Original subtitles

Come on, guys. DJ said we can't be late.

That's because we left an hour early yesterday.

That's because I set the clocks ahead an hour.

It's the closest I'll ever get to time travel.

Thanks for that glimpse into the future, but I want to get up there. I'm excited

to see the response to my flirting quiz. I'd be more anxious.

What's your flirting IQ? Come on, Rebecca. Everyone knows I'm the flirting

expert.

There she is.

Everybody, hold up one at a time.

Future Noah should have warned me about that.

Michael, throw me that pen.

Did you see that? Did you see that? No. Did something happen while I was

watching you not catch that pen?

Hey, DJ, toss me that CD.

What's with the acrobatics, guys? I'm working on my article. This week in gym

class, we're playing extreme dodgeball.

Oh, no.

They added the word extreme?

You don't like dodgeball, Michael?

We've had a few differences.

It's like no matter how hard I try to run from it, it keeps following me

My article will be about my experiences in the tournament.

A base of action. A champion, sorry.

Don't you think that's a little bit presumptuous?

Not really. My family's never lost a match. Going back to when my grandfather

played.

Dodgeball is our legacy.

What about your great -grandfather?

The game didn't exist yet, but I once saw him in a newsreel dodge a tomato.

I'll help you with your article.

Don't do it!

There's some things you just don't do around with.

Okay,

journos, we have to get moving here. Somehow we lost an hour yesterday.

I thought I heard a rip in the space -time continuum.

First off, the last issue was fantastic.

We haven't had a response like that since our Alanis Morissette arts and

issue. I'm sure my article on this season's stock height moved a few

Yes. I'm finally glad to see that we're back at mid -calf. I'm not as glad as I

am.

But what got the most response was, Rebecca, what's your flirting IQ?

Really? Really?

It's now from Act and Write. Dear Rebecca, I took your quiz and two hours

I had a date.

Zoe from Roseville says, thanks. Your quiz showed me I was too flirty.

Some of these have to be for me.

Here we go.

Vanessa from Japan says, Amanda's sock article was informative, but the

article was life -changing.

Huh, there's a photo.

It's probably Vanessa and her new boyfriend.

The socks are with Cass.

Someday I hope to find a love like that.

Or sock.

So Amanda, have you taken Rebecca's test yet?

Please, I don't need to take some tests to know that I'm already a wonder flirt.

Wonder flirt? I was particularly challenged.

On that note, let's get back to typey -typey.

What are you doing?

I'm building up an arsenal of dodgeable weapons.

Pick something up and throw it at me.

I'd always hoped you'd say that. That's why they call me a dream maker.

Listen, I don't want to embarrass you in front of everyone, but I know you're

the gorilla.

I'm the what?

I know you're the gorilla who stole my smoothie.

Dude, I do this too.

All you have to do is really think of all the words you're going to say before

you fire them out of your head.

Are you trying to tell me it wasn't you? We all love the clock thing, but this

gorilla prank's going nowhere.

Nice try. Where's my sandwich?

The gorilla.

Dude, when you lie, you disrespect me, yourself, and the imaginary gorilla.

I called that one the warning shot.

That's awfully friendly of you.

You want to know what's more friendly?

Not throwing anything at me.

Dude, can't be done. My heart says, let him off easy. But my arm says, let's

pulverize the guy.

In case you're wondering, my stomach says, I want a burrito.

I'm not saying let me win. Just, please, do not make me suffer.

Let me put it to you this way.

You become friends with a big movie star. You find some hot gossip on him.

Do you let him off?

Maybe.

Who am I kidding?

I'm just salivating thinking about it.

Wild man, you ready to make some dodgeball -sized bruises? Because

escape from the double rocket launcher.

Not worried. I've taken on the ambidextro before.

You can look forward to my new ninja.

Delph attack.

This is going to be you.

What happened?

Where did that come from?

Um, if anyone wants me, I'll be making an appointment at the nurse's office.

Oh, hey, Rebecca.

Great quiz. I took it, and I now know for sure that the lunch lady has a crush

on me.

Wait a second.

I don't know what's more troubling, you taking my quiz or the lunch lady's

crushing on you.

It's pretty much a dead heat.

So, what question picked you off?

about this whole crushing thing. Oh, definitely question number 27.

Would you like to run your fingers through their hair?

Mr. Shepherd, the lunch lady wears a hairnet.

FYI, that was question number 25.

27 was, has anyone ever made a special meal for you? Yeah, those extra scoops

mashed potatoes were no coincidence.

Wait a second.

How do you know what question 27 was if you didn't take my quiz? You didn't take

her quiz?

Everyone's taking her quiz.

My rating was a cool cucumber.

You took my quiz?

No, I didn't. I just accidentally heard some kids talking about it. Let me see

that.

Oh, dear.

You're a flirting sloth.

I know.

There goes my flirting scholarship.

Dodge as you might, I will put out your light!

It doesn't mean anything.

Everything in that quiz is fully backed by the scientific community.

Please, what do scientists know about flirting?

Watch how it works in the real world.

Nothing? That was my hello, howdy, here flip.

It never fails.

Hey, cutie, great shoes.

Really? Because yesterday you told me they'd be perfect for clown college.

Oh, yeah, they would.

Girls, do you see a gorilla run by? He's about yay high, furry, and black.

I've got news for you. If a gorilla did come by, he'd still be here, trying to

get a date with me.

Someone's delusional.

Anyway, if you'll excuse me, I have to catch a gorilla.

a big lie?

