Original subtitles

Oh, my goodness.

Look at this.

Oh, Benson, this is a mansion.

Yeah, that's why they don't call it the Governor's Hut.

Look, I'll go get the rest of your luggage as soon as I get some feeling

my arms.

What's with all this luggage anyway? You're only staying overnight.

Well, it's for the banquet tonight.

Well, by the time you unpack, it'll be over.

I just couldn't decide what to bring.

So you brought everything?

Yes. Jessica!

Oh, Gene.

You look just the same. How long has it been? And you look just the same,

too. Only better.

So good, in fact, I wouldn't have recognized you if you didn't look just

same.

Well, even if you didn't look just the same, I would have assumed it is you,

because, I mean, you are here, and you did know who I was.

I'm glad we saw this.

I can't thank you enough for filling in like this. The fact is, the lady I've

been seeing usually attends these functions with me, but she had to beg

the last minute.

Oh, was she suddenly taken ill?

No, she got married in Rio this morning.

But you just love the Baron. What Baron?

Our guest of honor is the Baron Jacques Darvenaux. The guest of honor is the

Baron? What'll I wear?

I'll go get the rest of your luggage. You'll find something.

A real Baron. The Baron's been a guest here at the mansion.

He's thinking of opening a winery here.

Well, Jean, I certainly think you have the room for it.

I'm not here, Jessica. Here in the state.

Excuse me, Governor. The Lieutenant Governor is in your office.

Oh, well, tell him I'll be there in just a minute.

Mrs. Tate, I'm Marcy Hill. Yes, I know. The governor's executive secretary.

Yes, I know. You do?

Yes. Benson has written and told me everything about all of you. All good, I

hope. Mostly.

You must be Taylor.

That is correct.

And may I say, it is not only an honor, but an extreme privilege to make your

acquaintance. Thank you.

I see what you mean.

Why don't you just start the meeting without me?

I always do.

You must be awfully proud of your cousin. I am.

The whole family is.

Here you are, Governor.

And none of us thought you would amount to anything.

There's still time.

Even in school, in chemistry class, Gene was voted the student most likely to

dissolve.

I'd better get to my meeting. I'll see you later.

Yes.

Tell me all about this baron. Well, there isn't much to tell. The man's 87

old. 87 years old and he's still a baron?

You'd think he'd be king by now.

Hi, Vincent.

Hi, Sugar.

I don't believe it. Is this... It is.

It can't be.

It can.

I don't believe it. You better.

Are you Katie?

I hope so.

This is your cousin Jessica, Katie.

Hello, darling.

Oh, my goodness. Do you know, I haven't seen you since you were six months old.

Seems like only yesterday.

But, of course, it couldn't be just yesterday because you've grown up so

I mean, not that I didn't expect you to grow up, but, you see, it's always a

surprise to see someone that you can't pick up anymore because they've gotten

big. Is this a widow?

I don't think so.

Would you like to show me to my room?

Sure. Did the rest of the family come, too?

Thank you,

Miss Krause.

You're welcome, Mrs. Tate.

I think you're very sweet.

Thank you.

You're not at all like Benson said you were in his letters.

Just what did our little poison pen pal have? to say.

Oh, you know Benson.

Yeah, I'm afraid I do.

Good morning, Mrs. Tate. Good morning, Benson.

Did you have a good time last night?

Oh, wonderful.

And the night before, and the night before that.

I'm so glad the Baron talked me into staying a few extra days.

Benson, he's so thoughtful, so charming, and so cultured.

You should hear him speak French.

He is French.

Have you seen this morning's paper?

Oh, no, Benton. I never read the paper anymore. It's so depressing.

Well, this should cheer you up.

Baron Jacques Dogno's constant companion these nights is none other than

Governor Gatling's cousin, Mrs.

Jessica Tate.

Both are houseguests at the mansion, which makes things very convenient for

but the taxpayers putting the bill for their luxurious love nest.

Benson, he's just a sweet old man that just wants somebody to make a fuss over

him. He's not interested in me in that way.

I know that, Mrs. Tate, but this is a state capital. It runs on rumor and

gossip. But that's not fair. We're not doing anything.

Well, it's not what you and the Baron are doing that counts. It's what the

and the governor's opponents say you're doing.

Facts don't seem to matter in a political town.

Gene is far too intelligent to pay any attention to that twaddle.

Twaddle?

There's a lot more at stake here than poo and twaddle.

Nonsense. I'll bet you that Gene thinks this is very funny.

Jessica, where are you?

I think I hear him laughing now.

Jessica, if you must have a romantic interview, don't have it in this state.

Turn in on this house.

Oh, Jessica, your capriciousness is embarrassing my administration.

I hope you've changed, but now you're still doing things without thinking,

the same old messy Jessie.

And you are still the same old mean Jean.

No, no.

It is true. Do you know that he broke my red tricycle? I did no such thing.

You did, too.

