All language subtitles for The Carbonaro Effect s05e01 Cat Lady

Introducing... Come on, get on in on me.
I've never seen anything like

it.

You're on a hidden... You are on a
hidden camera magic TV show. Hey,

day! We're sending people in to actually
be casting directors, and I'm going to

audition for them.

I'm so nervous. You are on a hidden
camera magic TV show.

Hey, how are you? I'm good.

Darren? Yeah, Darren Berger. Perfect.

Yep, excellent. All right, great.

If you can just grab a mail.

A mail? Oh, a mail. Yes, correct.

Any of them?

Yeah, it doesn't matter.

Oh, you know, I'm so bad. Would you just
grab one for me? I don't even want to

know what it's going to be.

It'll probably be better if I ran them.

Everybody's reading cold like this?
Yeah.

Okay, okay. What is it?

Oh, he's a Tony the Chef.

Oh, okay, Chef.

All right. Hold on one sec.

All righty. Okay? Yep. All right, great.

I'm going to actually take off my
glasses. I think I probably look more

-like without the glasses.

There's something I call food logic.

If a guy orders lasagna on a Friday,
he's got no date lined up that weekend.

He's fine packing it on.

But if he gets the soup and half chicken
special, he's hooked up. He wants to

fit into that shirt, and he had dry
clean last April that's been sitting in

closet getting lonely.

All righty. Perfect. Thank you very
much. And if you wouldn't mind just

in the next person. Sure. Okay. Thank
you. Thank you very much. Appreciate it.

Yeah.

You know what? Could you just take one
for me at random? I don't even want to.

I'll be better off just reading cold
without knowing what the roll is going

be.

All right, great.

And then take, if you need a second,
that's fine. Okay. Yeah, I'll probably

this better without my glasses on.

Okay, Officer Bill.

Whoops, dropped that. Sorry about that.
No worries. You're fine.

Uh, someone officer.

You shouldn't be doing that, Jimmy.

Gambling in an alleyway?

What would your folks say?

You may find this hard to believe,
Jimmy, but I used to be just like you.

And who knows?

Maybe someday you'll walk a beat like
mine.

Would that be so bad?

Thank you so much, Darren.

And just a couple follow -up questions.
How tall are you?

How tall am I? I am 6 '1". 6 '1".

And also, would you be able to come back
for the dance audition at 3 p .m.? I

don't really consider myself much of a
dancer.

I could try.

Okay. All right. Thank you. Okay.

All right.

That's it?

Yep, that's it. Okay, thank you. Thank
you. Have a great day. You too.

I heard it's a holiday show, so I
brought Silent Night.

Okay, perfect. I'm usually more of like
kind of like rock stuff, but like, you

know, I can. Are you ready? Yep.

Silent night, holy night,

all is calm.

Sorry.

I got distracted because I heard the
dog.

Is that okay? I would never do that
during a show.

Yeah, what was that?

That was super bizarre.

No, I think they have like a kennel over
there or something.

I'm really sorry.

No, no, no, no, not at all. I was
wondering what was happening myself. No,

please, please, begin again.

But again, if that had been a
performance, I'd just keep on going.

Understood. Okay. Thank you.

Holy infant so tender and mild.

Sleep in heavenly

peace.

Sleep in heavenly peace.

Rock on, man. That was cool.

That was really cool.

You know, that's a thing.

Rock on.

Wow.

That blew me away.

Did it really break? It really broke.

No. Wow.

Is that... I'm taking a picture of that.

I'm taking a picture of that. You
should.

Oh, my gosh. I've never seen that
happen. I have never seen that happen.

He should have... I should have let him
take a picture of that.

I mean,

it's a little weird, but... Hey, how's
it going?

Good, how are you? Good, good.

You have an 8x10?

Yes, I do.

It's a little older than I look now,
but...

That'll do, that'll do. This is pretty
perfect skin, though.

I will say, I was like, ooh, I like the
skin.

That's real nice. Maybe a little
airbrush.

Well, we don't judge.

And then, so go ahead and pick any of
the scenes here. Okay. Just the first,

read the first page of them, and then...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, bud.

Jesus.

No,

no, no, it's okay, it's okay. I just,
maybe, oh, you know what?

Maybe you, uh...

Mr. Juergens, you got another 8x10,
maybe? I was just looking. I think I

have one in my car.

