Original subtitles

What? I'm sorry, it's just that most people's chewing sounds annoy me.

Yours are like singing.

Michael, enough.

We need to focus on our problem.

We need to tell Walter we're, you know... So we're destined to be together

the end of time?

Yes, Michael, even though we've only been on two dates.

I mean that we're going out.

It shouldn't be that hard.

Walter is the nicest guy on earth.

Exactly. He's kind, understanding, big -hearted.

He'll probably be happy for us, right?

Someone stole my lunch.

Warning, there is a criminal in the school, a dirty lunch thief.

It is a garlic and sauerkraut sandwich.

So all I have to do is follow the stick.

As soon as I find the person who took it, they will pay.

Oh, they will pay.

We could tell them at the end of time.

Or the day after that.

Watching the time pass, waiting to get out, living out with my friends, finding

what's new, just gliding on through, and it's never too, it's so cold to see,

in the pages of my magazine.

is finally going to have a mime club.

Finally? Yep, courtesy of yours truly. First meeting is tonight. Everyone is

welcome. Spread the word. Or, shall I say, reenact the word.

Mime club, huh?

You really have your finger on the pulse of today's kids. I'd like to think so.

Mime is so fun.

White face paint, black dance pants, striped shirt. I can't think of one

not to join.

Yet, you just listed three.

There's a reason why mime isn't really big these days. What's that? A fickle

world isn't ready for the joys of a great art?

No, TV's up sound now.

Very funny, Noah. I think this mime club is really going to take off.

Dare to dream, sir.

Dare to dream.

Bad news.

Daddy's assistant won't tell Walter we're dating.

What did he even pay him for?

Oh, no. It doesn't matter. Now time for plan B.

You tell him.

Me? Why me?

Because you're the man in this situation.

What's the woman's job? To start the mess and leave before it gets ugly.

Yes, I'd like to file a missing person report.

A garlic and sauerkraut on rye.

Maybe it is not a person, but that sandwich is like a brother to me.

Hello?

Um,

Wilder. Do you know something about my sandwich?

Absolutely not. I'm on your side like a good friend should be.

Couldn't find it.

So I'd eat a soybean wrap instead.

Tastes like dirt wrapped in more dirt.

That's your friend.

I want to avenge this crime. But there's something that I have to tell you first

that's really, really, really tiny.

Okay. I am open for non -sandwich -related news.

There's a situation where friends are... What?

Let me try this again. You see...

When a giraffe leaves the pack, the baby giraffes are like, whoa, what's wrong

with that giraffe? And the first giraffe is mad because... Whoa!

You're speaking my language, and even I don't know what you're talking about.

You mean a matter of dating.

Wow.

This is a sexopathy.

Prophecy.

That's a thing.

You know what?

I'm cool with it.

Congratulations. I wish you guys the best.

That's great.

Thanks. That was a lot easier than I thought.

I didn't know you were into mimes.

Oh, I'm not. I'm into making fun of mimes.

But I like to do so with some basic skill.

Ah, like the time you learned Ukrainian folk dance to mock me?

You know the best part about making fun of mimes is they can't talk back.

I wish I could say the same about you.

Rebecca, I need your call.

Of course.

I had a little spare time, so I translated into Arabic, which was time

-consuming because I don't speak Arabic.

That's considerate of you. Since I had some more time, I landscaped the rooftop

garden. We don't have a rooftop garden.

Somebody hasn't been to the rooftop lately.

Can I talk to you for a minute, Rebecca?

No problem.

I can fit you in right after I reglaze the linoleum in the kitchen.

Meeting with DJ...

Meow.

It's okay.

You didn't come down.

I'm not angry anymore. See?

I think I'll give it a few seconds to be sure. It took DJ security and six

firefighters to get you off me.

That was before I had time to reflect.

I ended it with Amanda.

And even though this does go against the pals before gals code... Pals before

gals code?

I'm not familiar.

There's a code for guys.

The way we're supposed to behave.

It's like if there's a game on TV.

You're allowed to ask what the score is, but not who's playing.

Why can't you ask who's playing?

Because you're supposed to know.

Okay.

It's like if I make a joke in front of a girl I'm trying to impress.

You have to laugh.

What if it's not funny?

Doesn't matter.

These are the guy rules.

They're older than the internet.

Actually, the internet's not that... There,

another rule.

You don't correct a guy when he's on a roll.

But the most important rule is pals before gals.

Like, don't fill out your friend and date his ex, because it makes you a

Is there a list of exceptions to this rule?

You are never going to get it.

Rebecca Harper, she's with Diane. I'm not sure the voice recorder is

I just wanted his backup in case I missed anything.

Be ready for anything. That's what Bob always says.

Which reminds me, I organized a bottle drive for our bingo night tonight.

So hopefully this is quick.

Rebecca, have you ever stopped to think that maybe you're working a bit too

hard? Like maybe you need to slow down and chillax.

