All language subtitles for The Bob Newhart Show s06e11 Grand Delusion

Happy anniversary, Bob.

Oh, happy anniversary, Emma.

Sorry, I'm late. I got hung up at
school.

Oh, I just got here myself.

Excuse me, we're ready to be seated now.

I'll tell you when a table's available.

No, there are plenty of empty tables.
They're all reserved, madame.

But we made our reservation a week ago.
How very thoughtful of you, sir.

Surely a few minutes more wait won't
hurt your appetite.

Not as seriously as it'll hurt your tip.

Ah, here's the table now, sir.

The place was so jammed, I don't know
how you spotted it.

Enjoy your dinner.

The one on the left is the fork.

He must have gotten up on the wrong side
of the slab.

Oh, Bob, I have been looking forward to
this all day. Our anniversary.

You know, I... I can't recall when I've
felt so wonderful.

It's like all the bad things in the
world have gone away and all that's left

goodness.

You're feeling as lousy as I am, aren't
you?

Worse. Well, I had a horrible day.

I would have settled for horrible.

This morning I had to judge cheerleader
tryouts. Imagine a gym full of 12 -year

-olds yelling, Go Tigers!

Go Tigers?

Then we had to evacuate the building
because Stevie Friedman set fire to Mary

Beth Langley's pom -poms.

Sounds like Mary Beth had a bad day,
too.

I was hoping things went better for you.

Well, first of all, the train was late,
so I was running behind all day.

Then I had the feeling I wasn't getting
through to my patients.

But Jerry came in and he reassured me,
said it was nothing to worry about. I

just washed up.

Good old Jerry.

Then I got stuck in the elevator for
five minutes. Well, five minutes isn't

long. With Mr. Carlin? That's long.

Hello, I'm Linda. I'll be your waitress
this evening. Welcome to Madison's. Will

you be having cocktails?

Yes, yes. I'd like a scotch and water,
and the lady would like a Tom Collins.

Okay, fine.

Here are the dinner menus.

The chef's specials are excellent.

Oh, good, because this is kind of a
special night for us. Oh, Bob.

It's our 10th anniversary.

How nice. Congratulations.

Let's see. I know the 25th anniversary
is silver and the 50th is gold.

What do they call the 10th? It must be
something really romantic.

Tin.

I'll get those drinks.

Sweet girl. Very attractive.

Yeah, she seems okay.

Emily, since we both had a rotten day...

Why don't we just forget about it?

Oh, it's a deal.

And then we'll celebrate when we feel
like it.

You know, I just want you to know, Bob,
no matter how I feel, I think you're

terrific.

Thank you.

No, I mean it.

I mean, I can't imagine my life if I
didn't have you.

I mean, I'd probably be an old maid
school teacher.

Very attractive, well -dressed, youngish
old maid school teacher.

You know, Emily, you don't seem like
the...

The kind of person who would have stayed
single.

Well, I'm glad I didn't have to settle.

Thank you.

I mean, if I... If I hadn't met you,
I... I probably would have married some

average guy.

I had an average life.

I wish I had waited for Mr. Wright.

Oh, who could ask for a better day?

Twelve straight hours of shopping. I won
the bet, Carol. Pay up. Oh, I thought

it impossible for one woman to buy
something in every store in Chicago.

Today, Chicago. Next week, New York.

Where's your manservant with the rest of
our purchases?

Oh, he's taking the freight elevator.
The silly boy said something about

his place.

Oh, there's Gerald now. Gerald, put the
rest of the packages down here.

Thank you very much, Mom.

I'll be starting dinner now for you and
the master. He should be home soon.

Oh, that won't be necessary. It's our
anniversary. I'll be cooking something

special for him. You may take the rest
of the evening off.

Why, thank you very much, Mom.

That'll give me the opportunity to study
for my exams at the dentistry college.

Ah, how are your studies going?

Very nicely, Mom.

My teacher's telling me if I wish to
become an orthodontist, I'll have to

to be obnoxious.

Excuse me, I'll chill the champagne,
Mom.

It's time for me to jump into the
kitchen.