Is that not good?

Well... Honestly, I have one in my car
that might look more like me now.

I'm just right outside, so... Um... I
was going to say... Yeah,

go ahead and get it. All right, so I'll
just grab a new one out of the car,

yeah? Okay.

Okay. Yeah, it's more recent anyway. I
look more like me. Like my real self.

What?

I'm so confused. Wait.

Hey, I actually don't have...

one with me. You are good. Yeah. They
printed it using the Carbonaro effect.

Okay. Yeah. Do you know what that is?
The Carbonaro effect?

No. Oh, it's like it's the name of a
hidden camera magic TV show.

Okay. That you're actually on.

She's doing something weird.

Okay.

Great. Cool.

I thought this was okay.

I was like, what the f*** is going on
here?

What the f*** is going on here? I know
I'm not that f*** crazy.

I know I'm not.

What is this going on? What's your name?

TJ. TJ, I'm Michael Carbonaro. Nice to
meet you.

And that's my buddy Derek, who's a
magician also.

Got it.

Okay, great.

Because when you turned around, I was
like, what the f*** is going on? Because

he definitely does look like the
hairstyle, but I don't know if that was

look we were going for.

But again, you f***. I just like to roll
with the punches. Yeah, you're doing

great, man. Yeah. TJ, you're awesome.
That was so fast.

That was great.

We're working at an office supply store
today.

Very excited.

Okay, fine. I stole some pens.

All right, so electric stapler here.

Right. Oh, and you have got to come back
tomorrow.

Why? Because there's a promotion
tomorrow, and they're going to be giving

the new automated sticky pad unit.

Oh, cool.

These are... Why? How are they
automated?

Oh, each one has like a little bit of...
Here, I'll show you.

You pull them out of this machine. It's
got an electric chip on it. That's just

ink, but it's like magnetic ink. Cool.
And you have to program your voice into

this machine so it like knows your
voice.

Oh, my God, that's so funny. Right? And
then it charges it while it's in here.

And then you can just, instead of, like,
having to stick it to stuff, you just

tell it where to go.

Oh, my God. Like, so you don't have to,
like, walk across the room. Like, see

this tank right here? Watch this.

Helium tank.

Oh, my God.

Yeah. That's crazy.

It'll stick right to it.

You could do that to something else?

Yeah, once it knows your voice.

Make it go to something else. Okay. They
have really good distance, too. I'll

show you.

What's your name?

Dana. Dana? D -A -N -A? 2 -N. Dana.

D -A -N -A. Okay.

D -A -N -A.

Like, let's say, because I'm, like,
terrible.

I don't use a lot of social media and
stuff, so I, like, always forget

birthdays. So, like, I use this to just
remember birthdays.

What's your birthday?

May 8th. May 8th? Watch.

May 8th.

Look at that.

What? Did it get it? Yeah.

Insane. Isn't that wild?

That's crazy.

Yeah.

It's going the far distance now. We just
put the calendar back to see how far it

could go. Yeah, sure.

Do that again. That is crazy.

Yeah.

I don't understand even how that does
that.

I'll show you.

That's insane.

I know. I dropped it. That's all.

Silly me. Oh, my God.

Oh, I said me.

It heard me say me.

That's insane.

Yeah.

I feel like I'm in another alternate
universe.

Let me see if I have a new one.

I can't believe it just did that. That's
hilarious.

I wish I videotaped that.

Yeah, we should have this on some kind
of TV show or something.

That's hilarious.

Yeah.

Hang in for one second. Let me go see if
we have a unit that we could actually,

because we're doing it tomorrow, but
maybe I can get you one today. You

do that tomorrow again, what you just
did. Okay.

Andy, I said myself, and it actually
went to me.

This is the most craziest thing I've
ever seen.

Just this then?

Just that.

Okay.

you know what else is good too i use
these these um oh like a little eye oh

is this it adjusts font size um i'll
show you what yeah i'll show you what uh

you do with it like uh you know how most
books when they print them now i got

this in the library they're like the
text is so tiny right yeah really hard

see like what does this come in well you
you can use that i use i use this one

like you'll take this little thing
because it's sticky on the back and you

it to the back of the book. Okay.