Chillax? Yeah, it's something we used to do in the 90s. How about joining me

tonight to answer some of Buzz's questions to the editor?

So you want me to do less work?

By doing your work?

No. It'll be fun.

I stay late once a week to answer the letters. We'll chit chat and do a little

work. Sounds fun, DJ.

See you at seven.

Seven on the dot. I won't be a minute late. See? You're relaxing already.

Hey, how many months does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ah!

I'm so glad you're here.

Looks like you're the only one.

Yeah, about that.

I don't want to waste your time if it's only me, so I'm going to head off now.

Don't worry.

We'll get over this.

After all, it is mime over matter.

Of course it is.

Too bad I forgot my face paint, so... Don't worry again. I've got tongues.

Now, let's get started.

Come on!

I thought you weren't supposed to talk.

Quick study. Now get over here.

Hi, DJ.

Should I be wearing fleece? It's after hours, Rebecca.

It's chillaxation time.

So I won't need my color tab system for categorizing the letters?

I had a little time.

No. No color tabs, no flow charts, no voice recorders. Just the girls hanging

out and decompressing.

But first, we have to get the juices flowing and do the chicken noodle soup

thing.

That's a whole lot of juice blowing.

Hey, loosen up. Come on. Add the crackers.

It's not basil. It's crackers.

Fine. Here comes saltine.

You

look

great. I've never seen you so...

Cowgirl chic.

That's because we've never been anywhere as cowgirl -y as Roscoe Steak and

Saddles. They also have dancing.

I had a coupon.

I won't let anyone see me use it.

No, look!

Do you still bother we would be here?

No, of course not.

Although in hindsight, asking to borrow a coupon from him, not the best idea.

Bitch!

Yolanda Farquhar?

Oh, hey, guys.

How funny. You're here. We're here.

You guys remember Yolanda Farquhar, right?

Hi, Michael Davies. You look sparkling tonight.

Hi, Yolanda.

So do you.

Hi, Yolanda. I didn't think country would be your thing.

I love banjos and all instruments you can play in coveralls.

Say, since we're all here, why don't we join you? Won't that be the bee's knees?

Or the grasshopper's elbows?

St. Michael Davies, is that jealous rage on your face?

Which is the reason chairs have four legs instead of two.

Isn't that super interesting? I thought in a documentary.

That is interesting.

Long? Interesting.

Do you mind if I speak to Wally? One sec. I want to hear more about chairs

other stuff we sit in.

What happened to pals before gals? You knew me and Yolanda were a thing.

This is betrayal.

Yeah, tell me how betrayal -y it is to date your friend's ex.

I just went out for about ten minutes. I'm not even in the wrong here. You're

right in the middle of wrong. If wrong was Hollywood, you would be the

sign. Well, this sign has a beautiful lady friend to entertain.

So, Yolanda, how's the banana label collection?

It's super big now. You'd be very proud of me. It's almost as big as my Michael

Davey scrapbook.

Dear Team Buzz, my mom made my prom dress. Only problem is, I hate it. What

should I do?

Well, coming from a girl whose mom once handmade her blue jeans.

Cry.

My mom once knit me a bathing suit.

I'm kidding.

Seriously, she should compromise with her mom. Wear the dress for some

and then change before the dance.

Nice, DJ.

Here's another one.

I was watching a movie with my crush, and just as it went quiet, I let one

I was so embarrassed.

What should I do?

Well, life can be filled with embarrassing moments, but usually not

embarrassing.

Sometimes it's a good idea to have a good cover story.

That was a weird sound effect, eh?

That didn't sound like Iron Man's voice.

Did somebody step on a duck?

Don't say pull my finger.

Walking against the wind is a classic line maneuver invented by Marcel

He recently passed away.

Did they honor him with a minute of silence?

Now you go.

Here, give it a try.

No, no, no, no, no, no. You're supposed to struggle. It's trying to get away.

I think I can overpower a fake balloon.

Think about the balloon's dreams.

It wants to be up in the sky.

I don't get it.

It's like you don't even care about mime at all.

Oh, yeah.

How many mimes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't really matter.

Nobody wants to watch a mime do anything.

I see. You just came here to mock me.

I can't believe you tipped the busboy with the coupon.

If you found yourself in an alien spaceship, would you be more excited or

scared?

Wilder, wilder. I would ask myself when I started believing in aliens.

Probably after they abducted you. Brain probes are convincing.

You're very funny.

Really? I wouldn't say very. Maybe somewhat.

Sometimes I wish you would get somewhat abducted.

Amanda, did I tell you about the time I met Hilary Duff?

No, tell me. It goes like this. I met Hilary Tuff. Isn't that great?

She even gave me a piece of her gum. Because you had broccoli breath.

Like you do now.

This is how much I want to get out of this conversation.

Who wants a square dance?

