All language subtitles for All In Good Faith s02e06 Like Father Like Son

Back. Back, I say.

Philip.

Yes?

You heard me, Spalding.

You get back to your desk or I'll
excommunicate.

Philip, wake up.

No, Spalding, don't you?

What is it?

What is it? You're having a bad dream.

A dream?

Yeah.

into the Pope.

What? You were threatening to
excommunicate someone called Spalding.

Oh, yes, Spalding.

Oh, it comes back to me now. Oh, dear.

Was it that bad?

Oh, terrible.

I dreamt I was taking Class 4B in
Religious Instruction at Grimthorpe

Modern. You do take Class 4B in
Religious Instruction.

Yeah, I know, but in my dream the class
was going on forever. Ever.

I think Spalding was dismantling the
period bell.

Spalding's like that, is he? Oh, he's
awful, Emma.

Vicious, sly, shifty. He must have some
redeeming feature.

No, he's horrible.

If he's as bad as you say, what's going
to happen to him when he leaves school?

Why, in the right field, he might be
very successful.

Extortion, armed robbery.

Demolishing factory chimneys with his
head.

He's horrible.

Just go to sleep and put him out of your
mind.

Your mum and dad are arriving tomorrow.

Well, they're no trouble.

Normally, no, but your mum's a bit upset
about your dad.

What about?

Don't be too offended, but she holds you
partially responsible.

For what?

Well, you've been so enthusiastic about
the parish that your father wants to do

the same.

What? He's going to ask the bishop if he
can have a problem parish.

Really? Yes.

Good old dad.

Oh, no. No, don't encourage him, Philip.
You know how much energy it takes to

run a parish like this.

Well, it might rejuvenate him.

Your mother doesn't want him
rejuvenated. She's very happy with him

is. Look what a new challenge did for
me. I feel I could cope with anything

Even Spaulding? Oh, don't remind me.

Tomorrow afternoon, I have 40 minutes to
introduce him to the linguistic

implications of the Tower of Babel.

And I know exactly what he's going to
say.

What? Isn't that a phallic symbol, sir?

He's horrible.

Oh, where is it?

Here it is.

Therefore is the name of it called
Babel, because the Lord did there

the language of the earth, and from this
did the Lord scatter them abroad.

I wish he'd scatter Spalding.

Sorry. Uncharitable thoughts. Sorry.

You have a visitor.

Guess who?

Desmond. The memory lingers on, doesn't
it?

Oh, I've got him to go round the front
instead of walking all through my

kitchen. You didn't get him to take his
shoes off, did you? No, fear not. I

nearly killed every pot plant in the
place.

All right, come in, Desmond.

What's the flavour of the month?

Lilac. Oh, good, I love the lilac.

Reminds me of so many happy hours spent
in the company of Ive and November.

Oh, he's in the office.

Thank you, Desmond.

Thank you,

Desmond. That was lovely.

Yes. I suppose you've come about the
Randolph job.

Yes.

Come about what?

You remember we talked about getting you
part -time employment.

Last week.

We did?

You remember?

No.

You don't remember me talking to you? I
don't remember last week.

We decided you needed some casual work.

And Mr. Randolph Gardner has just
retired. He's kindly agreed to try you

a few hours.

There's his address. He's expecting you
at 11 o 'clock this morning.

Yes.

What day was it that we decided all
this, Philip?

Last Tuesday.

Well, that would account for it. It's a
bad day Tuesday.

It's a terrible day. I get my gyro on
Tuesday morning.

Surely that's a good day. It's a good
day for drinking.

It's a terrible day for remembering.

That dreadful noise.

Good grief. Watch up. What on earth's my
father driving?

Oh, for heaven's sake, Ernest, stop
playing with your new toy.

Oh, hello, darling.

Hello, Marble.

Can you manage? Hello, old chap.

What do you think?

He thinks you've lost your marbles like
the rest of us.

Tell Emma to put the kettle on. We'll be
in in a tick.

A bit of a surprise, eh?

It certainly is.

Well, I felt tired of the old Boris
traveller.

Felt the urge for a bit of speed.

Handles like a dream.

What are you bringing me?

Well, I'm sorry, Dad, but it's so low,
I'm surprised you can get into it.

Oh, absolutely, no trouble at all. No
trouble whatsoever.

Good heavens, no.

