Original subtitles

Oh, Benton, don't you look handsome.

Thank you, Kraus. And you look... Thank you, Kraus.

The limousine is here and the governor will be right down.

How much are they charging for this fundraising dinner?

Well, they're not charging the staff anything.

But the guests are having to shell out $200 a plate.

$200?

Well, I suppose it's for a good cause.

I don't see why the governor has to run for re -election every four years.

In Bavaria, once you were in office, you stayed there until the other party got

out of jail.

What am I supposed to do? Peter, I don't care what you do, but you cannot go to

the governor's banquet wearing a sequined bow tie.

What are you talking about?

It matches the color, buddy.

I didn't know Liberace rented out his tuxedo.

Your salesman said this is the latest thing.

You guys are going to be out of style.

Are you wearing tap shoes?

They're the only shoes at the tuxedo shop that are my size.

Please sit down. You sound like you're sending Morse code.

Listen,

I've got a great new opening joke for my speech. You want to hear it? It's not

an ethnic joke, is it, sir? Oh, no, no, no. See, there was this Italian, this

Irishman, and this Swede.

Sir, you're going to alienate the entire third district.

Oh, you've heard that joke?

Well, maybe I should start with one of my stories.

Then you'll alienate the entire state.

Sir, I think we'd better go.

Yeah, we're going to be late.

Well, if I'm not going to start with a joke and I'm not going to start with a

story, what am I going to start with?

You have your choice of soup or salad.

I don't know, Benson. I thought that dinner last night was pretty good.

Well,

what was that spongy yellow vegetable on the toast?

Chicken.

I'm sorry, I'm late, sir. I just got the message about the meeting. What's up?

The party chairman's going to stop by.

Ned Harper is coming to us? Why?

I don't know. I suppose he wants to discuss campaign strategy.

Yes. Good. Turn him right in.

Harper's here.

Ah, Gene.

Hard at work as usual. Good to see you.

Do you know my staff?

Oh, how do you do, gentlemen? I'm glad you're all here. Please sit down.

Gene. Let me get right to the point.

What are your plans when you finish up here?

I don't know. I haven't given it much thought.

Ah, well, we have.

Now, the party feels that with a couple of years in the Foreign Service,

followed by a term in the Senate, you'll be ready to be president.

Of what?

Why, the United States of America.

Ah, Gene, that's the kind of humility that makes you an attractive

candidate.

Plus, you're independent, decisive.

Gee, I don't know.

How could I qualify for the Foreign Service?

Can you ride a camel?

Well, between us, there's an ambassadorship opening coming up in a

Sure, an ambassadorship. What an opportunity.

Well, where would I be ambassador to?

Oh, I'm not at liberty to divulge that information at the moment.

Can't you give us a hint?

Well, let's just say the embassy is in a city where the lights never go out.

At least we know it's not New York.

Oh, yes, Gene, it's time you set your sights higher.

Ambassadorship, the Senate, the presidency.

Presidency?

Sleep on it, Gene.

But not too long. The boys at the State Department are waiting to hear from me.

Oh, I'll let you know tomorrow.

Until tomorrow, then, gentlemen.

I know you'll make the right decision, Ambassador Gatling.

You realize, sir, that if you accept his offer, you won't be running for

governor. Oh, I know.

But you're still considering it.

You fool not to.

Well, I've got to get back to work.

While the papers are fine.

An ambassadorship!

I don't think the governor should take it. Oh, Benson, butt out of this. The

governor knows exactly what he's doing.

Yeah? Well, if he knows exactly what he's doing, where'd he go to sign those

papers? Where he always goes, to

his... Here.

Sign the papers.

Denise, are you busy tonight?

No, why?

Well, I need your help with something.

Sure, anything I can do.

Doris Bergman is having a baby.

Wouldn't you rather get a doctor?

No, no, I need somebody to fill in on the bowling team.

Oh, okay, but I'm not very good. What's your average?

About once a year.

Do you know what this is?

A bowling ball.

You'll do.

and I still say we're going to Switzerland. Well, I think he's going to

ambassador to Belgium.

And I say Jamaica.

Benson, where do you think we're going?

Off to deep end.

The governor hasn't accepted that ambassadorship.

Well, he will, and then we are going to Switzerland.

We? Are you going with him?

Of course.

I'm the only member of the staff who has any background in foreign affairs.

Dating a gypsy doesn't count.

Yeah, as long as the ground is soft enough to burrow in.

I hear you.

I don't care what you say, Benson. I'm taking French lessons from a lady I met

in remedial driving class.

Now you can have accidents in two languages.