And what you do is you just, right?
Okay. See how it's so small? You just

the font size up a little bit, and then
see how it's a little bit bigger. No,

what the hell is that?

Well, because most books now are printed
on digital paper.

No, that's creepy.

Well, it's technology.

That's creepy.

Yeah. I was not expecting that.

Yeah, it's really nice.

You can even go up more. Look at this.

You go up.

Here.

That's a little trippy for me. That's
kind of big, though, right?

Okay. It's a little big, but it's pretty
wild. But you can use this on anything

that's printed. It's not just books.

Sometimes menus at a restaurant are
really hard to read, and you can't see

menu item. Do you have the adjuster? If
you bring that with you, yeah, then you

just take it, and you take one of these
guys, and... Okay, here we go.

Let's try this. I'll put this up here.

Like that.

Oh, whoa.

All right, that works.

Why did it go that big?

I didn't know it was going to do that.
Maybe because the plastic magnified it.

But it works.

Not anything printed. This is probably
the trippiest thing that's happened to

all day.

Yeah. You're pretty crazy, right? Yeah.

Hello. Hey, how you doing?

I'm well. All right. Let me ring this up
for you.

Oh, my gosh.

Again, this has been... Back and forth.

They won't let me disconnect it. You can
take it. Go ahead.

No, I'm not going to take it. In fact,
you know what? I'll use one of the noise

cancellation chips.

You see these things?

No. This is great. Look at this.

Oh, my gosh. Yeah. It sucks the sound
in. It absorbs it.

How?

Um, I think it has some kind of like a
card to it. It's the same technology as

like a... Headphone. Yeah, like the
noise cancellation headphones.

That is so crazy.

Yeah.

It like pulls in the audio waves and
deads them. It like cancels them out.

Do you want one? That is the craziest
thing. Yeah, I'll take one. Sure, yeah,

take one. They're so fun to work with. I
have like all these construction guys

at my house like working. It's like
always waking me up. Oh my God.

Like watch this here.

Is there another one over there?

Yeah. Here, take that and stick that to
the top of the hammer there.

Okay.

So, like, on top of this right here.
Okay, good, right? Yeah, right? Watch

here. All right, if I take, like, and I
would, if I take, like, a mug, right,

and put it in here, watch this.

Did you hear anything?

No. Oh, my gosh.

It smashes the whole thing quietly.

Yeah, we got a lot of people coming in
for these.

That is the coolest thing I've ever seen
before. Isn't that wild?

All right, we'll get that rung up for
you.

Do you have another one of those?

Oh, the cancellation?

Yeah. Oh, your baby.

Oh, my gosh.

I feel like I'm in a movie or something.

This is too much.

Isn't that intense?

This is too much. Yeah, the technology
on them is really astounding.

That was crazy. Yeah. Let me get you,
because there's a booklet that goes with

it. Okay. You're going to play with it.
Perfect. This is loading up anyway, so.

Okay. Yeah.

Maybe a card back.

And here's your receipt.

Jeez. I know. This is CVS. I know,
right? They're so, so big.

It's so unnecessary. It is. For an item.

I know.

Well, they do, they make them, it's on a
biodegradable paper.

Okay. And then the ink is also a
sustainable ink. Okay. So it's a little

better. But, you know, we've been
telling them.

to, you know, do something about the
length of these things, because it's a

little crazy.

But what we do is, because we like to be
resourceful and reuse, we roll them up,

and they have like a little, because
it's heat sensitive, the ink, we can run

the little... Oh, okay. Yeah, and
that'll actually kind of loosen the ink

up. And then you can just stick it back
in the... Yeah, I actually pour it,

because what we'll do is...

We'll pour it out to, like, go into our
ink.

Yeah, like the printer. Oh, that's so
cool.

Yeah, the printer cartridges.

Or even some of our more expensive pens
can actually work, you know, with that

ink. Wow, okay.

So, yeah. It's magic.

I know, right?

It's so awesome.

Yeah. So, here, you keep this.

Now you just have to remember the total
and then the date, too.

Yeah, you might want to write it down.

The tax rate will change.

Okay. Let me get you a little tax.

Real quick, I'll get you a little tax
converter.

Okay, cool. This way you'll know if you
come back with that. We'll help you

calculate the tax and we can do a
return.

We work on the honor system.

Okay.

Man, that's been cool.

