Original subtitles

I've been living a lie.

And making a living out of it.

But I can't.

I can't do this anymore with you.

With me.

I just... I want you to love me. Even when there's no applause. I want this to

be... Jay!

You're not being a very good director.

Dollface. If you want to make it in this business, you're going to have to sell

it in two buttons.

Just...

That isn't selling it, honey, but three does.

Let's see how you perform on the casting couch.

I am never going to get this demo done

for Smithdale U, am I?

Relax. See those blank DVDs over there?

You've got 99 opportunities to make a memorable movie about you.

Or, uh, or us.

More like 99 Problems. I don't want that kind of memorable tape.

Yeah, but if you go to Smithdale, your fiancé's gonna need a little something

tide him over when you're in class.

What fantasy world is that? I'm going away, you're staying here, and our fake

engagement is over after graduation.

Maybe not.

Hey, Tony Hawking, wait up.

It's Stephen Hawking.

Did your brain get cancer too?

Well, that's funny, that's funny. Actually, my first round of chemo was

just in time for spring break.

No way.

Seven hours to go.

And only five days until you and I are rocking out on the Smithdale campus.

Is this off the wagon with Purple Dragon? How did you win these?

I drank a ton of Purple Dragon going through chemo.

They didn't keep much down, but they drank a lot.

I don't think those are real.

Spring break, potty potty. Miss Dale, here we come. I booked us a campus tour

we don't look like hopeless morons if we get in. I can't wait to see the

theater. And I need a vacay.

Things are tense at the Simpson Nelson place with my dad home all day.

I have a friend at Psy Alpha Zeta.

I'm sure she'd let you guys stay.

Should be a wild time.

Is there room for one more?

When you're bailing on Florida?

Who's going to ride the mine shaft with me?

You've been dull enough for that?

There was a change of plans.

So what do you think?

I'd pitch him for gas.

We could all cram into my car.

If you get it.

Don't worry, I'm sitting down with the parentals tonight.

How are you going to get them to let you drive to Smithdale?

By convincing them to let Jay and I visit his poor, sick grandma.

Wouldn't it be easier to tell the truth?

Trust me, it'll be easier once I'm waving a Smithdale acceptance letter in

faces.

The nurse says there's nothing wrong with you.

There is. She doesn't believe me.

Well, skipping school, faking sex, lying about being harassed by a teacher.

Maybe you're becoming hard to believe.

Everyone whispers, Mom, they all know I'm the reason Simpson's not here. I

take it.

Please, can I just go home?

Fine. But we're coming back here later.

We have a meeting.

Can we go?

No, just eat fresh oil.

Wow, if there was children's aid for cars, I would be on the phone.

Hey, don't you have something better to do than ride my ass all day?

Not until Manuela gets here.

You and man.

Yeah, we're engaged.

Yeah, engaged.

For real?

No, for fake. But the benefits are real. And besides, she is so hot. You know, I

don't even mind driving up to Smithdale with her.

Smithdale? Yeah.

Can we bum a ride?

Sorry, Santos' car is full. Here.

This. should get your motor running.

Speaking of motors running, sounds like she's got you pretty revved up.

What can I say?

She is high octane.

I want this to be about more than just roses at our feet.

When the lights dim and the curtains drop, we're left holding hands.

Perfect take. Just amazing.

Your ticket to Smithdale, the official demo reel.

My parents pat me down when I enter the house. Bring it tomorrow?

Mm -hmm.

I'm so nervous. This is the hugest audition of my life.

Well, if it doesn't fly this DVD, it'll land you an adult feature.

Some scenes from my little make -up session yesterday.

You recorded it?

I accidentally left the camera on.

But I'm going to need this because you're going to get famous and leave me.

What makes you think I'll wait till I'm famous to leave you?

So, I'm here for a good time.

Not a long time.

My little trooper.

Throw it out. I'm serious.

You ready for Operation Parent Con?

Are you sure you want to do this?

