Original subtitles

Last time on Commoner's Muck, this happened.

You've got your spot of Q -Duff on the committee, now get me what I want.

What the bloody hell do you think you're doing, eh?

Irene, what's wrong?

Oh gosh, I am poorly so, Neil, but the doctor takes care of it.

I'm not worrying, Nev, I don't want to, that's why I haven't told him.

I love her.

I can cut bloody hair. Very smart.

I've done it, Mum!

Irene?

Oh my God, Irene, please, no!

What are you going to do now?

Stay retired, I suppose.

It's a lie, though.

Missy's got it out of the catalogue. Got them for 1 ,500.

Bloody hell.

I thought I'd done well.

They've done a deal with this unnamed benefactor who shoved them a few quid to

stay where they are.

I hope we've done the right thing.

Give over, John, or it's only money.

Hey, hey.

Okay.

What are you doing here? I'm here to open it. Makes sense. Derek, you

even be standing up. Never mind waving a pair of sharp scissors about. I'm fine.

The hospital don't think so. They're in trice, you know.

I've had a scan.

I'm all right. I told them.

Puggery victim opens new salon. You can see the headline.

The man they tried to kill.

What paper do you read? Look, I'm just saying you've got to think of your photo

opportunities.

Maximise your publicity.

You should have done more of that. We didn't have no money.

Yeah, but look at these flyers, John. Where is it?

Manicure. Manicure doesn't have... 2N?

Or a K?

Well, I've never got on with words. I said that.

Oh, bloody Nora, that's shagged up then, hasn't it? Nobody's going to come near

us now. They're going to think we're a bloody joke.

Oh, woolly bollocks.

I mean, no one round here can read any road.

Shit! Ken, calm down.

I am pissing can't. They're not coming, are they?

Press. Probably got something else on, you know, fire or something. That's why

can't spare us anyone.

Do your own.

Leave him bloody barely here. He can do it. He's a natural. Aye.

Then you can send that in. If it were worth it, you mark my words.

Oh, well, might as well.

Come on, get in.

Here, Derek, if anyone should do it, you know, Sharon should be... It don't

matter. Right, there you go, then.

Say cheese.

Local hero defies pain.

Bye.

Bloody hell.

That's more like it.

Dougie? Hey, Obsidian. I knew them sinks was all right. Bloody bollocks chipped

four sets.

Here, go and fetch us a paper, will you?

Tugging. You wanted to learn about business.

Yes, I do.

Asked us to stop calling him girl Friday yesterday.

No sense of humour.

Hang on, what are you doing?

What's it look like?

I want me complimentary haircut. I want to be your first customer.

I half built the place for you, didn't I? John.

Yeah, you did. And that's why you'll want Sharon, Dougie. She's our senior

stylist. When I want a senior style, I'll give her a call.

Meantime, I like a bloke. Yeah, if that's all right.

Short, back and sides.

John, I'll wash Mr. Hogg's hair, will you?

You all right, John?

Yeah, yeah.

I won't be a minute.

Ken, can I have a quick word before you get stuck in?

What? You know what?

Try and relax a bit. You can do it. You know, I mean, I would never have

suggested you for this if I didn't think you could.

Honest.

Hey! What the bloody hell are you doing?

You got the keys?

Save us mucking about.

We... You can't. You can't just take it.

I mean, for Christ's sake, you have to give us a warning or something. You

received your final warning two weeks ago.

I'll sort things out.

I've had a bit of a cash flow situation lately, that's all.

But it's solved now.

My sodding car, you bastard!

Keys!

Tell you what, it's a grand job, this.

So much from nothing, even if I say so myself, makes you proud to be British.

I do not bloody believe it.

What's up?

My car.

They've repossessed it. You what? You should have called.

It's the missus.

Forgot to send the payments.

Bloody incredible.

Oh, come on, Johnny, you haven't forgot out. You know, late with your TV

licence, posting a letter or something.

I'll tell her.