Emily, I don't know how you do it. There
aren't many successful fashion

designers who take the time to cook
their husband's gourmet meal.

Well, I like to cook every now and then.
You know, every six or seven years.

Oh, come on, do it. It's time for me to
leave. I must go or I'll be late. Oh,

Carol, would you like to go shopping
again tomorrow? I still don't have a

to wear.

I'd love to, Emily, but I'll be working.
Oh, you work so hard, Carol.

It's not easy being a ballerina.

Oh, I think I hear someone trying his
keys in all the locks. Oh, good. My

husband must be home.

Hi, Emily. I'm home.

Happy anniversary.

What's for dinner?

Happy anniversary, honey.

Happy anniversary, Howard.

Thank you, Carol.

How many years is it?

Till what?

Oh, really rough. Really rough. When I
decided to become a psychologist, I had

no idea I'd be dealing with crazy
people.

Good evening, Gerald.

Good evening, Master Borden.

Shall I draw a bath for you?

Thank you. I can recognize it when I see
it.

Your champagne is perfectly chilled,
sir, and may I take this opportunity to

wish you the happiest of anniversaries
and the brightest of futures.

Thank you, Gerald. That's so sweet.

Oh, and Gerald, as long as you won't be
here, why don't you take the evening

off?

Thank you very much, sir.

It's amazing, isn't it?

Good man, Gerald.

How was your day, darling?

The usual.

I translated a book from the original
Greek.

It was a book about Plato.

I love Plato.

You do?

Yes. And Mickey and Goofy and all the
gang.

Me too.

Well, it's a very special day, honey.

Isn't it neat that our anniversaries
fall on the same day?

Just like our wedding.

Since it's so special, let's do
something special.

How about a little miniature golf?

But I was hoping to spend a romantic
evening at home with the man I love.

Well, if you call that celebrating.

Well, that's what we'll do.

Unless... You know who drops by.

Well, hello, Emily. Hello, Howard.
What's for dinner?

Good to see you, Bob.

Would you care for a drink, Bob?

I'll get him a drink.

I thought you'd probably want to have
dinner alone tonight.

Well, I would love to have dinner with
the one I love.

I know what you mean.

Here you are, Bob.

A real man's drink.

Cherry Coke at the twist.

I bet if a man had a couple of these, he
could really make a fool of himself.

I drink them all the time.

So how's it going with you, Emily?

Oh, let me show you two what I've been
working on. Ah, you know, Emily's the

only woman in the world to get her
design and cover of Harper's Bazaar,

and Mademoiselle all in the same month.

You must be very proud, Emily. Oh, well,
I'm pleased.

But designing clothes for beautiful
women isn't thrilling anymore.

Design clothes for ugly women.

Good idea.

But I'd like to do something really
wild.

I'd like to design sheets.

I can see how someone wouldn't want to
sleep on something dull every night.

Well, what's to design? Aren't all
sheets flat?

How's your book coming, Howard? Ah, just
about finished, Bob. What do you think

of this title?

Psychology is a four -letter word.

Ten minutes.

Think anyone will notice?

Ah, well, let me read you a chapter I
just finished. I'll be right back.

Oh, Bob, what would I do without you?

Don't ask questions. Just let's live.

I'll read you some of the stuff I wrote
yesterday.

I can hardly wait.

This chapter is called Insecurity.

Many insecure people are not sure of
themselves.

Pretty radical theory.

Insecurity leads to indecision, which is
terrible.

At least I think it is.

Sometimes.

Maybe. Sometimes people are so insecure
that they don't trust their best friends

or even their wives. Now, isn't that
silly?

It's ridiculous.

I have some anniversary presents for
you.

Oh, Bob, you didn't have to.

Oh, a diamond.

A necklace.

An airline ticket for me.

To fly any place around the world one
way.

Oh, thank you, Bob.

I thought you could use a vacation,
Howard. Oh, yes, I can while I'm gone.

you look after Emily?

I'll do my best.

You could ask for a better friend.

Search me.

I'll get the same thing.

Oh, Bob, it's just beautiful.

And so are you.

Oh, I never thought I'd see this.

Oh, Howard, it isn't what you think.