Chicken in the bread pan, scratching out gravel, grab your boy and away you

travel. That means I do, Amanda Spears.

Okay, your turn. Okay.

Dear Team Beth, I'm not over my ex -boyfriend, so I'm pouring myself into

kinds of other activities.

The only problem is I can't stop thinking about him.

When does it stop hurting?

Dear reader, it's supposed to hurt.

That's how you know it was real.

Is that true?

Yeah.

Yeah, it is.

That's the hard part about a breakup.

You have all of these feelings banging around inside with nowhere to go.

The only thing you can do is let everything out. And there is no finger

in the world that can do that for you.

It's hard, DJ.

I miss not being able to call Michael for something super annoying.

I know you do.

Mainly because now you call me.

But that's how it works.

You try to move forward day by day. And each day it hurts a little bit less.

Until one day you wake up and it doesn't hurt at all.

Is there any way to fast forward to that day?

No. But it does get better. I promise you.

Okay.

Can we read another letter about embarrassing bodily functions?

Sure. They're a lot more common than you think.

Just admit it, Wilder. You knew Michael and I would be here.

You know, I prefer to eat in restaurants with a mechanical bull. I'm kind of a

snob, I got.

Maybe, but you brought you wanted to make Michael mad.

No, if I wanted to make Michael mad, I would say something about his neck rope.

You look really good in that bolo tie, Michael Davies. Thanks. This is my lucky

time in the Western category.

It must be, because I'm here.

I love the way you did your hair.

Thanks, Michael. I've been waiting for you to say something.

So you just happened to call Yolanda? Yep.

And happened to show up here?

I was in the mood to do -si -do. Well, maybe you should do -si -don't. I can't

take it.

I only asked Yolanda out to make you guys mad.

My heart's been crushed.

Usually that means it's time to go home.

Thanks for the wonderful evening, Wilder Wilder.

So what are you going to do with all this extra popcorn?

Same thing Wilder does with his leftover food. Put it in Noah's desk.

You all right, kiddo?

Yeah, I'm all right.

Thanks for everything, DJ.

No problem.

So, think you're ready?

Not quite.

It's time for our new, take it as it comes, Lazy Fair Rebecca.

No more workaholics.

Goodbye, date book.

I'm a whole new woman.

Do your thing, gal.

No one says that, do they?

Only my favorite people.

Mr.

Shepard, I owe you an apology.

So you brought an accordion? Yeah.

I wanted to show you my glass house.

Glass house?

As in, I shouldn't throw a stone. You see, I'm a big accordion fan.

Big. You don't hear that a lot.

My love for music started with the polka. You hear that even less.

The only reason why I learned to play the guitar was because my enjoyment of

accordion wasn't exactly shared by my peers.

Kids can be so cruel.

Yes, I know.

So I guess we all have things we love that others don't.

It's not fair for me to make fun of your thing when my thing isn't exactly a

lady's magnet. I think you're actually repelling girls right now.

You're dressed as a mime. Touche.

All right, so here goes.

I

like

polka, he likes mime.

Not that cool, you see.

You. You look stupid in front of these people.

Why am I going to your running?

Julianne, I'm sorry that I said that. It's okay. I see what's happening.

You were rude to me because you like Amanda Pierce. And Michael Davies was

to her by giving me all his attention.

And that's how nice you're caught in the middle.

Wilder was rude to me when he said my tie looked like I made it myself.

It'd just be better if we were all honest with our feelings.

I hate it when people trust their pets.

Sorry, you meant important feelings, right?

I only went out with you because you told me Michael Davies would be here.

What? Why would you? That is petty, shallow, and... Oh, yeah, I caused all

this.

No one's heart's broken unless they're with the wrong person.

It's like you have a truth -finding device in your mind.

You two get out there and dance.

Michael Davies, my dad's waiting in the station wagon to drive us both home. But

don't worry, I'll make sure he closes his eyes when we kiss.

Works for me.

I think the guy code says that I should check with you before I leave with your

date.

Is that cool?

Yeah, hombre. That's cool.

Alright,

dude. I've got a girl to kiss.

You'll land it, right?

So your dad's not going to close his eyes when he's driving, right?

You are so silly, Michael Davies.

Shall we, Dad?

This is nice.

It is.

This is the seventh special moment I've had at Rothko's Steak and Saddle.

The first one I did involved food.

So, what does this mean for us?

I don't know.

The only time I've ever been hurt was with some kind of extreme board injury.

To love.

The thing is, though, no matter what the injury, I could always sense when I can

get back on the board.

Bruised tailbone, four days.

Sprained ankle, two weeks.

But my heart, I don't know how long it's going to take.

It has to tell me.

Well, just let me know when you're ready, because I'll be waiting for you.

Yeah.

Squash toe?

Three seconds.

One, two, three.

Hmm.

Rib cage owie?

Twelve dicks.

I get it, Walden.