Original subtitles

You told your mom you have DJ's office.

What happens once you get here?

Obviously, I have a cunning plan.

Does it involve kidnapping?

Possibly.

Take your parents to work day finally here, journal.

Coconut. My dad hates coconut.

OMG!

They're on the second floor. My mom's probably handing out mints.

And now they're on the third, staring awkwardly at the numbers.

Elevator play -by -play.

Fascinating. Guys, please, grow up.

This open house is my chance to show my dad that I'm not a little girl anymore.

Sweetie! Daddy, daddy, you're here! Look what I wrote!

That's my little girl.

Watching the time pass and wait to get out and hang out with my friends. Find

out what's new, who's pressing on who.

And if everyone's new, it's a whole new thing.

And the pages are...

Hi, Daddy. It's me, your daughter. You know, the one whose open house you're

supposed to be at?

Dude.

Dad!

It's like I'm inside a giant pinball machine.

No way. That's what I said.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

So, this cunning plan to fool your mom. Who's gullible enough to help you with

that? Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

You were saying?

know who this girl is but you know whose face should be on the cover of buzz

yours that's all be on the cover next month maybe every month

oh

that's the piece i did on the

school spirit squad give me a b give me an e give me a cca yeah

Who are these clowns? Rave Blubber.

Their album just went platinum.

You'd think they could afford shirts.

Those are shirts, Dad.

See, that's why you're the one getting the award for excellence in music

journalism, and not me.

It's no big deal. Sure it is. You know, your sister wanted to come see you get

your award, but she's too nervous about her dance recital tonight.

She's six.

She is the lead duckling.

Daddy?

Oh, hello, Daddy's assistant.

He's chairing a meeting for Happy Trails Bunny Farm?

But he doesn't even own that.

Ah, hostile takeover.

Aw, Zrock.

Wilder. And Big Wilder.

Hey, little Davies, what's surfing your turf?

Um, I have no idea what that means, but anyway, offense at this role -playing

game.

Call the Wilders. That's our name!

DJ's office is a portal to an evil warlock's lair. The only way to break

spell is to replace her items with the curse -proof things in this box.

Game on!

My article on first dates got the most letters in Teen Buzz history. See?

Oh, wait.

Are these business cards?

25 years in the construction business. Never once had a business card.

Anyway. My article on... What are you doing?

I love these wheelie chairs.

Hey, do you race each other during coffee breaks?

Dad, seriously, I don't think... You have something behind your ear. What

could it be?

Oh, my goodness!

Oh, Master Magician Don Harper up to his tricks again. Thank you, Felicia.

Hold still.

Oh, my gosh!

Do the silk vanish trick, John?

I couldn't possibly.

Oh, well, if you insist.

Watch carefully. Quiet, please.

And one, two, three.

Well,

I think we're done looking at my articles and stuff.

I'll be performing in the boardroom all this week. And don't forget to check out

my website.

Your dad's a busy man.

But he promised me in front of my pony that he'd be here.

That's so sweet.

And odd.

I hope he gets here soon.

I knew it. He never lied to me in front of Little Biscuit.

Guess who?

That mom.

That mom.

of its curse.

It's the call of the wilders.

What do we do now?

Maybe we should open the box.

Yeah.

Number one is complete. We are in it to win it. It's time to party.

Everyone,

I'd like to propose a toast.

A little wry humor.

A toast to DJ and her staff.

And to thank them for hosting us this afternoon.

Rebecca and I will be performing our trademarked Harper family, Yes We Can

-can.

No, no, no, no, no.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

This is a little jig that I used to do with Rue and her mom.

But you'll just have to settle for the two of us today.

You ready?

A one, a two, a one, two, three, four.

Listen,

this is taking a little bit longer than I thought. My car's parked out front.

Can you go put money in the meter?

What? Why don't you ask Mr. Harper to pull a quarter out of your ear?

Here you go.

DJ, can I have a few words with you in private?

Sure. Follow me to my office.

