Original subtitles

Good morning.

I've got to stop coming here for coffee.

I have just been nominated for president of my bowling league.

Good. Just so they don't make you commander -in -chief of their army.

I must go and plant my campaign.

Oh, Clinton, I almost forgot. I have the entry forms for this year's charity

golf tournament.

Oh, you guys are going to be partners again, huh?

Of course.

You don't break up a winning combination.

Yeah, actually, sir, we didn't win. Wilfred Baker and his partner won.

But you two came in second. And we're a cinch to win this year. Wilfred lost his

partner on the course. It was a stroke.

They charged him a stroke for losing his partner?

He died, Benson.

Oh.

Sounds like a rough tournament.

Anyway, Wilfred's out of the running, and with a little work, Clayton and I

a real shot at the trophy.

Sir, I really don't know about this year. Oh, don't be silly. Listen, I

out what was wrong with your putting.

I'll free up some time and help you with it.

My... Putting.

We would have won that tournament if he hadn't choked. Well, you know the

governor. Never play golf with someone who learned as a caddy.

What's wrong with that?

Plenty of good golfers learned as caddies. Lee Trevino, Lee Elder, me,

Are you grouping yourself with professional golfers?

Well, I... Professional caddies, I could understand.

You are familiar with the golf term, four?

Yes, certainly. It means, look out, you're in danger of being hit.

Four!

Did you hear what I said to Senator Chapman? Yes, sir.

I really got him.

Yes, sir, I heard it.

Did you hear what he said to me?

Yes, sir, I heard it when he said it, and I heard it when you repeated it.

Well, perhaps you could get a transcript of it, sir.

Oh, I know I'm gloating, but it's so nice to win once in a while.

Of course it is, sir.

Oh, Clayton, just a minute. I want you to sign the entry form for the golf

tournament. Ah, well, uh... Sir, before we make that official, are you sure you

want me to be your partner?

Well, of course. You're the best golfer in the capital, except for Wilfred

Baker. Well, that's true, sir. I just assumed you were aware of how...

some people feel when the governor chooses the same partner every year.

You mean there are people who resent that?

Deeply, sir.

Well, it's just a golf tournament.

And listen, with Wilfred out of the running, you and I have a real chance to

win.

You're right, sir. Let's go for it. Let's win that trophy.

Who cares what people think?

No, I care.

I thought you might.

All right, Clayton.

Maybe we'd better split up. I hope it isn't too late for you to get a good

partner. Oh, I'm a big boy, sir. I'll manage.

Come in.

Governor, I have the figures on that water project for you.

Benson, I have decided to enter the golf tournament without Clayton this year.

Oh, really?

When did you make that decision?

Just now.

Well, Clayton, I guess that means you'll have to find a new partner.

Well, I don't want you to worry about me, sir. I'm sure I'll find someone if I

just scout around.

Why don't you scout around your office? That's where Wilford Baker is waiting.

Wilford Baker?

Yes, sir. He said something about needing Clayton's signature on the entry

for the tournament. Today's the deadline, you know.

You and Wilford Baker?

Behind my back?

You dunked me!

It was only a golf tournament. No, I didn't. Well, you made me say it to suit

your own evil purposes.

Well, I certainly didn't expect this sort of response.

If you're having problems, sir, perhaps we should iron them out.

Clayton, I'd use a three iron.

I think you'd better leave, Clayton. You wouldn't want to keep Wilfred waiting.

Very well, sir.

I'm sorry you feel this way.

Despite your attitude, I wish you the best of luck in the tournament, sir.

God, that makes me angry.

Angry enough to want to beat him?

Oh, Benson, forget it. I mean, today's the deadline. Where am I going to find a

partner? Well, I play a little golf. Oh, I need a really good partner.

Well, actually, I shoot a pretty fair game.

Well, somebody that really understands the game. I understand the game. I've

been playing since I was a kid. Somebody that won't crack under pressure. Are

you listening? I won't crack.

I'll be your partner.

Last year, you wouldn't even play at all. You said you hated tournaments.

