Original subtitles

This isn't the usual kind of a place you'd expect to

find some action, but a friend of mine got lucky

here yesterday and we shot a ball.

That is more than promising.

We have definitely got a show going on right here, so I'm going to park up.

dodgy people now you

can never be too careful these days but let's see who we've got in this car and

if they're going to give us a show

okay

look hello you don't mind if i'm all

right

You don't mind if I film, do you?

I'm just going to go round to the other side.

Get the wind down.

Are you all right?

Hi. Hello, hello.

Are you all right?

Oh, that's super.

How do you feel, dear?

No, I've got really cold hands.

Are you sure?

Yes, I am.

Terrific. I'll have a good goal, eh?

She's enjoying that, isn't she?

You're enjoying that, aren't you?

Yes mate, can I ask a quick question?

Do you know what dogging is?

Dogging? Yeah. You sure mate?

Dogging? Do you know what it is?

Oh mate, honestly, it'd be perfect.

I've heard of it. I was wondering if any of you lovely ladies have heard of

dogging? Oh yeah.

You don't know anyone who's ever been dogging?

I don't know what it means exactly.

I've seen it.

So, have you ever heard of dogging?

Yes. Would you go dogging with me?

My girlfriend don't know, but I've been tried.

Have you ever heard of dogging?

Do either of you know what dogging is?

Dogging? I ain't got a clue.

But I am an respected member of the public.

I'm a surgeon, eh?

Honestly, when you're deep into a race, and you look, and somebody else is

watching, what's going on?

Do you know what talking means?

Alright, get in the back of the car, you're giving some of that.

Some of that.

In the back of the car, like.

Yeah, you're getting straight into the fucking track, see?

Go there, turn left.

Morning, mate. Morning, mate.

What are you doing, you twat?

Nothing. Eh?

What is your diameter?

What? Fucking hell.

Here, get a smell of that, mate. Ah!

Fucking prick.

Hey, man, string.

Diameter of your cock, you string.

That's circumference, mate.

Yeah, well, divide by pi.

Did you go to school?

Yeah, but they're more than you.

You used my credit card again, eh?

Yeah.

Quick, get it.

Will, please can you sort this out, please?

I haven't got it now. I'll pay you back, don't worry.

What? So they'll pay you back. Alright.

When?

Signing on today, mate. I'm going to be loaded.

East of England, eight inches.

It's good, isn't it?

Not really.

Alliteration, mate.

Alliteration. I'm a journalist.

Alliteration. Yeah, Tanya's over here.

Yeah. So?

You going to meet up with her? Or are you just going to exchange measurements?

Move along, I'll show you what you're doing. No, that's fine. Move along, I'll

show you what you're doing.

Move along I'll show you what's done.

Move along I'll show you what's done.

Man, you've got to play with them a bit man.

You've got to get her interested.

Ask her to meet up.

Meet up and find out.

That's all you've got to do. Nah, I don't want to write that mate. You don't

want to send her do you not? Definitely.

Definitely don't want to send her what I've sent her.

Yeah, that's what you're going to do about it.

Mate, see what she sends back man. She might be your dirty cow.

Laura!

Have you seen my car keys?

They're by the phone.

Are you sure? I've looked.

Uh -huh, yeah, they're there.

Dad. What?

That tie is minging.

Ah, you're right, Pet.

What would I do, eh?

Mate, need my clothes?

Aw, I'll wait, man. What are you being like that for? Are you in a mood? No.

you in a mood?

What are you in a mood for?

Mate, get off me.

Isn't Tanya's a weird man?

Yeah, so what? I wish she's not fucking you anyway.

What the fuck do you know about her, mate? Is she fucking you? Yeah, she is.

After four years with the same last one, maybe it's time to call it a day.

You know what I mean? Yeah.

What are you in a chat room for?

Doing a bit of research, aren't I? Research, what? On wanking?

Yeah. Well, you're doing very well, mate. Come here, man. Let me sort it

Ooh, careful.

What, me, me clean the house? What, do you want to live on the street side?

Fair enough, it's a show flat, but I rent it to you. It's a fucking show

And if I take the door money, what, do you want to go out? Do you want to live

with your girlfriend?

Do you want to go live with Tanya the Katie?

Why don't you go live with none, none, none?

Boys.

Driving in your coupe, you think you're flooker I got the rhymes, you got the

beats, yeah Scratch it back, bring it on tack Let's go and get a little bit Big

Mac Have a little bit of burger I take you out, you wanna have a bit of

furburger Because you is a batty batty boy I take you outside and I'll give you

a sick toy Let me give me the mic, let me just tell him what he's like He's

a little puff and I fucking hate me He's like he's on a bike, riding around

Giving everybody the sound, what's going on?

Going underground.

This is MC Rob with his ten -foot schlong.

Coming along, just in a bitty coupe.

I've had a bong. I've just had my faith. It ain't no disgrace.

I'm just walking around here like I'm in Amsterdam or some other place.

Ah, the reed. We're on the same wavelength.

Now, but seriously, man, the more season of the future, man, the beautiful, you

know, because those men, guys, they need to sell out. And who do they call?

Moi.

I tell you what, man, I love being a bum in this theatre. Do you know what I'm

saying, lads?

So it's like four bedroom house, so we're tilting each one, including the

master bedroom on the ex -marital bed.

And then, we're fucking talking.

Fuck off.

Yeah, that'll be exactly where you're sitting now.

See, this isn't fucking being a journalist, man. What do the best

journalists do? They fucking try it, you know what I mean? Stop being a fucking

puss. Fucking do it now.

Soon. To be honest, mate, it's not my idea of a good night, going and fucking

some girl with a hairy arse and club foot.

I like girls who've got teeth.

So, well, then, you're not a fucking journalist, man. What's your story,

What's your headline?

What's deep? What's your scoop? Where's your fucking angle?

Come on, you... What are you doing?

I've got to call Tanya. Get over it, you little... You've got a business trip?

Well, you've got a big cult in Chucky and I'm out now.

Never been on a business trip before.

Dead eggs, mate.

Not too short, is it?

Who owns the road, mate? I own the road.

I own the road.

My name's Rod and I own the road.

He's on the fucking road.

All right, mother?

Sound is out, ain't it?

What?

Can I get out and walk with you? No, you turn up, man. Turn around the corner.

Don't be like that.

Say what? You just turn up, yeah? Flash a light. Is that it?

What? Dogging?

I do see. I don't know what you feel like.

What?

What? Are you guilty or something?

No. You?

No. Are you?

