Original subtitles

Dad, I know I said I'd go to the Kansas concert with you, but that was before I

knew it was on the same night as the Emerald Gala. There's a talent show and

Justin Morneau's playing the spoons.

Can't someone else go?

Uncle Henry, Auntie Emily, or that friend of yours who wears suspenders and

belt? I bet he'd love to sit on your shoulders and go, Woo!

Oh, dear.

Watching the time pass, can't wait to get out and hang out with my friends.

out what's new, don't question on who.

And if everyone's new, it's a whole new thing.

In the pages of my magazine.

The latest buzz, I wanna know what it is.

I'm sorry, Dad, but I'm not going to Kansas with you anymore.

Let me guess.

Couldn't find shoes to wear with that outfit?

No. I wrecked my shoes when I stepped into a big puddle of mud.

Sounds more like you stepped into a puddle of grump.

And what's with the desk?

The desk.

Oh, um, it was a gift from Alanis Morissette.

Alanis Morissette gave you furniture?

No, she built me furniture.

She's quite the craftsman.

Oh, wow.

You know how Amanda says that the right pair of shoes can change your mood and

take you to a new world? She's taking credit for that? I said it first.

I'm gonna need some new shoes to get over this.

Either way, I finally believe her.

I wouldn't touch those. Designer Ella Baum gave them to her. Like Amanda will

ever know.

Good thing Facial Lady hasn't put the cucumber slices on my eyes yet, because

see you.

So put down the shoes, my little lovely.

Well, not as lovely as me. Put them down!

That is one elaborate screen saver. I warned you.

I'll worry about that later.

Right now, I'm off to get a fizzert.

Fizzert? It's the drink with the fizz. If ever a fizz there was.

Double take.

My reflection is much richer in black glass.

Look, R, I can't keep this in any longer.

I think you're neat.

Neat? What are you, eight?

Go for the funny.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Noah. Noah who?

Know a boy you'd like to grow up with?

Why is it so hard?

Why feel so hard?

Um, doing the robot.

I'm going to end with it tonight.

Looks like it might need some oil.

Cool shoes.

These are my mood -changing take -you -to -another -world shoes.

That's a lot to put on shoes.

All I know is that when I put them on, I no longer felt guilty about going to

the MLGala instead of the Kansas concert with my dad.

I wasn't even born when they were first around.

Neither was I, but I still know that they're amazing.

They were a huge rock group back in your dad's day. You know, when he had hair.

Good one. You always know what to say.

Not always.

I gotta go.

A little help here?

What are you doing up there?

Looking for my brain.

Of course you are.

Not my brain, a pig's brain.

I borrowed it from science class to do my homework.

But I lost it.

I thought I'd get a better view from up here.

Now I'm stuck.

So, can you help me find my brain?

Sure. The best way to find something is to retrace your steps.

Eventually, you'll end up where it is.

I wish I thought of that.

Thanks.

Um, what are you doing?

Marking my trail.

I used to use crumbs, but I hate giving them up. They're the best part of food.

Clever, huh? Yep, the dome light is always on.

Why am I putting sticky notes on the floor again?

You lost your brain?

Right.

If music was the soundtrack of our lives, you would be the slow dance at my

prom.

Awkward, sweaty, and way too long. Even I wouldn't go out with me.

No!

Why'd you karate chop my sandwich?

Because there was a chance you were about to bite into a pig's brain.

Really? Because the package said pimento loaf.

Dude, talk to me.

Tonight I'm going to ask her if she wants to, you know, go out with me.

Tonight, I'm going to ask that coat check girl if I could, you know, try on

coat.

So you're going to do it?

Yes.

Rebecca's got the shoes, I got the suit.

She'll meet Justin more and I'll rock the talent show. The stars are aligned.

There's only one problem.

Justin will steal her heart with a spoon's rendition of Sk8er Boi?

Thanks for planning that in my head.

No, I can't figure out how to ask her.

The words are in my heart, I just can't find them.

You'll find them, trust me.

Really smart advice.

Dude,

no. Floor sandwich.

Right back to the brain.

Look at my face.

What a happy face it is.

Michael Davies name dropping.

Yes, this is Michael Davies. That's why I answered Michael Davies.

Hector's Furniture World?

Did I get the invoice for the desk?

Why am I repeating everything you say?

Um, I think you've got the wrong number.

Let me guess.

Alanis Morissette never built you that desk?

No, isn't that ironic?

You know that Buzz credit card we have in case of emergencies?

The one for cab fares or long -distance calls?

Or Rachel McAdams dry -cleaning bills after you spilled juice on her?

Don't we consider our one day stay on the most magnificent desk in the world

emergency?

Michael, do you know what's going to happen if DJ finds out? I'm not afraid

DJ. Nothing scares Michael Davies.