Très amusing, Benson.

Au reservoir.

Benson, Benson.

Give me some help. What do you think about this ambassador thing?

Governor, I'm the wrong person to ask. All I know about foreign policy is don't

hitchhike in Korea.

An ambassadorship is such a wonderful opportunity. Seeing foreign policy in

action. Yeah, seeing signs that say, Yankee, go home.

Be corresponding with the president.

Begging to come back.

Be having dinners with foreign leaders.

Eating household pets.

There are a lot of pluses, Benson.

Yes, I've just named a few.

Oh, I'm afraid I'll end up like Charlie the Irish Setter. I don't blame you.

Mange is a terrible disease.

Oh, no.

See, we'd be playing softball.

You and Charlie?

No, no, no, no. Us kids.

And when the ball would get hit to the outfield, Charlie would catch it in his

mouth and he'd run off into the woods with the ball.

And we'd have to call the game off because we could never get the ball

Governor, I'm struggling to find a connection between that and the

ambassadorship. Oh, I'll get to that in just a minute. See, we decided that the

only way to get the ball back from Charlie was to throw him a bone. And

what I think the party's doing to me.

Trying to get their ball back.

And the ambassadorship is the bone.

They don't want me to be governor.

No kidding.

So I'm going to tell them, no thanks, they're barking up the wrong tree.

But I'm going to run for governor.

I think that's a wise decision, sir.

I don't want to end up like Charlie.

Whatever happened to him?

He had puppies.

Denise, is this my 3 o 'clock appointment?

That was my next guess.

Look, Donna, my hands are rolled in here.

Well, since there's no automatic return in this alley, you'll have to get it

yourself.

I know this seems silly, but there is a perfectly logical explanation.

See, Doris Bergman's having twins, and I won't have a chance unless I practice.

I see.

Bowling for babies.

Oh, Benson, can I see you for a moment? Oh, Chairman, come on in.

Well, Denise, if I find your other earring, I'll let you know.

Come on in, Chairman Harper. Have a seat.

Oh, I just left the governor.

You're not going to believe this.

He turned down a United States ambassadorship.

Oh, really?

I've been giving away appointments for nearly 20 years.

It's the first time I've ever been rejected.

Take it personally.

Look, Benson, you and the governor are friends.

Don't let him make this mistake.

Who am I to say it's a mistake? Besides, I don't make his decisions for him.

All right, I'll lay my cards on the table. Please do.

The party doesn't think Gatling stands a chance of re -election.

Shouldn't the voters have a chance to decide that?

Oh, it's too late.

Oh, he's a nice man and all, but he's a lightweight.

The party already has a candidate.

Senator Bud Resnick. Bud Resnick, the ex -football player.

Hey, he was a big hero in this state, you know.

Some people think the only reason he went into politics was because he had

knees.

Ah, well, don't need good knees to get votes.

The party wants Bud Resnick. He thinks the way we do. He supports the same

issues. And we need that kind of loyalty.

Loyalty? Don't you mean blind obedience?

I suspect the party found out that they couldn't control Governor Gatling, so

they want to replace him with someone they can.

All right, bottom line.

The party doesn't want Gatling on the ticket.

Now, you're bright enough to know that if you do a favor for the party, they'll

do a favor for you.

You see, I'm not looking for any favors.

Well, let me be a little more specific.

You convince Gatling to take that ambassadorship and there's a spot on the

ticket for you.

How does Lieutenant Governor Benson Dubois sound?

Like a bribe.

Oh, come on, Benson, don't be a fool. If the situation was reversed, Gene would

drop you like that.

You don't know Governor Gatling.

And you certainly don't know me.

But I do know every man has his price.

All right, what's your price? What do you want?

I want you out of here.

Well, I guess you're not so bright after all. Well, you don't have to be a Ph

.D. to see that this stinks.

Who the hell do you think you're talking to? Now cut the games.

Gatling takes that ambassadorship or his political career is over. Says who?

The party won't support him. No nomination, no second term, and no

no cushy job for you.

I know it's going to be difficult, Harper, but have a nice day.

Congratulations.

You just put the entire administration on the unemployment line.

I cannot believe it. They were going to make Benson lieutenant governor.

They really must be desperate.

What I don't understand, sir, is why they bothered to offer you the

ambassadorship. Why didn't they just dump you?

They were afraid if they dumped him, he'd take his constituency with him.

Yes? Who?

Majority Leader Grady's here. I wonder what he wants.

I don't know how we can find out.

How? Send him in.

Send him in.

Sorry to interrupt, Governor.

I'll only take a minute.