No, shut up. I feel like you're clicking for the back door, boy.

All right, I'll make a note.

Eh? You're puffed, but you feel like going.

Flashing an inside light as an invite to speak to you.

Here. Window roll down. Oh, interior lights. I thought it was headlights.

Window roll down. Then what?

You had a journey.

A bit complicated, isn't it? You'll get the hang of it, man. Well, I won't. I'm

not coming home with you. I wouldn't get up. That's what it's funny, Reid.

And you didn't even have to buy a drink, though. Well, perfect for you.

Because you haven't got a pot of pizza.

Go on, you twat.

When did every fucker in Newcastle turn into a twat?

You know, you should have told me. You didn't even grow up here.

It's always been full of twats.

I know.

Just drop us here. I'm going to get some interviews on the way. Are you

interviewing me?

All right. Oh, you will? Okay. All right.

Ready?

Happy with your hair? You have to send this off to BBC or something. Yeah, I

will. Don't worry.

Um, okay, so, Rob. Yeah. Why do you go dogging?

Um... Have you heard of dogging at all? Yes, I have. You have?

I have. And what do you know about it?

It's just when you get in the car and start having sex with randomers.

To be honest, I thought dogging at first was when you had sex with dogs.

No.

So this is for you, for you to write to me? Yeah. I'm just trying to find out...

So this isn't going on anywhere?

No, it's not going on the telly or anything.

All right, so I'm not going to get any phone calls and I'm not pushing any

birds. Probably not, no. No, that is. No, I wouldn't worry about it.

Are you trying to look at me chucky?

How did you do that? Are you trying to look at me chucky?

Dogging is doggy style.

No, it's not. It's when you're in a car and someone starts trying to have the

gun with you.

Something like that.

Dogging is doggy style.

When you hang out at the back of the car.

Oh, when you hang out at the back of the car?

No, when you hang out at the back of either me or Faye.

And would you ever go, either of you?

Not with him.

Obviously not together as a partnership.

No.

Would I get gay?

No. No, because I'd have to choose my mate.

I didn't want to do that.

Nine -inch chucky. I'm very pleased for you, Rob.

No way. I couldn't be happier. Sure.

You get your chucky out, why would I be bothered about people watching me slap

my big fat chucky into our life's bendy fat blurt?

Wait, it's not that fat.

It's kind of nice.

I'm going to make sure you don't show this. Sorry, Sarah.

No, probably... Sorry, darling. Probably shouldn't let Sarah see this, you know.

If you're watching this, Sarah, I'm sorry.

James, it says here that you've not been attending job club.

I don't want to go job club.

Why is that?

Because I don't have to go job club.

James, in your particular case, as a member of the long -term unemployed, the

continuation of your benefit is dependent upon you continuing to go to

club. Not everyone has to go to the job club.

You have to attend job club for 13 weeks, and after that period of time, if

you've got a job, then obviously the job club is gone.

But if you've managed to find work of your own, if you've started your own

business, then we can offer you a grant towards any capital equipment.

What? It's free cash then, then? It's not free cash. If you buy, if you

equipment, which helps you... Get a new food.

Yeah? Any phone I wanted.

We would give up a portion of the money needed for that phone, yes.

But you've not been actively seeking employment? Yeah, I've been active.

What have you been doing?

Planning for my business.

And what business is that?

It's like a pimping business.

Pimp?

Yeah, well, basically, I go round, get these girls, like, want to see Amy,

Donna, Emma, Gemma.

Dean.

Is that right?

Yeah, that goes first.

Right, mate.

I'm not being funny, Mr. Dole, but how am I going to look after my business if

I'm at Job Club cleaning toilets and picking up leaves?

Do you know what I mean?

Excuse me. Don't care. Come on.

That was my thing.

Thank you.

Right, so what have you been doing to find work?

Well, I've been doing all sorts.

I mean, obviously, I've trained as a journalist, so obviously I write letters

and I've been to a couple of interviews.

I'll bring you some of my work.

Two interviews. How many letters a week would you pay?

You're writing away for jobs.

I've got to put something in the box.

Two or three, five or ten, more than ten? Five or ten, between five and ten.

I'm a journalist, so I like to write and stuff.

Very good.

And email?

You want my email?

Have you applied for a job via email?

Yeah. You have? And how many?

Roughly, probably about...

Know what I mean?

We ain't working hard now.

Hiya, Tanya speaking.

Someone's got their business voice on.

I'm afraid I'm a bit busy right now.

Oh, sorry.

Shall I call you back later?

Yes,

please. Tomorrow would be good. I was just ringing up to see how it's going.

It's going.

Something urgent.

Well, I was just bringing in to know who you are, really.

I've got stuff to be getting on with, so I'll let you go. Would that involve the

internet? Well, yes, doing, you know, my work, yes. Work isn't the internet,

Dan. It's going out and actually doing something.

Your boss isn't working you too hard, is he?

That old Winston?

Right there girls, you alright?

Could I have your numbers, please?

No. Why not?

Because we don't know you.

So what? You can get to know me.

You alright?

I'm just being polite. You alright?

Are you new then? Because I haven't seen you in a while.

Yeah?

Could I have your number, please?

No. Well, do you want mine?

So what are you doing at college, then?

Sorry, mate, eh?

What are you doing at college?

Learning, obviously.

You studying out?

Go on, just give me your number.

I'm an alright person, you know.

I'm not an idiot.

I'm not a nutter.

Could I have it? You want me number?

Yeah.

You twat!

No, not you, man.

I was just wondering when you're next going.

Are you going tonight?

Maybe today.

Are you planning another excursion? Any time soon?

I just thought I could tag along with you and Sarah.

But what's piking?

Watching. Reverse buckaroo?

Yeah, anyway,

I've got to go.

Got a lot of property to show Client

How

did you get into it?

How did people not get into it? It's around.

It's something to do.

Okay. And do you go on your own or with other people?

No, it's become more complicated as it's become more feminized. More

feminized? Yes.

Are you the woman in control of it, then?

No, no, no.

All right, sorry.

Have you ever had any sort of bad experiences?

Personally, only with the police being a little bit irritating.

Right.

And what's happened? Do they come and try and close it down? They just spend a

lot of time, and they could spend better, dealing with crimes rather than

dealing with, you know, victimless crimes.

Sure, sure. OK.

It's a bone house right there, isn't it?

Well posh.

Do you know what I mean? Like, upper class.

Are you upper class? Would you say you were upper class?

Eh?

Sort of nice gardens and that.