All right. Ask her what happened to my catcher's mitt.

I don't want to know.

You lost it. I did not. You did, too.

Do you think me and Jane and Messy Jessie can say they're sorry and be

again?

I think Benson's trying to tell us we're being childish.

I was leaning more toward idiotic.

I'm sorry, Jessica.

I'm sorry, too, Gene.

Look, there's a simple way to put an end to all this gossip about the Baron.

I'll get him a suite at the Marquis Plaza.

No, the Baron's an official guest of the state. I can't move him to a hotel.

No, no, I think the best thing to do is I will move to the Marquis Plaza.

No, no.

I'll move to the Marquis Plaza.

You'll move to the Marquis Plaza?

That's very gracious, Governor, but it doesn't solve the problem.

I really think the best thing is for me to go. Fine, I'll reserve you a room.

And, Gene, I want you to know, in spite of all the gossip, I promised the Baron

that I would go to the opera with him tonight, and I cannot disappoint him.

I'll go and pack.

I'll get you a nice suite.

Thank you, Benson.

And I'll see to it that you get a new catcher's mitt.

Come in, come in. Get in, quick.

I came as fast as I could.

What's the problem?

Oh, Benson.

Why couldn't you talk on the phone?

Oh, Benson.

My God, you're white.

But I've always been white.

No, no, I mean pale.

What's the problem?

Oh, well, you know the Baron, and we were supposed to go to the opera this

evening. And he didn't show? Oh, no, no, he showed up.

And then he ordered champagne from room service.

I was in the other room, changing clothes.

I came out in my gown, and he said to me, Oh, you look so beautiful, très

charmant, très formidable.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, right, right. And then he took a step toward me, and

went... And he sort of died.

He sort of died?

Well, forget the sort of he died.

Oh, you sure?

Oh, yes. Yes, I'm positive.

And after he died, did he take a cab home?

Oh, no, no. He hasn't moved.

And where did he do this dying?

There. Where?

There.

I just didn't know what to do, Benson. I mean, this never

happened to me before.

Well, it never happened to him before either.

called you, because I figured you'd know what to do. Did you call the police?

No, I wanted you to be here when they came.

Thank you. That's one of my favorite things, standing next to the body when

police come.

So, Benson, what are we going to do?

We? Yes.

Well, I don't know, but when the Baron's found here, it's going to cause a

scandal that will embarrass you and the Governor and the Baron. Not that he

cares anymore.

So, what are you saying, Benson?

Well, I guess what I'm saying is we've got to find a way to get him out of here

and back to the mansion.

You mean move the Baron?

Well, he ain't gonna move himself.

Benson, what about respect for the dead?

Well, this is respect for the dead. We're preserving his good name and

a scandal.

So, what are we going to do?

A lot of people saw him come in here and they gotta see him go out.

I wish I could be of more help, Benson, but you see, I've never been involved in

a sudden death before.

I once saw my hamster pass away.

He was so busy running and squeaking, and then he just dropped into

the shredded paper.

His little wheel went around a couple of more times.

Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak. Woman!

I don't think you understand the seriousness of this situation.

Aaron was a hamster. I could put him in my pocket and we could all take the hell

out of you.

Oh, Benson, please hurry up. I'm so nervous.

Well, what do you think?

I think he looks much better.

All dressed up and no place to go.

Well, he was going to take me to the opera tonight.

Obviously, he changed his mind.

Will we please go?

Oh, Benson, wouldn't it be wonderful?

You know, if we never had to part company.

If we could be with our loved ones forever, just the way they were.

You know, sort of the way Roy Rogers stuffed Trigger.

Mrs. Tate. Of course, I realize it would create a storage problem for your

larger families.

Mrs. Tate, we've got our own problems here. We've got a dead body strapped to

luggage cart. We've got to get him out of this room, into the car, down an

elevator, 14 floors, through a crowded lobby, out the swinging doors, down...

the street and into my car without one person saying, hey, look at those two

fools wheeling that dead body.

It's hard to believe that he's gone.

He ain't gone yet.

Would you please get the door?

Okay, Baron, let's get rolling.

the street. Ah, there is no English word for that.

Baron, hello.

Bonjour. Say, I'm glad I caught you. I'm Don.

I'd like to speak to you about your Chateau Double No.

Can't you see the Baron doesn't want to be bothered now? Baron? The Baron can't

talk shop at the moment. Perhaps I can help you. Oh, Baron.

Are you associated with the Baron? Are you kidding? He doesn't make a move

without me.

deal about wine?

All three flavors, red, white, and pink.

Look, I'm quite serious about this. I'm thinking about buying a substantial

quantity of Chateau d 'Abonneau, shall we say, 300 cases.

Are you having a party?

I'm buying it as an investment, and I want some advice.

Hey!

What is it you'd like to know?

I'd like the Baron to recommend his best year.

Oh, last year.