Well, that's because of what they do to people's personalities.

Last tournament I played in, a guy tried to stuff his opponent into a golf bag.

Oh, there's no excuse for behavior like that. Yes, there was, too. I caught him

cheating on his score.

And that's why I don't play in those tournaments anymore. But in Clayton's

I'd like to make an exception.

I'd like to experience the thrill of victory that sends him to the agony of

defeat.

So what do you say, partners?

Oh, I don't know, Benson. What do you shoot?

High 80s?

Signed here.

I'm in.

Governor, here's that press release on the golf tournament. You want to check

out? Pete, there's been a change. I won't be teamed with Clayton this year.

going to be the governor's new partner.

You play golf? What are you talking about?

Some of the best golfers in the country are... What'd you direct?

Benson shoots in the high 80s. No kidding.

Hey, Benson, we should play sometime.

I shoot the low 80s. Oh, really?

There's been another change.

Benson, don't take it so hard.

It's only a golf tournament.

Gee, this is fun. It reminds me of the time I was elected captain of the

cheerleading squad.

You were?

Boy, I'd love to be a cheerleader.

All you have to do is learn the cheers.

Girls, girls, you're not stuffing.

What kind of cheers?

Oh, well, my favorite was that -a -way, that -a -way, get -em, piss -cat -a

-way. Get -em who?

Piss -cat -a -way. That's where I went to high school.

Piss -cat -a -way.

I'll never learn English, just when I thought I was getting the hang of it.

a great one who's got the ball they got the ball who wants the ball we want the

ball what keeps the cows in defense what keeps the cows in defense take it away

piss get away a

simple

hello benson would have sufficed

plan to win this election, Benson. In that case, Grouchy, you should be

ballot boxes.

Here, take a flyer. The only reason you don't want to bet on the tournament is

because you know the governor and I will beat you. Peter, the only reason I

don't want to wager with you is because I know I could never collect. Good

night, all.

He knows he's going to lose.

Hey, Benson, I'm really sorry the governor dumped you like that.

The governor dumped Benson?

Just from the golf tournament. He's still budget director.

He didn't dump me.

Sure he did.

Clayton dumped him, and then he asked you to be his partner because you shoot

the high 80s. And then I came in and I said, well, I shoot in the low 80s. I

remember, Pete, as a matter of fact. I remember very well. He didn't dump me.

just turned down my offer. Good night.

He dumped him.

What was that all about?

old charity's golf tournament and make things crazy around here. When it comes

to their games, men behave very funny.

You're telling me.

Tommy Webster fasted for three days to get ready for the marble shooting

Did he win? No, he passed out.

It's hard to believe they don't outgrow that stage.

Are you kidding?

When they get too old to play, they start yelling at the TV.

Come on, Gretchen. Nobody takes the game that seriously.

Hi, Katie. Hello, Denise.

Miss Krause, would you put those in the freezer for me? I'll get them back for

me tomorrow.

Sure, Governor. What is it?

Golf balls.

They say you can hit them farther if you freeze them.

Come

in.

Hudson, do you have a moment to discuss something that's rather important?

Sure, Governor.

Have a seat. Thank you.

I need your advice.

All right, what's the problem?

Pete's putting.

Johnson, I think he's losing his grip.

On the club or on reality?

Let's hope we have a real chance to beat Clayton if we can just improve Pete's

putting. We?

Yeah, oh, come on now. You're not still upset that I dumped you.

You didn't dump me.

Well, whatever.

Besides, I thought you wanted to teach Clayton a lesson. I did, but that was

before you... Before.

Ah. Governor, I'm glad I found you. Excuse me, Benson. Sir, I have to talk

you about that tournament.

Sir, I was wrong to place the championship ahead of our friendship.

Yes, you were.

Excuse me.

Sir, I have spoken to Wilfred Baker, and I will not be his partner this year.

Does that mean you want to be my partner this year?

Well, sir, I think it's the only sporting thing to do. When did my office

the pro shop?

Well, bachelor, it takes a big man to admit that he's wrong.

