Original subtitles

Are you taking this train to El Paranjo?

Am I taking this train to what?

El Paranjo.

She said, are we taking this train to El Paranjo?

No.

No.

We leave the train at San Domingo. The next stop.

The next stop.

The next stop.

But this train doesn't stop at San Domingo.

This train will stop at San Domingo, old woman.

Don't you?

It was an accident.

You

take

traveler's jet.

Tickets!

What?

Tickets.

Hey, what's this going to go?

It's a Euro Rover, old man.

You English?

Yes. Yeah.

I am Argentine.

Everybody happy!

Everybody happy!

What's the meanest, nastiest, dirtiest hell hotel in town? Yes, for two mean,

ugly, gunslinging bastards like us to stay in for two weeks.

Ah, you want the hotel Bastardos? It's a bitch.

This is the manager. He's my best friend.

Nice to meet you, Mr. Bastardos.

You'll be in my hotel at four o 'clock, you bastard in place.

Hey, double B &B for one night, Capitano.

Get your hands off my counter, you tourist filth.

I think I like this place.

Make that two weeks.

Color TV in every room?

Jacuzzi. Two bars.

Disco.

Every Friday.

Where's the disco?

Except October.

I don't think I like this place I don't think I like you

I

don't think I heard that I

don't think I said it I don't think

No fire guns in the bedroom, eh?

And no flashing guns down the laboratory.

Hey, how come there's no soft toilet paper?

It's Hotel Batardo.

Not Dr. Toilet Paper Hotel Batardo.

You want a soft toilet paper? You go to Hotel Gay Boy.

You're winging pummies.

And another thing.

You're not set fire to debates, eh?

Good, good, good, good.

Okay.

hotel by Stardust. It's more like hotel and breath enough.

They've toileted everything.

No, sir, thank God the factory's still there. I thank you, sir.

Excuse me, is this the road to El Peranzo? Yeah, and that's exactly where

going. Is that where you're going?

Yes, it is. Have a nice day.

Hey Turcos, what have you got in those bags?

A big slug!

I don't... I won't, to be honest, be

needing rain anymore.

Neither do I.

Listen, you puppet horse. Know what I'm saying or it's a kitty cat factory for

you. Do you understand?

Do you understand?

September. What about?

Italy.

Is that for the Rome Beer Festival?

No, that's in Munich.

Well, the Rome Beer Festival's in Munich. No, Rome's just art and broken

statues. I mean, if you want beer, you've got to go to Munich.

Oh, phew, let's go there. I mean, all those, you know, blonde German guys with

cute hips and leather pants.

Yeah, Nazi tattoos.

Do me a favour, Shona.

Get political. care where, why don't you?

Where do you want to go then, Venice? That's got a lot of art.

No, I've been there. It stinks.

Do you know they built it on a lake? Can you believe it?

Well, we've done London, Paris, Rome, Venice.

What's left?

Benidorm. The place?

Look, it's got surf, it's got...

and it's got a sex life, Jackie.

Truth, we go like a bunny, Shona.

We've only been gone six weeks.

Well, Jackie, what is the point in coming to Europe and not getting laid?

Well, what about him?

Truth, what a disaster.

Yeah, the kind of guy who gives you crabs.

You OK?

OK. Must be Pommy.

I don't know where it is you're going, but I'm coming with you.

And staying with you.

Have you got any Mandis?

I'm Jackie and this is Shona.

What's your name?

What's this? Oh.

Sorry, man.

I just put cigarette and ash in that all over your duvet.

Shall I clean it up with this?

Now I'll turn it over so you won't see it.

Well then, I'm Paul. What's your name?

I'm Jackie and this is Shona.

Hi. Oh, hello, Shona.

What, you speak English, do you?

Oh, yeah, we're Aussies. Oh, look, well, look, look, can you cash a gyro?

I mean, I've got this gyro, see, it's valid and everything, but, like, I

couldn't cash it before the ferry went, right, because Julie, that's my

daughter, Julie, right, set fire to my bag, man.

Have you got any cash, have you?

You start the row.

I went first last time.

No, you didn't.

Did.

Didn't.

Did.

Didn't.

Did.

Did not.

You calling me a liar?

So, have we started yet?

Of course I have your great tosser.

Start again.

You calling me a liar?

Yes.

Well, then you're going to die.

I'm sorry about this, man. It's just I've got this stomach upset. Just here

my stomach.

It means I've got to go to the toilet every ten minutes.

Off you go then, Paul.

You're not going to drive off without me or anything like that, are you?

Oh, no, Paul.

I'm just going to take these keys in case you're lying.

Let's make it about football this time.

Yeah.

Which football team do you support?

Uh... Watford.

Watford can't play to save their lives, amigo.

I agree.

Oh.

Oh, well, then I don't agree.

I think they can play.

They just need a new manager.

Yeah.

Anyway, you're going to die.

I think... What is it, amigo?

I think I'm getting a suntan.

No.

Where's the bog?

The bog.

No te entiendo.

El poco.

Tienes pinta borracho.

Where's the bog?

No te entiendo.

Nada.

You're going to eat all that food, are you?

Fuck off!

Oh, what?

You're English?

I'm Paul.

Let's shake hands.

You're in trouble!

Yeah, well, it's not so bad now, because I've got a ride off these, you know,

Australian chicks.

I think one of them's going to cash my gyro.

That's them over there.

Which one's gyro?