Ay -oh, ay -oh, ay -oh.

They look like drums, though, don't they?

They do look like drums, granted, innit?

I've seen you at college, and I thought you were sort of really pretty, but I

see you...

I see you as really pretty, but then you're probably nice inside as well.

I don't mean... No, I don't mean rude, nice inside. I just mean you're probably

as nice on the inside as you are on the outside.

Do you know what I mean?

James.

You remember my name?

Fuck off.

Would you be my Bonnie to the Bonnie and Clyde? If the father came to come,

would you help me hide? And if I came to pick you up in a... That's a smart

call, that is, isn't it, Dad?

If I came to pick you up in a stolen ride, would you decide to roll with me?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Laura, what the bloody hell's going on?

What's your game, lad, eh?

My name's Jim.

Jim? I didn't ask you your bloody name, son. What are you doing at my front

door? Would it be all right if I spoke to Laura, please? No, you can't speak to

her. Why?

Because I'm her dad and I say so, right?

I don't know. Wrong line.

Look, I'm her father, right? You don't speak to her. Now, fuck off. Now.

I ain't done nothing wrong today. You've done something wrong knocking on my

fucking front door, son. Piss off. Go on.

Go on. On your fucking bike.

Go this bitch alone, please. I'll tell you what.

Fucking on your bike, I'll tell you what. I'll cut your fucking bars off.

All right, mud -ass.

My investigative journalism.

You look like a sort of futuristic nurse.

What's your boss going to think of you, eh?

Or I can just, um, just like that.

How about like that?

Alright,

no, no, I'm joking, I'm joking. What about like that? Like that?

Yeah. So just go like that? Just go like that. Yeah.

Alright, I'm here for work. Mm -hm.

I've got to look nice.

Yeah, nice, not Claire all nice and easy.

Put the little feline numbers on.

Go on, see if you can get them on.

That's a little bit special, isn't it?

What would Winston make of me and these, eh?

Winston?

He's my boss, Dan. I don't think he's got an opinion on footwear.

Don't stop.

I don't know him or anything.

He just fell out of his hole.

Who was that, Pat?

Jim.

How do you know he's called Jim if you don't know?

Because he told us. How do you think?

You know, Dad, I can't look after myself.

Unlike Thomae.

I don't know who you are.

No?

Sometimes you look just like your mother.

But I hope that you do not let go.

Laura? Laura?

What did we say about locking doors?

Listen, you don't want to be hanging around with lads like that Jim

man. He's a Torag, man. He's just after one thing.

I can't... Listen,

I know it's difficult for you to understand, Pet.

But your mum, she wasn't a good woman.

We both know that.

Even if we don't like it.

You don't have to go the same way, Laura.

You don't have to go the same way!

Oh, just my dad.

I had to get out. I'm walking down now. I'll be there in half an hour.

Are you playing in the air for it?

I reckon he is.

That's another day.

The light's there.

The fan's definitely here, mate.

Look at him.

He's sitting there.

He's really like some professional dogger with a mattress on the back.

Hello?

Oh, there's someone over there. There's someone else on a van.

I don't believe it.

Go away.

I'll have another stop.

Why don't you just stick with it and buy a drink?

I'm a good dancer.

There's some definite breakage going on there.

He's probably wanking himself off, isn't he, Sarah?

Sarah.

Hello?

Here comes another.

Oh, there's a different bit of dog in there, mate.

Cheeky little dogger. Oh, he's got his back lights on.

Yeah.

Oh, no, no, no. Brake lights.

See if that guy's going to come over now.

No. Still happy with his cheeky little white van.

This is the thing about dogging.

Okay. Fucking hell.

Oh,

for fuck's sake.

Fucking hell.

Fuckin' hell, let me out!

All right, chill out.

Fuckin' hell.

I didn't fucking spoke of you, did I?

You didn't come here to watch your little wank off, did I?

Fuckin' hell.

You've got to start all the fucking cars, man.

You've got to know how to do it with my boss.

You must be joking.

What if I... One of them joggers.

Sorry. Can you help me? What are you doing?

Wait, what?

Oi!

Get back here!

Sorry, I'll just... Get back!

Oh, yes, that's amazing.

Beautiful. Oi! Don't waste the chips, mate. OK, OK.

Have a good night, yeah? Yeah. All right. Turn it off!

Don't waste the chips. There's no good chips there.

It's good down here, isn't it? The ducks and that.

Are you all right?

No.

I'm not having this.

If you don't behave, you won't be going on holiday.

Eat your chips and behave.

A bit of a chip -fake going on?

Yeah. A little chip fight in the night. That was a really bad joke.

No,

I thought they were down here for the, you know,

but obviously just here for the chips.

Oh, God.

Carlos Peter.

They obviously are here for the...

Yeah. Wake all the animals up.

It's Dan, by the way.

Hi, I'm Laura.

Nice to meet you.

That's embarrassing, isn't it?

Is it?

Yeah.

Is that your knee?

No.

It's so easy. No.

Dan looks like he's pulled.

Oi. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Don't look.

I wasn't looking at them. I'm not looking. I wasn't looking. Yes, you

definitely not looking. I'm trying to avoid looking.

No, I was just glancing.

Come on, Dan!

Have you done this before?

Right, well... Done what before?

Eh?

Eh?

Done what before?

Come down and feed the ducks, have you?

I am.

I'm going to have to get off though, really.

I thought... I like your shoes.

Thanks. Favourite shoes ever.

These are my only shoes ever.

Did you see a bit of footsie there?

Look

what

you saw in the mirror.

Look, maybe I'll... Shall I get your number, like?

Ham and pineapple.

Did you just drop that?

No, I didn't. I just dropped it.

What did you do with that?

You dropped it?

Yeah. Yeah, you did? I know.

Yeah. I can't believe the ham and pineapple condom.

Well, a couple of days ago, we were on about going up to the lighthouse up at

Whitley Bay.

If you do fancy it, like, we are going to probably go up there.

If you like... Fine.

Go.

Oh, there's no need to be like that. No way.

No?

All right, but... All right.

What? No, no, no. You go, cos I don't want you... But thank you. You can keep

that. I'll see you at the lighthouse, yeah?

Yeah. It's lovely to meet you, anyway. Yeah, nice to meet you.

Yeah.

The dark brooding trees loomed in the background like angry, disapproving

Oi! But this reporter asked, disapproving of what?

Dogging is like flashing its headlights at you, knocking on the window and

grabbing what's inside.

What will it be? Delicious.

Sex with a stranger.

