Original subtitles

You call that a kiss?

I can feel your mom's eyes watching us from inside the house.

Yeah, and Claire's probably hiding in the bushes videotaping for evidence.

No, no, no, no. That would be wrong.

And you and your sister never do anything wrong. You're like regular

And Claire is a saint.

I'm not.

I can be bad sometimes, too.

Don't judge a book by its cover.

Why are you so addicted to writing a dumb blog no one reads?

I'm not addicted, and people do read it.

There's a whole online community of people who are 100 billion times less

annoying than you are. Good you got friends somewhere, even if they are

invisible.

The new uniform would be a darker blue than the panther blue we have now.

That's okay. I hate panther blue.

Us too.

And they come in ultra -fashionable, modern, athletic, crop -top style.

Crop -top? Come on, we're not flashing our apps the entire school.

Okay, forget about the crop -tops. How about at least getting us some new short

shorts?

Those short shorts are a little too short.

They have way too much leg. The Lakers squad wears them.

And Darcy, they'd be so much easier to move around in. Which we'll need. For

athletic routines that Manny worked out to get us through the regionals.

Then change the routine.

Look, we can't even afford to get a new uniform, so can we just drop it?

Besides, I have my own answer to getting us into regionals.

Boys, not that I have anything against that answer generally, but pardon?

More lifts, more throws.

I thought of it yesterday when I was watching some pro style on TV.

So, you just decided.

Without talking to the choreographer?

That's why I love being captain.

Is it possible that I'm actually missing Paige Michaelchuk?

Good morning, Emma. Nothing about you is good, and don't talk to me.

Off to class, Peter Michael.

Please focus on your studies instead of girls.

Emma's more than just a girl.

I said off to class.

Hi, this is Toby Isaac with your morning announcement.

We want to remind all students about the upcoming... Hi, Liberty.

That's how many pieces of gum I have in my mouth.

Hey, I'm trying to watch the announcement.

Local TV station CQJH is looking for a PJ to host their kids' programming.

Auditions should be held today at noon.

Successful candidates are... Me!

Successful candidates are me!

I'll get my old job back!

The children need me, Liberty.

Mature, JT.

Really mature.

And now, an announcement from Darcy Edwards, captain of your spirit squad.

Did you know George W. Bush used to be a cheerleader? So why not you, too? Your

squad needs new shoulders to lean on. Broad shoulders.

That's right, guys. It's your turn to show some school spirit.

Good announcement.

Thanks.

What do you have against short shorts?

Don't you think Spirit Squad has an image to maintain, a we're not dirty

image? Shorts aren't dirty.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you wearing shorts in your My Room page?

They show, like, this much more thigh. So you have good thighs.

Anyone who goes to your My Room page would know.

Can you stay out of this?

I'm just saying, your blog is good.

Those quizzes you do are fun.

It's hard drive maintenance day. Can you stand the excitement? I can't.

And then she gave me that liberty look, that look that says, you're so immature

and pathetic that I can't even find the words to describe it. You mean that look

that says, my passion for you burns bright, JT? It's an eternal flame of

loveness? Tobes, stop it. You're making me ill. Look, it's not just you, JT.

It's her.

You never stop talking about her. You're, like, obsessed.

Tobes, obsessing over liberty would be like obsessing over lint or oatmeal.

Oh, my God, that's it.

You're PJ JT. My kid loves you.

You have a kid? Her name's Isabella. She's your biggest fan, and she won't

let me turn off the TV when they're rerunning you.

Yeah? Yeah.

Remind me to get your autograph for her. I think you're her first crush.

That is not oatmeal.

That is a homemade meatball sub with extra cheese and spicy sauce.

Tell Mr. Perino that I caught bird flu. I got an audition to go to.

So that's... Your great idea.

Turning through quad into door quad central. Somehow it looked a bit

in my head.

Sorry I'm late.

This whole boy idea is officially dead.

They're all going home.

Home! Go!

Boy! Peter might actually be okay with this.

Okay is not a Peter word. Try, um, psycho.

Serial, killery, uh, satanic in your language.

Right here, Manny. You have ears, you know.

So it's just a soul you're missing?

Um, where's the part where I get to grab Manny's inner thighs?

