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1
00:01:53,740 --> 00:01:55,600
Um, you haven't got a letterbox.
2
00:01:56,880 --> 00:01:57,880
I know.
3
00:01:58,160 --> 00:01:59,960
That's because I never get any letters.
4
00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:02,640
Well, you've got one today.
5
00:02:03,660 --> 00:02:04,660
Oh.
6
00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:08,639
Have you got a chisel?
7
00:02:09,699 --> 00:02:10,780
I'll go and get one.
8
00:02:15,500 --> 00:02:17,240
Hurry up, you lazy bastard!
9
00:02:19,180 --> 00:02:21,560
Sorry, I was as quick as I could be.
10
00:02:35,910 --> 00:02:36,910
What's happening?
11
00:02:37,390 --> 00:02:38,390
What's going on?
12
00:02:39,770 --> 00:02:40,910
Look, give me the binoculars.
13
00:02:41,490 --> 00:02:44,870
All right, I can see perfectly well
what's happening. Thank you very much.
14
00:02:45,110 --> 00:02:47,910
All right, you can have them.
15
00:02:49,830 --> 00:02:51,070
You're two doors away.
16
00:02:56,690 --> 00:02:58,010
Pass me a sandwich, will you?
17
00:02:58,290 --> 00:02:59,290
All right.
18
00:03:07,310 --> 00:03:08,310
How does it look from the inside?
19
00:03:11,690 --> 00:03:12,690
It's good from here.
20
00:03:13,290 --> 00:03:14,830
Right. Okay, then.
21
00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:18,130
Good morning.
22
00:03:23,250 --> 00:03:24,250
Wait a minute.
23
00:03:24,570 --> 00:03:27,710
This isn't for me. It's for number 166
next door.
24
00:03:28,690 --> 00:03:29,690
You see?
25
00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:32,050
I told you I never got any letters.
26
00:03:32,430 --> 00:03:33,950
Yeah. Yes, you're right.
27
00:03:35,510 --> 00:03:36,510
Sorry.
28
00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:08,720
Hang on.
29
00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:17,320
There he is.
30
00:04:25,700 --> 00:04:26,740
What did you do that for?
31
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:28,680
Well, I'm a policeman, aren't I?
32
00:04:29,900 --> 00:04:30,900
Did I get him?
33
00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:49,880
The usual things?
34
00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:51,880
Peace?
35
00:04:52,420 --> 00:04:53,420
Happiness?
36
00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:56,700
And you got me off the lavatory to tell
me this?
37
00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:02,100
I didn't get you off the lavatory. Well,
somebody got me off the lavatory.
38
00:05:03,940 --> 00:05:04,940
Were you stuck?
39
00:05:05,140 --> 00:05:06,140
What?
40
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:09,360
I've got a letter for you.
41
00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:20,440
My bloody belt!
42
00:07:18,830 --> 00:07:19,830
Morning, June.
43
00:07:27,130 --> 00:07:31,050
I, uh... I wonder if the post's arrived
yet.
44
00:07:39,210 --> 00:07:42,750
Ah! The Sound of Muzak.
45
00:07:43,990 --> 00:07:46,650
My most favourite film of all time.
46
00:08:00,650 --> 00:08:01,970
You ask me, it's a stupid idea.
47
00:08:03,090 --> 00:08:05,190
Well, then I'm not very likely to ask
you, then, am I, June?
48
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:08,970
And who's ever heard of a filming show
at nine o 'clock on a Monday morning?
49
00:08:10,730 --> 00:08:11,730
I have.
50
00:08:20,730 --> 00:08:23,130
Who's going to want to come and see it
at that time in the morning, Terry?
51
00:08:23,570 --> 00:08:26,170
June, have you ever heard of a thing
called commuters?
52
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:30,100
And have you ever heard of a thing
called business enterprise?
53
00:08:30,940 --> 00:08:31,940
Hmm?
54
00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:34,320
And have you ever heard of a thing
called anything, June?
55
00:08:35,580 --> 00:08:37,020
No. No, you haven't, have you?
