Original subtitles

Well? Very well, thanks. And you?

I meant, well, how do I look?

Like a real estate agent.

No, I look professional.

And you, you look like Noah.

Great. This Noah costume's worth every penny.

Noah, this is huge.

City Rhythm's doing a story on young media minds shot by a professional

photographer. Hence the new professional attire and new professional handshake.

DJ, is this the handshake of a serious reporter who wants to be taken

No, that's the handshake of a circus strongman who needs to relax.

Aw, don't mind Hercules. She thinks this photo shoot's a big deal.

Well, I got news for you, kiddo. It's a huge deal.

This is a great chance for our readers to meet the faces behind Team Buzz.

Bob has cleared a wall of space for this.

I'm replacing the picture of Uncle Nelson's third place finish at a hot dog

eating contest. I mean, can you imagine eating 23 hot dogs and coming in third?

Okay, Rebecca, you need to calm down.

And Noah, you need to calm up.

But most importantly, guys, just be yourselves.

If this is a professional shoot, why do I have to bring my own makeup bag?

Which guy's the superstar?

Old school beau or modern neck?

Check out this stunt I'm dropping for the...

be ourselves are you sure about that

know who this is?

Yep, it's Chantal, the model with the haunting eyes who took Berlin by storm.

No, it's Sharbot Gula. Of course, Sharbot Gula.

She models at a Paris.

Afghanistan, actually, and she's not a model.

I knew that.

She is an Afghani girl who was made famous by a photographer in the 80s.

example of how a magazine cover can become the story. Like Alfred E. Newman.

I got the magazine.

And you guys made the cover. What?

She said, I got the magazines and you guys made the cover. Then she apologized

for bursting in and disrupting my class.

I'm sorry. I just couldn't wait to tell you.

Oh. Congrats, guys. City Rhythm. That's a very prestigious publication.

At least it was before we were on the cover.

Dude, we're not on the cover. You are.

Whatever. Wait.

You guys are all on the cover. See?

I do look like a real estate. agent.

Who cares? We're on the underflap.

OMG. The underflap? That is a total flap in the face.

My face has a crack in it.

So many crack cracks.

So little time.

Later, Mr. F.

Bye, Mr. Shepard.

Oh, uh, Rebecca, before you head off, I wanted to give you back your essay on

student cheating.

Thanks, Mr. Shepard, for the... Hey, why is this A shaped like a B?

Because it is a B. Score!

The Baxter got a B.

Save your high -five, Wilder.

A B's the worst mark I've ever gotten.

You're lucky it's not a C. That's what the online users rated it. A C? That's

the best grade I ever got.

A C?

That's an outrage!

Wait, somebody posted my paper online?

I don't know who, but I do know that your work's been plagiarized. Somebody

plagiarized your paper?

Awesome.

To plagiarize means to copy.

Let me know when you want a high five. I'll be standing right here.

I need you to tell me what's going on, and I need to find out how my paper got

online, and I need to stop poking you. Now!

Okay, easy there, Rebecca. I used that essay cheating program you talked about

in your paper just for fun. That's what you do for fun?

Don't judge me.

All I know is Rebecca's work is online.

This is horrible.

I know. Who wants to have subpar work posted online?

But that's not the issue here.

No, the issue is I'm going to bust that paper thief. And when I do, we'll

discuss bumping up my grade.

Talk about your granny fingers.

I know.

I have been grooming my entire life to be on a magazine cover.

And they choose Noah?

She doesn't even tuck in his shirt.

We'll get some press, too. I mean, some of the biggest stars have been

underflap. Leonardo was underflap to 1991.

Things turned out well for him.

Can you hook me up with an autograph?

Sure.

Hmm. May every wish come true on your stardust walk to celebrity paradise.

Nice. Who should I make that out to? Uh, no.

I meant your friend Noah.

Well, I'm on the cover, too. See?

Your face has a crack in it.

If it isn't my undercover brother and sister.

Too soon?

LOL. Somebody wants your autograph.

Come on.

You don't really want my autograph.

Besides, don't even have a pen.

Yoink.

Can I have a picture, too?

Well, I wouldn't want to let down my fan.

You wouldn't mind, would you, Michael?

Why would I mind?

It's not like I haven't been humiliated enough for one day.

Let me give you my cover boy smile.

Still too soon?

Hello, you've reached Diane Jeffries, senior editor at Teen Buzz.

Senior editor?

Does that make me sound too old?

Let's try that again.

Hi, this is DJ. I can't...

That snake regurgitating a hippo on GleeTube?

No. Someone cheating using my essay on cheating.

It's an outrage.

And ironic.

That's great, Rebecca.

How is that great, DJ?

Now my paper is out there for anyone with a credit card to steal.

It's great because now you have your next in so many words column.

Plagiarism is huge for students. Get to the bottom of this. I'm already at the

bottom of this. I'm a victim of a victimless crime.

