Original subtitles

Hey, Squirtle.

Heard about the cage match at the school fair yesterday.

Yeah, word is you rearranged some dude's face real good.

Sick. Who's saying that?

Everyone, man. It's gone viral.

No, now, wait.

Look, I know you're mad, but I was thinking about what you said before.

Like how me and you going out would work for the both of us. The problem is I

don't even pretend to date thugs.

You weren't there.

You wouldn't shut up about all this gay stuff.

So it's better to be known as a gay basher than a gay person, is that it?

You know what?

Maybe it is.

Fiona, come on. Riley, we need to talk.

My office.

the head of our lgbt club now what's that a sandwich lesbian gay bi

larissa brought it to my attention that you attacked a gay man and before we

start talking hate crimes i want to hear your side of the story miss h whatever

she told you is there proof is somebody pressing charges or something the home

for the day and come back tomorrow with a thousand words on non -violent

conflict resolution

The LGBT club offers sensitivity training for homophobia.

Thanks, I'll pass.

Look at us.

Wish we could dress like that all the time.

Oh, and the Beauregard blog's on fire about my proposal to unite the realms.

Well, your idea to marry Dredemort's prince with a stroke of genius. I just

Dredemort accepts it.

Wow, sexy costumes.

Close it.

Is that from Halloween?

Yeah, it's LARPing.

LARPing? You mean like dressing up like wizards and having styrofoam sword

fights? Sure, it's on flame when you say it like that.

Yeah, but isn't that just for like huge sci -fi dorks?

It's not just for them.

It's something I like to do while you do your stupid band stuff. Whoa, since

when is my band stuff stupid?

Can we go to our own classes, please?

So, where do we eat today, Claire Bear? In here, princess.

Well, Casey always says we eat in the cafe.

And he'll be sitting with Dave.

Super. I know.

Dave's so nice. It's no wonder you two hit it off at the club fair. And now

we both have boyfriends... He's not my boyfriend, Claire.

I was nice to him, and somehow he got the wrong idea.

So you don't like him?

It's just, I like to be regular friends with a guy before we become boyfriend

-girlfriend. Like Casey.

Like you and Casey were friends before you started going out. Of course.

Hey!

Did you know we're still taking on new power squatters?

Uh, you're asking us?

Lots of the players' girlfriends are on the squad.

Dave's told us all about you two.

Uh, we'll think about it.

So, what are you going to tell Dave?

I was thinking about trying out for the squad.

Hey!

Sorry I'm late.

Thanks for not ratting me out about, you know, I didn't think it was necessary

to get the school involved.

Cool. I'm sorry.

So, let's do this exam, right?

Riley, I had you removed from the course.

With your temper, I don't think you have what it takes to become a lifeguard.

But Sam, this is my summer job!

Maybe next summer.

Your best chapter of fantasy fiction by Friday, everyone.

Why, write fantasy when you can live it, right, Princess Cruella?

Maybe Sav's right.

Can't even be a princess is ridiculous.

Anya, Beauregard needs you. And Sav hasn't talked to me all day.

I'll just send him a text apology.

For what?

Oh, hold on, I got a message.

They accept the marriage.

Long live Cruella!

Uh, what about Sav? Are you going to tell him?

If he loves me, he'll understand.

Oh,

don't get confused. This isn't foreplay. I have to tell you one more time to

shut up about that. Oh, what? Matt Riley, am I interrupting you?

What's that supposed to mean?

You're getting a pretty vicious rep, but whatever. I won't joke about it

anymore. There's a cure. Found it online.

A cure for what?

Confusion.

Confusion? I don't think you're confusing me. Time to keep up.

I've just got to get rid of these stupid dots.

Two seconds. That's a fall.

Match Riley.

Go ahead, you two.

Too easy. I need a new partner.

Well, Larissa, I think she likes you.

Shut up.

I feel sorry for those freaks.

So, feeling that school spirit?

I knew you put your show to it.

Thanks, Dave.

How about tomorrow after practice, though?

Take you to any movie you want. A lady's choice.

Could we ask Claire and Casey?

Double date?

Tomorrow with you and me.

A dark theater and five gallons of sweet buttered corn.

Sounds... great.

There's lots of support for people like you.

You can also arrange a one -on -one therapy with a recommended psychologist.

The feelings, they're making me crazy.

I wish they would just go away.

Well, you're at a crossroads.

Embrace a gay lifestyle or decide to live the life you want.

I won't be embracing any gay lifestyle, believe me.

I used to be like you.

But through therapy, I allowed myself to choose my future.

Now I have a wife, two kids.

And you're happy?

Happier than I was.

Anyway.

Read the literature, and we'll talk about a counseling plan.

Thanks, Jerry.

Well, when you're ready, then.

Hey,

beautiful. You scared me.

What do you want?

To apologize. You've been right all along about my feelings.

I'm getting help.

Congrats. It's about time. Yeah, so I hoped you'd be into having a real

boyfriend. Excuse me?

I mean, once I'm cured.

Cured? Are you insane? You can't cure homosexuality. Yes, you can. There's a

website and an office.

It's like it sees.

Wow.

You really hate yourself, don't you?

Too bad you can't cure a bitch!

We don't talk anymore, okay?

Fix me.

Cure me. I'll talk to a doctor, take a straight pill, whatever it takes.