It's... it's getting out of it.

Come on, then.

Well,

I must say, Emma, I do not know when I
last had such a splendid meal.

Thank you, Ernest.

I mean away from home, of course. Well,
I don't think mum's cooking's anything

to complain about.

Oh, I wouldn't dream of complaining.

After all, I'm used to it.

Ernest, you have already dug your grave.
No need to fill it in as well.

No, I only meant I'm used to your
excellent cooking.

There is only when I encounter
excellence in another cook that I

it. I think that did the trick.

I don't think she looks very convinced,
Dad. It might be safer to have our

coffee in my office. Right.

I don't fancy the idea of being brained
by a pudding bowl.

Well, there's something I'd like to show
you.

Oh, perhaps I should say someone.

See what I mean?

Nothing of the vegan cutlet.

How would you like your coffee, Barbara?
In peace, Emma. Without having to worry

about Ernest dragging me off to pastures
run down.

Oh, you will talk to him, Philip?

Yes, I will, Mum. You will tell him what
an old fool he is? No, but I will point

out the problems of running an urban
parish. Oh, for pity's sake, don't

the problems. That's what he wants.

What? Other people's problems.

He sees himself as a cross between John
the Baptist and dear Katie.

Sounds familiar?

What? And, Philip, if you can't persuade
your father to give up this ludicrous

idea and act his age, I shall phone the
people from the funny farm.

and have him forcibly restrained. I'll
do my best, ma 'am.

And if that fails, I shall send for the
local vet and have him shot.

To the old castle.

Ah, Philip, I was just admiring the
view.

The faceless tower block.

The industrial wastelands. The urban
blight. It's wonderful.

Dad, what is all this about?

What's what all about? The new car, the
new job. Mum's very unhappy about it,

you know. Well, you and Emma had similar
troubles.

You overcame them. Yes, I know, but
there's over 30 years between us.

No, really.

Oh, I thought you were roughly the same
age.

You and me, Dad, taking on an urban
parish at your age is not a good idea.

nonsense. First parish I ever had was in
the East End.

You can't get much tougher than that.
Now, I wonder if you can guess who's in

here.

Hello?

Hello.

And who's in there?

Who do you think?

He's not Bombardier Bill.

Yes, Bombardier Bill.

I found him in the attic.

He's a bit moth -eaten now, but no more
than I am.

They're out here gunga -gu -gu.

Yes.

Remember the Christmas parties and the
Bible classes where I used Bill to get

the message over? Yes, go on, Dad, do
it. Huh? Go on, do it, do it. All right.

Now then, Bill, and how are you?

Oh, no, that's wrong, isn't it? I got it
wrong.

Now then, now then, Bill, and how are
you?

Very well, thank you, Vicar.

Or may I call you Vic?

And did you understand this morning's
sermon?

Not a dicky -gird.

What did that sound like?

Dicky -gird.

I thought it might.

I can't overcome the bees.

Oh, dear.

This is a great rage now, you know. What
is? Teaching through play.

Oh, yes. Hello.

That was always the head of my time.

Oh, yes. Hello, Oscar.

Dickie bird, dickie good, dickie good,
dickie good.

Dad. Dad.

Sorry, Oscar, what's the problem?

How soon can you get over here, Philip?

Is this about Desmond? Didn't he get
there?

Oh, he got there all right. Would to
heaven he hadn't. Well, I've got a class

the school this afternoon, Oscar. Will
it be all right if I came over to your

house after that?

No, Philip, it will not be all right.
There might not be any house left by

You will leave now and get here as soon
as possible.

Yes, Oscar.

You drive an estate car, don't you?

Well, yes, why do you ask?

You might have to remove something the
size and weight of a dead body.

Really? What's that?

A dead body.

Oh.

Oh, dear.

Problems? Yes.

Our regular down and outs, you know.

Oh, God bless the woman of the house.
Yeah, that's the one. I tried to get him

gardening job. No good.

Drunk. Got to get over to Austin's right
away.

School always takes an age to answer.
There's anything I can do to help. If

wouldn't mind, just apologise for me and
say I'm going to cancel Class 4B this

afternoon. Class 4B? I'm taking in the
religious instruction.

At least I'm trying to. A bit of a
handful, eh?

There are four little heathens that make
you long for the Spanish Inquisition.