Or possibly love.

Or sex over love.

It's easy to take the piss, isn't it? Oh, you think so, don't you?

Yeah. A woman like you.

What's this?

What will it be?

Perhaps therein lies the appeal, the secret thrill.

It's not finished yet.

But who is a dogger?

Rather, let us ask, who isn't?

Old people.

Young people, doctors, lawyers, binmen, from every walk of life they come.

For dogging is as British as warm beer and old

maids.

Dogging.

Dogging, dogging. Try it. You'll like it. Or maybe you already have.

Yeah, it's more about the way you read it, really. It's like kind of...

Dogging, I don't know.

What do you like? Despite the sterling effort, you have been unable to find

as a journalist.

And what are you doing at Job Club, then?

What do you think, mate? There ain't nothing about.

Personally, I used to be sort of a bit of a player like with the ladies.

Right. Bit of a player and that.

You're a player, isn't it?

But I've met this... I met a right stunner the other day.

Yeah? Yeah.

Mint, mate, believe.

Gorgeous girl.

I mean, she's, like, more into me than I am her, like, but I can deal with that

because...

She's beautiful.

Is she, mate? Yeah.

She makes me, like, feel dead good about myself and she gives me them, like...

You know when you get butterflies and sort of tingles and warm shake, you know

what I mean, when you shake because you see a girl?

Do you know what I mean, though?

Yeah, sort of, mate. Gorgeous girl, mate, believe me.

Can I ask you a question, mate? Of course you can.

What's a nice, lovely girl who makes you shake?

What's she doing with you?

Eh? Eh?

Alright. When is your girlfriend then?

Have you got a girlfriend?

Girlfriend?

That's a bad thing.

Yep. What kind of thing is that?

Alright, alright.

I'm just saying, it's no way to answer the phone, is it?

All right, stop going on about it.

Where are you, anyway?

Job club.

Fucking gash.

That's a surprise.

I thought you'd be with that prick Rob.

Why are you always going on about it? Don't start. You know I don't like him.

Why? Because he's a prize, Fanny. Yeah, well, at least he's looking after me,

isn't he? Yes, I know he lets you sleep on his study.

No chance you're sleeping on mine.

You're the one with the degree. You should be looking after me.

Cheers, Tanya.

I'm just a local clampette.

Yeah.

What?

Where? Because it's really getting on my tits at the moment.

Yeah, tonight.

Where?

I don't know.

Usual place.

Yep, I'll see you there.

Love you. You too. Bye. Bye.

She fucks you about.

I've got someone that I can trust. You're only fucking jealous because

got an out.

You've just got a slag. What's a girl that can go and do this thing? You don't

think that she's... Fuck off. Tanya would go. You know Tanya would go.

No, I don't think so. Tanya would go.

Hey, man, she'd go. She could fucking fit this car by Fanny.

She'd go there.

Doubt it.

She'd go there.

Right?

Come on, Tanya, get in the car.

I'm not fucking getting in there. Get in the car, Tanya.

No, it's got all that shit on it. Tanya, get in the car.

You all right?

I've been better.

We should cut it again.

Excuse me, sir, is this your car?

But you're not an estate agent, are you?

So what are people going to think? Are they going to think that my boyfriend's

an estate agent?

No, they're not. They're going to think my boyfriend is pretending to be an

estate agent. Or they might just see the sticks on the car and think that's an

estate agent.

Everyone knows.

Everyone knows that you're still my boyfriend and you haven't got a job.

everyone know?

Does he know?

No.

Excuse me, mate.

Dan, man. Excuse me. Shut up.

She doesn't know.

Such a fucking child.

Such a fucking child.

That was awful.

Yeah? It's actually getting worse.

Papa done.

You know I don't like them?

Yeah, I know.

That was so funny.

How's work?

What?

I don't want you to ask because you think you have to. I want you to ask

you want to. I just asked how work was going.

I want you to ask us how work was, but I don't want you to ask us because you

think you have to ask us. I didn't think I had to. I just bloody asked how work

was. What's wrong with that?

Because you felt like you had to.

I don't want you to feel like you have to. I want you to just do it. I didn't

ask because I thought I had to. I asked because I wanted to know how work was.

Why have you been making a big thing of it?

I'm not making a big thing out of it. It's not as if you ever ask me what I'm

doing, is it? I know what you do.

Fuck all, that's what you do.

What?

Sitting at home all day?

Rob's flat?

The internet?

So stressful.

Hello, can I get you anything?

Oh, hi, what will I sell you? Oh, hi, can I help you? Hi, can I help you?

Hi, fuck off.

Hi, brilliant job.

How many walls did you paint?

What colour were they? Did you take a packed lunch? Did your feet get cold?

was it horrible?

Well, where's the excitement, Dan? Where's it gone?

All right, do you want to do something exciting?

What, we're going to go to a different Indian restaurant?

No, I can't.

We're going to go and do something.

What are you doing?

We're not fucking staying here, are we? Come on.

Cheers, yeah?

Poppadoms are fucking lovely.

Tanya, come on. We're going.

Are we?

What are we doing here?

Well?

We'll find out.

We're having a good time.

Done. What?

Don't tell my mum.

You're so bloody childish.

I'm not being childish.

What the fuck was that all about?

Well, I'm just saying don't put the lights on, that's all.

It's killing the atmosphere, isn't it?

Don't start.

What?

What? What?

Well, you're not going to try and kiss, are you?

Don't be ridiculous.

Damn, man.

Look, we're not 17 anymore.

Yes, I know.

You know, maybe if you had a job, then you'd have some money. Then you could

have a flat.

Then you'd have somewhere to take us when you wanted to fuck instead of

complaining all the time and driving out into a car park in the middle of

frigging nowhere.

We'd like it. Oh, right. Lovely.

Don't roll down the window.

Why?

Howdy.

Alright. Yeah, what's up?

What does he want?

Um... Well, you could come over to our place.

It's the big camper van, over that way.

The missus, she likes it both ways, if you know what I mean.

Bring your fella there.

He might want to watch.

Dan? Um... Have you, um... You've heard of dogging?

Yeah.

What?

What's wrong with you, mate? I thought you wanted excitement.

You're with a fucking man that looks like Freddy the Lion.

I don't look like Freddy the Lion. All right, mate.

Looks nice.

What have you been having?

It's got a bow tie on.

Oh, my God, then I'll open me legs. Do you know what I mean? Fucking hell.

What are you doing?

I'm getting out.

Tanya! Don't Tanya me.

You said you wanted excitement.