Oh, yes, it is. You think I'm a dummy?

You know what it means to see my best
friend and my wife in each other's arms?

It means they're finally starting to get
along, and I love it.

Yes, Howard, you were right all along.

Bob is okay.

Well, oh, it's good to see my best
friend and my wife so close.

Oh, it's like a dream come true.

Howard, I'm glad we were able to make
you so happy.

To the three of us.

Well, I have to be going. I'm flying to
Paris.

Be seeing you.

Thanks for everything.

Happy anniversary again.

It's been a wonderful ten years.

You know, you've...

Brought a new meaning to the word
neighborly.

Excuse me, sir.

There's a Rolls Royce outside with its
lights on.

It's not mine. I didn't think it was.

But I have to ask everyone.

You know, underneath that cold, arrogant
exterior, I believe there's a rotten

man.

Oh, honey, forget about him.

Bob,

have you ever thought about what your
life would be like without me?

I don't know, Emily. I'm not the
swinging singles type.

No, I couldn't imagine life without you,
even in my wildest fantasies.

I'm glad you're here. I worry so when
you're driving.

Yes, formula of one racing is dangerous,
Carol, but I don't know, I feel alive

out there.

I don't think I could quit if I wanted
to. I still think it's unfair of them to

make you start driving ten minutes after
everyone else.

Well, they're letting me use fourth gear
this year.

The fools.

Where's your manservant? Oh, that silly
boy insists on taking the elevator

behind me.

Morning, Mrs. Bondurant.

Hello, Gerald. Say, Gerald, if Bob
doesn't need you today, could you wash

wax my car?

Oh, sure thing, Mrs. B.

You're a wonderful person, Gerald. Oh,
heck, so are you, Mrs. B.

Remember how you and me used to fight
all the time?

That was before Dr.

Bob straightened us out.

Helping people is my bag.

Gerald, uh... Want to help me? I have a
new patient coming in. Sure thing,

Skipper.

Any messages, Carol?

Oh, yes. Frank Sinatra called and
invited you to Sunday brunch.

I'll come, but I won't sing.

And the White House called.

Tell them we're set for Saturday.

You know, I think the president is
really getting in touch with his true

feelings.

Mr. Marcus, which way to Dr.

Hartley?

I'm Dr.

Hartley. Why don't you go in my office?

Isn't he marvelous?

Oh, you don't know what happened, Mrs.
B. You know, this morning when I got up,

I was feeling real depressed, you know,
low.

And then as I was giving a skipper his
morning rubdown, he just kind of turned

to me, gave me a little punch on the
chin and said, you know, kid, you're all

right.

I tell you, it turned my day around.

If only they could bottle that kind of
charm. Yeah.

Dr. Hartley, how can I ever thank you?

It was actually necessary.

I've been in analysis for 15 years.

I've seen specialists all over the
world. And no one has ever been able to

me until I came to you.

Please send me a bill.

I'm not in this for the bread.

Joe, could I see you in my office?

Sure thing, Skipper.

Gee, that Miss B wants to see me in his
office.

You lucky dog.

Sit down, Gerald.

Thanks, Skipper.

You know, Skipper, you never did tell me
what you used to bag the big fellow

there.

These?

What a struggle.

He ripped my best tie.

Wow.

Well, I asked you in here because I
wanted to talk to you about something.

There's nothing wrong with you, Skipper.
You're not mad at me. You're not going

to fire me, are you, boss?

Relax, kid.

Bill, I'd like your opinion about
something.

You know this girl I've been dating?

Which one, boss?

The tall, vivacious blonde.

Which one, boss?

Bianca. Oh, yeah.

Hubba hubba.

Well, I'm afraid she has marriage on her
mind.

Bill, do you think it's time I settle
down? After all, I am almost 32.

That's crazy talk, Skipper.

Maybe it isn't my place to say this,
Skipper, but I don't think you're a one

-woman man.

I don't even think you're a ten -woman
man.

Maybe you're right. Maybe I am fated to
be a bachelor.

I've always had the feeling if I met the
right girl, bells would go off.

You hear bells with Bianca, boss?

Nothing.

