All language subtitles for The Comic Strip s05e03 Queen of the Wild Frontier
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1
00:00:33,930 --> 00:00:34,869
Oh, it was just one.
2
00:00:34,870 --> 00:00:37,850
No, this one's having a trip out. What's
wrong with your teeth then? They're
3
00:00:37,850 --> 00:00:38,850
perfect.
4
00:00:41,090 --> 00:00:42,370
Just going in for a polish.
5
00:00:43,110 --> 00:00:46,690
You make sure you don't bang your head
on the van roof when we cross that rough
6
00:00:46,690 --> 00:00:50,530
moorland road and knock those beautiful
white teeth out of that jiggy black
7
00:00:50,530 --> 00:00:51,530
head.
8
00:00:52,150 --> 00:00:55,070
Yeah, those roads can be pretty bumpy,
can't they Frank?
9
00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:25,240
What does he want now?
10
00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:26,560
He wants his lunch.
11
00:02:27,780 --> 00:02:29,160
Pointless giving him food. He never eats
it.
12
00:02:29,700 --> 00:02:32,400
Don't say that he doesn't eat anything.
You'll be done with him weeks.
13
00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:35,980
Weeks? I just wish he wouldn't drag on
like this.
14
00:02:36,260 --> 00:02:38,420
If he was a dog, we would have put him
down months ago.
15
00:02:39,700 --> 00:02:40,700
Come on.
16
00:02:41,380 --> 00:02:46,580
Well, Fiona, now that I'm here, I can
chant to him. Maybe he'll get better.
17
00:02:47,060 --> 00:02:48,520
Better? You're so stupid.
18
00:02:48,900 --> 00:02:49,960
He's not getting any better.
19
00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:51,138
He's 82.
20
00:02:51,140 --> 00:02:52,700
What nerves are you to get better for?
21
00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:54,080
You're just confusing...
22
00:03:01,130 --> 00:03:01,869
He's got the trouble.
23
00:03:01,870 --> 00:03:03,890
And now he's got a favourite just like
everybody else.
24
00:03:06,330 --> 00:03:07,330
Hello.
25
00:03:07,970 --> 00:03:08,970
We're the Wilsons.
26
00:03:09,330 --> 00:03:12,330
Oh, you bloody sheep of God's sake. You
bloody idiots.
27
00:03:13,470 --> 00:03:14,790
We've just walked high at all.
28
00:03:15,010 --> 00:03:16,930
We thought we'd just pop by and say
hello. Hello.
29
00:03:17,210 --> 00:03:18,250
Shut up, Mazda.
30
00:03:20,190 --> 00:03:21,870
We're just taking a walk down to the
river.
31
00:03:22,450 --> 00:03:25,730
Can we cut through the field here? No,
you can't. We have to go the long way
32
00:03:25,730 --> 00:03:27,230
round just like everybody else. Come on.
33
00:03:28,650 --> 00:03:30,490
Suey, I think we've come in the wrong
time. Yes.
34
00:03:31,070 --> 00:03:32,069
Look forward to seeing you again.
35
00:03:32,070 --> 00:03:33,110
Well done, Fiona.
36
00:03:33,790 --> 00:03:36,730
Doesn't pay to get too friendly with
your only neighbour, does it?
37
00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:37,340
You're not taking drugs again, are you?
38
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:39,960
What are you ranting about now?
39
00:04:40,500 --> 00:04:41,760
You should hear yourself sometimes.
40
00:04:42,180 --> 00:04:44,360
The nonsense you talk when you smoke
that stuff.
41
00:04:45,020 --> 00:04:48,080
I'm going to take you one night and play
it back to you in the morning and
42
00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:50,240
you'll be embarrassed at how bloody
stupid you sound.
43
00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:51,920
Really, Fiona?
44
00:04:52,580 --> 00:04:53,880
Do you have to do that?
45
00:04:54,620 --> 00:04:56,540
Pointless eating meat unless it's fresh.
46
00:04:57,240 --> 00:04:58,640
Fiona, I'm hungry!
47
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:00,620
I'm just plugging it, so shut up!
48
00:05:01,700 --> 00:05:03,280
What are you going to do, Fiona?
49
00:05:04,270 --> 00:05:06,730
I mean, you can't manage this place on
your own. You'll go mad.
50
00:05:07,230 --> 00:05:09,070
Well, you are mad already.
51
00:05:09,690 --> 00:05:10,870
I think I'll get married.
52
00:05:27,310 --> 00:05:28,490
Now, men.