Level one is complete. The curse is removed.

And I found some loose change behind the filing cabinet.

Great, that'll go to me.

Can we get by, Michael? Of course. I was just on my way down to the blurb. Some

kind of hubbub.

Ryan Reynolds with his shirt off.

That sounds like a job for an editor.

Gamers, what was your time?

Dude, we totally forgot to time ourselves.

Get in there, put everything back the way it was, and do it again.

Let's go.

Daddy,

couldn't you take over the bunny farm tomorrow?

Yes, I'm being nice to stepmom.

Okay, no, I'm not. But that's because she's not you.

TTYL.

I love your desk. It looks just like a real journalist's desk. It is a real

journalist's desk. Of course.

Oops.

Sorry.

So, your magazine certainly covers fashion better than Entertainment Wow.

Ice Fishing Monthly covers fashion better than Entertainment Wow.

I'm going to go get a snack.

BRB.

BRB.

Be right back. I get it!

The guy had his shirt off, but trust me, that was not Ryan Reynolds.

So, what did you want to chat about?

I just wanted to thank you for today, before I duck out.

You can't leave now. We haven't had the group photo yet.

We haven't even given Noah his award.

I know, but this is taking longer than I thought. And Noah's little sister has a

dance recital. I was hoping that you could read the speech I wrote for Noah.

Oh, really?

Hey, why so glum, chum?

Somebody needs some flowers.

Ta -da!

Somebody's having a bad day.

This area's called the bullpen. It's a sports term.

Bull fighting, I think.

Oh, this is great, Michael, but when do I get to see your office?

Right, my office.

Cool, Dad.

Can you do that with broccoli? Are you kidding?

I learned on broccoli.

Now, of course, Mr. Harper will have to sing karaoke solo, but... The shindig

has karaoke.

No way is Don Harper singing without me.

Down the hall and to your right.

Wilders, I saw a level two score. Two words.

Try again.

Dude! There's no time to spare. Get in there. Banish the curse. Get out. Go on.

There's the award -winning rock and roll reviewer.

So, why don't you tell me about your next article?

Sure. It's called My Dad Thinks Everything My Siblings Do Is More

Everything I Do.

I doubt that'll fit on the cover.

Noah, come on.

Carly's the youngest.

You're old enough to understand.

I guess.

Great. Well, I've got... Fifteen minutes?

How about giving your old man a tour, huh?

Come on.

Well, this is the kitchen.

I heard you and Rebecca's dad singing your hearts out.

Singing? That's a judgment call.

Don's a deer, but he has a voice like a frog.

Well, at last, I get to see your office. Right this way, Mother.

This is where the magic happens.

Do you need to get that? No, no, this is a party. I'll let Voiceman get it. What

if it's important?

Is there anything more important than my mother?

Oh, my Michael!

Dude!

Step away from my office.

I hear Mr. Harper's giving out helicopter rides.

This game has some serious flaws.

Thank goodness I'm way too old for that.

Fiddlesticks, Michael. You're never too old for a helicopter, right?

Come on.

Up, up, and away.

Careful, Dawn. He has delicate bones.

Coming.

Darling, Jeffrey's here.

Yes, the parents' open house is going well.

How are my parents doing? How much time do you have?

I mean, does my dad have to wear his pants hiked up to his armpit?

You tell me if I have something in my teeth, right?

Fizzler? You see anything?

You just don't get it.

Don't get what?

Hey, if there's something funnier than salary, I need to know about it.

You gush over business cards and wheelie chairs?

You hang food out of your mouth and give my friends helicopter rides? People

love my helicopter rides.

This day was about me.

I wish Mom were here.

No, it's fine.

Hey, come and put a smile on your face.

This is the coffee area where all the magic happens. Oh, look, there's my

on Bono. He's the lead singer of the Irish rock band U2. He's the youngest

child, probably why he made it. I mean, if he was the middle child, the band

would probably be called Not U2.

Amanda, I know I'm not your first choice for today's visit.

