All language subtitles for The Comic Strip s04e05 Spaghetti Hoops

Rome Standard!

Rome Standard!

Bank Scandal! 200 million missing!

Jamison Crook!

Rome Standard!

Rome Standard!

Bank Scandal! 200 million missing!

Bank Jamison Crook!

Bank Scandal!

200 million missing!

Bank chairman's a crook.

Morning, Mr. Vini.

I see another scorching red hot day in
Rome again.

Here, the time has dried up.

Bank scandal!

Hello, Giorgio.

Apparently they say we've been fiddling
money at this bank.

You don't know anything about it, do
you? No.

No need as to why.

Anyway, they're coming here at 11 to
look for any incriminating papers.

Oh, well, I've got nothing to hide.

No, neither have I.

Gina? Yes, Mr. Beany?

I'm just going...

Um, to... Um... You know.

Of course, I wouldn't tell Harold
Ronaldo.

He's my best friend.

We went to school together.

Our children play together, so there's
absolutely no way I'd drop him in it.

Do you know what we will do to you if
you don't start spilling the pasta?

What will you do?

We'll do things to you.

What things?

Can't tell you that yet, because they're
too horrible to talk about.

And we haven't had our breakfast yet.

More croissant, Inspector?

No, more cake.

And be very generous with the cream.

Leave room for your five -course lunch,
won't you?

Please do not.

On you?

Yes, please.

Right, let's start the torture.

All right, all right, I'll talk.

Oh, there's a crook. He's corrupt. He's
a big, fat, rich crook, and millions

have gone missing, and nobody knows what
he's done with them.

I don't think I can take this
sweltering, chaskin' heat any longer,

Why don't we build, like... A huge,
bigger folly, but this time by the sea.

I mean, look at me. I'm bored.

I'm having affairs with the staff again.

I need an interest.

How does some of the counting come up?
No, Maria.

I'm sorry, my love.

I'm sorry. I must add up all this cash
myself.

All right.

Shall I make you some tea?

Yes, that'd be nice.

It's got haunted air, spaghetti or
spaghetti oop.

Spaghetti who?

Hello, Daddy!

Hello, Francesca.

Daddy, some of my friends at our college
have been saying that you've been

ripping off the bank.

And I said, well, that's just not true.
And then they said, well, how come

you're able to buy me such an expensive
car if you weren't ripping off the bank?

Bank? Is it true, Daddy?

Just tell them it's creative
accountancy.

Oh, so long as it's creative, they'll
understand.

Look, Daddy. Look what I painted.

It's called Still Life with Lyra.

Masterpiece, Francesca.

It's for you.

For your office at the bank.

Yes. You bring me such joy, Francesca.

Who is it?

Oh, it's that nice Mr.

Corelli. Listen, don't you be too long,
because your tea's getting cold.

Cat!

Hello, hello.

Hello, Mr. Corelli.

Um... Vertolius talked to the police.

No, Grand Master, no, no, I won't run
away, no.

No, no, I'll sit it out. I'll stay right
here.

I'll keep a discreet silence until the
whole thing's blown over.

Yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

Yes.

What's that?

What's that?

Incriminating papers.

No, no, don't worry, Mr. Carelli.

There's nothing they can get you for.

No, no, Grand Master. I wouldn't dream
of doing a bunk and leaving you in the

shit. Okay, okay.

Okay, Tipton Fee, tick off.

Bubbling squeak, Mario.

A pint of bamboo cup.

Bubbling squeak, Mario.

Plenty of bongolet sauce on that, love.

I'm doing all the sneaky backwards, you
know what I mean? Paolo Rossi Square,

Ulighini Place, all the business.

All of a sudden, bosh, I've come out on
a trattorio to bastard one way. Have you

read it?

One bleeding way, half a mile. Half a
mile, I've got to pole my way up there

get back on the Grand Canal.

Then all of a sudden, this geezer come
up. He says, can you take me back to

Rossi Square?

I said, sorry, governor, I'm going east.
You know, as you do.

He starts arguing and sucks the fella.

Giving me loads of box, you know what I
mean? I said, all right, come here. Come

here, bunny.

I pulled out the flippers, thrown them
at his head. I said, you want to get

there? He didn't swim.

You know what I'm saying?

Saucy. Another thing, Venice is only
bleeding sinking, isn't it?

Hey, what's the castle sodding doing?

I read it in the local paper. Where is
this thing? It's sodding. What do I

I'm on a boat all fleeting, eh? I'll
tell you later.

So you're trying killers, eh?

Yes, we are.

Let's tell the theory, they tell me.

Yes, we are.

So who you killed?

We killed... Who was the bloke who ran

that chip shop in Bologna?

Oh, I don't remember.

Yeah, you know the one.

Oh, yeah, yeah, him. Yeah, yeah.

Well, we didn't actually kill him, but
we were very nasty to him. Take our word

for it, Mr. Corelli. We're the best in
all Italy.

You're the true one.

Thanks.

This is a bit of a break for us, you
know, working for such a nice man as

yourself. Shut up!

