Oh. Oh, I see. Yeah, you know, the five of us.

No, it's not. I invited Crossy.

You did what?

And the little guy. What's his name? Pete? Yeah.

That's him.

Is there some reason you don't want me to come?

I didn't say I didn't want you to come. I just thought it was the five of us.

Now that it isn't, of course you're invited.

Well, if there's some reason that you don't want me, then... I don't... Come.

Oh, wait a minute.

I can't come to dinner. I want to have dinner with Clayton.

What a shame.

Oh, I know. We can have it at your house.

I haven't forgotten you, Senator.

We are swimming in the Soyang River.

Hey, I remember this softball game.

Hey, softball, swimming.

Was there any fighting?

One. Over a close play at third.

Here we are in front of a geisha house in Tokyo.

Oh, the blonde guy, he's adorable.

Big deal.

I could be blonde.

Yeah, but could you be adorable?

That's Andy.

He was from Oklahoma.

That kid wasn't afraid of anything.

Why didn't he come to the reunion?

He was killed in Korea.

I liked Andy.

He called me cousin.

He called everybody cousin.

Everybody except the officers.

Yeah, he didn't have any names for them. He just made gestures.

I see no humor in denigrating authority.

I myself was an officer.

You're right, Clayton. That isn't funny.

You were in the Army?

No, I was in the Marines.

The Marines?

Yes, the Marines.

Tell them your combat stories, Clayton.

Well, as a matter of fact, I was with the Adjutant General's office in D .C.

See? Told you it was horrible duty.

You spent the entire tour escorting debutantes to fancy -dressed balls.

Believe me, dating congressmen's daughters can be as dangerous as combat.

Clayton was decorated for foxtrotting above and beyond the call of duty.

Yeah, it's nice of you guys to come. Oh, thanks.

Thanks a lot. See you tomorrow.

Bye -bye.

Take care.

Danny, may I cut in?

Well, sir, at least I... So you want to dance with me, eh, Benson?

Krause is quarter to one.

You're such a party pooper.

I got to play golf with these guys in the morning.

Okay, I can take a hint.

Well, good night, fellas.

Well, don't everybody leap to their feet.

Oh, thank you, Gretchen.

Gretchen, I just want to say, I just want to say that in my book, you're

Shake.

Good night, you fools. Good night, Gretchen. Good night, sir.

One down, four to go.

Oh, come on, Sarge. We're going to watch the slides one more time. Jay, we got

to be on the tee at 8 o 'clock.

Well, Scotty, go back one.

Yeah, you remember this, guys?

Thanksgiving 1952. Yeah, the big feast.

Yeah, some feast.

Roast pigeons stuffed with spam.

Had some good times together.

I just wish we'd had some good food together.

Lots of memories.

Wait a minute. They aren't your memories. They're our memories.

Yeah, I was there, too.

Yeah, but you were on the wrong side.

Hey, wait a minute, Scotty. Now he's way out of line.

Scotty, you're the one that's out of line. Hey, this is supposed to be fun.

Maybe I shouldn't have come.

My sentiments, exactly.

Scotty!

Hey, Kim, you're welcome here, man.

Let's go to the slide, Sarge, huh?

Wait a minute. What's wrong with you guys?

We fought a war over there, remember?

Andy died.

What for?

So we can just sit around and pass the chip tip to the enemy?

I'm not the enemy.

Scotty, no man in this room was responsible for that war.

We were all in the same situation. We were all victims.

Am I supposed to cozy up with him now?

Kim offered to help you because he considers you a friend, and you're

hate stand in the way. I don't hate him. What's the problem then, Scotty? I

don't know.

Maybe just seeing him again brought back all that bad stuff.

No, something more than that has eaten at you, Scotty. What is it?

Look, I have been pushing a rig around for 20 years, and I'm getting nowhere.

And some lousy POW comes over here and makes a million bucks. It's big!

Kim is not some lousy POW.

This is a kid that we thought of as a little brother 30 years ago.

Let it go, man.

It'll eat you up.

It's a party or what?

It's supposed to be celebrated.

Instead of celebrating a war, we should be remembering what really went on over

there. We lost a lot of buddies.

It was a bad time.

For all of us.

Yeah.

Gentlemen, as a ranking non -com of this outfit, I'd like to propose a toast.

To all the men who died in war, it's in your memory that we pray for peace.

Partners?

Oh,

Benson, I'm so glad you're here.

Would you like a snack?

No, thanks, Cross. I'm getting coffee.

Oh! I have just the thing to go with that.

Salted peanuts.

Salted peanuts and coffee?

Here, have some.

Mm -hmm.

You can hear them inside.

I'll bet.

Laugh -a -lot peanuts, my favorite brand.

Yeah, help yourself.

Thank you very much.

I'm going to open them.

Seems stuck.

It can't be stuck.

I can't get it. Oh, here, give me that.