Original subtitles

This elevator is going down for people who have already finished the article,

we like to call them, The Great Ones.

The Great Ones, isn't that just you and me, Michael?

Welcome to greatness.

Or just fast typiness.

True enough.

When I began my story on Best Friends two days ago, I never realized how

complicated it would become.

The complication is what rock and roll is all about. Well, that and tight

leather pants, but that's probably not the point. Meeting one of music's

stars was a challenge.

The kind of challenge that was perfect for me, with a lot of hard work and the

things that really matter.

Great shoes, hot hair, and a matching bag. I knew nothing could go wrong.

Famous last words.

Thank you.

Thank you.

It all started Tuesday with a seemingly innocent question.

Hey, Michael, would you like to be a part of my best article?

Let me think.

Yes, but only use the lies in this press kit. I don't want you making up any new

ones. I don't want a pre -packaged version of you.

I'm writing an article on boys and girls who are best friends.

For the perfect case study.

Sounds promising, as long as I get final approval of the text. No deal. Shared

written by credit?

No. If it's made into a movie, Will Smith lays me. That seems very unlikely.

Dunno, Davies, you fox.

Another deal in the bag.

This is going to be the best article I've ever written.

Why wouldn't it be? You, me, then me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, friendship

junk, then me.

Meeting superstar Brock Ravage was pretty cool. I was glad I had a bunch of

interviews behind me, so I wasn't the least bit nervous.

So, this is great.

Cool, it's good.

Chatting it up old school. You, me, me talking more than you, you staring

blankly as I yak on without even asking a single question. Wish there was a stop

button on my mouth. Well, looks like we have the same wish.

So I started the interview slow.

But I turned it around quickly.

We don't have to strike a pose.

We know who we are now. But nothing always rhymes with me sometimes.

Let's go, Wild Rockets!

Let's go, Wild Rockets!

Take a chance and shock yourself.

Thankfully, I've moved past the terror to some degree of competence.

even though time flew by and managed to write every word Brock Ravage said.

Turns out there wasn't a stop button on his mouth either.

Man, this is the best interview I've ever given. You're really easy to talk

Noah. I knew I had to say something cool in return.

The moment demanded it. It was nice rapping with you. I got a jet. It's

night at the Jackson's and I get to pick the topping.

Yeah, I got a jet too on my actual jet. I got a concert tonight in Whistler.

Cool means different things to different people.

When it comes to clothes, every girl has that perfect outfit.

The one she puts on to feel confident, happy, and, let's be honest,

to boys. You know, the one I'm talking about.

You reach for it any time you need a little something extra.

Are those fashion magnets?

That is so cute.

Wait, is that supposed to be you?

No.

Okay, yes, but my article's not about me, which is odd.

It's about finding the one outfit that puts you over the top and into the heart

of any boy you desire.

Um, like Wilder?

No.

Okay, yes. It's been forever since I bailed on the trip to Mexico, and he

hasn't asked me out on a real date. I need stronger ammunition.

Ah, the perfect outfit.

I have one of those. I call it my little Bo Peep dress, because when I wear it,

your shepherd comes running.

It's nice.

So, what do you think?

Like I didn't already know the answer. It's perfect.

Toast. I think a wild man's about to be tamed.

And that's why certain

celebrities deny rumors that she's now being difficult on set.

That's it for this week. But for more Michael Davies, check out Rebecca

column. Since it's all about me.

Hey, Michael.

Have a look at these pictures from when we were kids.

Oh, here's us putting on a play in the backyard.

We swept the Harper Awards that year. It helps that we were the only nominees.

I can't believe we still have all of these. Why wouldn't I?

We have some amazing memories.

Now I get to write about them in my article.

Why don't we focus on what we're doing now? For example, I've been... Oh,

Michael, our readers know what we're doing now. They see it every week. This

where the real story is.

Am I wearing a sailor suit there?

And Velcro shoes.