Thank you, sir.

So, what are you saying?

Partner.

Hey, governor.

All set for the big golf tournament tomorrow?

Ah, well, uh,

uh, Clayton and I were just discussing that, uh... What did you say you shoot,

Pete? Low 80s.

Guess I'll have to get lockers installed in here.

Gee, uh, Clayton, it's too bad you're out of the running.

Out of the running?

Oh, you didn't tell him?

Tell me what?

Wilford Baker broke his arm last night.

Clayton!

I didn't want to upset you, sir.

I know how close you are to Wilford.

You know how close you are to unemployment?

Clayton, I'm angry.

I don't just want to win this tournament. I want to beat you.

You understand that?

Sir, I don't have a partner.

Get one!

Sir, with Clayton out of the running, the game is practically in the bag.

If you fellas don't mind, I'm going to play through.

A better way. You can't let me let him get away with this.

I can't find a viable partner by tomorrow. It would be a hollow victory

Sure, the trophy wouldn't actually say hollow victory.

There wouldn't be a hollow victory, not if Clayton can find a partner.

I already told you I can't find a partner.

Benson will be your partner.

Me? Yes, you.

And we are going to clobber you guys.

You are going to clobber me?

Hey, did you mention now you don't have to live with that feeling of being

dumped?

I've never been dumped, and I'm not about to be clobbered. Governor, I'm

to make you wish you never picked up a club. Oh, yeah?

Yeah!

All right, Clayton, you've got yourself a partner, and you can just forget about

that tip I was going to give you on your rotten putty.

Rotten putty!

Clobbered! Dumped!

Pete, maybe I'd better drive.

Why? I missed the chicken. Yeah, but not by far.

It wasn't mine.

What was the dumb chicken doing running across the fairway? I expect it was

trying to get to the other side.

Okay. We'll go first.

And you can't just call first.

I just did. Well, you can.

Can we settle this like adults? Yeah.

Fifties.

Eagle Claws.

You could have told me I would go first.

You're going to need a lot more than Eagle Claws to win this match, Peter.

Go get them, partner.

It's just a little thing I do for good luck.

The start of every game? Every shot.

Would you please hurry up? Relax, Clayton. A little golf etiquette.

Come on, man! Oh,

Pete, that's a beautiful shot.

It's hard to tell until it lands.

Pete, that was an incredible shot.

Well, obviously the wind got behind it.

Thank you, babe.

That shot must have gone 220 yards.

Oh, so what?

Okay, shut it down now, boys.

It's your pot.

Oh, mine's a gimme.

Peter, this is a tournament. There are no gimmies.

Fine, I'll just strap it in.

That's par for me.

Why does he have to be so annoying?

Because that's par for him, too.

Well, Clayton, if I think this pot of mine, it will be six strokes up going

the 11. I know the score.

Yes, but I love to watch your face whenever you hear it.

I already apologized.

Clayton, will you stop whining? I'm trying to line up this puck, man.

In the general direction of the hole, I hope. A little dissension, huh?

Be still, my heart.

Wonderful.

Fabulous shot, Benson. Fabulous. How would you like me to place this ball

somewhere on your person where they'll never find it?

All right, guys, hold it up here. I'm trying to putt. Sure, now take your time

and don't let them bother you. You've sunk a lot tougher ones than this.

There's only eight holes left.

You think this baby will be seven strokes up? There's no way they can

Right, right. Oh, okay.

Whenever you're ready.

Anybody want to put any money on this?

Yes, yes, yes.

He choked.

All right, he choked.

I did not choke.

election turned out. Denise, you are looking at the Capital City Bowling

League's first ever German -born woman presidential runner -up. Oh, that's

wonderful. Oh, I'm sorry.

That's okay, Denise. Politics is a tough town.

So who's the new president?

Beer Belly Parker.

I baked these cookies for his victory party.

Gretchen, you really are a good sport.

I'm not that good a sport.

Well, we're all evened up.

Yep. We'd be ahead if you hadn't hit that shot into the lake.

What about you and the sand trap?