Michael, less talky -talky, more typey -typey.

Coward.

Here, Brainy, Brainy, Brainy.

Here, Brainy.

Sweet.

last place the pig brain was.

Let's see.

The pig was born, they slapped his bottom.

Too far back.

Doctor says, pig, things aren't looking too good.

Hears from the pig family during the will reading.

Pig lifts brain on organ donor card.

Pig comes to school, pig leaves school.

He asks me to throw out the recycling.

I put down the brain, pick up.

Don't recycle my brain!

Hasn't it suffered enough?

I need your help.

To figure out how to confess to DJ?

No, to figure out how to fool DJ.

Do you even know me?

Michael, you're not going to get away with this.

Any second now, Mr. Munch from accounting will bring the credit card

to approve.

They do that?

Yes, Mr. Munch! Ken, my wakeboarding buddy, what's going on?

Beans need counting, so I count beans.

Uh, Mr.

Munch, Ken, Kenny, before you gave that credit card bill to DJ, I was wondering

if you knew today was take your count into lunch day.

I know we missed lunch, but I thought you'd love a smoothie.

Who doesn't love a fruity smoothie?

My thoughts exactly.

A worthwhile expense, like many other things I could name.

Oh, I'll take that. Thanks, Ken.

So, uh, how about that fruity smoothie?

I never want to see you again.

Take your account to lunch day. My size three foot.

Somebody's in a wee bit of trouble.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. It was a teensy slip -up.

Did I mention I was sorry?

Hey, kid, it's no big deal.

Amanda should be here any second. I would take those shoes off if I were

Please. Once I explain to Amanda why I need her shoes, she'll be cool.

She's not a witch.

Though there are some similarities.

So, I was wearing my green clay facial and the spa had a blackout.

By the time the power came on, my mask had set so hard they couldn't get it

And BT'd up, first person to make a green with envy joke gets it.

Amanda, a joke like that would be insensitive.

I mean, it's not easy being green.

And you!

Get out of my shoes!

Amanda, you have a billion shoes.

But I want those ones!

They're mood -changing, take -you -to -another -world shoes.

And no, Michael, you got that from me!

If you're not out of those shoes by the time I get back, you will be sorry.

And your little friend, too.

found my courage. Yes! To trick DJ into letting me keep the desk. No!

It's my dad.

What should I do?

Don't answer it.

You don't want to miss the gala.

Something amazing might happen.

More amazing than a barking cell phone?

Hopefully.

See, Rebecca's dry -cleaning bill for spilling juice on Rachel McAdams.

Michael's receipt for... Hi, DJ.

Want a fizzer?

A fizzer? The drink with the fizz, if ever a fizz there was.

I am a sucker for a good slogan.

So, uh, what are you doing?

Oh, just plowing through these receipts. Here's your receipt. Wait. I need to

know what you think of my song for tonight's talent show. I'm rather busy,

Michael. I... Well, a tasker like you can do two things at once.

Otherwise, you're just... a tasker.

Ever heard anyone say...

Wow, what a great tasker.

It's all about the multi.

Make it fast.

I'm doing a song from Good Witch, Bad Witch, the musical.

What a surprise.

Ever since I was a young girl, I had no magic peers.

With the spells that take a human and give them dark years.

But I never seen anything like her in all my wicked years.

That popular Good Witch sure knows how to work her smoke and mirrors.

You know that I like a big finish. Buy your coffee. Why don't you sign those?

I'll take those downstairs.

You've been a great audience.

Thank you, and good night.

Roar!

Let me guess.

It went well?

Yeah. All I have to do now is give these invoices to Mr. Munch, and the desk is

all mine.

Ah, new desk.

How I love you so.

What do you think I should name her?

Let me guess.

You got in the fifth fight with a bale of hay.

I was dumpster diving looking for my brain.

Didn't find it.

But I did find this cool hat.

I wish I had a garbage hat.

This can't be.

What's wrong?

My guess, something no other person on the planet would care about.

My reflection.

No longer smiling back at me.

Realizing he was right, Noah left the room.

Michael, you've lost your smile because you feel guilty about the way you got

the desk.

No, that can't be it. I just need a different glass cleaner. One with new

improved smile -finding ingredients.

Maybe a hint of lemon.

Michael, I hadn't finished that.

It's always about you, isn't it, Rebecca?

Hello? Hello, is anyone in here?

I see you're still wearing my shoes.

And I see you're still green.

I've tried every cream, lotion, and harm remedy.

Fever is really overrated.

This is the worst day of my life.

You know what your problem is? I'm green and you're wearing my shoe?

No. You only think about yourself.

You're not the only one who's having a bad day today.

