Original subtitles

Seven. Seven.

Coming. Coming out.

Coming out.

Don't do that again, lady.

Well, how's your day been so far?

Give me an ice cube, will you, Carol?

Drinking won't solve anything.

I need the ice cube because I sat on some gum in the subway just before my

blew away in the wind, just before that woman tried to stab me to death in the

elevator. Maybe she just wanted your gum.

Listen, Bob, here's something that'll cheer you up. Emily called, and your

father -in -law is coming to town.

When? Today.

Why?

To go fishing in Lake Michigan.

Guess he's going to use your apartment as his lodge.

I wish they'd get that lake out of here.

I'll get on that right after lunch.

You know, Carol, it isn't that I don't like my father -in -law. It's just that

he likes to take over. You know, if we go out to dinner, he has to pay the

check. If I see something I like, he has to buy it for me. Want to trade father

-in -laws?

You know, I haven't seen Junior since he retired, so maybe he's changed.

I think it's cute the way they call him Junior.

A 66 -year -old man called Junior is not cute.

Your mother calls you Sonny, and you're awful cute.

I'm in my 40s. Oh, well, then Sonny fits.

Here's another bit of news, Bob.

He's going to bring along a retired friend of his, some guy named Shorty.

An embarrassment of riches.

Junior, Sonny, and Shorty, you guys should record an album.

Look at this, everybody. Just look at this. Here's an article about me in the

newspaper.

Mass murderer says he's sorry.

Hotel to replace city eyesore.

Oh, sorry to see you go, Jer.

No, no, no. Here. I own that eyesore. That's a condemned building, see? And

they're going to tear it down and build a giant hotel.

Wonderful. I'm going to be rich, Bob. Can you understand what that means?

She's poor.

You... barely eke out a living, and I'm rich.

Can't you see the beauty in that?

It's your portrait, Jerry, here.

What's this?

It's an ice cube, just my way of saying congratulations.

Shorty, I really don't think Bob's gonna like the couch facing in that

direction.

Oh, he will when he gets used to it. It's the only way to watch the sunset.

Yeah, but he's not gonna be able to watch television without breaking his

Well, you just tell Bob to get himself some... High -powered binoculars.

There's plenty of TV sets right over there.

Boy, was I lucky. Look what I got.

Hey, nice catch, Junior. What did you use?

Traveler's checks.

They weren't like a charm at the market. Almost had a T -bone this thick, but it

got away.

Hi, Arnie. Hi, Dad.

Look at this fish.

Yeah, well, what am I going to do with the meatloaf?

Throw it back. It's too small.

Bob was really looking forward to a meatloaf.

You think he'd believe it if we tell him this is meatloaf?

Fish is better for him anyway.

Hey, Emily, could you wait me before dinner?

Sure.

Dad, Dad, could I talk to you for a minute?

Oh, sure.

That's the reason I came to Chicago, so we could talk.

Let's talk about Shorty.

What about him? Who the hell is he?

He's the finest surgeon in Seattle. Didn't I ever tell you about the time

Shorty saved my life?

No, I don't believe you did.

Remember I had gallstones and I had to come out, remember?

Yeah, but I don't remember Shorty operating on you.

Well, that's what saved my life. He recommended another doctor.

You'll get used to him, Emily.

He's kind of like my mentor. He's teaching me the fine art of retirement.

Oh, well, the man is obviously a master.

Good to see you, honey.

So good to see you.

I just wish Mom could have come, too. Well, this trip was kind of her

present. To you?

No, to her.

She wanted me out of the house. She said I kept getting in her way.

Hi.

Howard Borden!

How are you?

Wow, I just got into town. I didn't know Junior was coming to town.

Oh, that's because you were out of town.

Wow, what a big fish.

Sure that's dead? I just saw Jaws.

Well, he was dead when I bought him.

Yeah, I don't know.

Maybe he's just asleep.

First time we turn our backs.

Howard!

I want you to meet my friend, Shorty.

Hiya, Howard.

Boy, he really is short.

Did you, uh, change their furniture around, Emily?

Yeah, Daddy and Shorty moved the couch.

Oh, well, it really opens up the room.

Hi, everybody. Hi, Bob.

Hi, dear.

Now, there he is.

All things at the booby hatch.

What's new, Bob?

My couch is missing.

No, it's not. It's right up here.

Yeah, Shorty thought it was better to watch the sunsets up there.

