Original subtitles

Hi, I'm Blair Williams from Missax .com, and I'm going to give you all of my

love.

You know, I can tell the level of crazy a person is by how many inspirational

quotes they tweet.

And this bitch took it a step further.

She made her own inspirational blog when we all know she's cray -cray.

Why don't you try talking to people in real life instead of social media?

Oh, you mean texting them?

No, I'm talking about picking up the phone and talking. Maybe setting a date

some coffee.

But I like to look through and...

Do what people are thinking.

It's like eavesdropping, but you never get caught.

Yeah, but you don't really live when you live inside your phone.

Just like when we went hiking last weekend.

Shut up.

I totally enjoyed the nature and weather and stuff.

You didn't enjoy it. You griped half the time because your phone didn't have

service. I was just worried that we'd get lost and fall in a hole and have to

cut our arm off like that James Franco movie.

I really doubt we would get lost hiking the trails at State Park.

It just shows how addicted you are to your phone, social media, and how it's

taking your life away. Oh, I totally have a life. And it's pretty obvious

because I have 73 ,046 friends.

And on average, 200 of those friends like every one of my thoughts.

Remember that girl you were hanging out with last year?

The blonde?

Yeah, Kristen.

I'm glad you brought her up.

I hung out with her in real life last Friday.

I saw you two walking on State Street whenever I was driving by. I almost

even recognize you because you were both staring down at your phone.

Maybe you're just jealous because you hang out with the same four lame

geeks and you don't have a girlfriend and no one cares what your dinner looks

like. You've got me there.

I'm just a lame -brained geek and you're Miss Popular Princess.

And that's why I'm jealous.

You're such a hater.

Fact. Haters don't really hate me.

They just hate the fact that I'm a reflection of what they want to be.

You should post that.

I'm all over it.

What?

OMG. They love it.

What's that?

Kristen posted a picture of her in her new BF.

And people are liking it.

And commenting.

Is this your boyfriend?

Whifting you all the happiness in the world, Kristen?

They're the hottest couple?

Watch out, Kim and Kanye?

Is he a supermodel? Does he have a brother?

Look, stupid.

He's not even hot.

I mean, I could find a guy way hotter than that. I can go outside and throw a

rock and hit a guy hotter than that.

Do it. Put your phone down and go live your life.

And what am I supposed to do to find a boyfriend, Dean?

Like, go out in real life and meet someone?

Absolutely. Maybe take a class. Something that interests you.

Take a painting class.

You used to like painting.

Maybe you can find a guy there. Just let it happen organically.

Organically? The only organic thing I like is my food.

Oh my god, I could use Tinder to find a guy.

Those guys are just looking for a hookup.

And I'm just looking for a hookup.

A hookup with some really hot pictures so I can get some social media action.

No, no, no, no.

She's got 24 new friends and her stupid picture's been shared over 40 times and

43.

Fuck, it's going up.

Your social media numbers don't measure your worth.

You're a charming, beautiful, intelligent young woman.

Wait.

Take your shirt off.

I want to see if you're ripped.

What?

Oh, Jesus.

What if you don't have a good body and this body will never work?

A hot bod?

What are you talking about?

Just do it. We don't have time.

I need a diversion.

I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend.

That's never going to happen.

Please. If you ask me that question again, I'm going to tell your mom or my

and they're going to take your phone away again.

But I love you. I don't ask for

much. I can't believe you won't help me.

I can't believe you won't help me.

It's not real life.

But it is real.

It's real to me.

No, baby girl.

It's just a facade.

People post messages on social media. It's just an illusion.

No one's genuine.

All I wanted was a picture on your chest so people wouldn't think I was a loser

with no boyfriend.

You're not a loser.

You're my favorite person.

I'm not.

Or you would help me. I never asked you for anything.

I love you.

I love you so much.

But I'm keeping my shirt on.

Well... Okay.

Don't be silly. It's just a picture.

I won't show your face.

No, come on. No.

No.

No. Stop.

So? It's good.

Getting a few hearts.