And listen up.

It's a very dodgy, high -level masonic
business going on here.

And I mean all that.

As you can see, with this very special
ring that I never take off of my head.

What?

Even when you're doing the washing up?

I don't.

What's up?

I'm the star witness, I am.

I'm going to tell them everything.

Then after the trial, I'm going to get a
new face, new passport, and hurt.

Lots of perks.

All I've got to do is stand up in an
open court and say in a loud, clear

mystical, Remy, is a...

Hello,

Aldo.

Hello, Jar Jar.

I brought you some chops.

You choose first.

Thank you.

Not like you to choose a cherry one
first.

No, but I've had this craving for these
since I've been shot.

Shot?

I had to tell them things about you,
Aldo.

Did you tell them about our school days
together?

Yes.

Did you tell them about the 200 million
I took?

Yes.

Wasn't very nice was it no chocolate

So

I suppose you've got immunity then have
you

yeah, and I haven't

I wish you had been killed, really.

Then you wouldn't be able to testify
against us, would you?

No.

So do you think you'll live or what?

Well, it was touch and go for a while,
but I'm stable now.

I don't suppose I could just stick that
pillow over your face and... No, not

really. Not now I'm getting better. No.

Well, I'd better do a bunk then, hadn't
I?

Where are you going to go?

Are you going to stay at your secret
London flat?

No. No, no, I'm not going there. I'm
going to my other secret flat.

I haven't been there, have I?

No.

Well, this is it, really.

Turned out quite bad, really, didn't it?

Yes.

Bye -bye, Giorgio.

Goodbye, Aldo.

Can I keep the chocolates?

No.

You won't be home for dinner tonight,
then, Daddy?

No.

Can I come with you?

No, Francesca.

I'm an investor.

Victim of my own greed and rising living
costs.

As a family, we became overextended.

Did you steal from the bank, Daddy?

No, I'm an embezzler, I told you.

Oh, yeah, sorry.

What am I going to tell Mummy?

Tell her to change her name, sell the
house and keep her mouth shut.

Mummy's gone.

Is she?

Yeah, she took her jewels and the
gardener and she's gone to live in

I see.

Don't worry, Daddy.

I'll stand by you.

Thank you, Francesca.

Good luck with your diet.

Good luck to you too, Daddy.

See you in America.

I shan't be wearing a moustache, then. I
should have shaved it off.

All right.

Oh, Daddy.

Stand it! Stand it! Big London freezer!

Tim's frozen over!

It's no joke!

Get your standard here.

Missing banker. Last seen in
Switzerland.

Standard. Standard.

Missing banker. Last seen in
Switzerland.

Fred, I only have Swiss franc. Don't
worry, mate.

Take the paper. I've got enough money.
This is just jam to me.

Welcome to London.

Standard. Standard.

Roll up there.

Dear Mr. Corelli, me and me are having a
lovely time.

No, no, don't say lovely.

Say reductive time.

Well, yeah.

What? What do you want?

We don't speak English.

What point, then?

We don't understand what you're saying.

Stick your finger on the menu, Ignaz.
What?

We're inexpensive.

Yes. Have you seen any Italians around
here? Yeah, a lot. Now, what do you

Got dried sandwiches, warm beer or cold
tea?

He says the banker was here a couple of
days ago with a blonde.

Maybe his wife doesn't know.

He finished the first course but only
played with the second course.

What is he?

He won't tell us.

But he left in a hurry.

This is the secret Masonic lodge of St.
James's.

Why? Who wants to know?

My name is Aldo.

I'm a fellow Mason, and I'm calling on
you for help.

Well, come on in. Do the funny
handshake.

Right then, fellow Masonic traveller.

Aldo. How can I help you? A plate of
passion, a tenner out of the till? I

help and protection.

It's political.

I'm in big financial trouble, and
everybody's after me.

Except for you, old fellow brother.

Hold on.

Roll up the other trouser leg. I know
who you are. You're that dodgy

aren't you?

Yes, Aldovini, yes.

Yeah, yeah, on your bike or pissed off
out of the building. Go on.

Don't bother coming back neither, eh?

Otherwise I'll be forced to call a...
very special lodge meeting, and in it

we're going to tear your heart out and
put it between two wet stones and leave

it out to dry at sundown.

You masonic disgrace, you are!

Luigi?

Luigi? Luigi, it's Aldo.

Your brother, Aldo.

What do you mean, don't come to the
house?

No, no, no, don't hang up.

Luigi, listen.

I'll give you a million pounds if you
let me stay the night and drive me to

airport in the morning.

Okay, four million pounds.

Luigi?

Luigi?

I'd have to go and stay at the flat.

What if someone recognizes me?

Don't be silly, Aldo. Don't be silly.

It's five years since you were last
here.

No one will recognize you in an
anonymous district like this.

Bye, Aldo.

They always like those people.

Thank you very much.

Oh, hello, Mr. Vini. Well, we haven't
seen you in a long time, have we? It's

Vini. Here, I've got five years' worth
of bangers weekly you forgot to cancel.