Not to mention the sunrise.

Who said that?

That's Shorty, Junior's little friend.

Hi, Bob. Make yourself at home.

It's quite neighborly of me.

What's that fish?

It's a meatloaf.

Don't kid me, Emily. That's a fish.

See, I told you you wouldn't buy it.

Fish is good for you.

That's what I've always wanted, a talking couch.

Carol, is Jerry in yet?

No, he's still with the amazing Friedberg brothers.

Who? His accountants. The amazing Friedberg brothers.

At least that's what the IRS calls them.

All right, let me know when he comes in.

How come you're here, Bob? You don't have an appointment for an hour.

Junior and Shorty woke me up at dawn this morning singing.

Boy, they get up early.

They never went to bed.

Hi, Jerry. Hi, Jack.

Huh? We said hello.

Oh, uh...

Yeah, well, you're welcome.

Jerry, is something wrong?

Huh? Is something wrong?

Oh, no.

Did the hotel deal fall through?

Oh, no.

Then what happened?

Well, the money wasn't what I thought it would be.

Well, win some, you lose some.

It's six times more than what I thought it would be.

So you won some.

You know what this means?

Does that mean you'll pay me the $10 you owe me?

It means I'll make enough on this deal to retire for the rest of my life.

That's ridiculous.

I'm not kidding, Bob. I've reached the goal that I've always had, to retire

before I'm 40.

Jerry, you can't retire before you're 40. It'd be 25 years before you could

collect your Social Security.

What about your traffic?

No more hassling for a parking space, no more standing in crowded elevators with

old ladies poking you in the ribs with their umbrellas, spending all day on

feet with kids drooling on your sleeve.

Elevators aren't always that crowded.

Jerry, you're not really going to retire, are you? You better believe it.

hanging up the old smock. I'm putting the spit sink out to pasture.

I figure in about a week, only the memory of Jerry Robinson will haunt

halls. Oh, I'm really going to miss you, Jerry.

You are?

Really?

I don't understand it myself.

Well, I'm touched.

Even though for the last six years you've been overbearing and pompous, a

troublemaker, and for the most part, totally obnoxious.

Quite a tribute.

I'm going to miss you too, Carol.

You've been the best receptionist I've had in the past six years.

I'll give you my old smocks. You can sell them.

Why am I crying?

Well, don't you worry, Bob. We're still friends.

Just because I'm an independently wealthy retired person and you're a

slob.

Jerry, you aren't serious, are you? I mean, what about your responsibilities?

I'm canceling my responsibilities.

I'm canceling my life. I'll buy a new one.

What about your patients?

Let them eat cake.

What are you going to do? Everything.

Where are you going to go? Everywhere.

Well, what are you going to do after you've done everything?

Die.

You call that living?

Sounds to me like we have here a slight case of sour grapes.

Jerry, did you ever hear the story about the little mouse that played while the

other little mice were collecting nuts for the winter?

No, uh, no. You see, mice don't collect nuts for the winter, Bob. That's

squirrels. Squirrels collect nuts. Mice collect cheese.

Well, see, if it's a squirrel, it's a different story. Yeah. Well, never mind,

Bob. I'm off to buy a car.

Jerry, I can make it work with a squirrel.

You know what happened when the winter came?

He sold his building and retired.

Yeah.

But was he happy?

Or did he find out that the real enjoyment of life was working to collect

nuts? I don't give a damn. I'm rich.

So long, Bobby.

So long, Walls.

So long, bitter coffee. So long, funny round desk.

So long, seventh floor.

So long.

This story only works with a mouse.

He used to signal his patients during their operations.

Saved me a fortune in anesthesia.

Well, that's funny. I'm going to bed.

Come on, Bob.

It's the shank of the evening.

Well, two o 'clock in the morning, the shank of the evening. The shank is any

time you're with good people having a good time.

Listen, don't you guys have to get up early in the morning to go fishing?

That's right, Shorty. We better hit the sack.

Yeah, I don't... know, Junior. Can't we let it go for another day? You know, the

lake will still be there.

You never know.

And if we're going to go to Wisconsin for that cheese festival, we better

making some plans.

Yeah, well, I've been thinking about that, Junior, and the way I look at it

if you want to see cheese, you don't have to go to a festival. You just go to

refrigerator.

Yes, you're right, Shorty.

There's no need to rush into things.

We got all the time in the world. Yeah, well, actually, it's so comfortable

here, there's no reason even to leave the apartment.