Fucking one. This is what I've been re... I

don't believe it.

He's got a bow tie on.

Wait, wait.

Eh?

Can you be quiet, please?

It's the public, boss. Have a bit of respect.

Nora.

You all right, Nora?

It's Jim.

Do you remember me?

Don't mind them. They're all from bad backgrounds, like broken homes.

You know what I mean? Cancel houses and that.

They're all right. They're not like bad people or anything. They just... They

ain't got no else to do, so they're just a bit loud and... You know what I mean?

So they look really nice.

Look dead pretty.

In fact, they look stunning.

You know what I mean? You're like a lightbulb in the middle of a bus.

Just shine with your beauty.

You hungry?

You a bit hungry?

I'm starving.

Do you want to come out for something to eat with me?

Maybe.

I'm paying, like.

I don't have to even go out. I'll pay for the whole lot.

Go to the library if you want.

What are you getting up here for? It's in the middle of nowhere.

What are you getting up here?

Look, Jane, I'm really kind of fucking fed up with things, and there's this big

fucking jogging meet at St. Mary's Lighthouse tonight, so I thought I'd go

and have sex with a stranger.

OK?

Can you move up a little, please?

Rob, mate.

Dan, where the fuck are you?

Look, mate, I've gone to the fucking car park with Tanya. She's run off. I don't

know where the fuck she is.

Dan, to fuck off.

Sarah says hello.

I've looked around the car park twice. I can't see you. Dan says hello.

Rob?

What are you asking me for, man? Just fucking get out the car. I can't help

Fuck.

Nothing to see here, mate.

Mate, fuck off. There's nothing to see.

No.

Mate, fuck all here.

Fuck off. We're going to see what's in Wank.

It's just so hard.

Of course it is, sweetheart.

But it's not what you think.

Just sometimes it's like you need to go kick up the ass.

Well, I hate to say it, but that's one thing about guys. They can be real

bastards when they want to be.

It was the same with the two of us.

It really was, before we started dogging.

Brilliant action going on over there.

I don't know what's going on here, but...

Oh,

it's that little... How about another cup of tea?

Yeah, thank you.

Hey, would you like to see some pictures of our grandchildren?

Oh, look at that one.

I've never seen no one get it.

It's great.

Hey, it's a box -eating handball.

No, no, no, it's not, man. What is it?

You're right, that's a rigorous bugger, really. It is. That's neat.

Suspension's working a treat there, look.

And a Nissan hatchback, a white wrench.

I know.

Look at the trim on it. That's amazing.

All right there, Pep.

Want to get a couple of hands on that?

Oh, no, thanks.

It's a one -liter engine, man.

Oh, that's really rare. That's dead rare, that one.

I know, it's brilliant, man. Why range?

It's a good little runner as well.

Dan?

Laura. Hiya.

How you doing, all right? I told you I'd come.

Um... Hang on.

Go back in.

Oh, come on, Dan, come on. I brought the ham and pineapple.

Interesting, that, mate.

You all right, Pip?

See anything interesting tonight?

Fuck off.

The mouth on that.

The mouth on that.

Thanks, lad.

Oh,

I like that.

Oh, I like that one.

Come on, a bit faster.

Oh, that's it, that's it. I like that one.

Oh, a cautious one, isn't it?

Putting us off.

Another time, yeah?

See you.

Laura? Tanya?

Laura?

Where have you been?

Just getting in the car.

James, I'm not in the mood.

I've just come down here to see if you're alright.

I'm fine.

Are you okay? Where have you been?

I'm fine.

Are you sure? Yes, I'm fine. None of these have messed about with you? No,

James, I'm fine. I swear to God... Fucking weirdo's pervert.

Dogging bastard.

Tanya?

Stop whinging like a fanny and get in the car.

Look, I was thinking, yeah?

I've got some steak and kidney pie left in my pocket.

Do you want to come with me to go and feed the ducks?

You don't have to snog us.

But you can if you want.

I can't wait to do that.

I know.

I'm the same. I'm the same.

Shut up and walk this hole.

Well?

I've been thinking.

What have you been thinking?

Where the fuck have you been?

Maybe I was wrong.

About what?

About us. About this.

What? What the fuck are you talking about?

No.

Shut up.

Daniel, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait. What's the fucking talk?

I know the lassie who swings those hips.

I know the lassie with those red lips.

It's me, sweetheart. Your future lover.

Daniel, wait.

Wait, wait, can we not...

Daniel,

there's fucking two blokes outside.

Dan, we're talking... Fuck off!

What? Shut the fuck up. I'm a dog.

Wait, fuck.

I mean, there's nothing over there fucking having a wank.

Oi!

I'm a fucking light off.

Can you stop it?

Fuck you.

Fucking hell.

Fuck off!

Alright, so, okay, what did you think?

I thought it was mint.

It was really exciting.

Mint and exciting.

Yes, done.

Exciting, what, like, jumping out of a plane is exciting.

And there's a turn on, and it was something new and exciting and

And I want to go again.

This wasn't me trying to find us a new hobby, Tanya. This was me showing you

what I was researching, that's all.

It was an accident.

I didn't mean for that to happen. I was just showing you what I was researching.

You didn't mean for it to happen?

You drove up to a dog and say, and you didn't mean for it to happen? I didn't

think you'd be wandering off with the first stranger to put his head through

window, did I? I was just showing you what I was doing.

I'm glad you came, I'm glad you saw what I was researching, but that's it, it's

over now.

So you're never going back?

You're not being serious.

Yes. And I think you should.

What? Well, is it not important for your research to actually go and fucking

research it?

That is possible, Tanya. You know, if I was researching serial killers, I

wouldn't go... Are you researching serial killers, Dan?

No. No, you're researching dog and something that's happening on the

doorstep. All I'm saying is, research is important.

I fucking know. If you want to be a proper journalist, you've got to go out

there and do it.

If you're going to fanny on on the internet, it's not exactly cutting -edge

journalism, is it? What, so you want me to take you dogging again, then, because

I'm researching it for an article?

Yes. No.

Look, I don't want to go again, all right?

Right, fine, I'll find someone who does.

You are wonderful, sweetheart.

You're telling me bloody lies again, aren't you?

You're telling us lies again. Brandon, what a story.

Listen,

I'm not having it in my house, right?

I'm not bloody having it.

Yo!

You

could

let us know.

Do you want to blow it again, man? Sarah, man, I'm fucking nuts. Don't get

huge... I've got the TV, I've got the banana. What do you want? I want a

babysitter. I want to play with him all day.