Time and again, write stuff down so it doesn't slip your mind.

It's bloody incredible.

Could you cover for us? Or to sort it out, you know, get the cheque sent and

that. I'm lost without the motor.

Yeah, go on, don't worry.

I'll be straight back as soon as I'm done.

Just take your time, John, right? We'll manage.

Never happened with one of my workers, you know. Come in and go in, soon be

Still up to you, the way you run your own business.

Jono, time.

Do you want a coffee, Mr. O?

Oh, jeez! What's that?

Very good stuff, Swat. I had you.

Look, this isn't your job. Yours is pulling air out of the sink. Hey!

Lads, lads, leave it. Jono, you get Mr. O the fresh cup. Bernard, you get him

up. And Kent, you know, just carry on.

Everybody ready?

Good. Start.

Some sad news, I'm afraid.

Nat has attended his resignation from the Millennium Committee.

Oh, no.

Stop the minute, please, Andrew.

I'm more than a bit pissed off with this one.

Nat is subjected to an unprovoked racist attack.

His property is destroyed.

And all the media can do is demand a full investigation into the way that we

conducting our business. It's bloody scandalous. I mean, that makes it quite

clear in his letter that because of the adverse publicity the attack has

attracted and because of his desire to see us succeed in our goal, there is no

way he's going to reconsider his decision.

Shame. Shame. But I want him to know, and I think I speak for us all, That he

goes with my best wishes and heartfelt thanks.

Here, here.

That's Nat with his ass in a nice coffee for a couple of weeks.

Absolutely.

See to the rest, will you?

The thing is, Nev, the reason I'm here, this new salon... Oh, they've come to

their senses, haven't they?

Ken Andrews, coiffurist.

Everyone's getting really excited about it. You know, planning a few beers for

after, and, well, they... Well, we all thought that you might like to be there

with them.

That's very kind.

Well, it's not just the gesture. I mean, we're all missing you.

We just want you to be happy, Nev.

And we thought...

You know, if you have been considering getting back to Hepworth now that

everything's... But, you know, you're a bit nervous, which is understandable.

Then if you came back with me now and had a few days round and about the

opening, you know, you could find your feet again, sort of paved the way for a

more permanent move.

I'm all right, Sonia.

I'm managing.

Are you? Yes, I am.

I didn't think I would.

I thought, you know, if anything happened to her before it happened to

thought, well, I'd probably tear myself apart.

But... Well, now...

I'm not going to fail her.

She lived her life, Sonia.

Every minute of it.

Everything ends, doesn't it?

And I suppose it's how you get there that matters.

And she were glorious right the way through.

Start to...

I mean, I'm going to

mourn her.

I am mourning her.

But I thought, bugger it, I'm not going to be too sad.

Not with a life like that.

So?

That's why I'm coping, you see.

She's making me cope.

Here.

Brought this.

Okay.

Just want to burn him.

He's getting good.

You know, it was such a short while, but... Wow, what a time we had.

What a time.

Nev, I'm glad you like this, being positive.

I mean, it's the best way, I'm sure.

It's just... Well, Irene... Well, I feel

bad because she...

I knew she was ill.

She had a turn the day we went shopping and she asked me not to tell you because

she didn't want to upset you.

And I did what she said, only... I mean, it was for your own good, Nev. I mean,

you'd only worry.

How long has she been ill?

I don't know.

Three or four years, I think she said, on going.

But, well, you see, the point is that... Why are you telling me now?

Why are you bloody telling me this now?

Now... Now it's all over. Now she's gone. Why are you telling me?

Well, Nevy, it wouldn't have made any difference. I mean, the doctors knew all

about it. I mean, you couldn't have... I'd have done nice stuff.

I'd have done it sooner.

My God!

Don't you think I've had enough?

You said you were coping. I'm coping!

I'm hanging on by my bloody fingertips!

I'm coping!

Yeah, but, Nev, if I thought you were going to... I mean, I wouldn't have told

you. Yes, you would.

