Original subtitles

I'm telling you something's off.

Everything is fine, dude.

I know. That's the problem.

We're two weak, whiny guys

walking through a deserted, foggy park at night.

We should have been hacked into pieces by now.

Starting to think that maybe,

maybe we're just not murdererable.

Hey! Don't you say that, man.

Any psychopath would be lucky to have you

eating out of a bucket in his dungeon well.

-You mean that? -Hell, yeah.

We're not the problem. This town's gone soft, dude,

If this was 10 years ago, our bodies would have

already been carved into orange wedges

and served to a soccer team,

but no, everybody's got to be so damn woke these days.

You're right. Thanks, man. I'm gonna head home.

Wish me bad luck!

Yep. Nothing weird ever happens here anymore.

[Slice]

[Energy humming]

Oof!

[Glass breaks]

Dilquez: Well, there he is,

my number one killer finder guy.

Ha ha! So...

what the hell is that?

Marvin: Well, it appears that the...sky's fly is down.

Damn it, Flute! The election is days away,

and I'm losing to the Goose!

I can't go back to being a Tinder swindler.

I forgot my password, so figure this out.

Now I must go. I see some undecided voters.

Hello, children. Would you please fart?

Fart, poopy, fart. Vote for me. Fart!

I know Grimsburg's voting age is 18 and under,

but I trust him.

Now to crack this case.

Martinez: Flute! Marvin: Ugh.

This murder is all your fault.

-What? I wasn't even here. -Not this murder.

The one last night at the Civil Servant Olympics.

You didn't show up, so I got stuck

with Wynona in the escape room, and then we got murdered

by the fire department, the garbage people,

and the librarians!

Librarians, Flute!

[Car horn honks]

[Chuckling]

Don't believe her, Flute.

She's the one who wouldn't listen to me

and kept insisting the key was in the lock.

How could a key be inside a lock?

That's why it's a puzzle!

Crime mind, take me away.

Greg: Flute! Marvin: Err.

Have you figured it out?

I'm trying to solve the case,

but everyone keeps interrupting me.

No, silly. Have you figured out

what duet we're singing tonight at karaoke?

Happy to Dolly it up with you for "Islands in the Str"--

Stop talking to me!

[Air escapes]

Doesn't anyone value crime anymore?

Kang: I do, and this is one of the most

upsetting crimes I've ever witnessed.

-That's the office group thread. -Exactly,

and you haven't responded to the meme I posted.

It's hilarious.

-Uh, I don't get it. -Really?

He has no head, and somebody's asking

if he's got milk.

Greg: Hee hee hee! It's hilarious.

Unh!

That's it! I can't do this anymore.

Wynona: This? Marvin: This!

Mediating work problems, karaoke night,

knowing your names.

Just because we work together doesn't mean

we have to like each other.

I'm a lone wolf.

I should be out howling at the moon

or--well, that's all I really know about Lone Wolves,

which makes sense because they're alone,

so nobody is around to report back on their

most identifiable characteristics.

I want to go back to how I used to be.

I need some me time.

Greg: Can I go with? Marvin: Sure.

We can grab a bite--no! Leave me alone!

Martinez: Take notes, Wynona.

That is how you escape a room.

Summers, do you mind reaching into the void

and grabbing my phone?

Sure thing.

Ohh! Ohh! Unh!

[All grunting]

[Screaming]

[Grunting]

[Music plays]

So after all that, we're just in Harmony's living room?

[Audience laughing]

Martinez: Who laughed?

Uh, guys, aren't the stairs usually

on the other side of the house?

Marvin: Harm, have you seen my fancy undies?

[Audience laughing]

Or the people I work with,

who are here early for our big dinner?

[Audience laughing, cheering]

Singer: ♪ I've got a jar of pickled onions ♪

♪ Yum, yum ♪

Announcer: "Flute" was recorded in front

of a live studio audience.

Greg: Oh, my God. From my years

of having the TV as my best/only friend.

it seems like we're in a sitcom version of our universe.

We've fallen into the multicamverse.

Audience: Ooh!

Well, let's get out of here before this sitcom

becomes a stay calm.

[Audience laughing]

Martinez: I don't want a repeat of the escape room.

If we want to go home, then we just go

back the way we came.

Easy...

peasy?

[Audience laughing]

Kang: Well, it looks like we've graduated

from an escape room to an escape universe.

[Audience laughing]

Woman: You think that fake mustache fools me?

-Unh! -Agh!

Man: You think changing clothes would make me

-forget what you said? -Ohh!

Woman two: You think comedy comes in 3s?

Aah!

Sorry about ruining your reputation around here.

What the?

You look just like me.

