All language subtitles for The Comic Strip s04e01 South Atlantic Raiders

Good evening.

Good evening.

Oh, is it raining again?

Feeling better?

Yes, a little bit better. Thanks for
asking.

I'll tell you what worries me, Cathy.

It's this mysterious and strangely
debilitating chest problem of yours

show up on the medical, did it?

Do you know, I know, it's infuriating,
isn't it?

But the very same thing happened to me
on the Amazon expedition.

Oh, too hot.

Well, yes, actually.

I mean, you know that really muggy,
uncomfortable, sort of intense heat?

I couldn't do anything.

Couldn't row, couldn't put up a tent,
couldn't carry all the stuff over the

rapids, you know. All I could do was sit
in the back of the boat, underneath the

parasol, and trail my hand in the water.
I just became a passenger, really.

Surely they must have hated me at the
end.

like where you are over?

About minus 30.

Over. Minus 30?

Where are you?

I'm walking to the North Pole.

Over. How many of you are there? Over.

Just me.

Over.

What are you doing down there? Is that
where you live? Over.

No, I'm on an ornithological expedition.

Oh, bird watching.

Yeah, I'll do a bit of that myself.

Only joking.

Over.

What do you look like?

You look like Francis, over.

Have you ever read Words Monthly?

No.

Oh, shame, because there's a picture of
me in the August issue, over.

I'll try and get a copy.

It's been nice talking to you, Stan.

It's been nice talking to you too,
Francis.

Um, what's the Falkland for good night?

Good night.

What's that shit you're reading, Stan?

I'm looking for something.

This is what I call a man's mad.

Yonks and yonking.

No, we're in just pictures of blokes.

Look at the uniform on that!

You don't sound as if you're 6 ,000
miles away. Yeah, it's this new

I got it in the sale at Nixon's.

It's good, isn't it? Makes it sound like
you're in the next room.

Over. Well, there's a book.

I've got the magazine.

Over.

Really? Over?

Yes, I've got it in front of me now.

I like the blonde one on the left. Which
one are you? Over.

The blonde one on the left, over.

And Cathy's the mousy one, is she? Over.

Yes.

Blimey, she's no oil painting, is she?

Birthday! Biscuit day!

Where are the biscuits?

The mice have eaten them. Both packets!

And you know, I've set traps everywhere.

And the funny thing is that all the
cheese has gone as well. So I think they

must be able to eat the cheese without
setting the traps off.

They're all little things, aren't they,
mice?

I'm going to ask her to marry me, Billy.

You're a mad bastard, Stan.

You've never met him.

Well, I've heard her speak, and I know
what she looks like, and I know

she's the one for me.

He doesn't know what you look like,
though.

I look all right, don't I?

And I've got all this.

Full -time employment.

It's all right, isn't it?

They say love's blind. Let's hope so.

Do it now.

Hello, C12B Francis.

This is Stan here.

I've been thinking about the future and
about us.

And, well, I'm going to be 32 this
October.

And I feel like I'm ready to put down
roots in that.

What I'm saying is... I'd like to marry
you.

Over.

Hello! Hello!

of what you're going to have.

Yes, gentlemen. Is there some sort of a
problem?

Yes. General Galtieri has retaken the
Falkland Islands.

Oh, General Galtieri has just retaken
the Falkland Islands.

Yes.

I see.

And what would you actually like us to
do about it?

Um, well, I'm telling you so you can
pass it on to the, um, you

know... The task force!

Oh, right, right.

Well, I tell you what, I'll have a word
with the Prime Minister and no doubt

she'll send a couple of ships down that
way tomorrow.

All right, gents.

Madam, about your poodle, did you say it
was a creepy colour?

This is it, Billy.

We're going to have to do this
ourselves.

We are going to have to go to the
fortress.

How are we going to get down there,
Billy? We haven't got any money.

Well, we'll just have to check it. Yeah,
but we need millions. I mean, we've got

to get the air tickets, guns, that
uniform.

Where are we going to get our hands on
that kind of money?

It's impossible.

All right, that's two million, three
million,

four million, five million. Oh, I'm very
sorry, everybody.

Nearly ten to ten, Mr Stevens.

Is it really?

Well, I'm... I'm sorry, I had to sleep
in the park last night.

My wife Mary, she wouldn't let me into
the house.

Again.

I tried to stay with my brothers, but...
Not that one either.

But his wife wouldn't let me there
either.

She says I frighten the children.

Oh, I think that's it.

No.

There's a little fellow.

There you go.

Oh, I think it's going to be a lovely
day.

Lots with you.

I'm so sorry to keep you, gentlemen.

If you'd just like to follow me.

Ah, Mary, before you throw me out the
house, I just want to say how grateful I

am for all the wonderful years we had
together. And I've stopped drinking.

These are just a token of my love and
affection in the way of saying thank

And I really have stopped this time. Oh,
sorry, Max.

Would you like a drink?

I'd like a drink.

No, neither would I.

I'd like some lemon, dear.

Mary?

Mary, there's no necessity for guns. I'm
not a violent man, you know that.

All I came for was a clean pair of socks
and a wedding photograph and I'll be

out there... Oh, shut up, Max.

These men want to rob your bank.

They're going to hold me hostage while
you go to the bank and get the money.

There's six million in there and we want
it all.

Yeah, but it's closed now.

Well, open it. Yeah, you've got the
keys. We've seen you.

Yeah, well, I have, but unfortunately
the vault's on a time clock. Nobody can

open it till tomorrow.

What are we going to do, Stan?

I know. You can stay here tonight.

I'll cook dinner.

What are we having?

What about risotto?

Sounds punsy. No, Billy.

I like risotto.

Do you want a hand?

You ever robbed a bank before, Stan?