Although if you thought about it, you could probably come up with a couple

reasons.

What could that be?

Probably the shank of the evening committee.

I hope it's a delicatessen.

You've called a delicatessen? No, but I sure could use a corned beef sandwich.

Who is it? Jerry Robinson.

Now, Bob, are you still up?

Yeah, Emily and I and the guys, we were just rapping about the Wisconsin Cheese

Festival. Come on in, Jerry. Emily, these shoes cost $95.

Hi. Jerry,

long time no see. What have you been up to? Bought a car, bought a yacht, and

I'm looking at a plan.

Jerry's come into a lot of money, and he retired today.

Well, in that case, you've got to meet my friend.

Shorty, he wrote the book on retirement.

Yeah, unfortunately, he didn't have enough energy to bring it to a

How you doing, Shorty? I don't really need a book. I've made all my plans.

Yachts to sail, cars to buy, mountains to climb, and women to conquer.

Boy, you can get sick doing that.

I'm talking about respectable women.

Yeah, well, you see, the secret of retirement is pacing yourself.

You gotta learn to take it easy and just go relax and do nothing.

What, uh, fishing tonight?

You're still going fishing, aren't you, Dale? Oh, yeah. You know what Shorty

thinks is real fun?

Watching cheese.

Watching people.

You just find a nice place to sit down and watch everybody come and go.

That's all well and good for you guys, but, I mean, Jerry's 38. 38 is a stupid

time to retire.

I tell you what, let's go out on the porch, Junior, and watch something, huh?

Okay. It's not a porch. It's a balcony. Well, it'll have to do.

You sure you don't want to come down and see my Ferrari?

I have to get up early, Jerry, to go to work. You remember work?

Can't say as I do.

Don't forget the story about the mouse.

Squirrels.

Rodent.

Good night.

Hey, Emily.

You know what these glasses cost?

$140.

As long as you're happy.

I am the happiest man in the world. Listen, dear, I don't want to seem rude,

I've got to be in school tomorrow. You know, the early bird gets the worm.

Good night.

Good night. Good night.

Good night, honey. Good night, Dad.

So,

uh, I guess you two guys don't want to go out and see my Ferrari.

Oh, we saw it from the balcony.

I think Shorty spilled his drink on it.

A little drink in my Ferrari, that'll ruin the finish.

Yeah, see, now that's what I mean, kiddo. The way you're talking, that's

that Ferrari owns you.

Yeah, well, I guess I could sell it and go to Europe.

Europe? Why do you want to go to Europe? Europe needs paint.

Well, I guess I could just not do anything.

Now you're catching on. Hey, do you sing tenor? I'll baritone.

Ah, perfect.

Hey, hit it, Junior.

I'm gonna lay down my sword and shield.

Down by the riverside.

Down by the riverside. Way down by the riverside.

You know I'm worried about my dad.

Yeah, he's flat.

He's getting to be a tall shorty.

I mean, he used to be such a vital man, Bob. It's not like him to miss a cheese

festival.

You know what I've always said, idle hands are the devil's workshop.

Playground. No, it's workshop.

No, idle hands are the devil's playground.

The devil doesn't have a playground, he has a workshop.

Oh, the devil's out there in the playground.

Oh,

the devil's out there in the playground.

You know, I'm really worried about what's happening to Jerry.

I mean, he's forgetting that the people who work hold this world together. You

know, people with jobs.

People who move society forward with their drive, their determination, their

initiative. What are you telling me for? I've got a job.

Well, thank God for people like you, Emily, and thank God for people like

Colonel Sanders.

I mean, he doesn't even know the meaning of the word retire.

You know, he didn't start selling chickens until he was 80, and now he

ribs.

Hi, Bob.

Is that a trace of a smile I see on your face?

Yes, it is, Carol. My mother -in -law called this morning.

Is this going to be a mother -in -law joke?

No, it isn't, Carol. As a matter of fact, she wants Junior to come home.

the rainy season in Seattle, and the storm windows have to be put up, and the

gutters and the downspouts have to be cleaned.

Well, idle hands are the devil's workshop.

Playground.

Well, guess who's in your office for a change, Bob? Your favorite retiree, good

old Jerry.

You know, if he's going to retire, I wish he wouldn't do it in my office.

He likes it in there, Bob. He says it's a great place to watch the world go by.

As long as he's not singing.

