Original subtitles

Morning, Jerry. Sorry I'm late. Oh, that's okay, Carol.

How do you like it?

Very nice.

How do you like my new hat?

Looks like a dog's breakfast.

You know, Jer, I always try to be nice to you. Always pleasant, always

I make your coffee, type your letters, pick up your laundry.

Why do you always act like such slime?

I help myself. I'm the king of the insults.

Hi, Mr. Collins.

Hi, Carol.

Good likeness.

The king is dead.

Long live the king.

Here they are, the three stooges.

And here's Mr. Collins spreading joy wherever he goes.

Why is everybody so cheerful today?

Because it's a wonderful day.

The sun is beaming, the breeze is murmuring, and the flowers are pushing

dainty heads toward the heavens.

Why don't you push your dainty head through a wall?

Mr. Carlin, those of us who were here on time are in the middle of a session.

You want to take a seat, please?

Go ahead, mister.

My boss told me I was turning into a halfway decent salesman. He's probably

getting ready to can you.

Have you heard something?

Mr. Hurd, don't pay any attention to him. I'm sure it's not true.

No, I won't.

I hope I can find a new job.

Yeah, maybe Goodyear's looking for another blimp.

Mr. Carlin, every time you're in a grumpy mood, you come in here and take

on us.

Especially poor Mr. Hurd.

Yeah, well, he deserves it. He does not.

Yes, I do.

Mr. Carlin, I think you're misdirecting your anger. You should direct it at the

people you're really mad at.

Whom I really mad at?

I don't know.

Brilliant.

Mr. Carlin, why don't you open up? Dig into your past. Tell us who that someone

is. Okay.

Well, everybody did make a lot of fun of me in elementary school.

The kids even voted me the boy most likely to go bald.

You know, kids can be cruel.

Spare me your pity, spinach breath.

That's all right. My breath probably does smell like spinach.

When these kids made fun of you, did you do something about it? No. Even then, I

was too big of a person to be angry.

But don't you see, Mr. Collin, you were angry, and you should have let them know

it. Why don't you go knit yourself a mask?

Dr. Hartley says, always take your anger out on the right people. You will feel

a lot better.

You stuck me. Yes, and I feel a lot better.

Mrs. Beckerman, you want to put your knitting needles down, please?

All right.

But don't rile me, Buster.

Mr. Cullen, I'd like to tell you an interesting story.

Oh, I love your story.

Sometimes they put me to sleep.

When I was in school, there was a kid in school named Hank Jones. We used to

call him Godzilla.

And he was a bully, and he had arms like tree trunks and a breath like spinach.

No offense, Mr. Cullen.

And in cafeteria every day, he would put his thumbprint right in my sandwich.

That's a terrible waste of a good sandwich.

Well, I'd eat around it.

In any event, I went home and I started to yell at my father. And my dad said to

me, you're not mad at me, you're mad at Godzilla.

He said, why don't you go back there and stand up to him? What happened?

Godzilla put his thumb in my nose.

Hey, what's the point of all this?

Well, I haven't gotten to the point yet. You rarely do.

I thought it was a wonderful story. I was just getting quite drowsy.

Well, what I'm trying to say is that you should get mad at the right people, not

at us.

Okay, okay.

I'll think about it.

We're your friends, Mr. Collins.

Yeah, I mean, I really like you.

Get your hands off me, slush face.

Oh, bowling.

No, you're not.

No, I'm making a sandwich, Howard. That sure looks good. I would go over to my

apartment and make one, but I'm all out of mayonnaise.

And I'm in bread.

Meat.

What do you have in your refrigerator, Howard?

Frost.

Want half of my sandwich?

Oh, thanks, Bob. It saved me from eating frost.

Your half is bigger than my half.

No, that's wrong.

There's a thumbprint in this half.

Eat around it.

Good day?

Terrific.

What's wrong?

shop and the mechanic says it'll be there another week.

What's the matter?

Something under the hood.

You think you're lucky stars it wasn't the engine.

I don't know what it is. All I know is I'm going to be without a car for

week and there's nothing I can do about it and I'm frustrated.