I want to play with him all day. Go out, use the internet, be fine, all right?

I'm going.

Sarah? No, I'm going.

And I'm not going to beg me to delete this shit either.

Police man. Fucking police car.

Fucking police car.

I was starting to get into it. You wind the window down and they're peering in.

I know, but honestly, I believe this man. It's fucking amazing.

There's no one there.

There's no one.

There's no one there?

No. Mm -hmm.

Come on. I can see someone.

It's fucking blank.

Fucking hell. Fuck off, mate.

Yeah. It's fucking wanking, Tanya. Stop it.

Stop it.

Oh, he's a fucking spunk on a fucking windscreen. Fucking hell.

No, no, no.

Broke it off.

I take clients into that car today and find a Johnny on the passenger seat.

Is he again?

This is your last chance. Now get in there and prove to me that you should

be here.

You understand?

Do you understand?

Well, it looks like you mean it.

Get in there and show me that you deserve being paid at the end of this

This is your last chance, Rob. Now get in there and get out my sight.

What in the hell, Sarah?

What?

What do you mean, what?

In the shower you could knock or something.

Oh, right.

You fucking off then?

Had your fun and now you're fucking off. I know who the fuck you think you are,

you little shit.

I mean, what do you know about me?

What do you know about anything?

Rob's a lovely boy.

Yeah.

But I like dogging more.

So, I'm gonna get a cab.

And I am going to go to the lake tonight.

Of course I really like her.

She wouldn't be my girlfriend if I didn't like her, would she?

How many other car boxes has she painted and displayed in?

Her?

What?

You met her going, you know, she goes dogging. It's my fucking girlfriend.

Do I ask you about fucking sluggy Tanya?

You're talking about trust, can you trust her?

I'm just wondering.

Well, of course I'm serious about that.

Someone old enough to be your mum. Let me ask you a few questions.

Let me ask you a few questions.

Listen,

listen, have you... Can I ask you a question?

Have you heard anything about Sarah being unfaithful to me?

No, but...

No, no, no, there's no both. The answer's no. The answer's no. The

The answer's no.

So?

Hiya, can I have your number, please?

Hiya, can I have your number, please?

So, why are you with a girl that fancies her boss? Why are you with a girl

that's trying to touch your cousin's chucky?

Eh?

No, I'm serious, all right.

Why... Excuse me. All right, listen, I'll tell you everything that you need

know. You tell me what's good about being with Tanya. And if you can

No, listen, I'm not being horrible.

If you can convince me that you're with Tanya for the right reasons, I'll

apologise, I'll give you a kiss.

On the lips. No, I'm back now.

No, no, I'm serious.

I want to record this so I can hear your reasons why, because I'm your cousin. I

want to find out why you're someone that treats you like shit.

Yeah, I'm not doing this to be a prick. I'm doing this because I care about you.

You tell me. No, no, two seconds. Tell me three things that make you happy

her.

Um... Oh, no, I'm not doing this, I'm not doing this. Ask me three things that

make me happy about Sarah.

She's kind, she's considerate, bendy as fuck.

Yeah, well, I don't want to be with a 40 -year -old dogger, do I?

I want to be with a nice girl who, you know, doesn't get her jollies off by

getting around a car park and shagging strangers all night. It's not my bag.

Soft. Simple as that.

Sudden.

Shite.

Hi there. Are you, uh... Hi there.

Are you, uh... You

bastard.

Wait,

please. I didn't know you were you. I didn't know you were Horny Jordy, lad.

Well, I am. I am Horny Jordy, lad.

I know. I know. It's funny, isn't it? I'm sorry. Get off me.

Just wait a minute. Just wait a minute. Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to run

off. I'm sorry. I had to help. Wait, wait. Don't run off. Can you get off me?

No, look. Let's not talk to you.

Just give me a second chance. Let's just talk.

You all right, Ben?

You're home early.

It's all right. I've just been skiving a bit.

You know, Laura, when your mum... Oh, Dad.

Listen, listen, listen, please.

I'm not the best at talking. I need to get this out.

When your mum ran off... Dad.

OK, OK.

When your mum left us.

Oh, Dad, I don't want to talk about it. Are you going to shut up? Let me try to

get this out, please.

When you love someone, it doesn't mean you know how to love

them.

By the time you realise all your mistakes, it's too late, isn't it?

She didn't love you anymore.

Your mum... Your mum didn't leave her.

I made her go.

I drove her away.

I'm doing exactly the same to you.

I don't blame your mum.

But we're useless men, aren't we?

Laura... I just want you to know that I love

you.

But I don't always know how.

Give us a second chance.

Yeah?

Dad, come here.

He's not that germ -filled, is he? He's not messing around.

No, Dad.

I can always kill him for you, you know.

Hello. All right, tough lad.

Where's the car?

Have you parked it somewhere?

I haven't got it.

Well, how can you go dogging without a car?

Look.

It's got pop -ups down the front so it's easier.

Seriously,

Dan, where's the car?

I'm freezing.

But, um... I'm not... I'm not going.

We're not going.

I don't want to go.

I don't understand.

You're saying you don't want to go dogging with it?

Yeah, um... No.

Um...

Go from where?

Do you like them then, yeah?

You only like friendly flowers as well, not like boyfriend -girlfriend flowers,

obviously. Yeah, yeah.

Because we're just friends, aren't we? Yeah.

Yeah.

Laura. Today I bought you a nice fresh bunch of friendly flowers.

I hope we're friends for years rather than hours.

I hope we don't collapse a bit like the twin towers. You can't say that, man.

I'm sorry.

Did you know anyone involved in the building?

Sorry.

I hope we get hitched rather than hit.

I'll take the flowers back if you think the shit.

I hope we don't go to the start again with you appealing to the heart of men.

I'll still try and pay you a compliment, but you're a bit stone -faced, a bit

like the men.

I look like cement?

No, you don't look like cement. I'm just saying that... Well, that's not a

compliment. You're saying I look like cement.

No, I don't say you look like cement at all. I'm just saying that it's... Are

you calling it ugly?

No, I'm not calling you ugly. I promise you, I swear.

It was hard to talk to, wasn't it? Well, cement's not... Oh, not that again,

man.

Do you have to do that?

Sorry.

I was saying, if you just want to be mates and that, it's all right.

I don't bother with that. If you ever change your mind or anything... You ever

change my mind?

Yeah, of course you change your mind. That's what beautiful girls do. They all

change their mind, don't they?

How's that?

I don't know, because that's what girls do.