OMG. Am I just a pity fart?

Of course not. If any of them pitied you, they'd still be here.

The rocket's loaded.

Ready to fire!

Ninja!

Never saw a coming another championship for the wild man somebody call my

grandfather not so fast they're still davies all

right where do you want it davies well that depends on what you mean by it

you remember the warning shot don't you can i have a timeout just give it a toss

i've still got a couple moves left for the crowd

I won?

I won!

How

could you

betray me?

You know, these belt buckles are out this season unless they're championship

buckles. Which never go out of style.

I've brought shame to my family.

You could lie and say you won?

Oh, but then you'd have two things to be ashamed of.

Can you pass me that polish?

I've never seen a ball travel so slow in my entire life.

How did it even stay in the air?

This is complicated.

I'm trying to figure out who's the best at dodgeball.

But wait, that's not complicated at all.

It says right here, champion.

We have to have a rematch, Michael. My family's rep is on the line.

If dodgeball is what your family's clinging to, I'd say their reputation

going anywhere.

A true champion defends the title.

No, a true champion retires on the top of his game and gets a sneaker named

after him.

We'll settle this later. I gotta get out of here.

Hey, Steve -O, go.

Uh, actually, I was waiting for Michael.

We're going to head over to the gym to show off his belt.

Big winners on board?

Yep. First floor, please.

You're to the ground. No Jackson.

Don't use that tone with me, you monkey's uncle.

you dj i'm not seeing things dj's the gorilla if you're trying to butter me up

for an extension you're going about it all wrong wait if you're here

there was a gorilla just here noah i don't have time for your

childish pranks or magic gorillas there's an elephant where you're so much

fun when you're gullible

Rebecca, can we talk?

Sure.

Well, uh, you see, this is hard.

It hurts me to say this, but I need your help.

I'm sorry, but it sounded like you were asking for my help. I am.

Flirting has always been my thing.

Flirting, shopping, sailing, country clubbing, and judging others.

The five cornerstones of society.

Now I can't even tell what I'm doing wrong.

Are you saying I might know something about flirting?

You don't? How's that?

Well, okay, yes.

Yes?

Sorry. Let's make sure we have the basics covered.

Clean teeth?

Check. Nice smile?

Check. Interested in other people?

Who?

Uh -oh. Well, let's use your strengths. Your great smile.

I just wanted to say your pants look really great.

Are you kidding?

Her pants are secondhand. I wouldn't even let my clothes be imported on

secondhand plates.

Not so good.

Maybe you should try talking about your home life. I usually play the Baba card.

It's always a sure laugh.

I like making people laugh.

No, wait. I like laughing at people.

We've got a lot of work to do.

So, uh, you guys want to watch the game tonight?

Do I? I've been waiting for the Celebrity Garden showdown for weeks.

Yeah, right, man.

Too funny.

This guy.

Pure jokes.

Hey, boys, what did you guys do tonight?

Hard to say.

We were just about to take off.

Huh. I guess just two of us.

Sorry. Promised the guys some roughhousing lessons.

So, uh, basketball dunk slams. Love those, huh?

This guy.

Too funny.

Yeah, he's a laugh riot.

If it works for Rebecca, it'll work for me.

Steve -O, wait up. I was going to tell you the funniest story.

I was watching a movie with Baba.

What's a Baba?

Uh, Rebecca's grandma.

You watched a movie with a random old lady.

Hey, Rebecca's grandma. I meant I was watching a movie with, um, Baba Ganoush.

Yeah, I, uh, got a...

Be somewhere.

I start paying attention to Rebecca's stories.

Good.

Surprised you're not on the sitar circuit.

Well, you'd be surprised how few bands are looking for a backup sitar player

these days.

What's up?

Big sigh.

Being champ isn't easy.

Champion of what?

Dodgeball. I beat Wilder and all the sporty guys want to hang out with me.

don't want to hang out with them and they won't stop talking about sports.

Maybe they'll even want me to play sports.

What are the odds?

Should have accepted the rematch with Wilder. Well, maybe the rematch is your

way out of this whole problem.

But then I'd have to play dodgeball again.

But if you lose, the jocks will disappear.

Just accept the rematch.

Wilder will probably win.

Probably nothing.

When Michael Davies sets out to fail, he cannot be stopped. The rematch is on.

No, Michael beat you at one thing. You've got to learn to let things go.

Stop monkeying around!

I just don't get it.

Your flirting is failing because your heart isn't in it. You need to flirt

someone you actually like.

You're not going anywhere!

You're not a gorilla.

And that's so sweet of you to say.

And you're not a donkey.

I just chased a gorilla all the way from the gym.

Oh, yeah, the gym.

The dodgeball showdown is about to start.

Does no one care about the gorilla?

It's time for the wild man to...

for the wild man to improve his aim.

The perfect opportunity.

Look at all these boys.

There must be at least one guy you kind of like.

you didn't see a gorilla like a monkey but bigger ring a bell at all

got

you monkey boy it was me and dj's office in the gorilla suit it was me in the

kitchen and the gorilla suit and it was me at the blurb it was all of you guys

are you kidding me like i would wear something everyone else sweat in

Let's grab some smoothies.

Hey, when's my rematch, Michael?

Uh, you can just have the belt. It doesn't really go with my tie

Thanks, dude.

Now I can go to the family reunion with my head held high.

Wait, what about the gym?

Who's the gorilla in the gym?

That'll teach you to mess with my clock.