As if I'm letting you pick me up. I've seen more graceful camels.

Maybe, but I got twice the hump.

Yeah!

Okay, guys, let's get these tryouts started. Um, I want to start with some

lifts, because wimps, lift weights, and cheerleaders lift people.

Amen, sister.

Ten to five.

Yeah, amen.

Peter, you can help me demonstrate.

Do you mind spotting? Sure.

Stand behind me here. I'll stand here. Grab my waist.

I'll hold your wrist. I'm going to count. Ready?

One, two, down, up.

Perfect. Right, Manny?

I feel regional.

Dorothy, hey.

I have a boyfriend now.

Oh, it's not like that.

I just wanted to thank you for that.

Whatever. I just believe that sometimes people deserve forgiveness.

Do you really want to be a cheerleader?

Peter Michael, two minutes, okay?

Great, Mom.

I'm stuck in this house rest thing, but if I join a club... You get an excuse to

stay out longer.

I get it. I've been warned about you. I'm bored, okay?

I'm getting A's in everything.

I've read the blog of every boring kid in this entire boring school.

Including my boring blog?

No, I actually liked yours.

You're not who I thought you were.

What does that mean?

You're cooler than I thought.

You're smart and funny.

You look pretty cute in shorts.

Good night, Ms.

Hathalacos. I think Peter's ready to go home now.

Thanks, Darcy. Good night.

I'm going to link you up to my blog, all right? I know a lot of people.

Come on.

Time to go home.

And that's it for today.

So remember, imagine all week long.

And don't eat the glue.

Bye -bye.

So, am I fired for cutting my finger with the safety scissors or what?

You covered well. Now can you tell us why you want your old job back?

Well, it's for the chicks.

Very funny, JT. But seriously.

Well, respect, I guess.

Yeah. I know it sounds wacko, but making art and crafts and wearing dress

-up costumes, it helps me gain it.

I feel respected.

Like.

Well then, prepare for respect.

See you tomorrow, babe.

That's it?

Okay, what did I forget?

Enjoy your dinner.

Remember to pray. What?

You don't want to kiss me more?

I make out with you too much. I'm a horned dog. I don't make out with you

I'm in trouble. How can I win?

It's not about winning. It's about respecting each other's needs.

I do respect you, Darth. That's what all this is about.

Respect, abstinence, chastity, being...

Good. Don't you get tired of being good?

What are you saying, Darcy?

What do you want me to do? Just tell me.

I can't.

Because I don't know.

I just... I need more... something.

Forget it.

Okay? Can we just forget it?

All right. It's forgotten.

Is your bra still going up? It's exactly where it should be.

Your email sound keeps going.

Mom said

she needs help with dinner. Go. What? Go.

Go?

What's the story, Morning Glory?

The story is, you're cute.

I have something for you.

Thank you.

I made it out of this leather jacket I used to wear when I was a kid.

I'm so lucky I have that.

It's like I made you pretty popular.

In the online world, anyway.

I linked your blog up to my website.

Sent a lot of my friends your way.

Who's that Adams guy? Is he a friend of yours?

Yeah, we're tight.

Really? So what's he like?

I mean, what does he look like?

I know where this is going.

No, you don't. And don't be a creep.

Adams is cool.

He's an old bud from private school.

His dad's super rich. He plays soccer.

Girls say he's cute.

Definitely a big fan of yours right now.

All right, folks.

Pop quiz on motherboards. Let's face it. Who doesn't love a good motherboard?

Huntsman hips. Ready? One, two, three.

Okay,

um, fry the lips against spaghetti arms and don't tickle him this time. I want

to lift a lady.

Well, none of them want to come near you, which I don't think has been her

favorite for the whole make the team thing.

Have you seen this?

He did research. He practiced.

Yes, better than half the girls on the team. Right.

Guy might be twisted up, but he also might be our ticket to the regionals.

Yeah, he's full of surprises.

Well,

see, look at that. Look at that.

PJJT. Oh, hi.

Did anyone ever tell you that's a lot of letters for one little guy?

Little?

What did you hear?

You know what? Forget it.

I got my job back.

Congrats. Oh, thanks.

Yeah,

you should come to the show.