You like the tapestry up here?

Yeah.

How many memories here?

They do stay with you, don't they,
Chris?

Alas, poor person who is going to come
work with me today to flip this house,

because this is going to get a little
bit scary.

All right, yeah. So we're going to box
some stuff up. He said he left this

here. And apparently there's like some
really good plate.

In a closet?

Plate in a closet. Like in a basket.

The basket.

They said it was in a basket. Oh,
perfect.

That's great.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

Yeah, look at that. Oh, lovely.

Oh, my God.

For developing film? Holy crap.

American Horror Story, bro. Scary.

Okay.

Yeah, put that right on over here. We'll
pack them up. Come on around.

Yeah, she was, like, she had been living
here for, like, 50 years, and they

couldn't get her out. She was paying,
like, $450 a month rent for the whole

house. Are you serious?

How? The grandfathered in for something?
It was not the most.

Oh, if you can't tell me, don't tell me.
They got her out. They got her out.

Hello?

Hi. Oh.

Hi. Hi.

The door was open. Yeah, great. I'll
take a peek around.

I'm warning you, it's a little eclectic.

So this will all be cleaned out, and
we're going to paint it, new carpets.

Technically,

it's not open for viewing, but we are
letting a couple people through. I'm

Michael.

Katerina. Katerina. Nice to meet you.
This is Chris.

Hi. Nice to meet you. Okay, so no water
in there.

So all of this that's in here, is it
going to stay furnished?

No, we're definitely, unless you're
interested in some pieces.

Yeah, I think I would like everything to
stay.

Okay. This is just my style.

Okay. And I got one more guy coming.

I'm going to step out and call the guy
and see what he's doing. Okay, cool,

cool, cool. Yeah, take your time.

Where are you from?

I live around here.

You like the tapestries here?

Yeah, they're beautiful.

So many memories here.

They do stay with you, don't they,
Chris?

Yeah.

Okay, then, yeah.

So it's open, but the front door, it
looks really gross. All right.

Bye. Okay.

Okay, so he's going to... One more
person's going to come in. Yeah, all

What's going on?

She turned old.

And he's there.

I'm telling you, the beautiful woman we
saw.

All those things that were... She put
them in front of her like that.

She pulled it down, and she was old.

Telling you what I'm seeing.

Where is she?

She's just checking out the closet.

She's checking out the closet?

Hello?

I'm going to have to ask you to come on
out of there, okay?

Oh. Oh.

I'm going to have to ask you to come on
out of there, okay?

Oh. Oh.

What the hell is going on?

What?

Hey, is that you that just went into the
closet?

How?

Is that you, Katerina?

Oh, my God, dude. No, that is the lady's
name. That's the tenant's name.

Katerina, are you a god or are you the
devil?

I'm going to close the door for you
again so you can do what you wanted to

and we'll check on you in a minute,
okay?

And we'll give you time, and we won't
interrupt you, okay?

That is so weird. Okay.

You're freaking me out. Well, I need to
talk to you.

What?

I'm going to talk to you later about
this place,

okay?

Yeah.

Your hat.

It was lovely meeting you, Katarina.

Okay, now I'm totally free to go.

Did you say your hat or your cat?

Because there's no cat there now.

She left her hat.

Because she with the cat, bro.

I told you that when I walked in here. I
felt this.

I'm Greek Orthodox Christian.

Oh, my.

She turned into a young woman into an
old woman, bro, in front of my eye.

Oh, my God. I swear to God.

Dude, what is that? How is that
happening?

Witchcraft. Or, like, is that like some
Carbonaro effect? No, bro. Mumbo? I'm

telling you, I've never seen this in my
life. It's got to be the Carbonaro

effect. What's that mean? The Carbonaro
effect, you know, like a hidden camera

magic TV show.

We're not on a TV show, bro.

That you're on right now.

I'm on a TV show. Chris, I'm telling you
the truth.

I'm not on a TV show.

That wasn't real, I promise. Yes, it
was.

Yes, it was.

It was real?

Yes, it was real.

Okay. Well, go with real.

I believe what I saw, though. I don't
believe that you're messing.

I think that you're just trying to cope.
I think that you're going through

stress right now because you don't
understand. You're trying to rewrite

so you can sleep at night. Then why am I
wearing a microphone?

Because you're crazy.