56
00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:38,960
But I have.
57
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,500
This country needs it. If there were
more people in this country like me, if
58
00:08:43,500 --> 00:08:49,960
everybody in this country was me...
Well, you'd have a pretty weird
59
00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:50,960
directory, wouldn't you?
60
00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:54,840
Tea?
61
00:08:55,380 --> 00:08:56,380
Well, what do you think?
62
00:08:56,510 --> 00:08:57,570
To get stupid ideas.
63
00:08:59,290 --> 00:09:00,830
All right, well, I'll have some coffee,
then.
64
00:09:02,290 --> 00:09:03,650
I'll put my curry powder.
65
00:09:04,130 --> 00:09:06,270
What is the matter with you this
morning, Joan?
66
00:09:06,790 --> 00:09:07,790
Sorry, Joan.
67
00:09:10,890 --> 00:09:12,990
The stupid getting -up -early business.
68
00:09:13,610 --> 00:09:15,910
I mean, what's the point? Nobody's going
to come.
69
00:09:16,290 --> 00:09:17,830
They're all too busy doing jobs.
70
00:09:21,070 --> 00:09:24,870
Absolutely nobody is going to want to
come and see the sound of music if you
71
00:09:24,870 --> 00:09:26,230
show it at nine o 'clock this morning.
72
00:09:31,130 --> 00:09:32,330
Do you really think so?
73
00:09:33,110 --> 00:09:34,110
Right.
74
00:09:42,170 --> 00:09:43,770
A nine o 'clock showing.
75
00:09:44,430 --> 00:09:45,690
How enterprising.
76
00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:50,250
That's just the ticket for shift workers
like me that finished work at 8 .30.
77
00:09:51,510 --> 00:09:52,510
Breakfast, dear.
78
00:09:52,750 --> 00:09:54,370
Oh, thank you, Monica.
79
00:09:56,650 --> 00:09:57,730
Hello, breakfast.
80
00:09:58,670 --> 00:10:00,810
I hope you haven't double parked.
81
00:10:02,050 --> 00:10:03,050
No, dear.
82
00:10:06,630 --> 00:10:09,370
What are you going to do with yourself
today, my darling?
83
00:10:10,970 --> 00:10:15,250
I'm going to see the nine o 'clock
showing of The Sound of Music.
84
00:10:15,850 --> 00:10:19,030
A nine o 'clock showing? How
enterprising.
85
00:10:20,110 --> 00:10:21,110
Sweetheart.
86
00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:23,380
I think breakfast is escaping.
87
00:10:24,460 --> 00:10:26,600
He's been restless all morning.
88
00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:28,540
I think he wants to go out.
89
00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:31,260
Do you want to go for a wee -wee, hmm,
breakfast?
90
00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:34,800
It's a funny name for a lobster.
91
00:11:14,030 --> 00:11:15,030
Good morning, Chief.
92
00:11:15,090 --> 00:11:16,090
Correct.
93
00:11:18,230 --> 00:11:23,030
Good morning. I found this on my front
doorstep.
94
00:11:26,690 --> 00:11:30,010
It looks like a police bullet, Chief.
95
00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:31,870
I know it doesn't.
96
00:11:34,250 --> 00:11:38,570
That bullet was used to immobilize my
front doorbell.
97
00:11:39,370 --> 00:11:40,370
However...
98
00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:44,360
I'm attaching absolutely no importance
to it. It's just one of these things.
99
00:11:44,540 --> 00:11:51,520
Ladies and gentlemen, this is a naked
100
00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:52,520
woman.
101
00:11:53,960 --> 00:12:00,800
I have reason to believe that a motion
picture film using images such as
102
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:04,260
these is in our town.
103
00:12:05,500 --> 00:12:07,460
This is photography.