Eventually, you bloody wolf would, because you're like that. You're selfish

right the way through, aren't you? It's Sonny who first and every other bugger

comes second with you. But, Nev... Go away, will you?

Just leave me alone.

For God's sake, leave me alone.

I'd have tried to make it better for her.

I'd have done anything for her.

Very powerful.

You be careful with it.

There's plastic on the seat!

It's a proper place, that garage.

They don't even call them second -hand. They're called pre -enjoyed. Carpets are

spotless. Shampooed last week.

He told me.

Go on.

Get in.

Can I?

How else are you going to drive it?

John, smell it.

Engine's hardly been running.

Paintwork's immaculate.

Real opportunity, something like this.

Glad the other one broke, John.

Yes, well, they could have fixed it, mind you. Good garage, that, I told you.

But then I saw this one, sitting there on the forecourt, all ready for action.

I got him down, yeah, 500 quid.

Proper deal.

Oh, John, you've done well.

I knew we should have had a sodding neon sign.

Couldn't afford it, we agreed, though.

John, do I go?

Go swimming tonight?

Of course you can go. Will you stop being so miserable?

Magic, I think. Fast as brush you wish, mate.

Come on, Ken.

It's like Sharon says.

I mean, Rome weren't built in a day. There was some pitting interest the

morning they said it were open. Cheer up, Ken. It isn't that bad.

Marie, you're our second customer today and neither of you has been of the pain

variety. It's been a bloody disaster.

Ken, this ain't like working on the bins, you know. You see the work, you do

you get paid, you forget it. You know, this is different.

You've got to be behind it, be committed.

Then we should be pleased we've really turned this place around.

Come on, cheer up. It's me do tonight. I don't want you turning up with a long

face.

Yeah, about that, I can't come.

Sorry, footer, cup game.

What? Bloody hell, I was relying on you.

Do you want me to come with you? I wanted a fella.

I've got a bad record at the college, you know. When we've had dudes in the

past, the lads I've brought with me, well, you know, they ain't been that

behaved. I wanted folk to see I was carrying on.

Take our John all then.

I'll make sure he's shaved and showered. Hey, hang on. Yeah, Johnno, problem

solved. He's a nice lad. Hey, I said hang on. I mean, I might not want to.

I mean, I might have made my own arrangements.

Like what?

Oh, go on, Johnny, it'd really help me, you know. I mean, there's food and

stuff. You want a free drink?

Well, looks like a friend in need, eh?

Oh, ta.

Appreciate it.

Yeah, cooks no money in a quid pit.

You never said you got a pit.

No, we didn't. It turned out it was Bernard's pocket money falling through

in his trousers.

Did I add sausages for dinner? Well, you should have had something else. I told

you what I was doing.

I thought you were going out anyway.

Sharon's graduation.

Oh, Jono fancied it. Free beer, you know what he's like.

Sir Nev was all right then, was he?

Yeah.

Considering.

Dad?

Happy now?

With your bloody childishness?

What's that?

Compulsory purchase order on the yard. What are you up to? I'm not up to

anything. It's Tranks and her friends on the council.

She's dealt with me. Now it's your turn. You wouldn't go quietly, so now you

have to be blasted out.

Is that how you were going to impress me?

I'm trying to stand on my own two feet, learn a skill.

And I don't want to do it with someone who employs thug.

I thought the place was empty.

Anyway, I had to, because of your bloody stupidity.

Stupidity? Sonny, leave it. What about this?

We haven't got a leg to stand on if the council wants to develop the area.

So what are we going to do?

It's up to you.

Personally, I'd make sure your business is such a raging success that you become

an indispensable part of the community.

And then hope that the council may decide to look elsewhere.

But then again, what do I know?

Bloody hell, Sharon.

The total parity.

I never knew.

Mark, can you get her a drink?

Fine, sir.

Well, I bet you just think it's all over now, aren't you?

Get her back on a Thursday night?