People are wondering who the guy is.

Maybe I should play coy and be vague.

Keep the audience guessing. That's how you really keep someone interested.

Oh my god.

It's Kristen.

Yeah, I'm sitting right next to him.

Uh, well, we met at the gym. He's a personal trainer.

Uh, yeah, he's really hot.

Mm -hmm.

Oh, well, he's just, you know, really shy.

He doesn't really like showing his face, you know.

He's not into social media.

Sure, sure thing.

Say hello, D -E, er, Johnny.

Steve, come on.

Say hello to my girl.

Say hello.

Yeah, huh? He's still here.

And yet he totally is my boyfriend.

I swear to God, why would I be lying about that?

I'm not trying to overshadow you, Kristen.

How could you be so shallow?

Oh, Christ.

See? He's right here right now.

Oh, babe, are you okay?

He just stubbed his toe on the coffee table.

His legs get all wobbly after we fuck. Blair.

I just blow his mind that way.

Oh, are you trying to compare sex skills with me?

Because I'm not going to compete with you because I already am the winner.

His cock is huge, and he's wicked smart. He's already figured out all of my

zones.

You're just jealous, Kristen.

I don't even know why I'm friends with you.

She hung up on me.

Sometimes, I don't even know who you are.

How could you lie to your best friend like that?

Because someone needs to take her off her high horse.

She thinks she's better than me. She thinks she's better than everyone.

She just sub -posted about me.

What's a sub -post?

It's where someone posts something negative or prolific about a certain

but never names the certain person.

It's basically a way to call someone out publicly without seeming catty. Well,

what's it say?

Only a few can look at your success without envy.

It's as if he sees this relationship with that doofus as some sort of

Okay, girl. You need a break from social media. Look how it's making you

paranoid and grumpy.

You need to help me.

We need to take some sexy pictures and I can send it to her and... It'll make

her so jealous.

No. Do it.

Or else I'll tell your dad how his car really got wrecked.

I even took pictures.

You're evil.

No, I'm not.

I'm resourceful and opportunistic.

And do you really want to offend me right now?

The pants, too.

No way. Don't push it.

Come on.

You can keep your panties on.

Okay, good.

We just need to take a few pictures that make it look like we're in a sexy,

romantic relationship.

Come on, put your arm around me. Don't get my face.

Flex.

Flex.

That's going to be a good one.

Let me see, maybe...

Grab my butt?

Let me pull up my skirt as fast as I can.

Oh, that's a great shot.

Oh, come on.

What?

I'm gonna send him now.

She's not saying anything.

She's not responding.

She should be furious.

What if she takes those photos and uses them against you?

She wouldn't dare.

I have plenty of compromising photos of her, if you know what I mean.

Yeah, well, I guess I know exactly what you mean.

Besides, if she does try to release the photos...

It can make me super -duper famous, like a Kardashian.

Listen, I'm... I'm not trying to have this kind of attention, so... We need to

make these pictures look a little more explicit.

I think... you need to take your

underwear off.

I could take some photos of your cock near my mouth.

Just... Just so they look a little bit more aggressive.

Just near. Nope.

This is not going to be a Tommy Lee moment.

Who's that?

Come on!

Look at my eyes.

Take these off!

It's not even hard.

I'm terrified.

I'll look away and you can just stroke it a little until it gets hard.

It's easy.

You will not touch it.

In your dreams.

You said you wouldn't touch it. Be cool.

It's not like I'm sucking your cock.

It's a little lollipop.

Take some hot pictures.

No, no.

I'm just gonna send these.

Wait, get off my dick.

She's not responding.

Can

you

just take a picture with it on my pussy?

Just...

Paint it up and down like a paintbrush.

You don't have to put it in.

I am not putting it in.

God bless you.

I want to show you.

Can we do it in my butt next time?

Chris would never do that.

Alright. As long as you promise to make it a secret.

To my grave.

Or until you step out of line again.

Kidding.

Thank you for playing with us here at MissX .com.

See you again soon.