No, it's my first time.

It's all a bit hit and miss, really.

We haven't had time for proper planning
and preparation.

Me and Stan are going to invade
Argentina.

No, just the two of you.

So far, so few.

Stupid, really.

But it's better to die a glorious death
than throw your life away in the pub.

Isn't it?

That's fine now. That's much better.
What is?

The cupboard light.

You see, some of these cupboards, when
you close the door, the light should go

off like this.

Ah, no, there's still something not
quite right.

Who are you?

I'm so sorry.

Uh, Rollo Richmond Barn, bedroom, uh,
cupboard door light thing, uh, limited.

Here's my card.

Um... That's for a Chinese restaurant,
isn't it?

Oh, dear, I'm so sorry. Oh, God.

Oh, my God, look at that.

This man was trying to rob you. You
should be locked up.

I'm so sorry to be a nuisance.

Yes, Max, why don't you call the police?

Anyone like another drink?

Do you like one?

Oh, thank you.

Hello, police.

Ice, everybody.

Yeah, this is Max Stevens, 19 Team
Avenue.

What's the problem?

Well, what is the problem?

They're robbing the bank.

Wrong number.

We're in trouble.

Thank you.

You've come to the wrong house.

This is number 17, isn't it?

You are never number 17.

Just a minute, Dirk. Are you the owner
of this house?

No. I am.

Good evening, Sergeant. I'm awfully
sorry to trouble you.

You fixed this up.

I did?

You arranged all this to spoil the
divorce.

What divorce, Mary?

Precisely. Mary, I don't know people
like this.

By the way, how is the Chief Constable?
Is his outfit going to be better for the

golf on Sunday?

Chief Constable's skiing in Val d
'Isere, sir.

Those surgeons really are marvellous,
aren't they?

Well, please give them my regards, won't
you?

I've never seen them before in my life.

These are hard, desperate men who'll
stop at nothing to get what they want.

Hello.

I'm afraid the sauce didn't quite work,
so I put it in a separate dish.

Shall I open the champagne now?

So, Fatty opens the safe.

You grab the spondylox.

We all run like hell into the street.

Bells ringing galore.

Have a go, as on every corner.

What do we do next?

Fly to Argentina.

Well,

here's what I think we should do.

Roughly divide the money in the taxi on
the way to the airport.

Then I'll drop you off and see you down
there in Peru, wherever it is you're

going, ASAP.

No.

I think we should stick together.

Stick together.

My God, that's a bit salty, isn't it?

Well, you didn't have to eat it. You
weren't invited anyway.

I think it's great, Stan.

I'll have yours.

I love salt.

How much combat experience have we all
had?

It's not necessary.

Killing's instinctive. As long as you
hate people enough and watch the right

films.

First Blood were good.

Then they done Rambo.

Well, that was a bit commercial for my
test.

How about you, Stan?

Well, I don't like Rambo either.

I just want to rescue Francis.

What?

Hey, she's only getting away.

Oh, don't be rotten. I've lost my job,
haven't I?

I've spilled. Oh, come on, Beth. Move
out. Move out.

Oh, no. There's no flight to the
Portland.

No scheduled flight.

I'm glad she went to Stockholm.

Good morning. Can I help you, sir?

Yes. We're interested in purchasing one
of your jet fighter planes.

I'm sorry, sir.

I'm afraid we only do business with
governments or with companies

those governments.

Excuse me.

Where's your toilet?

It's just over there, sir. Of course,
yes. Well, we're actually an exciting

city -based company called Ronson Marble
Soul Cut, representing a government

that is interested in... How much is one
of these?

Quite a lot of money, sir. Hello?

Mary? Yeah.

Um, nobody to get hurt.

Well, if you'd just like to take a seat,
I'll see that the plane is brought

round to the front.

Thank you.

Well, I've decided to go with them. To
the Fortwoods, yes.

Mary, I love you.

I write every day.

Honeypot.

Where's everyone going?

Hello, C12B Francis, over.

Hello, C12B Francis, over.

They'll never see their wives or
girlfriends ever again.

Do you know, they still haven't caught
the fourth man, the mastermind.

What a rat.

Just leaves him there to rot and he goes
off with the money.

Hello. I've come to see Mr Nipper Shine.

He's dead.

I'm Mrs. Shines.

You, uh... Connie Snell.

So what's the first play, then?

I want to get my friends out of
Dartmoor.

We dug the hole and everything.

Day before the jump, the governor got
there and switched his Peter.

No, I didn't understand a word of that.

Why don't you shut your mouth and let
your arse do the talking?

Right, sorry.

What I'm trying to tell you, Egghead, is
that there is an unused tunnel running

out of cell 109 Block C.

It goes straight out under the wall.

It's never been used.

Come on, Rex.

You're supposed to be leading me. You're
supposed to be a highly trained lion.

You pull me over, you silly dog.

Hello, Billy.

Hello, Dad.

Oh, why did you do it? Breaking your
poor mother's heart.

Move to cell 109.

Yes,

Belmont, what is it, you miscreant?

I want to move to cell 109.

I want to move to cell 109.

There you go, Randy Brock. Another
volunteer for you.

No!

Hello. You're going to get a very sore
bottom.

Cell 108.

The worst cell in the entire neck.

No toilet, no window. It's a living
hell. I can't imagine anything worse.

Especially when Randy Ron gets to work
on your mate next door.

Thank you.

Yes, tidy off for our purposes.

I like you.

You're a genuine upper -crust sicko, you
are. The mind boggles at the bottomless

depths of your depravity.

Sleep well.

Do you want to be the man or the woman?

This is the most natural and beautiful
thing in the world.

Kate.

Kate. Come on to Kate.

Come on to Kate.