Never been a problem, Claire. You know, Sharon and me.

But we said from the start we were not going to be in each other's pockets, you

know, give each other space. You need that.

That's how come she did the butte therapy course and I did the deep -sea

Is there anything to pull here, is there?

Well, no, cos it was a couple of years back.

I mean, I lived further out then, you know, I travelled to Fleet. Got a

one there.

I mean, I'm qualified now. I mean, I might go back on the rigs, but it

on how I'll try and get someone to follow.

Thanks, Greg.

Well, you know, we'll see.

There's Mr Reliable, the bloke who led off early, Laurel and Hardy, the coffee

jugglers. They're three for a start.

Yeah, but layoffs... Even if you get a couple in today, a couple in tomorrow,

ain't going to cover the wages, is it?

They've got to be doing that for a bloody long while.

They helped build this place. Kent, this purchase order.

What council's relying on is you chucking the towel in soon as you see

in a month's time, if you're still here and you're busy and you say you're going

nowhere, it becomes a whole different ballgame.

Dougie, you don't think... That will only happen if you shed the deadwood.

Spend any extra you free up on publicity and a few special offers. It won't

happen by limping on and spending every penny you've got paying lads who aren't

doing out.

What's it up to?

A chance for me to show you how committed I am, eh?

It's for kiddies, see? I'll make them smaller now I know how they work.

Big market, see? They come in here with their mums and that. Only they hate

having their hair washed.

In case the sun's going in their eyes.

Oh, good.

What's up?

Sit down, Angel.

The thing is, um... Look, there ain't no easy way to, um... What I mean is...

You want to get rid of us, don't you?

You knew it.

What?

I don't know what to say.

Well, how do you mean, get rid?

Lay us off.

I mean, there's no work.

It's the order.

We've got to be efficient, you know. Go and confirm as soon as possible.

That's the only way we stand a chance of staying here. I thought this was going

to be it, going to sort us all out.

I thought that too, John.

I never realised. I'm sorry.

There's no else we can do.

It's temporary, that's the thing.

Till when?

Till it picks up. When, though?

I don't know. It'll be a while, probably.

Me and Sharon will not be taking O out.

We're going to have to plough everything straight back into, you know, getting

folk in here regular.

I'm going to keep Bernard on.

I'm a good lad, aren't I?

I've got to look after him. There's no else he can do.

What can we understand?

As soon as we start getting a few customers in, regular, and we're

you lads are straight back in, guarantee.

Fast bike?

Playboy? That ain't mine.

I don't care whose it is. What's it doing here? I'm customising.

What? I've been thinking. Way to get trading.

I've gone too soft, my side. Blokes expect certain things when they come for

haircut, like I did.

You know, certain traditional things.

Mucky mags? No.

Well, yeah, and car mags, then talking about the footy and buying some up at

weekend.

Oh, do you think you're having a Johnny machine?

I'll keep them in a drawer. You just need a little sign saying you've got

Ken, this is a salon.

Air and beauty, it's classy.

Oh, aye, and classy's got punters piling in, hasn't it? Classy's got them

kicking down the door for a bleeding leg wax and a facial.

What kept you? Well, I don't know, Ken. Haircut we made, this is in right.

Do you want to play Saturday or not?

Ken! Sharon! What are you doing?

Well, your brother and the rest of me mates from the footy team have agreed to

come in for a haircut.

Take advantage of our cut -for -a -quid special offer.

A pound?

That's right. Then they're going to go out this afternoon and they're going to

tell all their mates what a great job I've done. I'm trying to grow mine, Ken.

want a pigtail.

Bollocks, flat top.

Here.

You, how are you looking, dear? An hour first. Never come all this way.

What about something like that?

Kim Basinger? It ain't long enough.

Next to her, you prat, the bloke.

Eddie Murphy?

Yeah, I don't see why not.

Come through.

I couldn't get away.

I had a bikini line coming last second, and you can't rush them, not unless you

want vote coming from the left.