Well, don't tell me. Tell our readers.

Now. I have a voicemail message I have to record.

Good luck.

Owen, don't rap.

That would be so lame.

Rap? What makes you think I would rap?

So,

my fellow underflappers, can I buy you a smoothie?

No, thanks.

Something about seeing Noah's face is making me sick.

And I'm tired of being called a fawn.

What's a fawn? F -O -N.

Friend. Of Noah?

Come on, Amanda. Stick to local magazine. No biggie. Okay, people.

Look, I am happy to sign your magazine covers, but not your body parts. So keep

the shirt on, Travis.

That's it for now. Later, guys. Remember your spot in line.

Hey, Fonz.

This day was out of control.

I'd love to tell you all about it, but I have this thing with some people at the

place.

Some Fonz we are.

I am very interested.

I will meet you at Locker 243 in half an hour.

Cool, but wouldn't it be better if we talked right here?

Not you.

I'm arranging a meeting with the guy who I think posted my essay online.

Of course, Locker 243.

Bye, Central. His name is Big Ben. I'm meeting him right now.

Not without Super Agent Wilder, your scrappy but lovable sidekick.

Hey, guys.

Great news.

You know who stole my essay?

Scientists invented pizza on a stick?

No. Weird.

I finally recorded my voicemail message.

Hi, this is DJ.

I'm unavailable to take your call, so please leave a message after the beep.

That's great, DJ. I know, right? Yeah. You know that beep you mentioned?

Really more of a tone.

This is a beep.

Beep. And this is a tone.

Beep.

Beep.

It's ridiculous.

So what about the cover? Look how cute my outfit is.

Yeah, it's more of an underflap dress.

Come on, Michael.

You really think it's so much better being famous?

Being famous rules.

Some dude bought me a BLT and a girl bought me this wheatgrass toy thingy. Of

course, it's not all great.

A girl bought me this wheatgrass toy thingy.

Who, who, and who again?

Did you mention my name at Blurb?

You get a buck off a Noah.

They named a smoothie after me.

What's in it? A lot of hot air?

Yeah, and I bet after you drink it, you're really full.

Of yourself.

No, you're never gonna guess who called.

Never's a long time. How many guesses do I get?

Save your quit wit for your TV interview with... Info PM! I know it's not your

thing, I know, but if you just... That was the old Noah.

Now... I realize how important it is to reach out to my fans.

That's great. I'm going to go get the detail.

You're going to be on TV?

I don't believe that.

Don't worry. If anybody has a TV with an underflat, they'll see you too.

What are you doing?

It may be the only way people will recognize me.

undercover at locker 243.

The empty hallways reek of stale bologna and forgotten... What?

That's your undercover costume?

All I had was Halloween stuff. It was either this or mermaids.

And that would be ridiculous.

Now, remember, Big Ben thinks that we're looking to buy an essay, so be cool.

Or as cool as you can in a cat costume.

A Persian cat.

Look, don't worry if you're going to get stuffed, because the wild man is

trained in several of the martial arts.

Yeah!

At least the video clip.

Wilder, look!

It's Big Ben!

No, that's ginormous, Ben.

Relax, we can handle him.

Not without my game controller.

We better run. Wilder, wait!

You're Big Ben? And you're dressed like a cat.

Persian cats.

Never mind that. So you're the kid who steals papers.

Shh.

I don't steal. I provide a public service.

What do you need? I got a science paper on Banning and Beth.

Guaranteed it. Got a book report on Never Cry Wolf, Navarro Arrow. We're

interested in a media studies paper on student cheaters.

Yeah, I got something.

But it's only a C.

That's the online rating. In class, it's a B.

That's generous.

All right. We want to know how you got your many minutes on my essay, so start

talking now. Okay, okay.

Calm down.

I'm just the middleman. The guy you really want is Cheater Man.

Hey, look, it's Martin Short.

Diane Jeffries is not available to take your call.

Hey, what are you doing?

Look, with all due respect, you might as well just say, Hi, I'm Diane Jeffries,

and I don't care if I ever hear from you again.

TJ, people want to know who they're calling.

Don't you want to show some personality?

I just want to tell people to leave a message after the tone.

It's really more of a beep.

Look, I wanted to drop in and talk about Noah.

Pretty cool, huh? He's really getting some extra exposure.

At whose expense?

What are you talking about? I'm just saying that the others might be getting

little jealous.

You know, it's not the most conducive atmosphere if you're trying to build a

team. That is so like you, Shepard. Always trying to imagine the world.

me, everybody is thrilled about Noah.

DJ, come quickly. Noah's TV interview is starting.

See? Want to spitball? We're aiming them at Noah's head on TV.

Well, maybe they're good luck if it falls.

It's great to be here at Info PM.

Too bad it's not called Info AM, or I might have missed class.

He's doing great. He's being casual, friendly, funny, the Noah we know and

I know.