But if you do ever decide to change your mind, yeah.

Hey,

dude.

Look, I've got some bad news. The car's off tonight.

But never fear, because I have used me aid.

And I've got a couple of DVDs in. I've got a French film

that's got a thing on the front. There is only one moon, but it is reflected in

a million tools.

I've got that sound again.

Good.

I'm sorry, but I haven't got enough money.

What was your thoughts on the dream?

Where are you going?

Have you got a car?

I've got one.

Laura!

Wait! Wait!

Wait! Laura!

Laura, wait!

Get off me! Get off me!

Laura!

Laura, wait! Laura!

Laura! Get off me! Get off me! Get off me!

Get off me!

Get off me!

I don't understand it. We have sex.

What? Who has sex?

We have sex? Uh -huh.

What, us two?

Will you watch the board?

Us two having sex?

Well, that's the whole point of it.

Are you sure you know how to drive?

Yeah, of course I do.

When I was a kid.

Why didn't you tell him?

I did tell you. What?

You've got to round this up for me. I've been fucking ringing her like a tick,

leaving her messages.

I shouldn't even want to be here with this.

What are they saying, these old women, aren't they?

Fusing for a bit and then fuck off.

Told you.

If it wasn't for you, we wouldn't be in this fucking shit anyway.

No!

No!

No!

I'm in the middle of a roundabout!

I'm in a roundabout!

It's alright, we're fucking close now, fucking close.

What are you doing?

Thanks mate!

Fucking sick!

Help God!

I mean, she said she liked you, but... I don't want to try, man. I'm sick of

fucking people just using us because I've got a fucking mint flat and I'm a

fucking good -looking lad.

So do you know anyone that goes dogging other than the sort of you?

A couple of people.

Oh, is this it?

I'm sure I do.

There'll be caravans and that.

I know, but I'm sure this is where it happened.

What, round here? So let's go in and... Hey, look at him!

Where? I don't know if he's a dogger or he's having a piss or what.

This is definitely this place, Jim.

Oh, my God. Are they doing it?

Uh -huh. Will you keep a look on the road, though?

Pull over here. Pull over here. This is the place.

Where? Just pull over here.

All right. Keep your shirt on.

Unless you want to take it off, like.

Jim, shut up.

Where are you going?

What are you doing?

Got the coat?

Yeah. Fuse in.

Look at all them stars.

All them different constellations.

People say that you like to see bulls and bows and arrows and that.

But I don't, I just see the stars.

Fucking hell, they weren't kidding with her.

Easier than with me on a bunk all the day.

People say it's like a bear or something, but I've never seen a bear.

Never.

But you can learn it.

Better do it crossword. No, I'm in, James. I'm ready.

What are we doing?

What?

Ain't it cold?

Can we go, please?

James, we're here to be dogging.

Yeah, but I didn't think it'd be like this.

This is what happened.

What?

I don't understand it.

You all right?

Do you mind if I'm taking?

I don't care who you are, mate.

I'm in the middle of a conversation.

Come on, let's go.

You're getting me dogging, James.

I really like you.

I love you.

Thanks, James, but that's not why I'm here.

Oh, it's full of weirdos out here.

It's full of nutters.

It's raining.

Hey, it was interesting, that.

It was different, mate. It was different, you know.

That was good, that, mate.

Do you want us to pull you off, then?

All right, well, do you want to pull me off? Please go away, please.

All right, all right.

Oh, it's interesting.

You don't mind if I film this, do you?

Okay. Okay.

The camera's shining.

Oh, fuck off.

Sorry. Sorry,

I'm sorry.

Yes,

kill it better.

Oh, that is what we are talking about, isn't it?

Hello. Hello.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I don't mean to intrude, but you are... Yes, you are.

She is a dirty bitch, isn't she?

Back off, man.

Well, I... I'm catering.

Will I make up to you?

Fucking hell.

Fuck, how many has she got in that hair?

Fuck, drive mate, drive.

Put your foot down mate, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive,

drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive,

drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive,

drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive,

drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive,

drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive, drive.

What the fuck's that? Fucking Jim. Fucking prick, what are you doing?

Laura? Where is she? Laura, where is she?

I'm looking for you.

She went down there. She went down there.

No, listen.

One minute, listen. One minute, I'm there. Where?

Back there.

Six of a time, let's just fucking go, man.

Where? Over there?

I'm looking for her.

Are you going to go and look for her? Yeah, because I fucking am. Good,

I'm fucking off. Come here.

Come here.

What about a nice -looking middle -aged bird? What?

I've kept my numbers, mate, but I guarantee you, Jim will fix it, you know

I mean? Come on, mate. What the fuck? Come on, bro!

You zippy moon -piece.

Tree -bender.

Moon -piece.

That laugh.

That laugh.

Hello there.

a video on it?

Um, aye.

Does it bother you, like?

Uh, yeah.

Well, I'll switch it off. There you go.

Cool night, like, isn't it?

Yeah, it is. Really cool.

Are you waiting for your friends or what?

I'll go back later on. Uh -huh.

Yeah, I'm a bit of a wonder.

A bit cold for a bit of a wonder.

Yeah.

Well, step into the wall.

Um... See, the ghost book was from here, man.

I've got the heater on full.

All right.

Come on.

I've never felt like this before, you know.

You know, I was just like, I've finally been able to have sex with 20 -year

-olds. I was fancy when you were a kid.

Do you know what I mean?

And you're like, and it's just funny now.

And I'm 20.

And you're, I don't know.

You know, it's not that I want to be my mum, I don't like that, you know.

I'm not going to be able to fucking grind down here. It's a fucking dead

for it, mate. Some headlights for you. Fucking woods.

Fucking going to get triggered in your fucking eye. Well, shut my night, then.

I know, it's freezing.

So, why haven't they come?

I'm just having a wonder, really. Just seeing what... Oh, I see, I see. OK,

we'll do enough to talk about it, then.

Yeah, I'm just, you know...

Out here on my own, trying to do some thinking. Yeah.

Mm -hmm.

My name's... Oh, for fuck's sake, man. How many cars are there?

We're going in fucking circles, man. Wait, wait, shut up.

Fucking dirty bastard.

Down, down, down. Did you say she got in a taxi?

Yeah. She got in a fucking taxi.

It's fucking titty prints.

It's fucking titty prints and everything.

I think you'll find a light not on, mate. I

don't give a fuck, mate. Those titty prints are my girlfriend's. Sarah!

It's a bit of privacy, eh?

