Original subtitles

Thank you. You guys are an awesome audience.

That's the fourth fainter today.

Actually, third. Technically, DJ fainting twice only counts as one

It's a good thing I keep smelling salt in my desk.

Huh?

I never really got the whole crush on a celebrity thing. Yet you work at a

magazine that's built around it. Good point.

Let's grab a smoothie.

Wait, what about Justin Morneau? You totally have a crush on him. No, I

admire him for his dedication to his game, his tireless commitment to his

Hi, I'm looking for Rebecca Harper.

She sent me some fan mail.

No, not a good time. Oh, don't worry. She'll be okay in a sec. She keeps

smelling salts in her desk.

Remind me again why we joined Mr. Shepard's ukulele club?

Because a girl's like a guy who knows how to play guitar.

But these are ukuleles.

How was I supposed to know that the drawing on the sign -up poster was

size?

Genius! Yeah!

Such talent.

It's like a room full of young George Harrison.

He was a big ukulele fan.

Member of the Beatle.

Anyway, now you shall be rewarded for your hard work, my little yooks.

We're going to graduate to real guitars.

I've decided to show you something very special.

This, my strumming chums, is a vintage Kana Ayala.

Kana Ayala?

I yelled that out when I spilled my toe.

It's the name of the best ukulele maker in the world.

Now, who wants to hear the maestro?

Join the Uke Skywalkers and meet girls.

Why do I listen to you?

Yalla, yalla!

Good.

I'm sorry you didn't get to talk to Justin Morneau. At least he autographed

jar of smelling salt.

Strawberry smoothie, silky salt smooth.

If your favorite chillness makes me wanna groove.

You wouldn't believe how many free beverages that gets me.

And when I do one of these...

Free dessert.

What do you do for a tip?

The robot?

And on that awkward silence, I must get a Nanaimo bar.

Nanaimo bar, so chewy, so sweet.

Your tasty goodness can't be beat.

I wish you'd leave it to the professionals.

So, what's your next article about?

It's on overachievers.

I like to use graph paper instead of lines. It keeps things more organized.

I love organized people.

They're great, and they keep things so... Organized?

Yeah.

Um, George, it's just me and Noah, and you and your arm and your

big, beautiful eyes.

Uh -huh.

I... Oh!

I'm sorry!

Bye!

What not to wear when you're out with a boy who's cheap,

that smelled like horndogs.

This is the finest journalism I've ever seen.

What? You like it?

Hello, Elle. You had a bad date last Friday, too?

The worst.

My date brought me to a monster truck rally.

My date picked me up in a monster truck.

My date wore a jumpsuit covered in colored zippers and mesh pockets.

My date treated me to homemade chili and a thermos.

You win.

we need to do?

Round up all the boys on the planet and send them to their own smelly little

island where they can monkey scratch all day long?

We need to go on a dating strike.

I'm in.

We'll make a sign like dates. Heck no, we won't go.

Then I'll get someone to carry it for me.

Huh? Daddy's assistant?

You're good at carrying things.

Armstrong bubble gum.

Can't believe Mr. S gave us ukulele detention.

Then you shouldn't have challenged me to a sword fight with your ukulele. Why

couldn't you just kick this out of class?

En garde!

En garde!

Ja!

Here's what we're going to do.

We're going to put this baby guitar back in its case.

And run!

That singing for free food thing, not working. Charge me double.

I've heard you sing. You're lucky they didn't throw the food at you.

Whoa, close one. Almost got spilled on by Spilly McSlops a lot.

For your information, I spilled my drink on George on purpose.

Oh, just like you had toilet paper on your shoe yesterday to start a new

You know me so well.

So, you also know that I'd never do anything to hurt you, right?

I get the sense you're trying to tell me something.

Spill it, R.

Don't take that literally.

Well, George kind of, sort of made a path at me. He put his arm around me,

and I didn't know what to do, so I spilled my drink on him.

You and George, come on, are not in a million years.

Making girls think he likes them is part of George's image. It's how he rolls.

You're probably right. What am I thinking?

Exactly. George isn't flirting with me.