Well, at least it's picking up. I mean, you'll be able to take on extra staff

soon, eh?

Is she here? Yeah, she's here. Magic.

Hey, Sarah, what's all this about you taking her old man out on sale?

She can only get all the second -hand models now.

Oh, she can do it again when she wants.

He came home when he said, I'm near sober.

First bloody time in our house. Hey, what's he doing next Thursday? I wonder

what's the pictures.

Here she shall hire him that way. How will you know? He's pretty good company.

Well, I've sodden pay.

Well, not for any funny like. Just someone to go out with.

I mean, my Dominic, he works nights, six days a week.

And you can't go into town on your own, can you?

You know, sooner sat down in a pub and some kid's got his tongue stuck in your

ear. Hey, I agree. There's a job for the lad. So, R .L. now.

I'll have a word.

Look, I'd be crap.

No, you wouldn't. I wouldn't know what to do. I'd go about it. All you have to

do is you just turn up and be yourself.

You bloody tat.

Right, we'll have a practice.

Now, tonight, I'll be your date. You'll see how easy it is.

What do you mean, me date?

Well, you can check us out.

Pretend you don't know us. There's something to eat.

Where? Where you like.

It's your choice, isn't it?

They pay, you decide, so they don't have anything to worry about. And you'll pay

tonight, will you?

Yes. Jono, I can't keep going on with all this sex party stuff.

Look at me.

I'm knackered.

We haven't got no money, Jono.

All right, Jon.

Do you want a torch or something?

Hey, old Pete.

How you doing?

Never heard of a full day round here.

Yeah.

So, what are you doing out here, then?

Diane told me.

Listen, John, I hope I haven't dropped you any, but it's about that money you

borrowed.

It's just that you owe me now.

I bought your debt off Mickey Evans.

Well, it's what I do.

You? Told Diane.

She was fine.

What do you mean, I owe you?

You borrowed 1 ,400 quid off Mickey.

Mickey sold the debt on to me for 1 ,600. Now, I only want 2 ,000 off you

squaring it with Mickey. 2 ,000?

You can't do that. Oh, come on, John. It's only like the banks, you know.

Interest and things. Yeah, I know, but... 2 ,000?

Well, he didn't fare.

Well, I've got to make a bloody living, haven't I? Oh, Jesus, Pete, 2 ,000!

Look, there's no need to panic.

You don't have to pay it all off at once.

I mean, it'll just be like it was with Mickey, you know. As long as you pay me,

my interest every week will be fine.

How much will that be?

75 quid. You're joking!

I'll never make that.

I can't get 75 quid. Then pick faster!

Oh, come on, John.

I'm only joking.

You'll think of something.

You can always borrow it.

But don't worry about it, all right?

I'll pop round and I'll see you tomorrow.

Oh,

have we started, then? We started when we came out the door and we'll finish

when you take me home.

Thanks.

Pleasure.

Can I have a pie, sir?

Yes.

Marie, what would you like?

I'd like a Diet Coke, please.

Yes. One of them and a pie, sir.

Thanks.

You look very nice.

What's all this? We've been cut off.

I don't believe it.

It is quite romantic, isn't it?

They charge a fortune to reconnect him.

Christ, I thought we were all right for another week or two. It's hard for

everyone at the moment.

Everyone's struggling to make ends meet and these things happen.

Trick's not to get all hysterical.

Go and see that man again.

What give you the loan for the car?

You'll have to get a bit more.

I can't. Why?

We'd pay him back.

All this stuff you don't know, Diane.

What stuff?

He'll not give us any more.

It's not sensible, any road.

We don't overstretch ourselves.

What about seeing if you can help him?

Do some work for him to settle what you owe now. Then maybe he'd be prepared to

give you a bit more.

Do you like a sort of deal?

Oh, that would be gorgeous.

Can I book one for next week? Oh, you can.

Hey, can you do me hair and all?

Well, I dare not to while I'm here.