Senator Grady. You know Benson? Clayton? Of course. Sit down. Look.

Governor, I came by to talk to you about that ambassadorship you've been

offered. You're a little late, Bill. I just turned it down. I don't want to be

an ambassador.

I want to be governor.

And you damn well should be.

There's no room in this party for this nonsense Harper's trying to pull.

If we wanted a half -back for governor, we'd at least get one with good knees.

Does that mean you'll be supporting the governor?

Naturally. But don't kid yourself.

Even with the delegates I control, it's going to be a tough fight.

But I think we can pull it off. Good.

Of course, I'm going to have to call in a few favors.

Bill, thank you, but don't make any deals for me.

I'd rather not have the nomination than win it the wrong way. I know that, Gene.

Just like I knew you didn't want to be the ambassador to Iceland.

Iceland?

Yeah,

you know that place where the lights never go out.

Will you excuse me? I have to make a roll call.

I'll walk you out, Bill. Thank you.

I can't believe it. They were going to send us to Iceland.

No, they were going to send you to Iceland. They were going to make me

Lieutenant Governor.

Well, Krause, how did bowling go last night?

Oh, it was wonderful for Denise.

Every man in the place thought she was so cute.

They kept saying, Gretchen, why don't we make her regular?

And why not? She was wearing a T -shirt she must have bought when she was seven

years old.

And a pair of slacks that were only slacker on the ankle.

All I said was I was bowling.

Oh, we've won.

You know, I think even Arnold was interested in her.

Oh, come on, Krause, you don't believe that.

Oh, yeah?

Why else would he go out to the Volkswagen to get his toupee?

First time I ever heard of a rug and a bug.

Hi, Benson.

Hi, Judy.

Daddy tells me you're giving his nominating speech. Are you nervous?

No, I'm not nervous.

Good, because Daddy's whole future depends on this convention.

I know.

He really wants to be governor again. I know that, too. I mean, he really,

really wants it. You're making me nervous.

Don't worry, Benson. I can give you a few tips my teacher gave me. Okay.

First of all, always stand up straight.

I know that. Second, try and make eye contact.

I know that, too. And third, never tug at your underwear.

That's one I never considered.

Hi, Kitty. Benson, I'll be with you in just a second. You about ready?

Yeah, I got my speech in my jacket. I called the hotel. We're all set up on

rooms. Pete and Clayton are waiting in the limousine. I don't think I've

forgotten anything.

I just asked if you were about ready.

Okay, I'll see you in the car.

Daddy, good luck at the convention.

Oh, thank you, sweetheart. I'll call you from the hotel and say good night.

Oh, Daddy, it's important that you take it on the first ballot.

Why is that?

Because I don't want to miss Magnum P .I.

What's he got that I haven't got?

A mustache and a Ferrari.

Watch me anyway, okay?

Okay.

Bye, sweetheart.

Bye.

Benson, have you seen the governor?

What? You mean he didn't watch me give his nominating speech?

I have no idea. I can't find him.

Well, he's probably down on the convention floor. He is not supposed to

I wish he'd listen to me.

Clayton, if he'd listen to you, we'd be in Iceland now.

Uh, Bambi, Bambi, come in, please.

Bambi?

That's Peter's code name. We all have to use a code name when we're on the

walkie -talkie.

Bambi, Bambi, please come in. This is Thumper.

Roger, Bambi, I'm here with Grumpy.

Grumpy, that's my code name, Grumpy.

Thumper, we can't seem to find Goofy.

Well, Thumper, I haven't seen him on the convention floor.

I'll keep an eye out for him. Over and out, good buddy.

Hi, fellas.

Yes, sir, where have you been?

Yeah, Thumper was worried sick.

I'm sorry, Clayton, I ran into Mayor Easterbrook.

Hey, Benson, how did the nominating speech go?

Well, sir, I got up to give the speech, and the minute I mentioned your name,

Harper gave the signal for a spontaneous demonstration.

Oh, that was nice.

No, sir, it wasn't. The demonstration was for the other side.

Gene,

I need to talk to you about the Elm Ridge delegation.

I think we can get them in our column if you're willing to modify your position

on the Pine Forest Preservation Bill. You mean make a deal? Bill, I told you,

deals. Okay, fine.

Nothing to worry about.

You're supported pretty solid. But you know me, I just like to cover all the

bases. Let me ask you something, Senator.

When the governor wins this nomination, are we going to end up with a divided

party? Yeah, it's something that concerns me, too.

I'm going to talk to Harper.

I think I can convince him to withdraw his man after the first ballot.