Yeah.

I feel the same way every time I look at my refrigerator.

Then I look at your refrigerator and I realize that the, well, the

are greener on the other side of the hall.

when my refrigerator has cheese in it and that's green on both sides.

Howard. What?

Shut up.

Yeah, well, Bob's been bowling and I'll be back in a week or two.

What? Well, you're not mad at Howard. You're upset about the car.

Oh, you're such a goody two -shoes.

Oh, you're right.

I'll apologize to Howard, but Marvin the mechanic is really taking advantage of

me.

Did you tell him that?

No.

Did you ask for a loaner car? No.

Did you speak to his boss?

No.

And what did you tell him?

Bob. Yeah?

Shut up.

Look, Emily, right now you're mad at Marvin.

And if you let that anger in your stomach grow, it'll go from a small

a large stone.

Pebbles don't grow.

Well, then, let's make it grapes.

Grapes of wrath.

All right, now I've got grapes in my stomach. Now, what am I supposed to do

about that?

Well, get rid of them. Call Marvin on the phone. Tell him you need the car. If

he says no, get tough with him. Me?

Emily, you're a fighter. You're feisty. You're full of spunk.

Don't let him take advantage of you. Show him no mercy.

Yeah, let me at him.

You'll murder the boss.

You better believe it.

Hello, give me Marvin.

You're getting Marvin.

Marvin, this is Emily Hartley.

Uh, do you think I could have my car tomorrow?

Oh, well, I mean, if you're busy, you're busy.

No, no, no, it's no trouble.

Sorry to bother you.

Bye.

Boy, you really told him.

These candies are excellent, Mr. Carlin.

Yes, I must say we'd like to all thank you for bringing them in. Oh, nothing at

all. It's my way of saying that I'm kind of sorry for being so nasty for the

last... Seven years.

Yes, seven years.

What a cad I've been.

Like some candy?

You know, I must say, Mr. Carlin, I like this change in you.

Yes, you're no longer a jackass.

Well, I ought to... to Dr. Hartley, he made me realize that I really like you

people.

Even though you are blithering idiots.

I think he meant that as a compliment.

Oh. Well, then, I will lay down my needles in friendship.

Good. You see, I've decided that instead of spewing my anger at random, I will

direct it at selected targets.

Everyone who's ever been mean to me.

Why didn't you just bring in the Chicago phone book?

Because some of these names are from out of town.

They're all going to die.

We're not talking about a vendetta here against anyone who ever looks sideways

at you. What we're talking about is letting out today's anger today.

But of course, how nearsighted of me.

Well, why don't we delve into this subject at our next session?

I'll be counting the hours.

Boy, Dr. Hartley, they have it easy.

I can't seem to get mad at anybody, you know. It all stays inside me.

I mean, you know, you may not believe it, but I hate being called names and

being made fun of and being used as a doormat and being called a whipping boy,

you know. It really bothers me that I just can't get my anger out and I'm so

nice to everybody.

Mr. Hurd, you're angry now.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Well, that's all right. It's a step in the right direction and I'm sure that

someday you'll feel you don't have to apologize for it.

And when that day comes, I will sharpen you a pair of knitting needles that

could stop a buffalo in its tracks.

Carol, can I possibly... Sorry.

Carol, a girl as beautiful as you doesn't have any need of makeup.

You know you're right.

The low blows, that really takes the cake, ridiculing my receptionist.

Robinson, I've been thinking, we've been enemies for so long, why don't we just

bury the hatchet?

Yeah, and your skull.

Excuse me, Elliot. Is this man provoking you?

I am experiencing a certain degree of annoyance, Ed, but I think I can deal

it.

Robinson, you're on my list.

Now you've had it.

Butt out, blob.

Who do you think you're talking to?

Good for you, Mr. Hearns.

My name's not Blob. It's Heard. And in the future, address me as Mr. Heard.

How about Mr.

Blob?

That does it. Lily and the knitting needles.

I don't think you did that right, Mr. Heard.

No, that's okay.

Consider that just a warning.