Somehow we still got the nod for best wardrobe.

So, here's my idea.

We bring back our routine from when we were nine.

Professor Squiggle, the silly scientist.

Bring it back?

Like to the store for a full refund?

No. Bring it back tonight.

We can do it for people in the office.

Tonight?

I'm sorry, but I have to, uh... You're stomping on the memories.

Here's us in the pool three years ago.

Look at your water wings.

My mom made me wear those because I just ate.

I can't believe the stuff Brock told you. We're going to have to start

you Scoop.

Scoop? Sure, when we time travel back to the 40s, see?

Anyway, just waiting on the fact checkers, but that's a no -brainer.

It's going to be our cover story.

I'm proud of you, kiddo.

I fantasized about how awesome my life would be when the story broke.

I'd be a famous journalist, Brock Ravage, and I would be best friends.

Naturally, we'd go bowling together.

Brock Ravage, is that you?

Oh, hi, my fact -checking friends. What's the good word?

What do you mean, Lyle?

Buzz can't print any of it? Are you joking?

Never ask a fact -checker if he's joking.

They'll scream at you like an old man slipping in milk at a convenience store.

Time for my Warrior Tribe 4 review.

I haven't been so focused on something since Warrior Tribe 3.

Yo, buzzers. I hope you've been saving up your allowances because Warrior Tribe

4 is cooler than a penguin on an ice cube.

When you're in the perfect outfit, boys are going to stare. Don't be afraid of

these stairs, girls, but do pretend not to notice them.

Hey, buzzer. Notice anything different?

You notice things better by looking.

Sorry, man, I gotta get my story done. I have a super important meeting.

I'd like to order a raspberry smoothie and have you dump it over that boy's

head. I'm gonna have to call my manager.

And that's why you're never gonna be employee of the month. You can't stop me

from trying.

With some boys, you need to be a little less subtle.

Walter, could you quit typing for a sec? Our deadline isn't even for two days. I

have something to show you. No sweat. A manager's going to be finished just when

I can squeeze you in before my meeting.

Ooh, my meeting got bumped up.

Ice cream man!

Ice cream man! Ice cream man! Wait up, mister. I've exact change. I'm coming.

This could have been prevented.

My manager says the smoothing dumping would have been fine. Too late. I'm

my smoothie dumping business elsewhere.

This picture of Brock says, I'm super cool, but approachable.

Ever had to deliver bad news to someone who's counting on you? And this one

says, I'm super cool and can sing way better than you. My move is to babble

incoherently, then stick the bad news in when nobody's listening.

Just so hard to pick, isn't it? All the pictures are just dandy.

I know.

I'm going over the final details of your story. Is it good to go?

Oh, it's good. The fact checkers found a few things.

Address change, mother's maiden name, we can't use a single word he just said,

and the birthday art. What did you just say?

Is this one of those, you didn't hear what I said or you can't believe what I

just said?

We can't use a single word he said.

Ah, the second one.

Look at your filing system.

It is beyond super. It is very super.

Noah, if everything is off the record, then I'm going to have to pull the

You better go talk to those fact checkers one more time. Now get.

I do file like nobody's business.

Hello, everyone. I'm Professor Squiggle.

What's that, friend?

I say, what's that, friend?

Oh, yeah.

What? My breath stinks?

You're right. If only I had some gum. Maybe in my coat pocket?

Excuse me. I can't seem to find my mouth.

Excuse me? That's funny as ever.

Mmm. Fresh and minty.

Now... Who wants to hear a song?

I'll take that as a yes.

This one's called Squiggle Up to Science.

Applause.

I'm Professor Squiggle and I see you.

I like science from my head and even to my shoe.

I just tap my head and I scratch my chin.

If I forget what I was thinking, I just start again.

Thank you, thank you. Good night, you chin everybody.

That was a little self of fun. Can we please retire Professor Squiggle? Right

after we perform on the Buzz website.