Or your seventh, by the way you're acting.

Your dad really wanted to be here, but he couldn't.

I know.

He's busy.

He's a busy guy.

Busy, busy, busy daddy.

I know how you feel. That busy daddy of yours forgot our anniversary last month.

He did?

Luckily, I know some great remedies for the blues.

A morning at the spa.

An afternoon at the spa.

Oh, and LOL at Celebrity Fashion Disasters while at the spa.

But those are all my ideas. You read my column?

Every one of them.

Amanda, I'm not your dad, but I'm a fan.

I think you're great.

You do?

I do.

I was really nervous about coming here today, but I'm happy I did.

I am too.

It's hard to air kiss like real mothers and daughters.

Aww.

Ooh, another crab puff, Mom? Darling, enough with the games and snacks.

I want my office tour.

Um, okay, uh... Oh,

hon, it's like the room's been sprinkled with...

Best achievement in shameless gossip.

I think I punished you for gossiping. Shame on me.

Gasp! The phone!

Why does DJ get so many calls?

Michael, you better get that.

If you don't answer it, it makes him want you more. It's probably just

Kiefer Sutherland? I love him!

Michael Davey's office? Hi, Kiefer.

You're not Kiefer.

DJ? Why do you want DJ?

I see.

My mistake. I'll tell her you called.

Michael? Theodore Davies. Mom, I can explain. I didn't guess.

What are you doing in there?

I filed myself under W. Where else would I be?

It's cool, Mrs. D.

It's just part of the game.

You'll be happy to know I'm winning.

What on earth?

I wanted you to think that I had my own office and I was everybody's boss, so I

tricked these guys into making DJ's office look like it was mine.

Actually, we kind of had a feeling.

I manipulated, I lied, I bamboozled.

Just so you'd be impressed with me.

Manipulated, lied, and bamboozled? Oh, Michael, only a great son would do

something so silly to impress his mom.

You deserve your own office.

I think this means we won. Yeah.

Oh. Sorry.

I was just on my way out. I needed an ice pack. I pulled my shoulder during

helicopter.

No.

I'm going to... Be sorry.

You're not the one who put my shoulder out. It was Big Wilder.

For a skinny guy, he weighs a ton.

No.

I shouldn't have snapped at you.

It just felt like you were joking around the whole time.

Rue.

I do goofy things because I'm no good with the formal stuff.

That was your mom's job.

When I kid around or...

twirl on your chair, do the yes we can, can, can.

It's my way of saying...

You love me?

Yeah.

I miss Mom.

I do too.

Every day.

You know, I see a lot of her in you.

Your smile, the way you work so hard.

I'm very, very proud of you.

Thank you, Dad.

And your adorable clumsiness?

That's all mine.

All the computers are hooked up to the internet. Bill Gates is big into that

whole idea. He is a firstborn, you know.

Gather around, everybody.

It's time for the cake.

Well, I better go.

Ducks in tutus await me.

Actually, you're not going anywhere.

Okay, very funny, Noah. Now give him back.

Come on, I've got to go.

If I get stuck in the back, all I'll see is other parents' heads.

We got other parents' heads here, too.

You know how your sister gets when she doesn't get her way.

Yeah, she acts like a brat.

I'm tippy -toed.

Now that's a role -playing game.

Dad,

are you okay?

I don't care.

Why do I fall for that every single time? Look out!

That takes the cake.

It had to be coconut.

I hate coconut.

Well, um, I'm not really sure what to say at a time like this.

So I'd like to make a speech.

About my middle child.

Hawthorne!

Good speech, Dad.

Did I see you tear up?

No, that was, um, coconut.

You're not really going to be on the cover of Buzz next month, are you?

No, but I am the answer to 14 out on the crossword puzzle.

And that's even better.

Pierce girls say something else that makes us smile.

Shopping sprees.

My dad and I can say the word cheese without even smiling.

Cheese.

I promise I'll be dignified for the picture, honey. I know you will.

Okay, guys, here we go.