53
00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:33,330
We are involved in a dangerous manhunt.
54
00:05:54,610 --> 00:05:58,610
Now, I don't need to emphasize how much
we need to catch these men.
55
00:05:59,370 --> 00:06:02,390
But for the man who does, there will be
a reward.
56
00:06:02,610 --> 00:06:04,410
I will personally present to him.
57
00:06:05,020 --> 00:06:10,400
A videotape of the cartoon film The
Little Mermaid.
58
00:06:49,930 --> 00:06:51,670
There's a maze down there! Go!
59
00:06:52,810 --> 00:06:53,810
Sweep the maze!
60
00:06:54,190 --> 00:06:55,470
No, hurry up!
61
00:06:56,270 --> 00:06:59,050
We know that they are just within this
circle here.
62
00:06:59,370 --> 00:07:00,810
All the exits are covered.
63
00:07:01,230 --> 00:07:02,430
They cannot escape.
64
00:07:28,919 --> 00:07:29,919
Shopping, no.
65
00:07:29,980 --> 00:07:31,060
Music, no.
66
00:07:31,620 --> 00:07:34,980
Um, how would you describe me? Am I A,
shy?
67
00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:36,240
B, reserved?
68
00:07:36,380 --> 00:07:37,380
C, outgoing?
69
00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:38,479
D, vivacious?
70
00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:39,740
How about smelly?
71
00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:41,780
No, it has to be one of these four.
72
00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:43,840
Five, your figure.
73
00:07:44,260 --> 00:07:46,100
Yes, but yes.
74
00:07:46,540 --> 00:07:47,540
Waist, no.
75
00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:48,699
Leg, too.
76
00:07:48,700 --> 00:07:49,700
Hair, yes.
77
00:07:50,380 --> 00:07:51,380
What are you doing?
78
00:07:51,820 --> 00:07:52,779
Computer dating.
79
00:07:52,780 --> 00:07:53,780
Cuts that all apart.
80
00:07:53,860 --> 00:07:55,460
Twenty -five quid, and they get you a
husband.
81
00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:58,730
Now, just... Describe your ideal
partner.
82
00:07:59,230 --> 00:08:05,830
Um, 1860, big hands, clean driving
83
00:08:05,830 --> 00:08:06,830
license.
84
00:08:08,110 --> 00:08:09,110
Describe yourself.
85
00:08:10,430 --> 00:08:17,250
Um, hill farmer, good with horses,
virgin, I
86
00:08:17,250 --> 00:08:18,250
think.
87
00:08:18,710 --> 00:08:20,870
You're not making yourself sound very
interesting.
88
00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:23,510
Well, that doesn't matter. I'm sending
them your photo anyway.
89
00:08:23,810 --> 00:08:25,050
Well, that nudie one of you in Greece.
90
00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:32,079
I'm off to bag a trout.
91
00:08:34,340 --> 00:08:35,340
Bye.
92
00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:01,800
Say that once more, guy.
93
00:09:02,540 --> 00:09:06,840
Say it once more. Come on. Shut up. Will
you shut up? Will you shut up? Shut up.
94
00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:07,739
Hello.
95
00:09:07,740 --> 00:09:09,180
I am Fiona Farrington -Cock.
96
00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:17,680
Oh,
97
00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:22,000
just my sister Susie. She's quite
attractive in an over -ripe sort of way.
98
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:24,920
string of unsuitable men. Or villains.
You probably know some of them.
99
00:09:27,460 --> 00:09:28,460
Oh.
100
00:09:28,990 --> 00:09:30,350
You caught something, then?
101
00:09:30,670 --> 00:09:31,549
This is Gary.
102
00:09:31,550 --> 00:09:33,830
He's on the run. I said he could not see
it for a few days.
103
00:09:35,630 --> 00:09:36,630
Hello, Gary.
104
00:09:37,130 --> 00:09:38,130
Hi.
105
00:09:38,310 --> 00:09:39,310
There's another one outside.
106
00:09:39,570 --> 00:09:42,110
A bit shy, quite attractive in a
slightly sort of way.
107
00:09:42,610 --> 00:09:43,750
Just your type, in fact.
108
00:09:44,270 --> 00:09:48,090
Ooh, you have been busy, haven't you?
I'm just going to get some of Father's
109
00:09:48,090 --> 00:09:49,090
clothes.
110
00:10:04,550 --> 00:10:05,550
Here you go.
111
00:10:06,710 --> 00:10:07,710
So what do you reckon?