Well, at least you can play out of a sand trap. You can't play out of a lake.

Pete, you took three strokes to get out of the sand trap. It only cost me one

stroke to get out of the lake.

So what are you saying? I'm saying if you're going to hit the ball into the

trap, you might as well go ahead and hit it under the lake.

Well, we are in great shape, Benson.

Yeah, looks like they're falling apart.

We're not falling apart.

We've still got this hole to beat, you guys, and you guys are going to blow it.

Benson, Benson, don't let him get to you, babe. This is the 18th hole.

Sweetheart, just give us one of those patented Benson drives. You can do it,

buddy. You can do it, babe.

Clayton, get away from me.

That's a stroke.

What's a stroke?

Benson knocked the ball off the tee.

That is not a stroke. I hit it with my club.

Well, that's the definition of a stroke.

It was an accident.

You think I hit the ball in the lake on purpose?

It was a stroke. I am marking it down. Yep. All right, all right, all right.

He'll take the stroke. I'm not taking the stroke. It was your fault. You take

the stroke. Hey, Benson, now who's falling apart?

You know, I'd like to remind you guys of two things.

I'm a little cranky, and I'm carrying a club.

Hey, how about that for a strong finish, huh?

Four straight pars.

That doesn't do it any good. We're still tied.

Okay, third. Now, it's down to you and Clayton. He's got a one -foot putt.

You've got a two -foot putt. You make it, he misses. We win. You make it, he

makes it. We tie. You miss it, he makes it. We lose.

Pete.

You talk. He listens. We wait. We wait. It gets late. I get mad. I get mad. It's

your fault. You lose.

All right, fellas. Now, if nobody minds, I'm going to... Of course, sir.

Absolutely. You go right ahead.

Good luck.

Clayton, that's cheating.

Why didn't you just tie a string and...

cheating. It is, however, extremely poor sportsmanship.

Oh, well, if you feel that way about it, take it over.

Oh, I couldn't do that. That would be cheating.

Ah, well, don't say I didn't give you the chance.

This game has gotten completely out of hand.

All right, now if everyone will just be quiet, I will think the winning part.

Good luck!

Too soon.

Just this little one -footer and I go home with the gold.

Yeah!

Good shot, Clayton. Must have been 200 yards.

You're taking my putt again.

Oh, no, you're not.

Supper? That's cheating.

Oh, like when you kicked Pete's ball into the woods? Clayton, you did that?

Well, you told me a squirrel carried it off into the woods.

Even I wouldn't believe that one.

Now I don't feel so bad about swiping Vincent's ball on the seventh.

Well, that cost me two strokes.

Well, here, you can have it back.

Suppose you're the one who mashed my ball into the sand trap on the 11th. No,

that was me, but I didn't mean it. But you didn't tell me. No, because you

wanted to win the tournament, and that's why you dumped me.

Aha!

Don't you point your putter at me.

All right, all right.

Sir, sir, there's a crowd watching from the clubhouse.

I don't know about you guys, but I feel pretty disgusted with myself.

The whole point of this game was to come out here and have some fun. If you want

my opinion, after the way we've behaved, none of us deserve to win this

tournament. Benson's right.

Well, are we going to finish this hole?

Look, we're in a tie now. Why don't we just leave it the way it is? That's a

good idea.

Shall we make it unanimous, fellas?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I think it might be worthwhile if we take this opportunity to reaffirm our

faith in each other. What do you mean, sir? One for all and all for one.

One for all.

That's what's wrong with your putting. What are

you

reading, Krauss?

A very interesting article.

Beauty is where you find it.

I hope you're going to send away for the map.

I should cover my face with oatmeal.

It's good for the complexion. And you get breakfast in bed, too.

You know, Krauss, if you're really interested in improving your appearance,

know something that works a lot better than oatmeal.

Oh, yeah? What?

Potatoes.

You want me to cover my face with potatoes? Oh, no.

You see, what you do is you get a ten -pound bag of potatoes. Yeah. Then you

throw away the potatoes.

Yeah. And then you take the bag and...