Really? I thought the frost ruined the grapes. Oh, no, not at all. No, we put

little sweaters on them.

Pardon me, Baron.

I need a little hard of hearing.

Sir, I brought your call out front.

Oh, really?

Yes, to take you to the opera.

Oh, how lovely.

We probably should be going now.

Well, uh...

As a matter of fact, you see, the Baron and I have decided to walk to the opera.

Walk? Oh, yes.

You see, it's so good for his circulation.

It's ten miles to the opera house.

We know a shortcut.

Here you are. Thanks so much.

Excuse me.

Blessmanship, is there?

Last one to the door is a rotten egg.

Are you sure you're going to be all right?

Eventually. I can't tell you how it upset me to do this to the Baron.

I ain't too thrilled myself.

Why is it that people always assume that when a man and woman are together that

it's always this?

Wishful thinking.

I bet this happens a lot.

Why? This.

No, this is the first.

I bet you there are people in hotel rooms all over this country wheeling

bodies around like crazy.

You really ought to have someone to help. You know, like they have a valet

they have a bell captain. They could have somebody in charge. Mrs. Tate, I am

tired. You better get yourself out of here so I can get the Baron to bed.

I'm so sorry that the Baron died.

Me too, because he could have walked.

You take my car and get yourself back to the hotel.

I'm going to see if the coast is clear.

Benson, I don't know what I'd do without you. I wish you'd have done this

without me.

Good night, Benson. Good night, Mrs. Tate. Good night, Bear.

Well, look who's here.

I assume you have come to my kitchen to apologize.

Well, I have never been one to hold a grudge.

But it is hard for you to talk about it, yeah?

other day.

I am sorry for slapping you if you are sorry for, well, you know.

It just took me by surprise, that's all.

So, I tell you what, tomorrow morning I will make your favorite breakfast for

you, anything you like.

What do you say, Baron?

Are we still friends?

Forgive and forget?

Oh, you think you are too good for me, is that what it is?

a big shot.

I have been ignored by better men than you.

Ah, Krauss.

What are you doing here? Never mind, Benson.

The Baron and I were just having a little discussion.

What did he say?

Nothing.

Good.

Come on, Baron. Let's get you to bed.

You look dead on your feet.

Believe it. Poor man.

Yeah. And poor me.

I feel so guilty.

There's no reason you should, Miss Krause. But I said such terrible things

him last night.

Well, probably went in one ear and out the other.

You're just saying that to try and cheer me up.

Why would I want to do that?

Good point.

Thank you, Benson.

Good morning.

Good morning. How is everyone this morning?

Just fine, considering.

Have all the arrangements been made? The Baron's family will meet the plane.

I'm sure he's happy where he is.

At the airport?

Oh, Benson, I mean his spirit.

You see, I happen to believe that there is an afterlife.

Oh, of course there is. That's why we have Social Security.

Oh.

No, Jean, I mean even after that.

You see, we may all be thousands of years old. I happen to believe that we

back in other forms.

My luck, I'll come back as myself.

Benson, what do you think you'll be when you come back?

I don't know, but I ain't coming back without a Reese.

Daddy, it's almost time for Cousin Jessica's play.

Oh, are you ready?

Yes. Mrs. Tate, I'm really sorry to see you go. It was a pleasure meeting you. I

certainly wish you all the best.

I like you a lot.

Thank you, Marcy. I like you, too.

I'll have them bring the car around. Thank you.

around here all day, you're going to miss your plane.

All right.

We'd better go.

I'll be along in a minute.

All right.

Let's go.

Benson, now you know that it's hard enough for me to say goodbye to you at

But I mean, to say goodbye to you in an airport is absolutely impossible.

I mean, we'd hug and I'd cry and my mascara would run. And I'd think of a

thousand things to say. I'll probably miss the plane. Then we'll have to say

goodbye all over again.

Mrs. Tate.

You know, we've been through a lot together.

Mm -hmm.

But I think this just about tops it.

I certainly hope so.

You know, you are the most remarkable man I ever met.

Oh, come on. Oh, I mean, there is nothing you can't do.

Well, there is one thing I can't do.

What's that?

Stop missing you.

Goodbye, Vincent.

Goodbye, Jessica.

Hi, Katie.

Thank you.

Did you like the Baron?

Well, I didn't really know him that well.

Did you like the part you knew?

Yeah.

He seemed to really appreciate being alive.

Doesn't everyone?

Nope. Some people spend their lives complaining about what they haven't got

getting more than they need.

They never seem to enjoy what they have.

What do you have, Benson?

Oh, I got a pretty good job, my family.

A few friends, and you to fill in the dull spots.

Too bad for Darren when he died.

We're all born and we all die, Katie. It's what we do in between that counts.

Like being patient with kids bouncing the ball while you're trying to work.

Like working later and challenging that kid to a bike race. You're on till I get

a head start. Are you kidding? You're way ahead of me already.

Johnson is videotaped before a studio audience.