I think it'll be good for me, Mom, honestly.

What's going on?

I thought you said we had a meeting.

Welcome to the Red Pine Ascent Program for Troubled Teens.

I'm Spirit Bear, and this is Link.

And the people who love you have reached a point of hopelessness.

So over this next week, we're going to help you discover new ways to deal with

your issues.

What is this, some kind of work camp?

It's time to say goodbye.

No.

No. Please, don't leave me here. I will change, I promise.

Mom?

Dad?

It's for the best, Darcy.

Now, if everyone will remove their shoes, we'll begin.

First, you'll be handed your red pine outfit.

handing over all your personal belongings for the duration of your

Then you'll each be assigned a cot in the gymnasium where you will sleep until

you're ready for the second part of your quest.

Shoes.

Thank you.

And she wants to meet her grandson's fiancé before... well, before she dies.

I know it's kind of last minute, but she got really sick?

Oh, no. What do they think it is?

Oldness. Yeah.

You know how it is.

I'm not sure, Manuela.

It's so far.

Letting you use my car makes me nervous.

I know how much your car means to you.

You can trust me with your baby. And with Manny, too.

As long as you keep Manuela from getting behind the wheel.

She can't drive for beans.

She is in safe hands.

Think of me as a surrogate father.

Five, four, three, two, one.

This is so stupid. How is this supposed to fix me? These skills are going to

help you during this week's journey.

Journey? Ooh, around Degrassi?

In the wild, we're prepping you for your outdoor solo quest.

Hold on.

You're leaving us outside, alone.

Are you crazy?

Back in your beds, people. We're going to do this until everyone gets it right.

Jeez, Ashley, what do you have in there? Your issues?

You never know what you'll need on the road.

You driving?

Just think, one day this will be a minivan with little Hogarth munchkins in

back. You're kidding me, right?

Fine, little Hogarth Santos munchkins.

Hayden, stop hitting your sister Dakota.

Put your pants on. You are just like your mother.

Jay, knock it off. Do you want to walk home alone, Madison?

Because... Stop.

Stop. I can't do this.

This fake engagement was supposed to give me freedom, but you're freaking me

with all the next year this and someday that.

You're not coming.

When I get back home, I'm telling my parents that the engagement's off.

And what happened to us?

I've let one man control me my whole life.

I'm not about to do that again.

Hi.

Suit yourself. I'll walk home.

Have fun, ladies.

Oh, wait!

My demo reel?

Can I... shotgun?

Hello?

Oh, Jay.

I thought you'd be on the road by now.

Look at her. I mean, she's so... good.

Hey, Manny.

Demo? Doesn't she need that for her audition?

We had a fight, so I gave her a DVD of us making out instead.

Oops. So much for getting into Smithdale.

So, you basically ruined any chance of her doing what she wants with her life.

Congratulations, you jackass.

God, what is wrong with me?

I need to swap those DVDs.

You gotta find her.

I said it right. In person.

At Smithdale.

You, uh, get room for two dudes in a wheelchair in your car?

Ever since my friend stabbed that kid, I guess you can say I've sort of been off

the rails.

And then I thought, why do I gotta be such a jerk?

And... Whatever. I don't know.

Thank you, warrior.

Next, um... Peter.

Your symbolic rebirth name is?

Viking. Cool, eh?

Viking, what brought you here today?

I, uh...

I did crack.

Crack cocaine.

Then I stole a car and drove it into a wall.

Drunk.

Pass that to Dorothy, please.

I have nothing to say.

Dorothy, we all come with scars.

Family's here to help. I don't even talk to my real family.

Why would I talk to you?

Did you choose your symbolic rebirth name?

I don't know. Phoenix?

In myth, the phoenix dies and rises again.

A delightful choice.

Pits up.

Mom! So you guys all planning on going to Spitzdale next year?

That's one of my many options. My mom's already wants me.

I'm thinking about it, but this trip, anything to get out of the house and

it home from work.

