Original subtitles

Front desk?

This is Cabana 9.

Would you get my bill ready?

I want to leave first thing in the morning.

Yeah, I know I'm leaving a day early, but I've run into a personal problem.

Hi, Benson.

And here it is now.

Why did you leave the party? We were just starting to limbo.

No, I ain't limbo enough to limbo.

Besides, that steel drum band was beginning to loosen my inlays.

I know.

When you've heard one steel band, you have heard them all.

You've heard one steel band, you can't hear anything.

Benson!

Benson, you're not leaving.

I am? Well, why am I pecking?

You're trying to get away from me. Oh, Casey, why would I do that?

Well, have I been coming on too strong? Yeah, too strong, Casey.

You haven't let me alone all week.

Every time I come out of the pool, you want to dry me off without a towel.

What you tried to do to me in the glass bottom boat scared away the fish.

Every time I'm having a drink with a nice normal girl, you come by and drop

room key in my rum swizzle. Why don't you go back to what's -his -name?

Harold? No, the shark guy.

Oh, Gary.

No, the shark guy with the T -shirt that said Olympic Necking Team.

Judge Thatcher.

Oh, he had to go back to Washington.

Come on, Benson, stay a little while longer.

No.

I'm not a girl that takes no for an answer.

You're not a girl who can give no for an answer.

Well, can I help it if I'm hung up on you? That's not my fault. I haven't done

anything to encourage you.

Well, sure you have. You've ignored me. And you know how that turns me on. Come

on, Benson, stay.

If money's a problem, I'll pick up the tab.

Casey, you pick up anything.

All right, then leave. I'll just have to fly back with you.

Casey, you're not coming with me. You're just like my second husband. He never

said what he meant either.

Well, we better say goodnight. I have to go up and pack.

Casey?

See you on the plane.

You better bring a parachute.

Oh, the separation agreement says I have to pay your living expenses, but it

doesn't say I have to support your freeloading brother.

What do you mean? He has an office job lined up as what, a paperweight?

Hello?

She's very sensitive for a girl with thick ankles.

Hey, put that back!

How did you know? I heard your mouth open.

I've never been to a religious conference before. What should I wear?

A Joan of Arc wore armor.

Forget about your wardrobe, Governor. For the next three days, this mansion is

going to be crawling with clergy, and Marcy hasn't even given me a list of

names. Clayton.

Marcy, we are talking about the most eminent religious leaders in our state.

Now, what do you suggest I say when I meet them? Hi, guys.

Oh, I wouldn't, Clayton. One of them is a woman.

I put the list on your desk.

Well, why didn't you say so?

Because you wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise.

Here's your coffee.

Did you put anything in it?

Nothing you can trace.

Hi, everybody.

Staff meeting at three o 'clock, Benson. Call your plumber. He won't fix a hot

water heater until you approve the estimate.

Oh, yes, I had a wonderful vacation. Thank you very much for asking.

Isn't the clergy have to be picked up at the airport and Rabbi Weiss sleeps at

the board under his bed? The island was terrific.

Palm trees and everything.

Benson, you have to assign all... the guest rooms to the clergy.

Fortunately, the tidal wave put a damper on the revolution.

There's a lot to do. Where would you like to begin?

I'd like to begin by putting my bag down.

Oh, Benson, I'm sorry.

We are delighted you're back. Well, of course we are. Things have been so

around here. You look wonderful. You really do.

Thank you very much, Governor. I feel great, too. You know, if you want to go

a vacation...

Katie, how are you? Did you have a good time?

How's the water? Did you step on any sea urchins?

That's a yes, a cold, a no, and a maybe. What's the maybe? What was your next

question gonna be?

Did you bring me anything?

Ah, there you go.

Maybe there's something on the back seat of my car.

Thank you, Benson.

I missed you.

I missed you.

I'll get it for you.

Hello? Oh, yeah, just a second. Benson, it's for you.

Just a minute, please.

A lady.

A lady?

Watch it doesn't melt your ear. All right.

Yeah. Hello there. Yeah.

Oh, hello, Casey.

It was Marcy.

Marcy Hill.

She works here.

No, I wasn't trying to lose you at the airport.

I was looking for my bag.

Would you all go on with your lives without me for a moment?

Hello, Casey. Listen, I've got to go. I don't have time.

No, I'm not coming over to your hotel. You wouldn't dare come over here.

Casey, don't you dare come over here. Hello?

A friend of mine might drop by.

If she does, don't let her in.

some hot stuff from the Capitol for the go.

I bet you thought I was trying to sneak past you. That's a laugh.