It sounds like a bit of a challenge,
doesn't it, old son?

Oh, good afternoon.

I'm afraid the Reverend Lamb is unable
to take 4B today.

Cancel it. Well, yes, I suppose so. I
think he will, but... What?

Oh, yes.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

No, it would be a shame to disappoint
the children.

Tell them we'll be over instead.

Yes, we.

The Reverend Lamb Senior and Bombardier
Bill.

Good of you to consult promptly, Philip.
I didn't think I had a choice. You

didn't.

Oh, by the way.

Have I given you the guided tour of the
garden?

The first time you invited me.

Oh, yes.

But that was before Guzzler Jim got to
work on it.

Who? Ben Devman.

Fragrant vagrant.

Oh.

You mean the blackbird?

No.

My wife's having aesthetics in the
downstairs bath.

You see, Marjorie's taken up topiary.

You know what that is?

Topiary? That's cutting bushes into
shapes, isn't it? It's a sew process.

It takes years of work and application.

This is one of our masterworks.

This?

Recognise what it's supposed to be?

It's a bush.

Yes. You can just about make that out.
But what do you think the shape

represents?

Well, some sort of animal, is it? My
wife liked to think so.

A large hedgehog?

Actually, Marjorie slaved over it for
nearly four years in the fond hope of

making it pass for a peacock.

A peacock? Yes.

Well, I'm sorry, Oscar, but that doesn't
look a bit like a peacock.

Not now.

But if all those bits in the barrel were
back where they were before Desmond

hacked them off with a hedge trimmer,
it's a fair likeness.

You mean Desmond... That's why
Marjorie... I'm terribly sorry, Oscar.

And that's not all he did.

What?

You see that statue over there?

Oh, lovely. It looks like the Venus de
Milo. Yes, it does, doesn't it?

But before Desmond ran into it with the
power mord, it actually had irons.

I'm terribly sorry, Arthur.

And I won't offend you with the details
of what we saw him doing in the goldfish

pond.

I'm tell... He promised he'd be on his
best behaviour.

Get him out of my garden, Philip.

I don't trust myself anywhere near him.
Yes, of course. Where is he?

I think he's hiding in the tool shed.

Fortunately, there's not much damage he
can do in there.

Unless he tries to drink the liquid
manure.

It's a distinct possibility.

I'm terribly sorry.

Someday my heart will wake.

Someday my something will break.

How

could you?

Don't say a word, Philip.

I've said all that can be said already
over and over again inside my head.

Desmond, how could you?

I'm very sorry. You certainly should be.
Well, I certainly am. I gave you a

chance to do something worthwhile, and
I'm very grateful.

I don't want your gratitude!

All right, all right. That's quite
enough of that. I've just left one

Philip. I didn't know Mr. Randolph was
so talented.

How...

How could you do so much damage in such
a short time? I've been asking myself

that. All I did was switch on the hedge
clipper and it went to that peacock like

a thing possessed.

And the same with a lawnmower. We
rounded the corner, caught sight of the

statue. It was like a red rag to a bull.
Off we went, thundering down the

wallop. It took a great lump out of its
kneecap and the arms fell off.

If you ask me, it's a case of demonic
possession.

What? I happen to notice both the hedge
clipper and the lawnmower were Japanese.

There's your answer.

What is?

They've been possessed by the spirit of
a kamikaze pilot.

Come on. I'm in order to get you out of
here. Anything you say...

What am I going to do with you?

If I was you, Philip, I'd just give up
on me.

I'm just going to keep on falling flat
on me face.

And I'm going to keep on picking you up
again. But I'm a born loser.

Yeah, well, I'm a born picker -upper.
Come on.

How are you doing?

We're just up, Oscar.

Would he be easier to transport if I
were to beat him unconscious first?

No, no, no, I don't think so.

Pity.

Hear me, Mr. Randolph. I would like to
apologize to you and to your wife. God

bless the woman of the house.

But be assured, sir, the labor that I
have put into your garden, I do not

expect you to pay for.

Then you won't be disappointed, will
you? Sir, I do insist just to show that

there are no hard feelings that you have
a drink with me.

Drink? With you?

It's 12 euro bonded, that.

Very expensive and very delicious.

So don't have more than one mouthful.

There is not much left.

Wait a minute.