Did you read the literature?

What it take is weak.

months, maybe even years of reorientation therapy.

Years? Yeah. And unfortunately, this type of therapy is not covered by

insurance.

Have you talked to your parents?

As if I'm going to tell my parents I need money to get the aid.

Well, a lot of parents think it's worth the investment.

How much is it?

Say a hundred an hour, once a week, maybe 20 weeks, around $2 ,000.

Whoa, two grand?

Oh, I get it. This is a scam, right? You require extensive behavioral

modification.

I'm just trying to help you, Riley.

Whatever, Jerry.

I'm gonna figure it out on my own.

It's gonna take a lot more than just finding the right girl.

It couldn't hurt.

Pete, tonight, the guy's not out.

Ow.

Hey.

Is Joey making his juice on?

It's supposed to be, but I've been spying on your double life.

It's bizarre, but you look super cute.

You're not going to make fun of it?

No, but... Okay, then I have some crazy news. I just don't get why you want to

hang out with these weirdos.

Why are you in a band?

Because there's nothing better than rocking a crowd. It's like I'm their

Exactly. The Beauregard people look up to me, Sav. I'm important.

You're important to me.

You say so, but ever since you guys got back from L .A., it's like you're

married to the band.

Honey, it's just that we're busy.

So I found people that have time for me, who accept me for who I am. Oh, and who

would that be? A fairy princess or my girlfriend?

You better hope I can be both.

And the thought of you cheering me on, man, I'll be able to do anything, all

right? So I thought, you know, tonight after practice, I'll bust out the shower

gel, we'll hit up the movies.

Dave!

Stop.

Stop what?

Sorry.

I tried to play along as your girlfriend, but I can't.

But I thought you liked me.

I like you, just not like that.

Is it someone else?

Sorry. Who?

It doesn't matter.

Man, the guys think I'm cool and now the girls think I'm dateable all because

I'm with you.

Would you be less mad at me if I helped you keep your rest?

Corner pocket.

Last game, three in a row.

Super. Are we done?

Nope. Tonight, one of these lucky girls is going to find out what kind of a guy

I am.

Sorry, I didn't get the memo today.

Did I strike one?

Exactly. How about you? It's been weeks since we left.

You still off the market?

Well, there's no point denying that babe's a good thing, right?

Watch the master of work.

Just cause you think it, it don't make it so.

Drop you to drinking, won't let you go.

Dave said it didn't feel right.

Then he dumped me.

I just hope I can stay on the squad.

Aw, sweetie.

Come here.

There are lots of single guys on the team.

Think they're buying it?

We should get an Oscar.

It works.

Dave's still the man.

The guy's lucky he got a hopeless crush on a pretty cool girl.

I'm sure you'll find a guy who's right for you someday.

I'm sure I will, Claire Bear.

555 number.

Fake. Ouch.

I think that's working.

I don't know. You guys have it. Some guys just don't.

Maybe it's karma.

Someone needs to put me out of my misery.

Is that vodka?

No.

I'm just going to get another bad cop.

Another game?

One more hem and it's

done.

Thanks for staying late with me. Oh, no problem. We'll have to make sure we get

some photos for your parents.

Amy Stas.

Anya.

Uh, you know, I have some brushes that I should wash.

Somewhere.

If you're here to judge me... I'm not.

Look, um, I'm sorry I made fun of you.

It's just that I tell you everything about the band, and...

This you kept a secret.

What's that?

It's my wedding dress.

What? Tomorrow, I'm getting married to the Prince of Dredamore. To save

Beauregard from destruction.

Oh, my God.

I made it happen, Sav.

And over there, they're calling me a... Are you coming or not?

Let me guess.

Band practice.

Spins only night off.

You want to come watch?

No, dummy. If you haven't noticed, I have a sunrise wedding to get ready for.

And it might be the only one I ever have.

Let's go.

Are you ready? You ready?

Boom, boom.

Hey, come on. You don't like that?

Okay, dude.

No peeking.

Oops, my bad.

You sure you want to do this? I'm not your instructor anymore.

You want a beatdown? You got it.

Kick my ass. I deserve it.

Why?

I'm not normal.

Look, I know how hard it is for you.

I'm a swimmer.

The locker rooms, the showers.

I get it.

But I don't want everybody to know.

That you have a choice about.

You don't have to come out until you're ready.

I ever am.

In the meantime, all the elf -hating, violent crap.

How's that working for you?

Are you okay?

Just take a good bow and we're two seconds away from breaking up.

Doesn't mean I can't enjoy my wedding.

Here goes.

Empress of Dredamore, thy minstrel hath arrived.

When this ceremony has come to an end, you shall leave here as husband and

joined together by the powers that be.

This eternal bond shall keep thee together from this day forward.

Very mature step, Riley.

Keep me posted on your progress.

You okay?

Not deprived, but you were just talking to the counselor.

Anger management.

I'm done being a raging jerk all the time.

Okay, cool.

Well, I should head to class.

Peter, wait.

There's a new memo out today.

You were the first to find out, and you've been right all along.

I'm homosexual.

Well, can't say I'm surprised, but I'm glad you're admitting it.

So should I submit a bulletin to the morning announcements or something?

No, the day's routine enough. I'm not going to come out in high school.

What stays between us? You didn't tell me anything.

Thanks.