Oh, Benson, why am I the only courier who has to drop his pouch here in the

kitchen? Because you're the only courier trying to sell jokes to the governor.

I've got some topical ones. They'll kill the holy men.

That's what I'm afraid of.

Come on, Benson. Do you know why a priest crosses himself?

To get to the other side.

I went for each denomination, except Lutheran. You know, I never met a funny

Lutheran. I never met a funny courier.

Did you hear about the rabbi who bought himself a ranch, called it the bar

mitzvah?

Too Jewish?

Too Western. Too friendly.

Hi.

Morning, Benson. Morning.

Look, everybody, what just arrived. They are long -stemmed roses.

Every time I had a fight with my ex -wife, I'd send her roses.

To make up? No, she's allergic to them.

Well, Benson, aren't you going to open them? But they are not for me, Marcy.

Oh?

They are not for you either.

They are for you, Benson.

What?

Will you want me to read the card?

Why, is it in German?

To that night in the glass bottom bought 10 ,000 kisses, Casey.

Hey, Betsy, va -va -voom.

Send them back. I will not. A woman follows you 2 ,000 miles and then sends

flowers. What did you promise her?

I didn't promise her anything.

I met her at the pool. We had a few drinks. I took her to dinner. She

to a party with some of her ritzy friends, and I wasn't having a good

left. And that was that.

As far as I'm concerned, you're playing it just right.

You keep denying everything.

Then I hope you're proud of yourself breaking that woman's heart.

I didn't break her heart. I just told her I didn't want anything more to do

it. That's letting her down easy.

A man once told me he didn't want anything to do with me.

Oh, Gretchen, that must have been very painful.

Yeah, it was my accordion teacher.

Aren't you going to answer that?

Nope.

Why not?

Probably a wrong number.

I bet he's afraid it's Casey.

Are you kidding?

Who you want to speak?

Hello?

Goodbye.

My father was a very good Christian.

Oh, it wasn't a matter of religious preference, Rabbi. It's just that when

was born, he found himself surrounded by Christians.

I guess he figured, hey, they got me outnumbered. I might as well join them.

Perhaps I should explain, Rabbi. Don't bother.

I know what you're saying.

If your father had been a Jew, he would have been a good Jew.

Exactly. And you wouldn't be governor of the state.

That reminds me of a very amusing story.

I hope it's not the one about the priest, the rabbi, and the camel.

The priest, the rabbi, and the camel.

Governor.

Oh, well, maybe when we know each other a little better.

Perhaps over lunch it seems to be ready, shall we? Hope everybody's hungry. I'm

starved.

You know, I had a fraternity brother once who almost became a minister.

What stopped him?

Prison.

What a stirring sight. An ecumenical chow line.

You have to eat, Clayton. They're human beings just like me and... Forget it.

The thing that frosts me is none of them pay any property taxes.

Vincent, you have a...

Do they make you nervous?

Everything I've done wrong since the age of three is rushing through my mind.

Anyway, you have a visitor. Your beach buddy is here, Cassandra Turner.

She's here? In the house?

Cassandra's here?

I beg your pardon, your clergy -dom.

She's waiting in my office.

How'd she get in?

She told the guard she was a nun.

And he believed her?

Would a nun lie?

So, will you be out in a minute? No, but she will call security.

Vincent, she just wants to talk.

You don't know her.

Well, of course I don't know her. I just met her, but she's very sweet and she's

awfully attractive.

Yeah, on the first date.

Well, I think you're making a mistake, but this isn't my affair.

And it's not mine either.

If you want me to butt out, just say so.

Butt out.

But she said if you wouldn't come out and talk to her, she wanted me to bring

her in here to talk to you. You do it, I'll kill you.

I said came to eat.

Fifth Commandment. One of my favorites.

He's right behind me. I knew he would be. Casey, what are you doing here? I

couldn't resist your invitation.

I told you not to come over here. I read between the lines.

I missed you, Benson.

Uh -huh. Uh -huh.

Is that all you have to say to me? I'd like to say more, but there's a house

full of clergy here. You're playing hard to get.

Should you rather be alone?

Makes no difference to me. I don't care. Who knows how I feel about this man?

Oh, good. Then I'll stay.

Perhaps not.

Benson?

Okay, I can take a hint.

Casey, do us both a favor and go back to the island. Well, I'm bored, and I

can't resist a challenge.

It's been a long time since a man said no to me.

Don't do that!

Benson, I have a proposition for you.

Another one?

Well, this is a business proposition.