There was an unopened bottle of this in
my drinks cabinet.

There's one. Sir, are you suggesting
that you recognize that whiskey as your

own? You know damn well I do.

Well, in that case, Mr. Reynolds...
What?

You have just as much as you like.

Philip? Hello, love.

Oh, thank heavens you're back. I was
just writing you a note.

What about?

I'm afraid it's your dad.

What about him?

He's had a bit of a turn.

What?

Now, he's going to be all right. The
school have assured us of that.

School? What school?

Grimthorpe. What was he doing there?

taking class 4B in religious
instruction.

Oh, no.

And you didn't try and stop him? We
didn't know anything about it. Just

you left, he shoved Bombardier Bill
under his arm and zoomed off in his

car. Bombardier Bill.

I can just imagine what spoiling would
make of him.

What? For a start, firewood.

No wonder poor old Dad had a bit of a
turn.

Well, actually, Philip, it wasn't just a
turn. He had a slight stroke.

A stroke?

Now, he's going to be all right.

He'd better be. I'll have the whole of
4B in the drop of manslaughter. Where's

Mum? Upstairs, packing some things for
the hospital.

That'll be the cab. I'll get it.

I'm sure he'll be all right, Philip. I
hope you're not.

It's all right, all right. I'm coming,
I'm coming.

Stalding.

Steady on, Vicky. You're a man of peace,
remember?

Never mind about that. You get straight
in that office. Get in the office. Go

on, go on, go on. All right, all right.
Keep your dog collar on.

Get in there.

Now, what did you do to my father?

What are you going on about? We didn't
touch him. I know you, Spalding. You

have done something.

Listen, mate.

We were expecting you. We went in with
some old geezer we'd never seen before.

And then on top of that, he brings out
his dummy and starts making a... Got the

geezer, got the geezer.

We just sat there with our mouths open.
We've never seen anything like it. That

I can believe.

Matter of fact, we was just saying, you
ought to get yourself a dummy.

I don't need one, Spalding. I've got
you.

Very good.

What have you got in that plastic bag?

It's Bombardier Bill. They wouldn't take
him in the ambulance with your dad, so

I took charge of him. Oh, I see. Just a
minute. Come here, come here.

You should have him explain why my
father had a stroke.

Well, I think he got a bit too clever.
That's what brought it on.

Clever? What do you mean?

He tried to say the alphabet while
drinking a glass of water and choked on

full seat.

What? You tell your old man when you see
him. Class 4B thinks he's got a lot of

gottle.

I will. But just between you and me,
Vicar.

What? He's a bloody awful ventriloquist.

He's a little tired still, so go in one
at a time, please.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Oh, Mum, do you... No, darling, you go
in first. I still feel rather shaky.

But, darling, tell him straight away.

Anything he wants to do from now on is
fine by me.

Are you sure about that?

Well, at least until he's better again.

How are you, Dad?

They tell me I can get cable television
on this.

Well, don't look so worried, Philip. I'm
not going to pop off, you know. Of

course you're not, Dad.

You see, nowadays I wake up rather early
at the vicarage, five or six in the

morning.

It's too early to get up, so I just lie
there, happily listening to the birds

and your mother sleeping next to me.

She snores terribly, you know.

That's what she says about you.

Well, the noise she makes, I'm surprised
she notices.

Anyway, whilst they were all fussing
around, trying to fit me with this new

exhaust pipe or whatever it is, I
offered up a little prayer.

Dear Lord, let me wake up in my old bed
just once more and lie

there reading an Agatha Christie to the
sound of birdsong and my wife snoring.

So, no new parish, eh?

No, I think not, Philip.

Oh, by the way, you wouldn't care to buy
a new sports car, would you?

No, thanks, Dad.

Ernest! Yes, I'm still here, Barbara.

Oh, Ernie.

Well, I think perhaps you'd better go.

I recognise the signs. Things are about
to become decidedly soggy. All right.

Well, come on, give us a hug.

Wait, mind my exhaust pipe.

I think you're going to be all right.

Oh, thank God.

Yeah.

Oh, Philip.

Yeah? I've just met Spalding.

What? And I think you've misjudged him.

And what makes you think that?

Well, he just came up to me, shoved his
bag into my hand and said, Here, Mrs,

this is for the old man from All In
Forbing.

And this is for Bombardier Bill.