Good. Oh, anything I can do in the meantime?

Sit tight and practice your acceptance speech.

Hooper, Hooper, come in. This is Bambi.

Uh, yes, Bambi.

Come on, Deer Park, you can do it.

Mr. Chairman, the town of Deer Park, the flower of the Tri -City area,

and the home of this year's double -A basketball champion, Deer Park,

where friendship is the rate of exchange.

Would you just vote?

I know, but what's the count?

21 -19, Gatling's face.

Well,

I just got some inside information.

Deer Park is going to give it three votes to Bud Resnick.

Wrong again, Clayton. Are you questioning my sources, Benson?

Do you want to bet $10 on that? I don't want to take your money.

Put up or shut up. Okay.

Clayton, Deer Park just voted for me.

Oh. You owe me ten, Clayton.

Ah, you didn't take the bet.

I said okay.

We didn't shake hands.

You're in town, Clayton. Yes, sir.

So, Deer Park puts me ahead, is that right?

Yeah, until Resnick's hometown votes.

Right, East Lynn, they've got 11 votes.

Oh, here it comes.

East Lynn.

who can't even walk the 100 -yard dash anymore.

Yes, all 11 votes for Senator Bud Presnick. Boo!

I'll get it.

Hey, everybody.

This is Cassie Camaro and the news crew from Channel 6. They want to get some

candid coverage of the governor.

Thanks be to us, sweetie pie.

Hello, Miss Camaro. I see you all the time on TV.

Pete, you didn't tell me anything about this. Oh, it's no big deal, Governor.

You just continue watching the roll call, and we'll set up the camera so we

cut to you from time to time. You don't have to do anything. You just sit there,

and when the camera's on, you look like a winner.

Yeah, well, we just lost Sweetwater.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Sir, the camera isn't on yet. Oh, we just lost Sweetwater, huh? Okay,

we're going to be on the air in just a few seconds, so why don't you have a

on the couch here? You too, Mr.

Dubois.

Now, everybody just act natural and we're watching the television.

What in the world are we going to talk about? Oh, just casual conversation.

Follow my lead.

I really wasn't prepared for an interview.

Oh, it isn't an interview. It's just chit -chat. Forget I'm even here.

I'll tell you what you forget. I'm here. We're on.

This is Cassie Camaro and Governor Gene Gatling -Sweet at the Excelsior Hotel.

We're watching the roll call on the convention floor.

We just took Pine Valley.

Oh, we just took Pine Valley.

Wonderful, Governor.

Yes, we didn't expect Pine Valley.

Actually, you don't expect to win the nomination, do you?

Well, we... Isn't it true that the party wants you out?

I'm still trying to answer your first question. But they do want you out.

Uh, Miss Camaro, if the party wants him out, it's because the bosses have

figured out they can't control Governor Gatling. This is Benson Dubois, State

Budget Director, whose constant slashing of programs is undoubtedly totally

responsible for the Governor's lack of popularity.

Thank you, Miss Camaro.

You know, I've enjoyed you for years on television. I used to watch you do your

pantyhose commercials.

There seems to be some activity on the floor. Back to you, Dave.

Well, that was certainly a cheap shot, Mr. Dubois. I was trying to keep up with

you.

Thanks very much, sweetie pie. Now get out of here. All right, calm down, calm

down. I've got a job to do.

Then do it on somebody else. Come on, go. Out, out.

That's terrific.

Walnut Grove. We got Walnut Grove. Oh, Walnut Grove.

What's the tally?

Resnick needs five to win. You need nine.

What about Somerset? Grady has 12 delegates.

Grady passed.

Well, he obviously wants to be the one to put the governor over the top.

With his 12 votes, it's in the bag.

Congratulations, sir. It's not official yet.

He's getting ready to vote.

Wait a minute. Why is he going to the podium? Turn it up, Pete.

Looks like Harper's going to introduce him.

Delegates, ladies and gentlemen of the press and honorable guests,

the chair recognizes a loyal party member, Senate Majority Leader, William

Grady, our next Lieutenant Governor.

Lieutenant Governor Grady? What's going on?

Mr. Chairman.

The delegation from Somerset proudly cast its 12 votes for the nominee of

party, the man of the hour, and the governor for the next four years,

Bud Recknick!

Next on, Benson.

I've been looking for everybody. I have wonderful news.

We're going to get back to work? Yes, at the lumber mill.

Great, we can cut the budget with an axe.

You didn't hear any crickets?

You get used to all sorts of wild creatures around here.

Good morning!

For all the ranger station, it's Bigfoot.

If you really want to be governor again, run as an independent.