104
00:12:09,130 --> 00:12:15,090
photography and i will not pornography
chief thank you sergeant smart alec
105
00:12:15,090 --> 00:12:21,830
bastard in our time i want this film
behind bars i want the purveyors
106
00:12:21,830 --> 00:12:27,410
of this film behind bars i want anyone
who's seen this film or contemplated
107
00:12:27,410 --> 00:12:33,630
going to see this film behind bars and
that gentleman is your job we know chief
108
00:12:33,630 --> 00:12:38,190
you told us all this yesterday did i oh
well there you go then all right
109
00:12:40,780 --> 00:12:43,920
Actually, I'm going your way, my
darling, so I may as well walk with you.
110
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:56,980
On second thoughts, it might be quicker
the long way round.
111
00:13:14,410 --> 00:13:16,130
or some bastard will take my parking
place.
112
00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:58,239
See you there, June.
113
00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:00,080
June, don't be late.
114
00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:43,440
What do you think you're doing?
115
00:14:43,740 --> 00:14:44,740
This is private property.
116
00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:47,160
I've come to see the film.
117
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:49,580
Oh, I was wrong, darling. I do
apologise.
118
00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:50,920
Shut up, June.
119
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:52,640
What film?
120
00:14:53,940 --> 00:14:55,520
The Sound of Muzak.
121
00:14:57,100 --> 00:14:58,100
Oh, it's off.
122
00:14:58,980 --> 00:14:59,980
What do you mean?
123
00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:02,040
Er, we've left the film.
124
00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:07,160
Well, what's that?
125
00:15:10,830 --> 00:15:11,349
There it is.
126
00:15:11,350 --> 00:15:12,390
We found the film, June.
127
00:15:12,610 --> 00:15:13,650
Didn't know we'd lost it, dear.
128
00:15:13,890 --> 00:15:14,890
Shut up.
129
00:15:16,390 --> 00:15:17,390
Bloody hell.
130
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:18,450
Bloody hell.
131
00:15:19,190 --> 00:15:20,730
Bloody hell. Bloody hell.
132
00:15:21,370 --> 00:15:22,690
Bloody hell. Bloody hell.
133
00:15:24,030 --> 00:15:27,330
It'll be open in just a minute and then
you'll be able to buy your ticket and
134
00:15:27,330 --> 00:15:28,330
some cigarettes.
135
00:15:32,050 --> 00:15:33,050
Some chewing gum.
136
00:15:38,530 --> 00:15:39,530
Some Smarties.
137
00:15:43,180 --> 00:15:44,860
It's turned out nice again, hasn't it?
138
00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:51,520
I've got to clean the carpet when I get
home.
139
00:16:22,030 --> 00:16:23,030
Thank you, June.
140
00:16:26,010 --> 00:16:28,390
Righty -ho, then. Well, if you're ready,
I'll open the doors, then, shall I?
141
00:16:29,510 --> 00:16:30,510
OK, love.
142
00:16:56,810 --> 00:16:58,270
Shut up! Excuse me. Shut up!
143
00:16:58,710 --> 00:16:59,850
Excuse me. Shut up!
144
00:17:03,250 --> 00:17:04,250
What?
145
00:17:05,950 --> 00:17:09,890
Um... Well, I was first in the queue.
146
00:17:10,250 --> 00:17:11,250
Yeah?
147
00:17:11,950 --> 00:17:13,250
So how can it be full?
148
00:17:14,329 --> 00:17:15,329
What do you mean, full?
149
00:17:18,329 --> 00:17:19,329
Look.
150
00:17:20,030 --> 00:17:21,030
House full.
151
00:17:23,790 --> 00:17:24,829
Oh, sorry, yeah.
152
00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:26,560
It's the wrong notice again.
153
00:17:27,319 --> 00:17:28,319
Stupid me.
154
00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:56,680
There's no need to. Here they come.
155
00:17:57,380 --> 00:17:58,880
Ahoy! Comfortable!
156
00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:10,380
Yeah,
157
00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:15,640
this looks like a cinema, all right.
158
00:18:16,620 --> 00:18:19,580
Hey, cinemas show films.
159
00:18:19,860 --> 00:18:21,180
Oh, the penny snaps.
160
00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:24,440
Let's go!
161
00:18:34,410 --> 00:18:35,850
What's your game, Sonny?