I mean, if I ditched the mustache, had a jawline,

and played in the Premier League,

but other than...that, everything of yours

is exactly like mine, not any bigger.

[Zip]

Heh heh heh. Thought we might find you here.

We?

[Toilets flush]

You're all me!

Oh, my God. We're in a multiverse episode?

Did someone say multiverse?

That's my cue to conveniently appear

and hastily explain the rules crafted to make

all the plot holes work.

How much time do I have?

Marvin: Uh, like, 10 seconds.

-This is a half-hour cartoon. -What?!

You need at least 2.5 hours so I can waste

that extra half-hour to illustrate--

Marvin: And time's up.

Marvin: Wait. So we're all versions of each other

from different dimensions?

No. You're all lesser versions of me.

I'm Martin Flute, a childless bachelor

whose incredible detective skills

are only outshined by my even more incredible...looks.

Oh!

Whoa!

My name is F, not that it matters.

Nothing does. Life is a temp job,

and death is the paycheck.

I'm Fluteman!

I was an average, ordinary detective

until I was bitten by a radioactive alcoholic,

giving me a host of superpowers

merely by ingesting booze.

[Gulp]

I feel nothing.

I'll get another round.

Huh?

-Marvin, and you are? -Marvina.

I love what you've done with my hair.

Marvina: Heh heh.

OK, if you two are done eye-humping your reflection,

meet our fifth Flute.

[Plays note]

Ha! This Flute is an actual flute.

[Trilling]

Martin: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Buddy, relax.

Those kind of comments don't fly

in this universe or any.

[Plays long note]

You're like a supergroup of mes.

What are wes all doing here?

Martin: We're the Multi-Flutes, an elite squad

of detectives enlisted from across the universes

to fight multiverse-related crimes.

And you've come here to recruit me?

[Flute plays]

We're good, but as the local Flute,

we could use some help navigating your world

to figure out who opened the rift and why.

Oh, sure. Totally. I'm already on that case anyway.

I would have solved it this morning,

but my stupid coworkers were so up in my--

Your personal problems don't matter to us.

Yes! That's exactly what I was trying to

-explain to the-- -Still doing it.

Right. Stopping now.

[Cheerful music playing]

Greg: Look. I've been thinking about how

to get out of here.

Since sitcoms are designed to go for years and years,

at the end of each episode, nothing can really change.

The protagonist gets what he wants,

learns a tiny lesson, but then everything resets

back to the way it was in the beginning

for the next episode.

Well, thanks for explaining how TV works, Roger Ebot.

[Audience laughing]

How does that help us, Summers?

If you'd listen to anyone other than yourself,

you'd realize it's a brilliant idea.

All we got to do is give this Flute

what he wants at the end.

Then we'll go back to where we were

at the beginning, home.

And you think you could give a man what he wants?

Ha! If you could, you wouldn't still be paying

for Tinder Platinum!

You're not allowed to help.

Just because you're my boss doesn't mean you

can tell me what to do.

That's the definition of a boss!

Work fam, I'd like to introduce you all

to my lovely wife Harmony.

Flute's told me all about you in between bites.

[Audience laughing]

I'm Flute, and you are?

You don't know me?

I guess that's not all that different.

Kang: This is my cousin Cousin Summers.

What a coincidence.

My cousin is visiting me, too.

Hello, Cousin Summers!

[Cheering and applause]

In home country of Morvenia,

when we meet someone,

it is tradition to give them handshake.

Ha la la la la la la la la la la la la!

[Audience laughing]

Harm, meet Kang, Martinez, and of course Wynona, my boss.

-She's the boss? -I'm the boss?

Who's the boss? Hey, oh! Whoa, oh!

[Audience laughing and cheering]

[Devices beeping]

Beep beep beep beep beep boop boop boop boop boop.

[Cell phone vibrates]

Hello? No, Otis.

I have no idea where everyone is.

Just grab some Gogurts, and I'm sure they'll show up.

Coworkers, right?

We don't have those anymore.

We're lone wolves.

We work alone...together.

So cool.

[Kids screaming]

My super senses are being impacted

by their high-pitched screams.

And not the 10 tequilas you pounded?

But there are a lot of unattended children

around here.

Martin: Those kids are showing high traces

of galactic radiation, which means they came

through that rift.

Group crime mind on 3.

Whoa, whoa, wait. You do a group crime mind?

All: ♪ Why, why, why

Martin: ♪ Is it spitting out adolescents? ♪

♪ Can a cosmic rift get pregnant? ♪

♪ I hate to be this guy ♪

♪ But I'm not feeling well ♪

♪ So can we end this spinning segment? ♪

[Vomiting]

Marvin: I can fill in.