Morning, Bobby.

Bobby?

It's your move.

Jerry, we've been playing the same game for a week.

Okay, then, uh, what do you want to sing?

Jerry, I don't want to play checkers. I don't want to sing.

Suit yourself.

Hot enough for you?

Not so much the heat as the humidity.

Could be.

Of course, it's that time of the year.

I remember we had weather like this, oh, two years ago.

You couldn't call it hot, but it sure was damp.

Of course, now a lot of people like it that way.

Myself.

I prefer to shade... cooler.

Jerry, I don't need to have the village coot come into my office and babble and

whittle.

Come on, whittling is for you, Bob.

Well, what is it? It's a good sharp stick.

That's just what I need, a sharp stick.

It's not just a sharp stick, Bob.

It's a good sharp stick. A real good...

Sharp stick.

Jerry, why are you acting like this? Acting like what?

I'm enjoying myself.

I'm living my life. I'm seeing things, little things that people just don't

to notice anymore.

Like, like this morning.

What happened this morning?

Well, I'm coming down here to see you, you know.

walking along about 9 o 'clock.

No, I'm wrong. It was more like 9 .10.

Whatever. Somewhere in there. Whatever. I'm walking along, minding my own

business. Did I say 9 .10?

More like 9 .30. Fine. It was 9 .30. Or 9 .45. Let's say it was 9 .30, Jerry.

You know, you're right. Dead on. I saw the clock. Jerry, what happened this

morning at 9 .30? I see this man tearing out of the bank,

running. Lickety split.

God, darndest thing I ever saw.

You saw a man robbing a bank this morning?

Not to my knowledge.

You just said you saw a man running out of a bank.

I wouldn't go jumping to conclusions if I were you, Bobby.

He was trying to catch a cab.

Real knee slapper, Jerry. And you fell for it.

He was just trying to catch a cab.

Jerry, you made it sound like he was robbing the bank. No, I didn't, Bob.

I said specifically it was 9 .30 and banks do not open till 10.

Jerry, you know you've been retired for a week and a half and you're already

senile?

Say again?

You're hard of hearing and you're boring.

I am not boring, Bob.

Well, just yesterday, I was sitting in the park playing checkers with this

friend of mine, and I told him that great story about when I saw Vice

Albin W. Barkley in person walking down LaSalle Street.

Now, you can't call that boring.

Yes.

Well... My friend didn't think so, and I'll prove it to you. We'll call him.

What's the number of the park, Bob? I don't know. I don't know. Oh, better

that, Bob. Look, you and I will walk down to the park. Come on. We'll take a

stroll. You'll meet my friend. Jerry.

Jerry, put it down. I want to talk to you as sincerely as I can.

Well, thank you, Bob.

It'd be good to take a load off these old bones.

After all the excitement at the bank today.

Jerry, you can't really be serious about this. I mean, you aren't going to spend

the rest of your life just... Just doing nothing.

Why not?

I've earned it.

I've paid my dues.

Jerry, listen. I was trying to catch a cab.

Jerry, I know it's a cliché, but it's true.

You're as young as you feel. Age is a state of mind.

I mean, I have a patient, Mr.

Gunderman. He's 87.

He works for a dispensary in a free clinic.

And a man in the building, Mr.

Karnowski, he's 92.

He plays tenor sax for a polka band.

He isn't very good, but with that kind of music, you don't have to be good.

I mean, the point is, Jerry, they aren't just sitting there babbling and

whittling. They're doing something.

I mean, you've heard me say it before, Jerry, that's what makes this land of

ours the great land it is, from the giant redwood forest to the Gulf Stream

waters.

Jerry?

Jerry.

I guess at your age, those naps help, don't they?

I believe that's my stick.

Hello.

Hi, Bob.

Hi. I came over to return that pen I borrowed.

You're returning something?

That's broken.

Hey, where's everybody anyway?

Oh, Emily took them to the airport.

I don't understand why people retire.

I hope I never retire.

Work is what holds the world together.

Work and gravity.

And in some cases, silly putty.

I like that. I should write that down. Yeah, here's a pen. Oh, thank you.

Oh, hi.

Bye.

Well, everybody get off all right? Yeah, and guess who I saw at the airport?

Jerry. He's on his way to Germany.

Really? Yeah, he's going to study woodcraft under the foremost carver of

sticks.

You know what he's going to say to him when he meets him?

What?

Heil Hitler.