No trouble.

Wednesday at one?

Yeah, lovely.

And I'll sort all that other stuff out for Friday.

Great. No problem.

It'll be 15 quid. You pay him.

Magic. Seven o 'clock if you can. Great. All right. Ta -ra, then. See you next

week, Ellen.

Better ring him, then.

All right, then. I can manage.

Come on, then.

Well, Stan, here. Don't be a minute.

Hiya, Ken.

Hiya, Marie.

All right.

What's that?

TV.

What's it for? Saturday.

Got it off Ken's chimney.

Ah, for sporting, that. Nice one. No, no bloody way. I'm not having one of them

things blaring in me ear all day. Only when there's something good on. Ken!

Right, Stan.

Coffee's all round.

Lovely. No milk.

You're going to take a seat?

No, you're all right, mate. I'm... Then you wait.

No, I'm... Burn it, burn it. It's all right.

Ribbed, all natural.

Normal.

Cheers, pal.

Bloody hell, Kev, what are you doing to this place?

Ching, ching, ching.

What's that?

Bugger me, the cash register's singing.

I don't think it's right.

It's working.

Now, then, stand up.

Three sugars, innit? Bugger the coffees.

You couldn't have laid one of them on, could you?

You'll not regret this, Pete.

Glad to be of help, John.

You were always good to me down that yard. I'll not forget that, even when

were laying off.

I'll not let you down, Pete.

You'll get 100 % until it's all paid off.

You know, the great thing about this job is the flexible hours.

Today's unusual.

Normally, it's first thing in the morning or last thing at night. Rule of

try and catch them in their pyjamas.

That way they haven't got the energy to put up much of a fight.

Makes sense.

I thought we were going to the flat.

Got to stop off. Oh, and that's another thing.

Try and get to know people's habits and use it to get what you're owed.

There's someone in there who owes you money.

No, no, no.

It's Mrs.

She comes here every Wednesday dinner time with her sister and two women that

she worked with.

You see...

You don't always go to the person that owes you, because they're expecting

trouble like, you know, G .3. No, sometimes you come in from behind.

Look and learn.

Where's your Harry, then, eh?

Harry McMillan, the bastard.

Harry McMillan is a lying, thieving, cheating, no -good bastard.

And I am going to kill this shit.

He owes me money, and I want it. I want my bastard money!

I want my money!

If Mrs. will do it for me and she'll do it a lot better than I can at all,

you'll not be expecting it. It's brilliant, isn't it?

Get rid of that man!

Get rid of that man!

You wait and see. We'll go round his house tomorrow. He'll have the whole lot

packaged up for us with a nice elastic band round it.

You like this?

Yeah, yeah. It was all a bit sudden, you know.

Loud.

Well, it's supposed to be a soft get.

You want this one?

Number three.

You're all right, Pete. You, er... I need to see how it's done a bit more.

Suit yourself.

There you are, fans.

For the money, you've come for the interest.

We ain't got it. Ain't got it, ain't got it. Then it's you and me, isn't it,

Ange? Payment in kind.

John will look after the kids for us.

I can't pay.

You'll have to come back. I can't give you no... You owe me and I want it. And

I'm not leaving until I get it. You're not going to scare me.

Gordon's in here. Gordon is out taxiing. And he'll be taxiing till three o

'clock in the morning. Get out.

I'm going to tell him about you. Get out of this house. Tell him. What are you

going to tell him? That you've got yourself into a bloody great debt. Tell

you can't manage your money he gives you.

Tell him that you've frittered it all away.

I want my money.

I want...

You knocked them off again.

You never look.

All right, bloody hell, I'll get you a new pair.

They cost the earth.

Well, they do if you buy Dapton's. Here, you want to get a pair like mine.

I want to trim dogs' coat with them.

They do the job.

Any road I'd not be knocking stuff off if you kept to your side. Your other's

spreading out.

I spread out because you were too tight to invest in one of them trolleys so I

could stack me gear proper.