Maybe if you thought about somebody else for one second, your problems would go

away. Troubles don't melt like bonbons in your world, but in mine they linger

like last year's fashion on a clearance rack.

Now, I spilled a jar of facial scrub in the bathroom and I have to clean it up.

Maybe while you're in there, you can take a look in the mirror and you'll see

you have things pretty good.

Trust me.

The only way you're going to see your smile on that desk is if you find the

courage to tell DJ the right thing.

But I don't have any courage.

Yes, you do.

You have it when you break through a mob of people to get an interview with a

star. You have it when you wear something nobody else would because you

looks amazing.

And you had it when you stuck up for me in the first grade when I got teased.

And you're going to thank me for that by telling DJ about the death of me?

Can I have a hug in case I don't come back alive?

you go out with me?

That's the line right there.

Good news.

You found your pig's brain? No, I found photocopies of my pig's brain.

Why did you make photocopies of your pig's brain? So if he gets lost, I can

reward posters.

Good idea, huh? Pretty much a no -brainer.

Here's another good idea.

Get this over with.

Ask Rebecca before you go to the gala. The tension is too much to bear.

Anything else, Einstein?

Yes.

Now that you know what's in your heart, make sure you know what's in hers.

And if you find my brain, you'll have a kajillion dollars to spend on your first

date.

I'm a guest.

You want to sing your encore?

No. Well, yes, but there's more.

Remember how I told you Alanis Morissette built my desk?

It is hard to forget the image of Alanis with a welding iron.

I lied. I bought the desk with the bus credit card at Hectic Hectors. Then I

dazzled you with my routine and got you to sign the receipt in a cloud of smoke.

I'm sorry, DJ. I really am.

I know.

I was just waiting for you to do the right thing.

Here's what's going to happen. First off, you're going to return the desk.

After tonight, you're grounded. For the next week, no more galas, no more movie

openings, and no more award shows.

And you're going to apologize to Hector Kector and Ken Munch.

That's it?

Wow.

It's great having the courage to be honest.

I should be honest all the time.

DJ, I ate your yogurt yesterday.

I wasn't sick last week. I was at the movies.

I think when you wear chunky jewelry, you look like one of those ladies at my

mom's book club.

Of course, there's a lot to say about being nobly silent.

There certainly is.

Given up?

No. I've run out of yellow sticky.

How did someone lose a pig's brick?

Besides the pig. That story I know.

How can I be so empty -headed?

You're a lot smarter than you think, Wilder.

Once you believe that, you'll figure out exactly where you left that brain.

Where are the shoes?

I hope they make you the most beautiful girl at the Emerald Gala.

Wow.

What happened?

I looked in the mirror and underneath all the screen I saw someone who was

pretty lucky.

And pretty hot.

I figured it was my turn to help somebody else out.

Thank you so much.

Look what it gets me. Wicked. It totally looks like your face is melting.

The fizzer got the green off.

A fizzer? It's the drink with the fizz, if ever a fizzer was.

I'm going to the Emerald Gala not as some green -faced freak.

Poor Rebecca. You can keep the shoes, but you're no longer going to be the

beautiful girl there.

So?

I have to return Betsy.

I finally just named her.

Hey, Wilder?

You help me set her up. Can you help me take her down? No problemo.

Wait, I helped you set it up.

Check in the bottom left -hand drawer, but do it really carefully.

Oh, dang!

Wilder, my desk smells like science class.

You were right, Rebecca.

My brain helped me find my brain.

Oh, little oinker, let's get you washed up. You've had a big day.

Yes, pal.

Do you know what it's going to cost me to replace that drawer?

I thought you said doing the right thing would make me feel better. I didn't say

it'd be cheap.

Thank you, thank

you. You being awesome makes me feel awesome.

There's something I wanted to ask you.

Before you do, I want to thank you.

For what?

I had a lot going on today.

Everyone wanted my help.

Wilder with his brain, Michael with his courage, Amanda with her witch face, and

my dad with Kansas.

You were the only one who gave me my space.

Who didn't need something?

No big deal.

Hmm.

What?

For the first time today, when I look at my shoes, they aren't my mood -changing

take -you -to -another -world shoes.

So, what do you want to ask me?

I wanted to ask you if... If you would...

Why do you think Kansas means so much to your dad?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. My dad didn't even like rock music.

My mom did, but...

Chances isn't my dad's favorite band.

They were my mom's.

Go home, Mar.

Go home.

Go home.

Yeah.

There's no place like it.

I knew that under your sarcastic joke, they were the hardest, biggest bit could

be.

Hey,

Dad. You're downstairs?

I'm on my way.

It'll happen, dude.

Maybe.

But for now, it's just a dream.

But look around. It's buzzed. This is where any dream you could possibly dream

actually can come true.

Guys,

look!

Awestruck.