Well, it's just you've got a dull routine, that's all.

What do you mean by that?

Well, you play golf every Saturday, right? You come in at 4 .02, you make a

sandwich at 4 .10, and you eat it at 4 .18.

Howard, I'm not that settled in my ways.

What time is it now?

4 .18.

Is it 419 yet?

Yeah. Good.

That's a nice -looking sandwich.

Yeah, it's very attractive. It goes with the room.

Can I have most of it?

Will you settle for half of it?

Okay, if you want to be stingy.

Where's Emily?

She went to pick up her car at the mechanic's. Is this guy still taking

advantage of her?

I hope not.

I hate people who take advantage of other people.

Do you have any mustard?

I hope

that meat's still good.

Hi, honey.

How'd it go?

Don't tell me, let me guess.

the repair shop and the car broke down again.

Don't you have a towed back? No, I carried it on my shoulders.

I mean, they had the car. They were supposed to fix it. They didn't. Why?

Beats me.

Oh, Howard, please.

Emily, I think you ought to go back there. You shouldn't let him do this to

Oh, Bob, please. Now, I don't feel feisty. I don't feel spunky. And I don't

to hear any more about grapes.

I like some grapes.

You want me to handle this? Well, I can't do anything anymore.

Well, good. I'll call it Marvin.

Probably for the best anyway. You know, women in cars.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, it's just, you know, trying to say in my clumsy way that it'd be a lot

easier for you, you know, if you were having trouble with a dress or purse.

Let's go bake a cake.

I don't want to have to speak to you again.

Emily, will you just calm down? You might learn something.

Hello, Marvin?

Yeah, this is Bob Hartley. Emily Hartley's husband?

I don't know.

Are you the lady that mumbles under her breath all the time?

Yeah.

Yeah. Now get this and get it good, because I'm not mumbling.

I'm not mumbling.

I want to talk to you Monday about our car.

Car!

Anytime you say, Chief.

Six o 'clock in the morning, I'll be there. Don't be late.

Slush face.

I'll bring you some coffee and donuts.

Marvin will be here in a few minutes.

You better get a move on. I got a lot on my mind.

Oh, are you here to complain about your car?

You're darn right.

Then you don't get any donuts.

Just as well, Bob. Donuts would only make you complacent.

I'll have a donut.

Are you with him?

Yeah, but I'm not a complainer.

There's something these places are all alike.

Auto parts, tires, donuts.

You know, I told him I'd be here on time and he's late.

Yeah, I hate to be in his shoes.

Ah, good morning, fellas. I'm Mark.

Well, I'm hardly a Mrs. Borg.

Ah, you know, it started out like it was going to be real overcast this morning,

but looks like old Saul's going to peak to those clouds.

Look, can we knock off the small talk, get down to brass tacks? What's

with my wife's car?

Who's old Saul?

Hey, let's take a look at this repair sheet, and we'll straighten this thing

right out. Hey, have a seat, fellas.

Stand up, Bob.

Stay mean, stay hungry.

Boy, well, according to this repair sheet, hey, it looks like we really have

some big problems.

Maybe you ought to go to mechanic school.

Well, gee, Bob, you know, we do. Believe me. You see, we send our men to a

refresher course every six months.

Hey, some of our guys have their gold wrench.

Big deal.

Now you're rolling.

Look, when is my car going to be ready?

Well, you see, unfortunately, we're waiting for a pressure plate for your

clepsy, and all the factories are on strike.

Well, unfortunately, we're waiting for you to get off your keister.

Take no prisoners, Bob.

I tell you, it looks like it's going to take two weeks, at least.

When? Two weeks.

When? Two weeks.

When?

I think you'd better go on to something else.

I want my car. I want it now.

Or fairly soon.

Whenever you get around.

I tell you, Bob, it's going to be two weeks.

Hey, you know, your tango, his middle name is Trouble.

No. No, it isn't. My middle name is Anthem.

Bob, why don't you let me take care of this? And let me worry about it, you

know? And I'll see you in a couple of weeks, all right?