Martin and Marvina: ♪ Why would you need so many kids? ♪

♪ A MrBeast popup or TikTok vids?

Uh, wait, wait, wait. Does it go point, slide,

elbow pump, Frankenstein hands,

or am I missing a slide?

How about a tush slap? Should we take a vote?

Martin: We're not voting.

Wait, wait, wait! That's it.

Here in Grimsburg, we're in the middle of an election,

and kids are the voters.

♪ But who needs votes ♪

♪ And knew just how to put those rifts to use? ♪

♪ It must have been the Goose ♪

[Fluteman gags, vomits]

While I find positive feedback to be humanity's

futile attempt to fight off irrelevance,

you did OK. Marvin: I'll take it.

So even out here, slapping butts is a no?

Not with me. Ruff!

[Cheerful music playing]

Everything is going perfect.

If I get this promotion, all our problems

will be solved.

Do they think we can't hear them?

[Audience laughing]

I'm pretty sure the astronauts could hear them.

[Scattered laughter]

Uh, OK. Well, at least now we know he wants a promotion,

so let's just give it to him and go home.

I'm the boss now, so I make boss decisions.

You can't tell me what to do.

That's the definition of a boss.

Oh, where have I heard that before?

Oh, come on! That's gold!

Harmony: I made a cake

is all I have to say.

Marvin: You know, Chief, I wanted to ask you.

Wynona: Tut, tut. Hold that thought.

Martinez, I would like some cake,

so cut your boss a big slice, employee.

Audience: Ohh!

One big piece coming up.

[Audience laughing]

[Cheering and applause]

We have many robot in Morvenia.

[Doorbell rings]

Do you know sex robot that shaloobs your peppadoochee?

[Audience laughing]

[Gasp]

Hello, cutie. We're here for dinner.

Greg: Ohh!

[Audience laughing]

Did you say, "cutie"?

[Audience laughing]

Audience: Ooh!

This just got twice as interesting.

[Audience laughing]

And this Kang is...dang.

Oh, God.

Detective Flute. how can I help you?

You can start by admitting you opened that rift

to traffic kids from other dimensions to vote for you.

Goose: What? These are just unregistered child voters

from the neighborhood.

Come on. That kid clearly comes

from a universe where it's totally normal

for kids to get butt implants.

Errrr!

[Squawking]

[Kids screaming]

[Goose honking]

[Flute trills]

Exactly. You're under arrest for voter fraud,

intergalactic kidnapping, and bisecting a man

along the y-axis.

I forgot he could do that.

You're not a lying alcoholic.

You do have superpow--oh, no.

He's really bleeding bad.

Marvina: Whack!

And that's how I play Flute, Flute, Goose.

Marvina: Mmm. I want to get you pregnant.

[Moaning]

-Do we think this is OK? -Don't know. Don't care.

Let's party.

[Sipping]

[Camera shutter clicking]

This is how you celebrate?

That way we each get to do what we want.

Speaking of, I'm gonna run to the little girls room

real quick to take a massive dump.

Meet me in there when I'm done?

Maybe I meet you before. No. After's better

so I'm not thinking about it piled up

inside you the whole time.

Honestly, both options have drawbacks.

[Glass shatters]

Let me get another Irish Long Island

iced margarita rum and Coke, extra rum, hold the coke.

Hey. Uh, I think Fluteman got hurt trying to save me.

Maybe we should help him.

Why would I care about a coworker's problem?

[Thud]

[Pounding on window]

Otis: Hey! Marvin: Exactly.

Excuse me for a sec.

I'm gonna go, uh, beat up this kid.

Something's wrong! Even the work thread is dead.

-I'm sure they're on a case. -That's what I thought,

but then I opened the Find My Coworkers app,

and I saw this.

They're in the multicamverse? Clever.

Hey, uh, listen. I sort of have a problem

-that I might need-- -We wanted to give you this.

This is everything I've ever wanted

since I found out about you guys earlier today.

-What changed your mind? -You did great out there,

and Fluteman bled out.

-He died? -Yes, or he's about to.

Either way, we don't care enough to deal with it,

so you're in.

Now what's your problem?

My problem is my coworkers, but not anymore

because I'm coming to the multiverse.

[Whoosh]

Did someone say multiverse?

Because I got my speech down to two minutes.

Now, I must warn you that-- come on!

[Cheering]

Hey. Got your text. What do you mean

you "want to say goodbye forever"?

Sorry, Stan, but I'm leaving this universe

forever with them.

Uh, Stan, Multi-Flutes. Multi-Flutes, Stan.

Versions of me from different dimensions obviously.