But that's for saying he never would.

Sure, you snap Mr. Shepard's ukulele in half like a dry cracker, but all you

have to do is blame it on someone else.

Then again, you were solely responsible for breaking the ukulele.

If you agree, please sign on the air.

We have to face the ukulele to see if we can tell the truth. I'm not going to

lie. I've never lied before.

I'm not going to start with Mr. S.

There has to be a first time for everything.

First time for breaking a priceless instrument.

First time for lying.

They seem to go hand in hand. Come on.

This is the guy who made your favorite meal for your birthday.

That chicken Kiev was to die for.

I guess I'll give the truth a go. But there better be something warm and fuzzy

waiting for me afterwards.

Ladies and gentlemen, introducing Andrew Jumping Flea Shepard and his completely

irreplaceable, one -of -a -kind, Kana Iyala ukulele. Mr. Shepard, wait!

Oh, boy.

I just about dropped it.

That would have been a complete disaster.

Anyway, you boys are just in time to see me play Tiny Bubbles.

I hate to burst your tiny bubble, but... Wilder, something to tell you.

What is it, Wilder?

I just wanted to say... We need to borrow a ukulele.

For a feature article in Teen Buzz.

What's your angle?

How the ukulele could be the next big game.

Ukulele hero.

Michael could cover the behind -the -scenes gossip of the ukulele world.

I could. A lot of material there, my friend.

Dolentoon, fake Hawaiian shirts don't even get me. Darn it. Oh, he won't. Can

borrow his dress?

Yes. Yes, you can.

But please, Wilder, be very, very careful.

Waves around, no eye rolling, no vodka fuzz, no DJ.

This is the 10th time you've seen this. You have to cry every time.

I feel so free.

I don't care if I hear from another boy ever again.

Hello?

Hiroshi?

I see.

It's Hiroshi Takahiro. He's super cute, super rich, and I've had a super...

Amanda, we made a deal.

Be strong.

Hiroshi, you're a really sweet guy, but I can't.

Sayonara.

That felt great!

I'm so proud of you. Now, go put it in an article and spread the word, sister

child.

People don't do that anymore, do they?

Not so much.

Hardly ever did.

Never should have.

Rebecca, check it out.

The three.

I'm sorry about that.

You know how you can make it up to me?

First, let me explain why I did it. I know it seems ridiculous now, but I

actually thought you were. Rebecca, I want you to be in my video.

I need someone special, and I think that person is you.

Yes, in your face, Noah, I was right.

I was right.

George wants me to be in his video, and that doesn't bother you?

Because if it does, I can tell George no.

Are you kidding?

With the money you make, you can buy me something.

Like I'm smart.

Just so you know, this is how a lot of guys lose their girlfriends.

Look. R, George just probably asked you because he thought you had the right

look, not because he wants to kill you away from me.

Now, if you don't mind, I'm kind of busy.

Breakdancing Panda, will you ever see two muse?

George, I'm in.

You did say it was a love song, right?

I can't believe Noah doesn't care that another guy hit on me. I mean, is he

completely clueless?

All boys are clueless.

Which is why I'm on a dating strike. Or, as you used to call it, life.

Is it wrong that I want Noah to get a little jealous?

To get all heated and fuck those two skinny little arms of his and growl,

off, bud, Rebecca's my girl.

Okay.

It may be wrong, but it's all part of being a girl. It is?

Every girl wants her boy to lose it once in a while so she can hug him and say,

you silly goo.

Feeling so jealousy or normal.

Then what if Noah... problem.

He's a boy.

Boy strike.

Are you still recruiting members?

As long as they're boys, we're recruiting.

Ukulele surgical instruments ready.

Glue.

Glue.

C -clamp. C -clamp.

Rinse. Rinse.

Ham and cheese on rye.

Ham and cheese on rye.

Mustard.

Yes! He's flatlining! We're losing him, Doctor!

Not on my watch.

Wait, it is my watch.

Just a reminder that it's time for me to take my nap.

Doctor Wilder, the patient is stable.

Nurse Davies, our work here is done.

You gotta love the craft service on this shoot.

