Original subtitles

I wish you'd stop whining. Fresh air will do you good.

Beth, I am a seriously ill person. Please try and understand.

Hello. Hello.

I'm Beth Forrester. This is my husband, Jake.

Beth Forrester and husband, Jake.

OK, right.

Well, if you can fill in one of these forms each and bring them back here when

you've finished and then registrations in E3, OK?

Thank you.

Hi, Julian.

Oh, God.

Can't keep me awake, can you?

Hello, Tarquin.

That's your head there, mate.

Thanks.

And don't forget to put everything on.

There's no, oh, dear, I forgot my leggings later, you know.

You can't come back.

Yes.

Thank God these ones are a bit tighter than the ones I had last year.

My bollocks kept falling out for everyone to see.

I look like a Neanderthal petrol pump.

I tell you, it's bloody cold, though.

Wouldn't it be all right if I get my bra on?

Can I use you to take it off?

Don't be so pathetic, woman.

Get it off.

There's nothing to be embarrassed about.

We're all going to be seeing a lot of each other over the next few weeks.

I know that. All right, tell me, tell me. Did Iron Age woman have a plate

guider? No.

Not on your life.

Come on, get it off her crotch. Oh, I give up with you feminists.

Hi, gang.

Hi, gang.

Everything OK?

Everybody got everything they need?

Oh, just to let you know that there are some tools, okay, in the village from

last year, which you can use. But I hope you all understand that apart from

that, you are all totally self -sufficient, okay?

So you won't be needing this, Tarquin, will you?

Okay,

I'll give it back at the end.

Oh, yeah.

No, sorry.

Sorry.

Peter. I prefer Peter.

Yes, I think I might prefer Peter to all the other men here.

Really?

Well, um, what's your name?

Ursula.

But you can call me Urs.

Ursula, right.

So, Peter.

Yes? Is your seed plentiful?

Hey, Paul, excuse me. Could I have a Senzano and lemonade for Margaret?

Megumi. Megumi, actually. Of course.

Megumi. You know, that's a very beautiful name for a very beautiful

Actually, it's incredible.

But my mother's middle name was Megumi.

Could I have quite a real ale, please?

He must be one of us.

Yes.

If by that you mean we are to be fellow travellers on the path of knowledge

about our forefathers, then yes, I am one of you.

That's jolly good.

I'm Liz and this is Peter.

I am Lug, son of Mill.

Are you sure this is the way? Yes, of course. I'm sure it's right over there.

I've never seen it last year.

Well, I can see it so far.

Guess what, Margaret?

I think I'm crazy about you.

Megumi, actually.

Yeah, sure.

There, see, Jake, I told you.

Hello.

How are we doing?

Is everyone here?

One, two, three, five.

No, sorry, could we all just stand still for a sec, please?

Just so I can do a count.

Thanks. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Right,

everyone. Hey, sorry I'm late.

Hi.

Fantastic.

OK, well, now everyone's here.

Well, we'll leave you to it, OK?

There is a small crops garden we've planted from last year.

Afraid we can't tell you where it is, though. You'll just have to find it,

And you won't be needing this, will you?

No mod cons and all that.

Okay, well, good luck, everyone, and happy hunting.

Bye. Bye.

I suppose we ought to think about lighting a fire. Anyone got any flints

Yeah, I've got my lighter.

Oh.

Oh, sorry.

I think they got the message.

Look, calm down and come and sit down, Tarquin.

I think, really, we ought to sort of work out some sort of plan for the day

policies for the village in general. Very good idea.

Right. Absolutely.

Moral codes are very important.

Morning. Hi.

Morning.

I mean, are we going to allow these people to sort of wander through the

at random?

Well, perhaps we can ask Julian to keep them away.

Well, I think that we should kill anyone that we catch.

Steady on, Tark. Look, we should go ahead and attack if we feel threatened.

Tark, nobody is threatening us.

I know.

And that's why it would be very clever tactics if we attack them before they

threaten us. Great idea.

Now can we think about some important things, like food, perhaps?

God, that's strange.

You know something? I had an identical twin sister called Jane.

She was killed when our pram crashed.

I tried to save her.

We're not sort of thinking how they'd be thinking anyway. I mean, we don't know.

I mean, look at me. I'm saying cutting cabbages. They probably wouldn't even

have cabbages.

I feel quite strongly, you know, that we've sort of come here with more

knowledge of language and communication than we should have or that they would

have. But we can't do anything about that now, can we? Yes, I was just going

say that.

Well, we can't pretend we don't know how to speak.

More water, please, Beth. I must prepare my body for the sacred conception.

I mean, I know we can't pretend that we've got no language, but that's why I

think we ought to invent our own, you know, using grunts and things.

It's a bit of Quest for Fire Desmond Morris, don't you think, love?

Listen.

Ah.

Do you see?

Well, actually, no.

So what do you think it was?

Something to do with Germany?

No.

Just

like

Queen Mayhem, she radiates light and warmth.

But when the traveler draws near to enjoy the heat, he falls prey to a

web.

And though the warmth feels good, it is the warmth of the fires of hell.

Lug, too, had a wife and proved unfaithful with Kermit, son of Dagda.

Lug killed Kermit with his magic staff.

Really?

There is a lesson here for us all to learn.

Is there not?

Oh, Christ, shut up!

Oh, God, that's it. I mean, I haven't had a decent meal with meat for three

days. I'm going to the canteen. Oh, come on, Tark, that's not exactly cricket.