112
00:10:40,940 --> 00:10:41,940
So be that, will you?
113
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:43,000
I'll be back in a tick.
114
00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:45,380
Put one of you bitches out for me.
115
00:10:46,860 --> 00:10:47,860
Hello!
116
00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:53,700
Oh, you look pretty good in those suits.
117
00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:57,600
Here's to the great escape.
118
00:11:01,700 --> 00:11:02,920
And how did you get out?
119
00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:04,480
Did you dig a tunnel?
120
00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:06,460
No, we got out of a van.
121
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:07,860
How exciting.
122
00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:14,120
When I was in Bangkok, I had to go to
jail for three days because my boyfriend
123
00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:20,560
at the time stuffed this huge... All my
jeans were dirty.
124
00:11:20,980 --> 00:11:22,220
It was all I could find.
125
00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:25,560
Fiona, I've never seen you so... What's
that, Susie?
126
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:28,960
Nothing.
127
00:11:29,820 --> 00:11:32,480
Do sit down, everybody.
128
00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:34,260
Gary, you're here.
129
00:11:36,620 --> 00:11:38,200
Right. Dinner's up.
130
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:48,520
Apparently it's really good for you to
drink your own urine.
131
00:11:49,520 --> 00:11:52,580
Yeah. It's got lots of vitamins in it.
Let's get started.
132
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:57,040
You know, to pee in the bath and then
feel it everywhere.
133
00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:02,520
Apparently, the Tibetan monk writing is
amazing. More like a guru, really. He
134
00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:07,900
used to say incredible things like,
every letter in the alphabet is deemed.
135
00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:09,760
Then...
136
00:12:21,580 --> 00:12:22,580
Thank you. Thank you.
137
00:12:53,710 --> 00:12:54,710
I'm thinking of turning in.
138
00:12:54,950 --> 00:12:58,650
It seems pointless to you chaps sleeping
in the barn when we've got beds
139
00:12:58,650 --> 00:12:59,650
upstairs.
140
00:13:02,950 --> 00:13:09,730
We're asleep in those beds, aren't we?
Unless they slept with Daddy. Well,
141
00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:11,210
we can share.
142
00:13:11,590 --> 00:13:13,050
I mean, all they can share.
143
00:13:14,390 --> 00:13:21,350
Or... Or what? Or what, Fiona?
144
00:13:23,950 --> 00:13:24,589
No, no.
145
00:13:24,590 --> 00:13:25,590
Oh, nothing.
146
00:13:27,430 --> 00:13:30,310
It's all right. We don't want to put you
out. We'll put you in the barn. We'll
147
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:31,310
put you in the barn, Gary.
148
00:13:36,370 --> 00:13:40,770
You're coming in a bit strong now.
You're like a bull in a china shop. Give
149
00:13:40,770 --> 00:13:41,749
a chance.
150
00:13:41,750 --> 00:13:43,690
I don't see the point in putty -putting
around.
151
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:46,130
I'm sure Mick knows I fancy him.
152
00:13:46,530 --> 00:13:47,810
That's why I mentioned the beds.
153
00:13:48,170 --> 00:13:49,850
Yes, I think we all got the message.
154
00:13:50,670 --> 00:13:53,070
Look, they've just got out of prison.
155
00:13:56,490 --> 00:14:00,150
Why don't you relax and let things take
their natural course?
156
00:14:00,570 --> 00:14:01,910
How long's that going to take?
157
00:14:02,210 --> 00:14:03,210
I've got to be up at six.
158
00:14:03,470 --> 00:14:04,470
Act cool.
159
00:14:04,490 --> 00:14:05,990
Just do as I do.
160
00:14:07,470 --> 00:14:09,870
All right, but don't take too long about
it.
161
00:14:15,230 --> 00:14:16,230
Well,
162
00:14:16,590 --> 00:14:19,330
that was a great meal, Fiona.
163
00:14:23,540 --> 00:14:24,540
God, I'm tired.
164
00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:25,940
I think I'll go to bed.
165
00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:29,440
Gary, you know where the bathroom is,
don't you? No.
166
00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:31,300
Well, come along with me and I'll show
you.
167
00:14:33,380 --> 00:14:34,380
Hi to everybody.
168
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:39,980
Tell me, Gary, do you like modern art?
169
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:45,220
Oh, well, I'm thinking of turning in.
170
00:14:45,940 --> 00:14:47,060
You don't want a bath, do you?
171
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:52,980
No, no, I've got to the barn and get
some tip. Thanks for looking after it.