That's £800, please, and 26 pieces of
milk.

Hello, Mr. Vini. I'm sorry to hear about
your banking trouble.

I can't shoot this man.

Now, listen, Mog.

We're heartless killers.

We don't give that for human life. We
have complete disregard for people's

feelings and the suffering of the loved
ones... I haven't brought me gun.

All right.

When I say go, we'll just rush him.

Now! What do you mean, go? Yes, now!

Got a light?

I don't smoke.

You want to start?

No, thank you. I tried it when I was a
child and I didn't like it.

We only started yesterday.

Yeah, yeah. So we can give up?

Just like that.

Really? Well, if you'll excuse me,
gentlemen, this is where I live. So if

don't mind, I... Oh, we live here as
well.

Yeah, yeah.

We live in the flat next door to you.

Funny, isn't it?

Us living next door to each other and
only speaking Italian.

Well,

we'll go into our flat then, shall we?

Yeah, yeah, I really suddenly feel like
going indoors.

I see Nalera's gone down again.

How are you feeling?

All right.

Do you think your flat's bigger than
ours or smaller?

I don't know.

It might be bigger.

It might be smaller.

I wish I knew.

Would you like to come in?

Would either of you like a whiskey?

No, thanks.

Not while we're on holiday.

We'd like a Perrier, please.

Perrier?

I don't know if I have any Perrier.

He wants to look in that room, if that's
all right.

Yes, that's all right.

I see

the lira's gone down again.

Don't you want your hair yet?

Yeah,

I do.

Ah, busy water!

You've got the wrong man.

You have the wrong man.

I'm not Aldo Vini.

I'm Colin Vini.

I'm Colin Vini.

It's an understandable mistake.

We look similar.

Yes, Mr Carelli, yes.

That's right.

Colin Vini.

Colin.

He says you haven't got a brother called
Colin.

You want us to do what, to his knees?

Hang on.

Sorry about the delay. We're just
getting a pen.

No, a pen.

Entry left to right.

Yes.

Send it in to who?

Dip his left foot in goat's milk.

Where do you want that sent?

Oh, I see. That's just part of the
ritual.

You want us to do that to him, do you?

Yeah, all right.

Thank you, Mr. Corelli.

It's lovely working for you.

Ciao.

He doesn't like you much, does he?

Read out that shopping list again.

Half pound of sugar, biscuits, goat's
milk, cheese, blackened deck of powder

with sore attachments and Masonic knot
book.

Where are you going to get that?

Ah, foils or any good bookshop.

Right, well, I'll be off then, Mug.

What are you going to do while I'm gone?

I don't know.

Maybe watch some television?

Do a bit of housework?

Maybe defrost the fridge?

Oh, yeah, that'd be nice.

Could do with a claim.

I'll see you later. Bye -bye.

I'd like to give up killing one day.

Open a boutique.

Nothing pretentious, just T -shirts and
posters.

This is our first job for the
Freemasons.

Our first job, I mean my first job.

Migs done things for them before, you
know.

He went to grammar school.

Rome grammar school for boys.

He reads books for pleasure.

Me?

I come from a family of sardine packers.

Well, we didn't actually pack them.

We just put the little keys on the tins.

They never work, you know.

Shall we have something to eat?

Here

we

are.

Spaghetti hoops.

These will remind you of home.

This is much better than all that oily,
herby stuff covered in stale cheese that

you get at home.

Mmm.

Aren't you going to eat anything?

Mmm.

Shall we watch television?

I wish I hadn't done it.

Done what?

Taken all that money.

Oh?

What money?

It was Catholic money.

You know, the money they collect on
Sundays. They... They just bunged it at

bank and forgot about it. So I took it.

So I made a little bit first, you know.

If the taxi home and such.

Then I took a little bit more.

And then I thought, why not take it all?

They shouldn't leave money lying around
like that, should they? To tempt people.

Especially not when you're susceptible.

Oh, I didn't spend it on myself
personally much.

Let me tell you, there's quite a lot of
rich people in Italy today, thanks to

me.

Ungrateful bastards.

It's just business, isn't it?

It's nothing personal.

As it says in the Godfather.

It's my favourite book there. Have you
read it?

Mario Puzo.

Well, I don't care if you have read it
or not, really.

The only thing I care about now is
Francesca.

I'm going to eat that.

Things will look a lot better on a full
stomach, you know.

I can't.

My hands are tied.

I had this room built.

She could do her paintings in.

Sometimes she and I would just spend
hours and hours together in there

while she painted.

It was only nine or something.

No million I ever stole gave me as much
pleasure as those hours we spent

together.

At least you had those hours.

That's something, isn't it?

I

suppose

we've got to kill him, don't we?

Yes, we do.

I don't want to kill him.

But we're paid killers.

I've already cashed the check.

I'm not going to do it.

Dr. Mark, I can't do it on my own.

That's your problem.

Dr.

Mark, this is the government.

They're going to kill us both.

You have to catch us first.

Mark! Mark!

Come back in, you bastard!