You can't... Don't give up. Look, I am ravenous, and all we've got is bloody

grass. You can make a lovely stew out of this.

Oh, Jake.

Well, listen, Tuck, what about all those rabbits you said were around?

Well, I don't know.

Just bloody mix them with toasts, isn't it?

Wait a minute.

Jolly good meal. Well done, girls.

What do you mean?

I killed them.

Yes. Jolly well done, Tark.

I think.

Yeah, well done, Tark. Love you, good girl.

Love you, good girl.

Um, shouldn't we all be thinking about the new language?

Forget about trying to think about the new language.

I think we should be trying to think about something that's much more

to think about.

Like what?

Like where we're all sleeping tonight.

Yes. Sorry.

I'm talking about sex.

What?

Look, we've all got needs, OK?

And maybe I've got more needs than most, but we're supposed to be living as near

to the Iron Age culture as possible, right?

Mm, yes.

Right.

And they must have slept around quite a bit in those days.

Otherwise there wouldn't be any little Iron Age people wandering around, would

there? No.

So I think we should follow suit.

Yes. Yeah.

I think we must do this thing properly, right?

Okay. Okay, now I've been thinking about this.

And I think the most democratic thing, right, would be if we shagged the girls

in rotation.

Sorry?

Yeah.

So, who's with me tonight?

Liz, perhaps we could... Oh, yes, of course, Simon, I'd love to.

Super.

Excuse me, Tom.

Peter, you're my chosen one.

But... No buts about it.

Come on.

We'll go to one of the smaller huts, then we can be alone.

Well, Linda?

Beth. Of course, how strange.

I want you to know that what you and I are about to do is all in the course of

duty, yeah?

You know, like we must take on the responsibility of research, yeah?

Yes, I do see what you mean.

But there is a snag.

What's that?

I'm having my P -E -R -I -O -D.

So I think we should wait a few days.

It's a bit mucky, you know.

Pernod?

This year, I'm going to conceive a strong warrior man -child.

And that child will be yours, Peter.

Ursula, I'm not exactly sure... Yes, your manhood will explode within me and

maidenhood will rise to meet it in perfect union.

And together we will create a strong new being. And he shall be called son of

Peter. Daughter of Mayerbe.

I chastise you for your faithlessness.

You are wife of Bran.

Second son of Odin, and you bring plague and disease.

What? Get gone from here, else I shall use my magic staff to remove

you.

Shut up, Desmond, and piss off.

All right, all right, I'm going.

Be gone, foul temptress.

You pair of perverts.

I'm going to find some real men.

Peter, you must be puzzled.

Well, yes.

Relax, Peter.

Remember the traveler, the fires of hell.

Yes. Well, thanks very much for saving me back there.

Relax, Peter, and turn over.

You must contain your strength.

Sleep. Sleep.

Draw those heavy curtains across your eyes.

Peter.

Yes? Would you like to see how the magic staff works?

Yes, that would be nice.

Missed you last night.

Really? I would have thought you'd had quite a good time with Ursula.

I really like her.

Ursula's great, but... Oh, come on.

Blondie bear.

Let's try a new language.

Mm?

Mm!

Mm! Mm!

I really am enjoying this course.

I don't know if it's the fresh air or what, but I really feel quite gay.

Come on.

Look, I don't know what you're trying to say.

I said good morning, Tarquin.

What was that?

I said piss off.

Oh, thanks very much.

What's the matter with you this morning? Nothing.

Come on.

What is it?

Well, if you must know...

I had to spend the whole of last night in here on my own while you lot all

went off to sleep around.

What about Jake?

What about him? He was here, wasn't he?

Yes. Oh, my God.

What is it? It's Jake.

He doesn't appear to be moving.

I think he's... He's rather dead.

Well, he did say it wasn't feeling very well.

What a strange position.

Oh, Christ!

I didn't think that I'd talk.

It's all right. Julian's coming.

Julian!

Quick, hide the body.

What? Where?

Look, let's pop him up and sit him in the zone.

Hi, gang.

Well, it's meditation time, is it?

Meditate with Mother.

No, seriously, could you all listen a sec? It's about the leaving do and

OK?

No,

sorry. Can we have a bit of hush?

Could we have a bit of hush on this one, please? A bit of hush.

Thank you.

Jake, isn't it?

Yeah. What we usually do is... What is it?

Is it some sort of game, is it?

Well, look, somebody better talk properly soon, OK?

Julian! Jane!

Jane!

Right,

look, all I'm saying is you're going to miss the disco if you don't know where

it's going to happen, aren't you?

For God's sake, you're behaving like stupid children.

Well, OK, OK, behave like children. No, fine, fine, absolutely, absolutely.

You're wasting everybody's time.

Never mind, though, OK, fine, fine.

You realise you won't be getting your certificates, don't you?

What are we going to do?

I don't know.

I suppose we should notify somebody.

That's going to have a bit of a headache, isn't she, Tom? Well, at least

not dead.

Son of mill.

Propose we build a funeral pyre.

Noble and high, that we might burn him and return him to the

soil whence he came.

A sacrificial offering.

Well, I don't know. I mean... It's what they would have done, of course. Look,

why don't we just call an ambulance?

Then I could make fertility symbols from his teeth.

The ashes will make really good clay. Yes. We could all dance around the fire.

Yes. Desmond.

I mean, Lug.

Would you lead the ritual for us?

Of course.

But Peter the Innocent must be my assistant.

Where's Tarquin? I bet he's got something to do with this. I can't find

This course has been running for five years.

Perfectly all right.