I wouldn't want to get in the way. Oh, no, it's impossible.

Just come to a taping with your daughter.

Are you serious?

She'd love that.

Yeah, come tonight. It's the premiere. It's going to be like ten times the

excitement. The caterers heat the coffee to lukewarm instead of tepid. Really.

Oh, Isabella would definitely love that. We'll be there for sure.

That was great today, Peter.

Yeah, I guess I was born for cheer squad.

Right, Maddie?

Just because you help with equipment and you cheer circles around those other

losers doesn't mean I suddenly think you're Mother Teresa.

I'm not Mother Teresa. Darcy is.

I am nobody's mama, thank you. Adam says you're a hot mama.

Hmm, who's Adam?

This guy who got her to post some sexy shots online.

Yeah, right. Darcy's idea of a sexy hot mama.

Hey, some guys like a hot mama.

That is not funny.

I wear rosary thong under my habit.

Ew!

Cameras, I don't think so.

There is a big policy against you in photos. Come on, it's for posterity.

Hey, I want revenge.

Give it to me.

Oh, that? Oh, yeah. Yeah, just like that. Oh.

Okay, okay.

Okay, yeah,

what about that?

Remember, I'm going to keep your hands off me.

Remember, you know... Is that... Not a chance. Okay.

Rinse them off for me.

Oh, sugar.

No, man. He left like an hour ago.

Okay, well, I ended up in that kind of mood. There's more where that came from.

But I can't stay out long. I've got a lot of emails waiting for me.

And that's all for today. So remember, be bigger than you are and don't eat

orange pie.

Vienna, I'm going to get you.

Oh, thank you.

Good job.

High five on that one.

All right.

Hey, so how'd it look?

She thinks you're a comic genius.

Well, somebody has to.

So, do you want to get something to eat?

Who, me?

Yeah, you.

Maybe, um, Cheezies, Taco Chips, Orange Pop.

Uh... Well, I, uh... Oh,

it's okay. Um, never mind.

It's past balance bedtime anyway.

Bye. No, no, no, that's not... Wait!

So hard. Emke and Dana see what I was doing.

Did she see? No, but thanks for making the page password detected.

Page better stay private.

Um, yeah, about that.

Who'd you share the password with?

Tell me it's not someone I know. No, no, no, it's an online friend.

Someone who happens to have a lot of money.

His name's Adams, and he loves him some Darcy.

He sent me a thank you gift last night.

200 bucks by email.

200? I thought we'd get 20 at most.

An online admirer paying for photos. That's not creepy at all.

So, how was the big premiere?

Uh, it was okay.

JT, um, I was thinking the other day... Hi.

Sorry to interrupt. Could I, uh, speak to JT?

Of course. Speak away.

Look, I have a kid, and I know it freaks you guys out, and I just want to let

you know I get it.

No, you don't get it, okay? I love kids.

Yeah, guys always say that.

No, I mean it.

You've got to trust me on this one, Mia, okay?

I do love kids.

So it's just me you don't like?

Kind of blew me off.

I know.

I'm sorry.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

I guess orange pie impairs your thinking.

Well, listen, how about I take you and Bella out for ice cream?

Maybe tonight?

We'd love that. I'd love that.

Okay.

Ta -da!

Okay, you guys can go have a soda.

For a nice, cool class of talent.

New uniform.

Give me an H. Give me an O -R -T.

Maddie, look at these. Holy hot tactic. This is exactly what we wanted.

Paige always promised us new uniforms, but never came through.

These are way too short.

Problems with his bikini line. I'm telling him to get a Brazilian.

For girls, losers.

These must have cost a fortune.

Yeah, well, I've been selling chocolate bars door to door.

Amazing the support from the community.

By selling chocolate bars, do you mean posting sexy photos on the web? For

Sexy. Or just silly. Whatever.

What happens if Principal H sees them, or Simpson, or Toby, or the ginger?

They won't. Nobody will.

Photos are on a secret page.

Oh, so comforting.

Minnie, you should be happy. You wanted new uniforms, and now you've got them.

And think what else we can get.

I say we do another photo shoot today.

Papa needs a new pair of shoes.

Yep. Papa needs a life, and I need to go home.

This is over, guys. Over.

Over.