I wish Wilder was here.

You dive in face first.

Will you stop stuffing your face with pretzels and tell me one thing? How do I

look? Like a cherub. Thank you. A really nervous sweaty cherub.

You're supposed to be supportive.

Thought I just was.

Looking good, Rebecca.

Thank you, George.

All right, places, everybody.

Places! The big dance scene?

It's up.

We're doing the big dance scene.

Where George and I dance.

Romantically.

I heard you.

Sorry, R, but nothing George does will make me jealous.

R.

Are you ready to do this, R?

Coming.

R?

Nobody calls Rebecca R except for me and people who are too lazy to say Rebecca.

Wait for it.

Action.

Hold me close one more time.

Hold me close because I'm dying on the

inside.

My butterfly.

Cut. I mean, cough.

Choking on a pretzel.

I was on my way out anyway.

Boys, I'm still tickled pink that the Buzz is doing a story on my ukulele.

does have his finger on the pulse of a teen's love.

My baby's back.

Great, we'll see you later.

We both love you. God, Zeus!

The D -string is slightly flat.

Now, the only way this could have happened is if the third fret suffered

sort of minor contusion.

I'll handle that.

Actually, sir, a flat D -string could also result from a large canine attack.

We broke your ukulele. We were roughhousing and accidentally broke it.

secretly repaired it and hoped you wouldn't notice.

I never felt more sorry in my life.

No one but these. I knew it.

Yes, I was saying.

A flat D -string could also result from a large canine attack.

It saddens me greatly, but you leave me with no choice but to kick you out of

the Uke Skywalker.

Oh, no, anything but that.

Look, while I'm on this whole honesty kick, I have to say, it's no punishment.

We hated playing the ukuleles. He's right. I'm done with lying. We just

to meet girls. And trust me, no girl's going to go for a guy playing that twig.

I now know what your punishment will be.

Oh, who's honey breaking now?

Dr. Fitzsimmons, my dentist. When I was into him, he was all, you got some

cavity, too much ice cream. Now that I'm not interested, he just asks if I'd

like to go get some ice cream.

Typical. Don't forget to add a sad face at the end of your text dump.

Not in a million years. Here's Buddy.

Security escorted Noah out of the building.

Are you ready to do that dance sequence?

Okay.

Okay, guys. Let's focus.

All right?

It's time to finish my masterpiece.

All right, let's cue music.

And... action.

Back off, bud. Rebecca's my girl.

Noah, what's wrong with you?

This guy was hitting on my girlfriend.

Yeah, this guy was hitting on his girlfriend.

Whoa. He thought I was hitting on your girl?

He thought I was hitting on you? If you weren't hitting on R, why'd you cast

her? I asked Rebecca because I figured she read about it in her column.

Never hurts to get the extra print.

I don't know which one of us would be more embarrassed.

Did you just plummet from the rafters? No.

Then we're going to have to go with me on this one.

I'm sorry you got the wrong impression.

Not as sorry as we are.

If I was interested in anyone, it would have to be you.

Let me say we go for a coffee afterward.

Really?

George wants to go for a coffee with me?

I'd love to.

No, I'm sorry.

I can't do it.

I made a very special girl a promise.

This has never happened to me before.

I'm going to my trailer to deal with this blow to my heart.

Hey, that's my next song.

Blow to my heart.

Bye, George.

Amanda, we're on a dating strike.

Yeah, that was until I met Phillip.

I'm George's younger, better -looking brother.

Would you strike?

It appears you do have a jealous side after all. I didn't think I was the

Believe me, I was starting to think the same thing.

It's just, when I heard George call you R, I lost it. I hope you don't mind

having a jealous boyfriend.

Come here, you silly goof.

Hey, what are you looking at? She's my girl, got that?

Um, Noah, tone down the jealousy just a bit. What?

Or at least save it for guys closer to your weight.

Hello. That

could

have been us, you know.

The tube club's holding auditions. What do you think? Let's go. Yeah.

Hey, man, is that a Kana Ayala?

Yeah. We should go on tour together.

All right.

I get my own dressing room, right?