A friend of mine owns a three -paradise hotel, and he'd like for you to go back

down there and run the place for him.

Oh, when did he say that?

Well, he hasn't yet, but he will.

I'm very happy where I am.

Oh, come on, Vincent. Say yes.

If you like the hotel, I'll buy it for you.

Will you buy me Park Place in Woodwalk, too?

I'm serious.

You're delirious. Where do you get that kind of money?

I earned it fair and square.

Three husbands.

Well, spare me the details and say goodbye.

Casey. Now, who's chasing who?

Listen, this is ridiculous.

Casey, stop!

Okay, you win.

I'm yours.

It's quite all right, Father. This girl sprained her ankle. Did you, Casey? No,

my ankle's fine.

Well, it's a miracle.

I've heard of them.

Forgive me for interrupting you, but I'm lost.

Could you tell me what Dr. Jimmy Slocum is giving his lecture, the one called

Television, the 13th Apostle?

Oh, yeah, right this way, Father.

You go right down this corridor.

Uh -huh. Thank you.

Now, where were we? Well, we weren't here, but you're going to be someplace

real soon.

Security, there's a Code 3 situation in the governor's office.

Security? You're throwing me out? Oh, no, no, no, no.

going to throw you out? You better call them back. I tried to be polite, but

you... No, you're making a big mistake, mister.

You're the one who's making the mistake.

Barging into the governor's mansion in the middle of a religious conference,

showing no respect for me or my colleagues. Benson, they're small

Really? Well, here come two big potatoes.

This lady will be leaving.

Nobody throws me out. Nobody.

You're making a big mistake, Benson. You're going to be sorry for this. I'm

warning you, you're going to be sorry for this.

Now you did it.

Well, Benson, how much longer are you going to dawdle over that menu?

Well, actually, Krause, I was going to have roast beef for Friday night, but

Father Patton won't eat it, even though the Pope says it's okay.

Reverend Achmed refused to eat anything with a cloven hoof.

And Mahatma's refusing all food. He's fasting until they take the train tracks

out of his country.

Well, I'm sure they will all enjoy these.

What are they? Hot cross buns.

They should go over well with Rabbi Weiss.

That's a surprise. Look who's here.

Hey, it's Governor Gatlin.

No, but beside me.

What's funny, she was right behind me just a minute ago.

She? Huh? You said she.

Oh, I did?

Oh, darn.

Well, that's a laugh hint you'll get from me.

Benson, be patient. I'm sure she'll be along in just a minute. Who is it, sir?

You'll never guess. Then tell me. It's a surprise.

So was Pearl Harbor.

I know.

Sir. I'm sorry, but I promised your cousin I wouldn't tell.

My cousin?

I did it again. I said cousin.

Well, she was looking for you down at the Capitol building, so I offered to

her a ride back. She wanted to surprise you.

My cousin?

Forty short and plain?

No, thirty tall and fancy.

That's Casey. Where is she?

I don't know.

I'd love to help you look for her, Benson, but I'm afraid the closing

takes priority over a family reunion.

Oh, so she's not related. She just wants to be.

Never knew anybody who wanted to become somebody's cousin.

Benson. Benson, I got it. Frankie, out.

Couldn't you at least listen? You think it's easy coming up with Lutheran jokes?

There's a priest, a Lutheran, and a camel.

That's a rabbi, Frankie. Good try.

And why would a priest and a Lutheran ride a rabbi across the...

Have you seen Casey?

Is he here?

That's what I'm asking you.

Well, how would I know if I haven't seen her? Have you?

No. Well, then what are we talking about?

Forgive me.

How can I forget it if I don't know what it was?

Looking for me?

Hi.

Out.

Is that any way to talk to your cousin?

Casey, I don't need this.

What are you doing here?

Well, I decided the only thing keeping you from taking that position at the

Paradise Hotel is your job here. So I'm going to do you a favor and get you

fired. Oh, yeah? And how are you going to do that? I don't know. Put you in

sort of compromising position, I suppose.

For instance, what if the governor were to come in here right now and find me in

here with my shoes off?

He wouldn't care. He's seen feet before. He's got two of his own.

Yes, but what if he were to find my jacket thrown to the floor and wild

abandoned? Okay, that's enough.

And why did you ruthlessly rip off my belt?

Of course, I guess you could try to explain, but who would believe you? I

you look guilty already.

Vincent, they're on their way in here for the closing prayer. Casey, what are

you doing here?

Can't you see?

Vincent is taking advantage of me. And in a minute, I'm going to scream.

I may beat you to it.

Marcy, see if you can stall him. Well, what'll I do?