No ding, no dong.

Thinking of pie.

Dr. Hartley's here.

Dr. Hartley. How kind of you to grace us
with your presence.

Good to see you again, Cedric.

Thank you, sir.

Oh, by the way, you did a very nice job
replanting my lawn.

Thank you indeed.

Is our table ready?

Yes, it is.

Into the alley.

This way, please.

Oh, no, Dr. Hart, I couldn't take money
from you. Your being here is reward

enough.

All right, have it your way.

Remember, Cedric, don't put anyone near
us who smokes, talks loud, or belongs to

a lodge.

Well, Bianca, how was your day?

It was a little hectic.

Holding down two jobs is getting to be a
drag, Bob. I've either got to give up

being a playboy bunny or a neurosurgeon.

Why don't you combine the two and
operate topless?

Oh, Bob, what would I do without you?

It's funny you should bring that up,
Bianca.

Before we go out anymore, I think we
should have a little talk about us.

Hi. I'm Emily.

I'm your waitress for the evening.

Would you like cocktails?

Hello, Emily.

Yes, we'd like scotch and water, a dry
martini with a twist, and I find you

beautiful.

Thank you.

Emily, don't you know who just paid you
a compliment?

Should I?

Well, of course.

This is Bob Hartley, an extraordinary
human being.

Didn't you see his picture on the cover
of Time when he solved the Middle East

crisis?

I missed a haircut, but it was worth it.

Good work.

I'll get you your drinks.

You wanted to talk to me about
something?

Oh, yes.

You're a good kid, Bianca. I don't want
to see you get hurt, but there's no

future for us.

I knew this was coming.

I guess I never expected anything
permanent with a guy like you.

I'm sorry it didn't work out.

Oh, Bob, don't apologize.

These have been the most exciting three
weeks of my life.

Bianca, those were great times, but
let's quit now while our memories are

good ones.

Here we are.

Scotch and water and a martini.

Would you like to order dinner?

No, I won't be staying for dinner.

Goodbye, Bob.

I'm just sorry you'll have to eat dinner
alone.

Bianca, are you going to be all right?

Eventually.

I don't know, maybe I'll break down and
go out with that Redford fellow who

keeps calling.

Maybe that Nureyev guy, you know, the
one you taught to dance.

But I know that all they'll want to do
is talk about you.

Will you be wanting dinner, Mr. Hartman?

That's Hartman.

Sorry.

You really don't know who I am, do you?

No, I'm afraid not.

And you're not impressed with my
reputation?

Not particularly.

Would you like to have dinner with me?

I'd love to, but I'm working.

Cedric, I'd like Emily to be my guest at
dinner. Of course.

She's got the rest of the evening off.

special to you?

Who?

Oh.

No, I've never met a woman who was, as
you say, special to me.

Emily, do you hear bells?

Why, yes.

I think I do.

Tell me, what do you do, Mr. Hartley?

Just call me Bob.

I guess I'm what you'd call a wealthy
playboy psychologist with immense wealth

and exotic hobbies.

To be honest with you, I don't think
you're that kind of man at all, Bob

Hartley. You don't? No, I think you're a
nice, normal guy who wants a nice home,

a wife, and a simple life.

You know, you're right, Emily. That's
exactly what I want.

Why don't we finish our drinks here and
we'll go to a nice little French

restaurant I know and...

Then later we'll drive by the lake.

Sounds wonderful.

Then end up at my apartment for a
nightcap and we'll watch the sun come

no. None of that until we're married.

Finley, don't you think you're being a
little old -fashioned?

Don't blame me. This is your fantasy.

Feeling any better, Bob?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

As a matter of fact, I am. So am I.

You know, Emily, we were wrong. This
isn't just an ordinary day. I mean, it's

our anniversary.

You're right.

You know, ten years ago today, we
started a wonderful marriage.

Why don't we finish our drinks and set
Chicago on its ear? We'll go to a French

restaurant, do a little dancing, and
then take a long drive along the lake.

Sounds wonderful.

And then we'll go to my place, our place
for a nightcap, and...

Watch the sun come up.

Fantastic.

Sorry, kid.