Yeah? Um, actually, I scored tickets to the Purple Dragon mystery concert.

How'd you get the tickets?

Um, I have a connection.

I could probably get you guys in.

Sounds wild.

Hey, what did your mom say?

Grandma Hogart is feeling a lot better.

Speak of the devil, it's her grandson.

Straight to voicemail.

No, no, do not put me through to your stupid voicemail. Dude, don't give up.

Yeah, not just because we're only halfway there.

I mean, I don't know what to tell you, man. Love's best when it hurts so good.

Well said. It is over between us.

The sooner I get over Manny, the better.

You know how to get over a girl.

Get under another one.

No, don't. Don't stop. Come on, man. Just keep driving. Come on. Keep driving

past destiny?

Ow.

Ow. Are you all right? Yes. Ow.

Stupid rock.

Hopeless, those things.

Maybe it's the crack cocaine.

Let me guess. Your parents needed to ditch you over spring break.

Both of them.

Separately. Only you would know that.

So? What's the misdemeanor?

You've done street racing, drug scandal, ooh, and girls on internet twice.

I saw your name on the Red Pines list, so I found myself up.

You did?

Yeah, I told my mom it would be, like, therapeutic.

Plus, I thought, you know, if I could be with you.

Thank you, Peter.

I'm going to the bathroom, but meet me in the hall in, like, five minutes.

You'd be a soon even if you were in a legacy time.

Functionality is one of the habits of highly successful people.

So, are you excited for the annual etiquette social tomorrow?

Yeah, our mother's held the first one.

Wow, etiquette social.

Party, party.

So, uh, see you at the concert?

What? You're not staying here?

I've got a place to stay.

Oh, maybe you girls could help my brothers with the setup.

Those are your brothers?

Trinity Brothers.

I love this family.

Hurry. We don't have much time.

Why are we here?

We're going to need a condom, right?

A condom?

You want to have sex?

I just want to wipe the slate clean and start over with you.

No, Darcy.

I don't know.

This isn't... Please, Peter.

I just want things to go back to what we had before.

I thought you wanted to wait for your prince, your perfect wedding.

Peter, you are my prince, okay?

Please.

You said you'd do anything.

So, um, what frat are you from, the Alpha Dogs?

It's funny.

You know, I could take you back to the dog pound and show you around.

It is empty, after all.

A stranger with candy.

Why don't we start with your name?

Why don't we keep it anonymous?

I mean, hey, listen, I know girls. I mean, first it's names, and then I gotta

meet your parents, and the next thing I know, I got a ring on my finger.

Like this one?

I won't tell your fiancé.

Yeah. See you later, Anonymous.

All right, Trouble? Uh, not anymore.

Thanks for my night in Cabral.

I'll stand by till you move.

You saved me.

I owe you.

I can't thank you enough.

But there's a beach party tonight.

If you like cars and bikinis.

It's tempting, but I look like crap in a bikini, so...

Enjoy the party.

No, okay? I know.

Hands behind your head. What?

Hands behind your head.

This truck has been reported stolen.

You guys are coming with me.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

You?

Great. I mean, we had sex.

Was it... Was it okay?

I think so.

Got him!

Thanks to you, we all get up an hour earlier tomorrow.

And you'll get to tell everyone.

I can't believe you're ironing.

Excuse me for wanting to prepare for the biggest day of my life.

Um, can you double check my demo reel?

Ooh, demo reel. Let me see.

That's one way to get noticed.

Uh, what work of Shakespeare is this? The Humping of the Shrew? Oh, no.

Jay must have switched my demo for A Midsummer Night's Wet Dream.

I'm gonna kill him! Where's my phone?

Oh, the merchant of penis.

Stop!

Can you call your dad?

He's a lawyer.

From jail?

Are you nuts?

Some guy named Manny. I need to talk to her.

Lights out, ladies.

Don't let your skin touch the mattress directly.