Oh, dear.

Michael hates to be less than perfect.

I was sure his lack of enthusiasm was because he needed to make sure we had

routine down pat.

Hey, Michael, we had a few bumps yesterday.

Like, went on my head. But I came up with some new moves that I think you'll

like. Rebecca, I really don't feel like doing a routine from when we were nine.

Well, that's why I updated our act to include more mature humor. Like funny

noises. Get ready to fall in love all over again with a certain kooky

Rebecca, listen.

I've been playing basketball.

And I haven't told people because I want it to get good.

And get an outfit that compliments my athletic physique.

But the Michael Davies I know hates sports.

We went and spent an afternoon preparing 50 excuses for you to miss gym class.

One was my knees faced the wrong way.

Now I like sports.

And basketball is like a musical on hardwood floors.

Okay, whatever you say.

See you at 4 .30 for the video. Put on your performance pants.

Seem to be the same as my total humiliation pants.

Sloppy Joe's. A food that's tasty and gives you permission to be a slob.

Today's me good day.

Wilder didn't know the half of it. When he saw me in this new perfect outfit,

he'd ask me out for sure.

Hello, Wilder.

Notice anything different about me?

Wilder, I'm wearing a one -of -a -kind gown. I turn heads at every major ball

I've been to.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I wasn't laughing.

Walter! No, no, no, no.

I'll be serious.

Nothing was funny.

Anyone would wear that to school.

You know nothing about fashion.

Or girls!

Wait, wait. It's fabulous.

I've got good news.

Brock Ravage called, he corroborated my whole story, and later we're going

bowling? No.

But I believe that he gave you that story. And most importantly, I believe

you. I know that you can get him to verify what he said.

I'll do whatever it takes. I'll sing his music, tell jokes, reenact the time he

fell backward into his drummer. Just get him to verify the story.

Done. Consider it done.

I was out to prove to TJ that I could accomplish anything.

Nothing was going to stop me.

Although that didn't help too much.

Michael should be here any second.

I'd call him, but... I was getting worried.

Sorry, I had a game.

Can we just do this, please?

We're live in five, four, three... Professor Squiggle

here, team buzzers, saying science can be fun, fun, fun.

Rebecca, can we talk for a sec?

Do the arm thing.

Why... I can't remember the time my nose was this itchy. I really don't think...

It just keeps getting itchier and itchier. But I just don't... Scratch my

Ah, gosh, folks, I think it's time to brush my teeth.

Good thing I have a toothbrush in my pocket.

Becca, what's the point of this again?

The video adds a great visual touch to the story. Plus, it's hilarious.

Becca, I just don't think this is worth... Michael, what is your problem?

This! This is my problem. I don't want to do it.

How could you not want to do Professor Squiggle? Because it's lame. That's why.

This is the lamest thing we have ever done.

If this is fun, then we are here. In the entire world, there's nothing sadder

than this.

Stop filming now.

I love Professor Squiggle. Do you do parties?

So, Team Buzz fans, you may as well know, Professor Squiggle was actually

people. One, a selfish goof who didn't know how to listen.

And the other, my best friend, Michael Davies.

Uh, your ending still needs work.

Coming through. Coming through.

You really need to improve your security.

You. Not exactly who I wanted to see jumping into my limo. Pleasant surprise.

Can we talk?

You got two minutes.

No.

This is nice.

It's like a minibar at a hotel without your dad saying, put those peanuts down,

they're 14 bucks.

We had a great interview yesterday.

I often fool myself into thinking it was a great interview, but this was

objectively great.

You got one minute.

Look, it's only some pretty crazy stuff.

You're feeling embarrassed, maybe having second thoughts, but you can't tell my

editor and the fact checkers that I made the whole thing up.

Look, my people read the article.

It's just not the image we're trying to put out there. But you came off quirky

and real, and those are some good things to your fans.

Ha! He couldn't argue out of that.