162
00:18:36,330 --> 00:18:40,170
Well, I was just trying to say this
film.
163
00:18:40,390 --> 00:18:43,230
I bet you were. I bet you were, you
dirty bastard.
164
00:18:43,970 --> 00:18:45,470
Oh, I get it.
165
00:18:45,970 --> 00:18:48,310
Dirty bastard, dirty film.
166
00:18:48,510 --> 00:18:50,510
Right, now then, what's your name?
167
00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:54,110
Nigel. Not you, Nigel. You.
168
00:18:54,770 --> 00:18:55,870
Mr Bean.
169
00:18:56,230 --> 00:18:57,790
That's a funny name for a lobster.
170
00:18:58,590 --> 00:18:59,590
Sarge.
171
00:19:00,850 --> 00:19:06,870
Sarge. He's not a lobster, Sarge. I
know. I'm just trying to disorientate
172
00:19:07,190 --> 00:19:08,550
Don't do that. You'll get him confused.
173
00:19:08,870 --> 00:19:10,930
That's the whole point. That's what I'm
trying to do.
174
00:19:11,210 --> 00:19:13,410
Oh, I get it.
175
00:19:14,950 --> 00:19:16,390
There, that's confused him.
176
00:19:16,610 --> 00:19:17,810
Now, get up.
177
00:19:18,590 --> 00:19:20,310
And that is just a warning.
178
00:19:21,530 --> 00:19:26,970
A warning about what, exactly? A warning
about... Tell him, Nigel.
179
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:32,260
That is just a warning about what it's
like to get smashed in the face, sonny.
180
00:19:32,700 --> 00:19:34,180
Don't you forget it.
181
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:36,000
What? This.
182
00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:41,620
Now then, tell us about this film.
183
00:19:41,940 --> 00:19:46,960
Well, it starts off with this nun. Yes,
yes, yes. We know it's dirty, but where
184
00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:48,160
is it? I don't know.
185
00:19:49,380 --> 00:19:50,460
Don't mess with the boat.
186
00:19:59,050 --> 00:19:59,809
Oh, no.
187
00:19:59,810 --> 00:20:00,810
Another suicide.
188
00:20:01,290 --> 00:20:03,030
You must be more careful, Nigel.
189
00:20:04,330 --> 00:20:05,790
Let's stick him down that manhole.
190
00:20:35,469 --> 00:20:36,750
Right, up on the roof.
191
00:20:39,810 --> 00:20:42,290
Well, the film's all fixed and ready to
roll, June.
192
00:20:43,330 --> 00:20:46,790
What a pity I inadvertently gave Felix
the projectionist the day off today.
193
00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:48,450
I'll have to show it myself.
194
00:20:51,570 --> 00:20:55,230
Have, er... You went to the toilet
recently, June?
195
00:20:56,470 --> 00:20:57,470
Yes, dear.
196
00:20:58,150 --> 00:20:59,150
Why, I reply.
197
00:20:59,330 --> 00:21:00,450
Was it for friendly interest?
198
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:08,779
Nine o 'clock.
199
00:21:08,780 --> 00:21:09,780
I'd better show the film.
200
00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:15,440
But, Terry, no -one's bought a ticket.
There's nobody to show it to. Yes, I
201
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:16,440
that, June.
202
00:21:16,900 --> 00:21:19,380
But I thought I'd better just check it,
you know.
203
00:21:21,100 --> 00:21:26,820
You know, you'd better stay in here and
not go out at all in case of late
204
00:21:26,820 --> 00:21:27,820
arrival, see?
205
00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:33,300
And seeing as how it's a special day
today, June, you can eat as many sweets
206
00:21:33,300 --> 00:21:34,300
you want.
207
00:22:52,270 --> 00:22:53,970
You're right Sarge, we'll have to use
the ladder.
208
00:23:21,610 --> 00:23:22,610
All right, then. You go, Poe.
209
00:23:46,070 --> 00:23:49,730
One for the stalls, please.
210
00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:58,020
Yeah. Do you want confectionery?