Sharon, I'm stuffed if I'm spending 45 quid on a glorified vegetable rack. No,

but you don't mind spending it on your sodding satellite subscriptions or your

dirty calendars or your clock box. I mean, what's that for?

Cards.

Business cards.

You what?

The lads who come in here, they leave a card. You know, paintwork, plumbing,

rendering.

What are you doing?

What are you doing, Sharon?

Pig.

Bastard.

This ain't a salon.

This is a dosso where you get your hair cut and sit around all day scratching

your balls and complaining about the missus.

I never wanted to be part of this.

That weren't the deal.

So I tell you what, right?

Why don't we make it official?

I'll stay right out of your way so you won't have to see me or speak to me or

watch me doing me poncy treatments and then you can have your little kingdom

over there, right? All separate and all lads together.

John. So what are you going to do now?

I'll go back on the fruit.

Oh, yes, that'll really sort us out.

Soon get our finances in order while you're doing that.

Diane, Diane.

Well, we had a way out with this job.

Not just making sure the car didn't get repossessed or the electricity switched

back on, neither.

It was a real opportunity for you to do something proper.

You weren't there.

Young children.

Little kids.

John,

we was one of the

privileged ones.

Till you threw your hat in the ring with them lads down the depot.

That's when it started to go wrong.

That's when we started having to deal with all this rubbish.

And it was you that let it in.

It's your fault, John.

So you put it right.

£5 .50.

Every penny counts. W agrees with your old man. Hardest thing for a counsellor

to shift is a roll of success.

The copper.

Ken, what is it about this curtain, eh?

They're the rowdy.

No, it's nothing like that. It's just something that we're trying out. You

see if it works better keeping the two sides separate. You know, men's and

women's. You're joking, aren't you?

Come down here, if you're gutting.

It's all them women, eh? Sharon has him lying back having her hair a bit pointed

to the ceiling.

Well, then you go out smaller.

Sorry. Here, Bernard, go and ask Sharon if she can change that.

Well, must be a bit bloody weird for you now, eh?

With Dougie and your old man both kicking the same way, but you don't know

whether you're batting or bowling, do you?

She said no. She wanted all to change.

Tell her she's a bloody witch.

Here, you can owe us.

Cheers.

Right. See you tonight.

I'll see you.

Ravi,

you didn't fend him through bad -mouthing me while I got customers,

Well, you started it. I need me change.

Fair enough.

You doing out?

I've finished, actually.

Thursday's me half day, if that's all right.

I didn't mean that. Do you want a coffee before you go?

I'll wash the cups.

Bang your head getting out of bed or something.

Sharon, this curtain, it's daft.

I'll make a proper one, don't worry. It's only temporary.

It's daft, ain't it, at all? No, it ain't. I'm glad.

Makes it nice and clear where we stand. Stopped me getting any funny ideas about

us two setting up something special.

Sharon, I'm trying to sort this out. Forget it, then.

Get on with your work.

It's a business thing, T. We don't have to like each other.

Oh,

bloody hell. Calm down. It's the night out, that's all.

Marie, will you get me my jacket?

Jono, you've got three and a half hours yet. Marie!

Right, we have hole in the elbow or hole in the collar.

It's up to you.

Right, give it a darken. At least it won't show the sweat around my armpits

much.

And what the hell was that all about?

I'll give her another week.

Give what?

I've said she could have another week to get the money.

Same with that lass on Strawberry Meadows and the old chap in the

come on, John, we've been round once.

It's collection time.

You think there's another way, do you?

You think you can do it different and still get your money?

You don't have to be violent.

You... Talk to them, don't you? Spell it out.

That's what I did. Make it clear what you want and be reasonable.

I've all guaranteed they'll pay what they owe you next week.

OK, get in.

John!

Oh, you bollocks. Scott, are you all right? Shall I get something? No, I'm

right. Sorry.

How do you do? Oh, you look a lot younger in real life.

Marie showed us a picture of you.