Big.

Come on, gym class at 8? Complete waste.

When in life is dodging a red ball gonna come in handy?

Next time I see Noah, I'll sign him up for extreme dodgeball.

Oh, come on, guys. We're all in this together.

Really? Because I don't see me up there anywhere.

Nah, I never thought I'd be a celebrity.

I was happy being a total unknown nobody.

Like my friends at Buzz.

A total unknown?

Only... Partially unknown.

Even that ad wasn't so great. Well, it could have been worse.

Are the kids at school treating me differently? You kidding?

I'm more popular than the Beatles.

But I promise to use my fame for good.

I'm going to start by explaining to my mouth -breathing, booger -eating

classmates who the Beatles are.

But not worse than that.

Okay, I found Cheater Man's homepage, but it doesn't have his first name.

Rebecca? You know how I'm not really a cat?

His name's probably not Cheater Man.

Here, allow me to introduce you to the wonderful world of the Internet.

All we need is his IP address to track him down.

Okay, I could do that if I knew what an IP address was.

Think of an IP address like a regular address. And where there's an address,

there's a house.

Maybe my house.

And there's me sleeping.

And there's my mom.

She's probably making me a sandwich. Wilder. Could be grilled cheese. Wilder.

Command prompt, NS, look up, CheaterManRules .com.

Bingo.

The Blurb Cafe?

Wilder, do you know what this means?

Cheater Man's taking advantage of free refill Friday?

No, Cheater Man's working from inside the building.

Yeah, where he's taking advantage of free refill Friday.

faced an icon.

That is so wrong.

Yeah, you're not nearly mature enough to go, Dad.

What is their problem?

I think it's you.

Me? Why?

I guess they took that unknown nobody comment the wrong way. Come on, I was

trying to be a good guest. They know that, right?

They hate my guts.

Hate is a strong word. It's accurate, but it's strong.

But it's not my fault. I didn't ask to be on that cover or on TV or have a

smoothie named after me. Look, Noah, you can't control the public's opinion, but

you can't control how you behave in front of the public.

That would have been good to know before I grew a mustache and goatee.

Do you think those mouth -breathing, booger -eating teens heard what I said?

Yeah, I think they heard.

up and give yourself a number.

We have to find out who was online at the time my essay was posted and get

numbers. So give me your cell phone.

This calls for a little espionage.

Don't worry.

Wilder can handle it.

Well, at least you blend in.

You're going to have to distract the counter girl while I sneak a peek at the

sign up sheet.

Distract her how?

I don't know.

You're a constant source of distraction.

Improvise.

So.

Sure, having a lot of weather.

Okay, you can stop. I have Cheater Man's cell number.

I can't. The dance at the river has swept me away.

It's ringing.

That means Cheater Man's still here.

Tell him to give me a free refill.

All this dancing is making me thirsty.

I've been expecting your call.

Mr. Shepard?

Cheater man is teacher man?

Mr. Shepard, you stole my essay?

Don't think of it as stealing. Think of it as modern teaching methods to impart

a valuable lesson.

What valuable lesson? That teachers are not to be trusted?

Rebecca, your cheating essay was well written, but only researched from the

comfort of your home computer. Am I right?

No.

I went to the library, too.

Journalism is about going deep to find the true story.

Seeing how you tracked me down, it seems you learned that lesson.

What about Big Ben? Oh, Benji Thiever, one of our new drama students.

Yeah, he did the whole thing for fun.

You guys must have had a few laughs, right?

Well, I guess it wasn't totally horrible.

Actually, it was kind of cool.

Hey, I got to river dance in a cat costume.

It doesn't get much better than that.

Wow, Michael.

Running for president of I Hate Noah fan club?

I didn't do this, but I sure admire the artwork.

Very graphic.

Thanks. I did it myself.

You defaced your own face?

BC Dub, what is all over you?

That would be a Noah smoothie.

I decided to give my cover boy image a makeover.

I'm sorry for what I said on TV.

I guess all the attention messed with my head, and for what it's worth, I was

trying to be funny.

Good one.

Maybe if nobodies were a little bit jealous.

Right, Amanda?

Well, perhaps I was wearing a little envy green, which, FYI, is a great color

for me.

Let's go to the blurb. I guess drinks are on you.

Get it? Drinks are on you.

Michael? Yeah.

I have a list of 27 face crack racks.

Do not make me use them.

Let's get you cleaned up.

These are hilarious.

What time did Michael get up?

The crack of dawn.

LOL. Michael, read this one.

You have reached Diane Jeffries at Teen Buzz. I can't come to the phone right

now because DJ, tell Noah that anyways isn't a word.

and made you Grammar Queen anyways.

The Grammar Queen's dead?

How sad.

Not as sad as you still wearing your cat costume.

DJ, I need to go to Paris for my next story.

Come on, come on, DJ. Come on. It's a Persian cat.

Because of them.