211
00:24:03,060 --> 00:24:04,080
What have you got?
212
00:24:05,860 --> 00:24:07,620
About half a Mars bar somewhere.
213
00:24:12,420 --> 00:24:16,920
I don't think I'll bother, thank you.
214
00:24:18,540 --> 00:24:21,160
Is that the way out?
215
00:24:24,909 --> 00:24:25,909
It's locked!
216
00:25:11,189 --> 00:25:13,390
Yes. It's a dirty movie, all right.
217
00:25:20,470 --> 00:25:21,630
He's digging his own nest.
218
00:25:23,450 --> 00:25:24,409
Right, then.
219
00:25:24,410 --> 00:25:26,030
Shall we go down and nab him, Sergeant?
220
00:25:26,250 --> 00:25:27,249
No, no.
221
00:25:27,250 --> 00:25:30,350
Let's let him see the whole film
through, then the sentence will be more
222
00:25:31,110 --> 00:25:32,110
Good idea.
223
00:25:32,610 --> 00:25:33,770
Can I turn first?
224
00:26:07,950 --> 00:26:08,950
Various things.
225
00:26:10,090 --> 00:26:13,290
Leaves and notices.
226
00:26:15,290 --> 00:26:16,830
Oh, look, some nuns.
227
00:26:17,750 --> 00:26:21,530
We're 16 going on six.
228
00:26:22,650 --> 00:26:24,070
Hello, miss. I'm an orphan.
229
00:26:24,590 --> 00:26:26,850
Would you like to enter me for a singing
competition?
230
00:26:27,630 --> 00:26:28,690
Yes, I would, miss.
231
00:28:37,770 --> 00:28:39,830
Excuse me, I'm disabled, thank you very
much.
232
00:28:42,430 --> 00:28:43,430
Santa Monica!
233
00:28:44,490 --> 00:28:45,590
Just the ticket!
234
00:28:49,250 --> 00:28:50,370
Scooba -dooba!
235
00:28:57,270 --> 00:29:02,610
There he is!
236
00:29:02,990 --> 00:29:04,050
Stop that wheelchair!
237
00:29:09,520 --> 00:29:10,520
What's this?
238
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:15,640
Perhaps they're the wheelchair catchers.
Look, I have told you before, I am not
239
00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:16,640
a lobster.
240
00:29:20,940 --> 00:29:26,760
Oh, my God.
241
00:29:27,400 --> 00:29:28,480
Dawn, what have you done?
242
00:29:29,060 --> 00:29:31,160
I just didn't see it. You mean you
didn't look?
243
00:29:31,380 --> 00:29:32,700
Well, how was I supposed to know?
244
00:29:33,060 --> 00:29:34,420
I mean, I just wasn't thinking.
245
00:29:34,700 --> 00:29:37,020
Well, perhaps you should have thought
about it. Dawn, that's a piece of life
246
00:29:37,020 --> 00:29:39,020
you've raped there with this invalid
car.
247
00:29:39,999 --> 00:29:40,999
Stupid cow!
248
00:29:41,300 --> 00:29:43,220
Look, it's not my fault, right?
249
00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:44,440
It's not her fault, Jennifer.
250
00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:46,600
It's the film industry's fault.
251
00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:52,100
The blame for this lies fairly and
squarely on the shoulders of the British
252
00:29:52,100 --> 00:29:53,100
industry.
253
00:29:58,300 --> 00:29:59,560
I don't like that ending.
254
00:29:59,980 --> 00:30:00,980
It's the only one we've got.
255
00:30:01,340 --> 00:30:02,340
I know, I know.
256
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:03,840
I just don't like it.
257
00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:05,480
What are we going to do, then?
258
00:30:06,620 --> 00:30:07,620
You're the director.
259
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:09,420
Yeah, but you and Rick are the writers.
260
00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:13,060
Yeah, yeah, but you get paid more than
me.
261
00:30:13,460 --> 00:30:14,460
Do I?
262
00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:16,700
Well, let's just leave it obscure.
17230
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