I don't know.

But I'm probably going to end up sleeping with one of them tonight.

That one with the big tits and the money.

I think I'm a bit peckish.

Yes. This killing is hungry work, amigo.

And you and I have not yet had our elevenses.

Where's the packed lunch?

It's on the horses.

What do you mean we haven't got any food?

Oh, BF, I'm absolutely starving.

Hey, have a rock cake, amigo.

I'm a matador, but I lost my driving licence.

Now I work up at Abattoir.

So what do you want to do? You want to come with us, do you?

You could probably have the spare one, you know, if you want, I expect.

Have you got any drugs?

I'm a mass murderer, I am.

That's cool. We've all got to be something.

What sign are you, man?

Trouble! Yeah, nice one, yeah.

Look, look, I'll fix it all up, alright? I'll fix it all up, you'll be alright.

You'll definitely come in with us, alright?

Okay, stay there, don't worry.

And, uh, I'll have that, yeah?

Shona, how are ya?

Listen, listen, I've run into trouble, and he wants to come with us.

Well, if you ask me, it looks like a right deal.

Yeah, no more free loathes, thank you. He might be a mass murderer, for all you

know.

He is, mate.

But he's all right.

Look, the answer is definitely no, so give me the keys back.

Oh, look, no, come on, mate. Look, look, you'll be all right, right? He's all

right. Look, I swear.

Look, on my daughter's life, right, I swear, I... I really promised that

everything would be okay, right?

Hi, I'm Shona and this is Jackie.

What do you do for a living, Trouble?

Turn your clothes off.

Yeah, let's have a party.

Not you,

him.

Turn your clothes off.

What did you just say?

Turn your clothes off!

Please take this poor little snake into your arms.

And there it may find peace and happiness.

Amen. Amen.

Our Father. Our Father, which art in heaven.

Thy kingdom come.

Thy will be done.

Give us this day our daily bread.

Forgive us our trespasses.

You just landed on our grave.

It's not my fault.

I was thrown out of a VW.

I wasn't doing nothing. Shut up.

Who sent you?

A bloke called Paul.

He's a bastard.

Who are you?

I can't remember.

So, you're the man with no name.

Yeah, yeah, that's right.

Billy Belfort, the man with no name.

In that case, we'll call you... Forever.

And I'll show you next week.

Not so fast, no name.

We're not finished with you yet.

We want information.

Eh?

Have you got any sandwiches?

No.

What about biscuits?

No.

Crisps? No.

Chewing gum?

No.

What about some cake?

What about chocolate cake? With hundreds and thousands and no marzipan?

Look, I haven't got any food!

I haven't got any sudden food!

Say your prayers, amigo.

Which one?

I don't know any prayers.

Well, then perhaps you should have paid more attention in divinity class.

You might have lived five minutes longer.

They're specializing in food.

It's a trick.

Prove it.

Just there.

Come on, keep it going.

Keep calm, Julie.

That's a very big bus.

There could be six people in there.

Jesus, if they only buy coffee, it's enough to pay the ground rent.

Okay.

Let's give them a good time. You and me.

I'll put on the music.

You light the candle.

What do they like? What do they like?

Come on. Come on. What do they like? The eagles. Yeah.

Everybody likes the eagles.

Boom. Four.

I just bought this.

Is that where the ten peas go, then, is it?

Anywhere, sir.

Anywhere.

I kind of thought you might like this table.

It's got the best table cloth and view.

Oh.

Can I drink this?

For sure.

Can I join you?

Okay.

Are you on your own?

I... That's an awfully big bus to be driving around on your own. I kind of

hoped, thought there might be some others.

No.

Listen, listen.

What I think we should do is... You and I should... Talk.

Just talk.

Sitting here until they've finished, you know, the business.

Whatever.

Look, Jackie, I've had enough.

If I so much as see that poor me again, I'm going to be sick right over the back

seat, and that's for real.

Look, if you really want to get rid of him, why don't you dump his bag and

drive off?

Good idea.

Oh, Jesus.

Might as well do it properly while we're here.

Yeah, you'll be doing him a favour.

Boom.

Jesus, Jackie, look.

Uh -oh. Looks like take your clothes off time. He's got a couple of pals with

him as well.

Oh, Jesus, Danny's deserts make you want to piss a lot.

Hang on.

Look!

It's them bastards what threw me over the cliff.

Hi, guys.

Can I make you a cocktail?

Whiskey and steaks.

Okay. Two steaks. Wow.

Two steaks coming right up.

Wait.

Make that four.

He's ten steaks each.

Are you joking?

Do we look like comedians?

What do you call a man with his ding -a -ling and a piece of melon?

I don't know.

Christopher.

See what I mean?

Now get the steaks, amigo.

No, no.

Paul. Paul who?

Paul, can you catch a gyro or have you got any mandies?

Oh, look,

here comes Trouble.

Hello, Trouble.

Oh, my God, Shana. The rapist's killing Paul.

Oh, that's a blessing.

Okay, so you're going to send a squad car around.

Uh -huh.

Okay.

Would you mind waiting until they settle the check?

Thank you.

Have a nice day.

Hey,

take it easy, guy.

So I got both, because I thought that if you're drinking like rosé, you don't

want to have to look at a pink tablecloth, right?

Where's them busted women?

Personally, I don't care about the color of a tablecloth. The most important

thing is to relax and just get along with it.

Ha ha ha!