Stan: You're all my dad? I have so many questions!

Martin: Ooh! I have a lip waxing session.

I've got...lady stuff.

I have...Pilates.

[Flute playing]

Yes! My gamble paid off.

It's a constant across every universe.

You repelled them just like I knew you would

by being yourself.

-You wanted them to leave? -Sort of.

I need to go save my stupid old coworkers

without my new cool ones finding out that I care

so that I can then abandon my old ones,

who I don't care about, for the new coworkers, who I do.

Uh, it kind of sounds like you do care

about the old ones.

Wow. You really can't stop being you, can you?

Hyah!

I wonder what I'm like in the multiverse.

You think I have skin or more bones or boobs?

[Cheerful music playing]

So you are versions of my coworkers

from another dimension, which means

you can't help me get my promotion.

-Ugh. -Uh-Oh.

Looks like you've sent him into his recline mind.

[Audience laughing]

You thought I'd give you a promotion?

Who'd give out parking tickets?

You're not Grimsburg's greatest detective here?

More like Grimsburg greatest meter maid.

Let's roll, dummies.

Audience: Aww.

You guys, Flute didn't get his promotion,

so the episode can't end,

which means we're stuck here forever!

This is all my fault.

Being a girlboss is way harder

than Marjorie Taylor Greene doesn't make it seem.

No, it's my fault.

I was so focused on the laugh, I didn't realize

I had become the joke.

[Audience laughing]

-Oh, stop it! -[Laughter]

OK. That wasn't even a joke.

[Audience laughing louder]

-What is wrong with you people? -[Laughter]

Maybe Flute was right.

Just because we work together doesn't mean

we have to be friends,

but I'm glad we are.

Audience: Aww.

Greg: I can't believe it's all over,

which on these shows is usually when something happens

that makes everything OK.

[Cheering and applause]

Somebody order a chubby male protagonist

with extra cheese?

[Audience laughing]

-Oh! Thank God you're here! -Get off me!

Let's get you guys out of here.

Nothing can stop us now.

No. Don't ever say that in a sitcom, or--

All: Hello.

Look. I can explain.

Fortunately, we're so vain that the only thing

we hate more than being lied to is being rejected,

so make a choice.

Come with us or stay stuck here with them.

[Sentimental music playing]

Well, then I guess I've got a decision to make.

Wait. Where are you going? Just make the decision here!

Marvin: Too late. The music started.

I thought I'd find you out here.

Oh, um. No, thanks.

It's the only way I can give advice.

[Marvin grumbling]

I don't know who to go with.

I can stay with my coworkers,

who constantly annoy me, and be stuck here,

or I can have endless me time with people just like me

and travel the galaxy.

That's a tough choice you got there, bucko,

and I've got some tough ones, too.

My coworkers don't think I can be a detective,

and I feel--

Ahem. This is kind of my moment.

Oh, right. Well, I'd say

at least the people you work with consider you a friend,

and in life friends, friends are the real portals

to worlds we've never seen before.

Wow. That's beautiful.

I know exactly what to do. Thanks, me.

Marvin: I'm coming with you! Greg: What?!

Let's go. We have to shut down the rift

Louis C.K. just opened.

Oh, is he using it to go back and save his career?

No, he's using it like an intergalactic zipper.

Marvin: Whee!

Greg: Should have known Flute didn't actually

want to be with us.

Marvin: Well, that one didn't, but I do.

It's me. Regular Flute. Earth Flute. Whatever.

We switched ties

so they'd take him and leave me with you

and with this.

So sitcom Flute did get his promotion,

and you stayed with us, but why?

While I may be a lone wolf,

I don't want to be an alone wolf.

Audience: Aww.

[Applause]

What do I do? The show's called "Flute."

Do what you want. It's your show now.

Hyaaah!

My show? "Harmony," the story of a single mom,

who was raised by bears,

trying to forge her path in a new wild,

the male-dominated journalism industry.

Man: Heh. Sorry. Nobody's gonna watch that.

Get back on your mark in the kitchen.

Honey...I'm druuuuunk!

[Cheering and applause]

Greg: Come on. Our song's up.

♪ Thank you for being a friend ♪

♪ Went to Sitcom World and back again ♪

♪ Your name is Flute, you're a pal ♪

♪ And you owe me rent ♪

♪ The boss threw this party

♪ And I invited everyone I knew ♪

I only know work people.

♪ You'll soon wish you hadn't made this an open bar ♪

♪ When I drunkenly yell at you ♪

All: ♪ Thank you for being a friend ♪

[Screaming]

Marvin: What the hell is wrong with this place?

Why have this?!

Voice: Bento! [Cheering]