172
00:14:53,390 --> 00:14:56,230
It's been a lovely evening. I'm sure
you'd be much better off upstairs.
173
00:14:57,150 --> 00:15:00,250
I'd rather sleep in the bar unless it's
all the same to you.
174
00:15:00,670 --> 00:15:01,670
Yes,
175
00:15:01,890 --> 00:15:02,629
of course.
176
00:15:02,630 --> 00:15:03,630
Whatever you prefer.
177
00:15:03,950 --> 00:15:04,950
Well, that's right.
178
00:15:11,970 --> 00:15:12,970
Good night.
179
00:15:43,550 --> 00:15:45,490
I've just wet the bed.
180
00:15:49,270 --> 00:15:51,990
Anybody interested down there? Quiet,
father.
181
00:15:58,100 --> 00:16:01,820
Your sister's here in this house with
you. Ah, my sister, my father and the
182
00:16:01,820 --> 00:16:04,260
dogs. Did you come here in a helicopter?
183
00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:09,460
What the hell's all that noise?
184
00:16:09,740 --> 00:16:11,240
I've got some highly strong animals in
here.
185
00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:15,700
Excuse me, madam, but your neighbour,
Mrs Wilson, well, apparently she saw a
186
00:16:15,700 --> 00:16:18,140
in his underpants in your farmyard last
night.
187
00:16:18,500 --> 00:16:19,740
Oh, that's against the law, is it?
188
00:16:20,060 --> 00:16:22,020
Stribbing down to your underpants in
your own farmyard?
189
00:16:22,380 --> 00:16:23,640
Oh, you're safe!
190
00:16:24,260 --> 00:16:25,260
Thank God!
191
00:16:25,710 --> 00:16:29,770
I'm set up all night worrying whether to
go to the police or not, in case you
192
00:16:29,770 --> 00:16:32,910
hear such terrible things, don't you?
You've got the nerve to call the police
193
00:16:32,910 --> 00:16:36,090
out here, just because Ken and I like
stripping down to our underpants in the
194
00:16:36,090 --> 00:16:37,710
privacy of our own farmyard.
195
00:16:38,290 --> 00:16:40,990
I didn't realise he was a friend of
yours.
196
00:16:41,530 --> 00:16:46,330
There you go making assumptions again.
He's not a friend. He does odd jobs for
197
00:16:46,330 --> 00:16:47,750
us. And his underpants?
198
00:16:48,270 --> 00:16:49,270
Well, yes, it's necessary.
199
00:16:50,130 --> 00:16:51,290
Emily's not doing farm work.
200
00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:52,670
We use them for other things.
201
00:16:52,950 --> 00:16:54,010
Lucky old Ken.
202
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,560
The barns have been searched and I can't
find anything, sir.
203
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:06,800
Well, that's all right. It's been
sorted.
204
00:17:07,540 --> 00:17:11,400
Apparently, there's a man called Kenny
who does odd jobs in his underpants.
205
00:17:13,359 --> 00:17:15,200
All right, you lot, back up the road.
206
00:17:17,540 --> 00:17:18,540
OK.
207
00:17:19,500 --> 00:17:20,500
Thanks, Fiona.
208
00:17:21,359 --> 00:17:22,359
Don't mention it.
209
00:17:56,650 --> 00:17:57,750
Would you like me to give you a hand
with those?
210
00:17:59,070 --> 00:18:00,650
All right, if you think you can keep up.
211
00:18:01,590 --> 00:18:02,590
It's hard work, you know.
212
00:18:03,230 --> 00:18:04,910
Perhaps I should strip down to my
underpants.
213
00:18:41,900 --> 00:18:43,260
You're going too fast, you old guy!
214
00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:50,080
Good! Into the big field now!
215
00:19:37,900 --> 00:19:38,900
You don't have to help me.
216
00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:40,500
I'm used to doing all the work.
217
00:19:41,540 --> 00:19:42,540
No, I'm fine.
218
00:21:11,050 --> 00:21:12,050
Thank you.
219
00:22:29,450 --> 00:22:30,450
My wedgie.
220
00:22:40,810 --> 00:22:42,510
I don't believe you.
221
00:22:46,510 --> 00:22:53,410
What on earth's going on? They've taken
my passport, my money, my
222
00:22:53,410 --> 00:22:54,950
jewellery, my dope.
223
00:22:55,250 --> 00:22:57,010
Who has? Who do you think?
224
00:22:57,470 --> 00:22:59,730
Who? Perhaps you mislaid it. No.