I don't know. Start a bingo game.

It's too late. They're on their way in here. What do I do? Oh, the closet.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. In the closet? Get in there! You can still kiss this job.

Goodbye.

Ben's in the shoe.

How lovely to see you again. Dear Lord!

In your infinite wisdom, grant me the strength to gather up these threads of

imprudence that have been cast upon me.

Good afternoon, Father.

Benson, do you always pray this way? Oh, no, Father, just when I'm at work. For

it is written, work and prayer springeth from the same bush.

Springeth from the same bush.

How could I have missed that one?

Is there something behind your back?

This must be a dust cloth. One of the maids dropped it.

See that?

It worked. It's a dust cloth, all right.

Ladies and gentlemen, and lady.

Oh, Benson, did you find your cousin? Oh, she's around here somewhere, sir.

I'd like to suggest that Rabbi White lead the closing prayer.

He deserves the honor.

If we all got what we deserve, Yasser Arafat would be a busboy at the fountain

glue.

Why don't you lead the closing prayer, Father Patton? Why don't we compromise

and have a layman do it?

When I came into the room, I found this man praying.

Benson? Oh, he caught me at it, sir. It won't happen again.

I don't apologize. No, I'm delighted. I only hope the rest of the staff will

follow your example in the future.

And now we will all bow our heads.

Dear Lord.

Oh, it's all right, Marcy. Benson doesn't need any prompting.

Oh, you know, I have a great idea.

Why don't we take this out on the lawn where God can see us? Great idea.

Don't worry. God sees everything.

He may not like it, but he sees it.

Joseph, why don't you step to the center of the room and begin to pray? Oh, no,

Father. I can pray just fine right here.

With your back to the wall?

That's the best time to pray.

was a kid, you know, I was always late for service and the church was always

crowded. The good old days.

So I always had to stand way in the back up against the inquirer loft door. And

that's the only way I can pray now.

By all means, stay where you are. Yes. And everybody else better do the same

thing.

Dear bountiful Lord, we humbly beseech thee to clothe the naked as soon as

possible.

To cover them in a cloak of respectability, for they are bearing

should, as everybody knows, or soon will.

Amen.

Amen.

Oh, thank you, Benson.

That was very touching, moving, and confusing.

Sir, I think it's time for everyone to go to the patio for the group

Patio? I thought we'd take it in here. No, we can't take it here. Why not?

Tell him, Benson.

Because this room is rectangular and the patio is circular, and therefore when

it comes to posing the clergy, the first shall be last and the last shall be

first. Good thinking, Benson.

That was even more confusing than his prayer.

Well, you better hurry.

Oh, yes.

Before we say goodbye, I think we should all go to the patio for the group

photograph.

Naturally, anyone whose belief forbids photography is excused.

What are you going to do?

Board it up. Good luck.

You helped Daniel when he was in the lion's den.

I hope you don't play favorites.

You're dressed.

Disappointed?

pleasantly surprised. Oh, I got a lot of surprises for you. We've got to talk

about that. Sit down, Casey.

First off, let me say that I am extremely glad I met you. Oh, that's

encouraging. This whole experience has been very good for me. I learned a lot

from it. Oh, tell me more.

Well, I learned what I like in a relationship with a woman.

I learned that I like to pay for dinner, I like to send the flowers, and I like

to buy my own hotels.

Sounds like I did everything wrong.

Oh, no, not wrong for you, but wrong for me. You see, Casey, for any other guy,

you'd be the catch of the day.

Well, let me rephrase that. You'd be a great catch for any guy any day. You're

beautiful, you're intelligent, you're great fun to be with in certain circles.

I'm just too square for those circles. But I know that.

Give me time. I'll change you.

Oh, I don't want to change me. I like my life. I finally got it down to where it

works.

Well, I'm glad for you, Benzie.

You deserve whatever little niche.

You can carve up for yourself.

As for me, I've got to get to the airport. Where are you going?

Wherever planes fly.

Well, good luck. Good hunting.

Thank you.

I know when I've had outside help.

you're up there listening because I'd hate to think I was standing here

to the ceiling.

I don't believe it.

What's the matter, Krauss? There are three towels missing from the front

room. Really?

Isn't that where the Mahatma was staying?

Now, why would he take three towels?

Maybe he thought they were hats.

In spite of all the confusion, I enjoyed the conference. I heard some great

jokes. Did you hear the one about the priest, the rabbi, and the Shetland

I thought it was the Lutheran.

Why would anyone want to ride a Lutheran across the desert?

Get to the other side.