I'm talking about two weeks. You've got my word on it. Unless, see, after we get

the clutch in, it turns out that the throw -out bearing shot two, in which

we'd have to yank the engine again, and it could take as long as four weeks.

That's it, Buster. Let's go out in the alley.

We don't have an alley.

You don't know how lucky you are.

Bob, you can...

Step out there.

Okay, that's a good idea. Your choir's out in the back and I can show you

wrong with your clutch. Come on.

I can show you what's wrong with your face.

Here's your donut. Your coffee will be ready in a minute. When?

In a minute. When?

In a minute. How would you like to step outside, plus base?

Morning, Carol.

You're looking simply fantastic today.

I must be on the wrong floor.

No, no, no, Carol. I decided that if Elliot Carlin can be pleasant, so can I.

Oh, Carlin, you are looking quite dapper today.

Oh, thank you, Robinson.

So are you. You know, I've been thinking, Elliot, we should see each

socially. Oh, you mean go out to a movie, maybe have dinner?

Splendid idea.

I'm in the wrong building.

Well, I am late for group. Hope to see you soon.

Don't be a stranger. Ta -ta.

Cheerio.

He's still a clown.

I'm really so sorry I'm late, but it was such a wonderful day that I decided to

stop and smell the roses.

That's all right, Mr. Carlin. Lillian, you're as lovely as ever.

Oh, yes.

And how's my wonderful round little cherub?

And there's my main man.

Kindly, Dr. Bob.

Nice shades.

You look like a movie star.

Well, I have a slight headache, and my eyes are a little sensitive.

You're a sensitive person, Dr. Hartley.

Thank you. Thank you very much. Mr. Collin, do you want to take a seat?

You know I do.

All right, Mr. Hurd, you were telling us what happened yesterday.

Oh, right.

Oh, you would have been proud of me, Dr. Hartley. I was eating in a restaurant,

and would you believe it?

The waiter didn't give me any salt.

That incompetent old... I was white with rage.

How did you deal with it? I set fire to my menu.

Right on.

Nice touch, Ed.

I'm not sure you may not have gone too far.

You should have turned him into a shish kebab.

Yeah. Now, hold it. The answer is not screwing people or setting fire to

restaurants or making death lists.

There's an obvious difference between being angry and making an idiot out of

yourself. Are you calling us idiots?

No, I'm calling me an idiot.

Oh, gracious.

One of your eyes is black.

Were you in a fight?

I don't think one punch constitutes a fight.

I had a run -in with an auto mechanic.

I ran into his fist.

The important thing is you let your anger out.

The important thing is I'm still alive.

I mean, you know, to get you that mad, he must have been a terrible person.

No, actually, he was very nice.

then you must have been the terrible person.

One could say that. We could all say that.

Well, Dr. Hartley, did you learn anything from this? Well, I learned that

sometimes the words slush face can rub an auto mechanic the wrong way.

I've also learned that although it's all right to show your anger, you should

temper your anger with common sense. I mean, what is a person like myself doing

in a fight?

Getting his brains be out.

Why don't we move back to square one and let's take another look at how we

should deal with anger.

I agree.

I agree, too. How about you, Elliot?

Shut your face, toad brain.

Oh, hi.

Hi, Marvin.

Hey, hi, Bob.

Hey, how are you? How's the eye?

Ah, fine.

Oh, yeah, I'm so sorry. I feel bad about that.

Didn't sleep for three nights.

Hey, listen, I provoked you. You had no choice, you know. I'm just glad I didn't

retaliate.

Well, I hope you let bygones be bygones and we can be friends.

We value your business.

Well, listen, that basket with fruit was real nice.

It wasn't necessary.

Oh, I felt it was. It was just kind of, you know, my way of saying I'm sorry,

you know.

Joe, can I pick up the car?

Oh, you sure can. It's ready to go. Everything is ship -shaping. She runs

a... Top of roof.

What's the damage?

It looks like $415.

How much?

$415.

How much?

$415.

You don't really expect me to pay that, do you?

Either that or I'm going to have to send you another basket of fruit.

You take checks?