225
00:23:00,310 --> 00:23:01,750
No, the cheap's gone too.
226
00:23:03,390 --> 00:23:06,090
But Mick wouldn't do a thing like that.
227
00:23:06,410 --> 00:23:08,730
Oh, Fiona, stop being so naive.
228
00:23:10,250 --> 00:23:11,250
Bastards!
229
00:23:11,510 --> 00:23:12,770
Well, there's got to be an explanation.
230
00:23:13,310 --> 00:23:14,309
They're criminals.
231
00:23:14,310 --> 00:23:15,310
Is that enough?
232
00:23:15,950 --> 00:23:18,890
But Mick wouldn't do a thing like that.
It's got to be Gary.
233
00:23:19,110 --> 00:23:20,190
Oh, grow up.
234
00:23:22,170 --> 00:23:24,010
You don't know what's happened between
us.
235
00:23:24,790 --> 00:23:26,810
Mick and I are having an affair.
236
00:23:27,450 --> 00:23:29,070
And he's asked me to marry him.
237
00:23:30,790 --> 00:23:32,070
Oh, yes.
238
00:23:32,430 --> 00:23:33,630
Funny, isn't it?
239
00:23:47,250 --> 00:23:50,950
I don't want to go back. I'm too pretty
for prison.
240
00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:08,620
Farrington Cock was a much -valued
member of the community, a lifelong
241
00:24:08,620 --> 00:24:13,140
Christian, a devoted father to Fiona and
to Susan.
242
00:24:13,740 --> 00:24:17,040
He will be sorely missed by friends and
family alike.
243
00:24:17,820 --> 00:24:22,440
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, we commit
the body in the sure and certain
244
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:27,440
knowledge that he will soon be reunited
with his very beautiful wife... Chin up.
245
00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:31,240
Now, if that package arrives from India,
you know where to send it, don't you?
246
00:24:31,900 --> 00:24:33,400
Well, Fiona...
247
00:24:33,790 --> 00:24:37,190
Are you sure you're going to be all
right in that lonely, deserted farmhouse
248
00:24:37,190 --> 00:24:39,210
your own? Well, if you... All right,
bye.
249
00:24:39,950 --> 00:24:40,950
Look after yourself.
250
00:24:57,630 --> 00:24:58,630
Well?
251
00:24:58,910 --> 00:24:59,990
Better get the cows in, then.
252
00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:15,440
I've got some news for you, Mrs
Farringdon -Cock.
253
00:25:15,700 --> 00:25:16,700
Myth.
254
00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:17,920
Sorry, myth.
255
00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:20,520
I hope you're prepared for this.
256
00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:22,600
It would seem that you're two months
pregnant.
257
00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:25,720
Happy news, I trust?
258
00:25:26,740 --> 00:25:30,000
In the meantime, I'd better put you down
for some of our antenatal classes.
259
00:25:30,860 --> 00:25:32,320
You're going to need a few tests done.
260
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:35,560
Blood, urine, amniocentesis, probably.
261
00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:36,840
I haven't got time for all that.
262
00:25:37,060 --> 00:25:38,060
Far too busy.
263
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:39,920
I've got 60 acres to look after, you
know.
264
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:31,900
I'll handle this, Helen. You keep your
finger on the panic button.
265
00:27:37,020 --> 00:27:40,220
They're coming every 30 seconds!
266
00:27:40,820 --> 00:27:41,820
There comes another!
267
00:27:43,100 --> 00:27:46,040
Oh, it's that married woman from the
farm. I think she's drunk.
268
00:27:46,420 --> 00:27:48,640
Don't you see, Rupert? She's having a
baby.
269
00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:51,040
Oh, this is all...
270
00:28:01,870 --> 00:28:03,250
I'm going to make a big fool mess in
your car.
271
00:28:04,290 --> 00:28:06,070
Wait, all right. Just relax.
272
00:28:07,010 --> 00:28:08,190
Are you all right?
273
00:28:11,310 --> 00:28:12,310
Get off me.
274
00:28:12,570 --> 00:28:13,770
Please get off me. That's all right.
275
00:28:14,110 --> 00:28:15,150
Push. Push.
276
00:28:16,890 --> 00:28:17,890
Oh,
277
00:28:18,050 --> 00:28:19,050
shut up, master.
278
00:28:20,250 --> 00:28:21,770
Please, please, can you let go of me,
would you?
279
00:28:22,030 --> 00:28:23,070
I can't drive with you.
280
00:28:23,350 --> 00:28:24,350
Oh, sorry.
19454
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