I think we're done here.

Well played.

Before I go, I have to say one thing.

Your CD was the first one I ever bought, and it's still the best one I own.

You know, you're the reason I wanted to write about music in the first place.

And even if this story doesn't get printed, it's still the best interview

ever done.

You can't...

Tell your dad the peanuts were only eight bucks.

Even the most perfect outfit is powerless against the ignorance of some

When you earn the best and got nothing, wear the worst and get comfortable.

I've never seen you look this way. Yeah, yeah. Fashion girl slums it in sweats.

Better than wearing a ball gown to school, right?

You may think you're slumming it, but you look amazing.

Gorgeous.

Like the most beautiful you've ever looked.

What? Really?

This? This was my perfect, irresistible, wilder, taming outfit?

Grave fleece?

Go out with me tonight.

Well, that sounds great. Where would you like to go?

Foosball. I know just the place.

Foosball?

I may be dressed down, but that doesn't mean I want to hang out with a bunch of

greasy hooligans.

Hey, thanks for lending me this dress. I hope it works for me, too.

I was not looking at her

perfect, irresistible, wild, entertaining outfit I could wear.

And then I knew it.

It's not about the... Perfect dress? It's about the girl inside it. And this

girl had blown it by being too mean.

Looks like our time is off again.

Besides, I have nothing to wear.

Me neither.

Obviously I did.

Amanda Pierce. But right now I was dressed for a night of TV and ice cream.

Well, at least somebody's timing was on.

You can pull the article.

He wouldn't admit a single thing.

At least I got some peanuts.

Oh, you got more than that. You got the cover.

Peanuts and the cover?

No. I don't know what you did, but you must have made quite an impact on Brock

Ravage.

Hmm?

I guess I could have given you a ride back, but, uh...

Wasn't my way a lot more dramatic?

Wouldn't have been any less dramatic to give me a bus fare.

Look, I freaked about the article, all right?

But I'm sorry.

It's not often you meet a true fan who's also a really good writer.

Go to there.

Ow.

Hey, do you want to go bowling?

Uh, no.

Getting the interview with a rock star made me feel like, well, like a rock

star. Ready to rock, let's hear it, people! Yeah! Woo!

Wow,

you are really good.

Oh, I'm good.

I'm how them globetrotters good.

I'm sorry.

You go.

I'll go.

I'm sorry I forced you to do the Professor Squiggle routine.

I was afraid we were drifting apart, and I wanted to remember the good times.

Even if you obviously didn't.

And I'm sorry I bailed on you, but we're not drifting apart, Rebecca.

I've changed, but our friendship hasn't.

I just have a few new interests.

So, want to shoot some hoops? You mean it? Cool.

I'm pretty terrible.

No, you just need some help.

You ready? Yeah.

Ah, there you go.

Hey, if I put on a lab coat and a funny voice... Just shoot the ball, Rebecca.

In life, like in fashion, timing is everything.

And sometimes people notice you when you least expect it. I knew now I was

smarter.

Stronger. Happier.

And definitely more mature than I was before.

Come to the blurb, quick!

There's a squirrel with a hat running around. You gotta see it.

OMG, I love animal fashion.

When it's done right, of course.

I'm going to write about the squirrel in my article.

Michael, pose as the squirrel.

No way, that thing's dressed better than I am.

I always said animals should wear hats. I said they should wear shoes, too.

Well, just a hat would look silly.

Hey, what was so important you needed to see me?

Oh, DJ, no.

Live your life, Shepard. That is what you always tell me. Not this. Oh, this.

What if the kids find out?

Just close the door.

Oh,

boy,

am I hungry.

My favorite.

Okay, that's enough.

I'm Professor Squiggle. Believe the hype. If you work for me, you better

I listen well in interviews and work real hard. I go to concerts, meet

and famous stars.

Thank you. Thank you. I'll be here all week.

You want to go get something to eat?

I sure do.