Privacy? Privacy? It's a fucking dog of me, you stupid fucking blind fucking...

Sarah!

What the fuck are you doing?

I've seen a nice little middle -aged bird about 40 with big tits run past

So this is

my dog. He's new today.

Oh, he's lovely.

Aye. I've named him after his father.

Call him Genghis.

Nice.

Have you got any pets, Link?

No, no.

No? No.

Don't you like little furry animals, then?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love dogs and that, but we haven't got one.

Okay.

Okay.

So, when you say you haven't had much luck, is that because no one's asked

I didn't want to come up. I didn't want to do something for you, you know. I've

realised how much you mean to me.

That's why I've come up, you know.

Why do you want to leave us? What, you're going to leave us? Just because I

to fucking stop in and watch some videos with you because I care about you.

Look, Rob, I watch videos with my children.

Well, I'm not one of your kids.

You're a boy.

I'm not a fucking... No, I'm a boy.

I'm not a boy.

Yeah, well, you're a fucking slag.

You're a slag. Go fuck someone else.

Yeah, you're with a lad. Young lad, young lad with a fucking amazing

Amazing car. You know what?

Fuck anyone you want. I don't give a fuck.

Go on, go get your fanny wet. Get fucked.

Fuck anyone.

How's that?

I got angry.

Now then lad, I want to introduce you to the lovely Laura.

Laura, these are the boys. Kenny Lance, all of them. Hi, Laura.

Hello, Laura. Nice to meet you.

Hi, Laura.

Nice to meet you.

There you go. Oh, hi.

You've got lovely legs, Dad.

I like your legs.

I like your boots.

You've got nice hair, haven't you? Oh, I like our boots. Oh, yes.

Oh, I see you've got that nice new plastic down.

Looks all right, doesn't it? Smelling awful. That was the right mess the last

time, wasn't it? I remember what happened last time. That's why I brought

car. I'm hopping a bit this time.

It's a beautiful length. The stars are lovely.

That big bear star.

Yes, there's the bear. Very romantic.

Very romantic.

Saturn up there. That's not Saturn. That's Jupiter, man. It's got the rings.

Stop, man.

Do you know about stars? Well, not a great deal. It's getting cold in here.

Hey, this looks interesting.

Don't warm ourselves up. Yeah, watch them straps there. And he whips.

A warm whip?

You talking about chocolate?

Chocolate?

Hello? Hello?

Sarah.

Sarah.

Sarah.

Sarah, I'm sorry for losing my temper, man. You know, I just... No, I just...

I've got some water as well for everyone.

Oh, aye, nice one. Great.

I don't need one of them. I'm bursting. Can I have one first? Just hold it in,

man. Hold it in. Did you remember to get them towels?

I've got towels.

Can you bring that light in?

Excuse me. Can you bring the light in? Sorry to interrupt you. You haven't seen

a bloke about my age. Have you? Running up here.

Quite stocky. Quite big head.

Ginger hair.

What's that one, mate?

It's kind of come from... I want to get this in the shot. Open them up.

Sorry, I don't know if any of you have seen any... Sorry, sorry, don't want to

interrupt.

Mr.

Jobsitter, what are you doing here? What am I doing here? What do you think

you're doing here?

Dan?

Nora!

Nora, what are you doing here? What are you doing?

You little...

This is none of your business!

What's that?

You just think twice before you do anything silly.

I thought I'm not going to do anything fucking silly.

You fucking one -plum, you fucking bum!

No more fucking job for you now, is it, you prick?

Fucking disgusting, the lot of you. Dad, shut up. You bastard.

Laura, stop cool!

Dad, shut up. Come on!

You're a bastard, you.

Oi, who's he?

He's interesting, though.

If you want to go off and be with other people, you can be with other people.

And, you know, even if you just want me to come round every now and then just to

have a laugh with you or something, you know what I mean?

You know, I used to make you laugh and that, but, you know, you just kind of

leave us on our own, man, you know?

Because, you know, I've been left on my own all my life, man, you know?

I'll tell you what, if you... Sarah?

Hello?

Sorry, mate. Um, is that... Sarah, I'm looking for someone... Oh,

you bastard.

You're not going, are you?

Oh, great.

You're a very young man.

Yeah.

You're young.

Yeah, you are.

The name's Jim.

Sarah.

Hi.

Thank you.

So where do you want to go?

I really want to go home.

Righto. Yeah?

We'll go home then.

Oh, fantastic.

What do you think of them dogs?

A bit like polar bears.

Polar bears?

Yeah.

Oh, he's spotted work.

Don't look.

He's taking notes.

Don't look at him.

My name's Tanya. Thank you all for coming to the Optimising Potentials

Sector Conference.

I'm just going to pass these around, if you can hand these over.

If you've got any questions, just raise your hand, or anything else.

You saved us last night.

You did.

Are you going to give us a kiss then?

I don't know. Are you going to give me a kiss then?

I don't know.

Oh,

Dobby.

Big up, big up, big up!

My girlfriend went away today on a business trip with her big man

boss. I go on the internet, type www dot stuff.

Turn in, turn off.

Log in, log off.

Sentimental ramblings left for her in her inbox.

Horny, jolly laughs reply to me.

Do you often D .O .G.? For the first time tonight I'm going to see what I can

see.

Getting late.

In that corner.

Just retreat.

From the water.

The bushes make the car park Quietly

All the animals sleep My girl and me Will this work?

I haven't told a fuck all Suddenly I

hear an engine It looks at me Question pending Have you

ever heard of dogging?

Fuck is dogging? Well, it's basically snogging.

People watching.

What do you mean?

There's nothing wrong, though.

I just thought it had to be this one. But it's cold and I want to

go home.

There's a man out there in his white van and he doesn't look alone.

What another windy day at Whitley Bay, horizontal rain.

Me and my girl under moonshine sitting in the car again.

And the windows are steaming.

And the headlights are gleaming.

And I've got a feeling that we should be leaving.

I was looking for this.

That looks like a ceiling.

Interior light.

Go on and off and on and off and on and on and off and on and off and on and on

and off and on and off and on. Suddenly what a shock to me.

Now your turn's all eager, Beaver. She says she thinks we should. I'm like, oh

my God, I can't believe her. She goes down and I go up. Tell her that I've had

enough. Who goes outside? I don't know. And I'm desperate to go.

And the interior lights go on and off and on and off and on. The interior

go on and off and on and off and on. The interior lights go on and off and on

and off and on. On and off and on and off and on and On and off and on and off

and on and On and off and on and off and on and