Oh, I'm Helen, by the way.

Shall we sit down?

Are you all right?

Yeah. Fine.

Have you started, then?

Do you want a drink?

I mean, would you like one?

You're all right sitting there, aren't you? I mean, if it's draftier out, we

could always move if you want, or go somewhere else. I mean, whatever you

It's your night, isn't it?

Here's my love. I'm going to have the bill, please.

What's wrong with you?

No point, is there?

I mean, I thought I could do it, but...

I'm rubbish.

You haven't done out yet.

Look, I thought I could, but I can't. I was right looking forward to this.

Pictures and a pizza. I got it all worked out. I'm sorry. I bloody rushed

to get ready and everything.

Sad it.

I'm just shaking like a leaf, you know.

Go somewhere else if you like. I mean, have a drink or something. There's no

harm in that, is there?

There you go, John.

What are you doing?

This is mine.

You know bloody good to me the deal's off.

Oh, no, hang on. I said the deal's off.

Which means you owe me. Now, are you going to get it or am I going to get it?

Don't you know nothing?

But look, I'll tell you what I want. Get out.

If you'd just give me one... I said...

No, John, stop it. You've got to give him something.

John! He wants the debt.

You're working for him. Whip her out. Talk to him. I'm sure he's a reasonable

man. I only tend like that. I'll talk to him, then. It'll be fine.

I am. Christ, John, what's the matter with you? Haven't you got no balls?

What? You heard me.

Bloody hell.

Coming in here, laying down the law, acting all high and mighty.

I wouldn't mind, but it's all a bit late, isn't it?

What are you on about? You, me husband.

Man of action.

Bloody typical, this. Getting all worked up once it means nought.

You always do it. You ruin everything, no matter how hard I try.

Because you won't fight to look after us. Not when it means plummet.

Because you're too scared.

You've got the guts for nought.

I ain't got the guts.

Is that right?

Fine.

See you then.

What are you doing?

What am I doing?

I'm going stuck in, rolling up the sleeves.

You ought to pay off some of the bills, eh?

And the video.

That'll be worth a few quid. John!

And the pictures.

Probably a tenner. No, John, stop it!

Stop it!

What? I thought she's what he wanted.

Me, to act like a man?

Fight for us?

Hang on now.

The wedding... No, John, stop! Now we're talking. This is worth something.

Could few of us... Come on.

Let's have the pissing thing times money. No!

Pissing thing!

The real

world, Diane.

We spent 40 years avoiding it.

That's what we was good at.

That's why we chose each other.

Nasty feeling about how things could get.

So we married each other and we battened down the hatches, didn't we? For 40

sodding years!

Stop it! Stop it, John!

First proper row we've ever had, isn't it?

Never felt strongly enough to have a row before.

Still, I should be grateful.

At least we felt secure.

Little treat here, little treat there.

Bloody good life.

Well, all right.

It wasn't very exciting.

We hardly ever shagged. We never got drunk together.

We didn't really bother about out as long as it come out the catalogue.

Why,

it's a stinking pissy world, Diane.

And I've had me nose rubbed in it good and proper. I want to share.

Don't you understand, Diane?

All those years we've been together, the world's been going on right outside our

door.

We've ignored it.

We've hid ourselves away from it.

We've lived our own private life.

But we're like someone what's on one of them machines in the hospital.

A heartbeat.

Our lungs fill with air. We're shit, we're pissed, but we feel nothing.

We're not alive.

We're dead, Diane.

And I've been for 40 years.

Dead.

For 40 wasted years.

Do you understand?

Here you go.

Are you sure you don't want to come in for a coffee or out? No, I'd better get

back.

But I do hope you enjoyed yourself tonight.

Hey, stop it. You're doing it again.

I've had a bloody brilliant night. I want another going on when I can afford

Right, whenever.

Right.

That garlic was strong, wasn't it? Good, though.

Night, Rana.

See you.

Please.

You are a bloody genius.