All language subtitles for love_and_war_s02e22_slow_boat_to_china

I can feel her beautiful green eyes on
my back. She's looking at me, isn't she?

Oh, yeah, she is, big guy.

Now, turn around slowly, give a little
smile of recognition, and then turn back

with a shade of interest flavored with
just an air of cool detachment. You got

that? I got it, yeah.

I felt some magic there. There was
magic.

Now what should I do?

Should I buy her something? There was a
guy in the corner selling shortwave

radio. Oh, forget that, man. That's not
what women like.

What really impresses a woman is when a
man buys a round of drinks for the

entire restaurant.

Come on, I'm not going to fall for that
again.

I gave it a shot.

Maybe I should just go over and strike
up a conversation.

What would I say to her?

Get all tongue -tied around her.

Ah, Christian, you wish you had my wit.

Borrow it, then, lad.

And together, you and I will make one
hero of romance.

What?

It's Cyrano. I'm doing it for my acting
class. Lucky for you.

I could be the voice of your heart.

Come, young friend.

And we both shall win her together.

Take the soul from within this leathern
shack of mine and breathe it into you.

I just want to know where you were. I've
been waiting, Meg.

I'm sorry. There was a blood drive
today. You know me. If I can get out of

staff meeting and get free juice, I'm
there. Oh, fine.

You give blood while I just wait. You're
always thinking about yourself.

Here, now. Sit down. I want to talk to
you.

Oh. All right. Oh, fine. Well, I see you
decided to seat yourself.

This table was empty. You know, it may
interest you to know that when I seat a

party, I don't just throw them down any
old witch way at any old table. I have

to keep track of who's in, who's out,
who's hip, who's not, who should be

who should be hidden.

I can't explain this in layman's terms.

Why are you sitting at a table anyway?

You have something private and secret to
say to Meg the rest of us can't hear?

Yes. Oh, good.

Be quick about it, will you? I've got to
get back to work.

All right, all right.

Something happened to me this morning.
Something crazy.

Yeah? I was going through my mail like I
normally do, and I came across one of

those dumb sheets and towels catalogs
from New England.

I'm leaping through this thing, and then
I see this dumb picture of a bed in a

field of sunflowers. Now, normally...

I wouldn't look twice at something like
that. I mean, why is that a selling

point? I mean, how in the hell do you
plug in your clock radio?

Jack, for God's sakes, will you cut to
the chase? I'm going from O positive to

negative real fast.

Okay. So there is this bed in the field
of sunflowers.

And all of a sudden, I find myself
staring at it. And then I picture myself

it with... I can't believe I'm going to
say that.

It was Dana.

Oh, wow!

Oh, wow! That is fantastic!

Fantastic! Yes, because I've been
working on getting the two of you

a year. It's been at the top of my to
-do list, and now I can finally cross it

off and move on to reconcile with
Mother.

This thing hit me like a bolt of
lightning. I mean, I'm crazy about her,

want to tell her that, but what if she
doesn't feel the same way I do?

Jack, dear, would you like us to feel
out this situation for you? Put out the

landing lights, so to speak.

Finally. I was about to offer you cash.

Let's go.

Hi. Hi.

God, my back is killing me.

I get this big dent in my mattress on
the side where I sleep. I tried sleeping

on the other side, but I just kept
rolling back into the dent. And I'd flip

mattress, but I can't do it by myself,
which is the irony of the situation,

because if I had a person in my life to
help me flip it, then I wouldn't have

this problem with the mattress anyway.

We'll be right back.

You can stop circling, Jack. You're
cleared for a landing.

What does that mean?

Well, you might as well know.

I've decided that I'm crazy about Dana
and I want to ask her out on a real

But I've just got to figure out, you
know, how to make this one of those

unforgettable nights.

Shall we collaborate, young prince?

I'll be your cloak of darkness, your
enchanted sword, your ring to charm the

pretty princess.

I'm not sure of the message, but I'm
willing to kill the messenger.

Just offering to help, Jacko.

If you want to impress the woman, I'll
tell you what I'd do.

First, you pick her up at sunset.

You take her on a boat ride around
Manhattan as the sky turns crimson.

Then off to an exotic dinner.

And finally up to the Rainbow Room to
dance.

And to look at the lights of this
beautiful city as they spread beneath

a blanket of diamonds.

Or you can buy a round of drinks. That
works, too.

Okay. Let's see that I'm flying without
a net here.

But I've got to get this over with,
so... Okay.

Here we go.

Hi,

Jack.

Dan, I have to talk to you.

If you hear the lobby about putting
chocolate pudding on the menu again, you

forget. No, no, that's not what I want
to talk about.

I wanted to tell you that... that...
that I'm thinking about getting a new

What?

That's not what I wanted to say at all.

Yes, it is. Have a nice day.

Look, I'm just going to lay my cards on
the table here.

All these months, I've been avoiding it.

I'm crazy about you.

And I'm taking a big risk here because I
don't know how you feel, but, I mean,

what the hell? You know, I just wanted
to say that, and, you know, that's it.

Oh, Jack.

You got a lot more guts than I do.

Well, you're not laughing. That's good.

I'm not laughing. laughing at all i was
just thinking about how much time we've

wasted okay well now you created a
monster because i would take another

like dana i think we ought to go out you
know spend some time together and see

where this thing takes us wow you mean
like a real date yeah like where i try

six different outfits and wear my
underwear that i keep in tissue paper

I wear this cologne that my aunt gave me
when I was 16, and my palms sweat

before I pick you up.

So what do you say?

I'd love to.

Really? Yeah.

Are you serious?

Yeah. All right, good.

Well, because I want to make this, you
know, one of those nights you'll never

forget. You'll see.

Yeah? Yeah.

A sunset boat ride around Manhattan.

An exotic dinner, and then a trip up to
the Rainbow Room. We can dance.

I am so sorry. It wasn't supposed to be
like that. A circle -line boat tour

around Manhattan at sunset is usually
one of the most romantic things in New

York. God, I wanted this evening to be
so special.

Please stop apologizing.

How many people can say that they have
actually seen a body floating in the

wind?

That was very special.

Are you saying you still have an
appetite?

Oh, yeah.

I believe you got a reservation at Mr.

Chang's. That's the hottest restaurant
in town.

Well, you know, I know some people. I
pulled a few strings.

I don't think you realize how well
connected I am in this town.

Good evening and welcome to Mr. Chang's.
May I help you? Yeah, we have a

reservation. Jack Stein?

Sorry, sir, I don't see your
reservation.

That's impossible.

I called today. Two people, 7 .30.

Oh, yes, here it is. Jack Spine.

No! Right this way, Mr. Spine.

Hey, Jack, it's all right. Come on, come
on.

This is our night.

We're going to have a fantastic dinner.

Here we go. Table nine for Mr. Spine.

Enjoy your meal.

Okay, so it's not the best table in the
restaurant, but it doesn't matter

because we're together, right?

That's right.

Did I tell you tonight how terrific you
look?

Yeah, you have, but I don't mind hearing
it again.

Gee, this is amazing, isn't it? I mean,
we're finally going to take a shot at

this thing.

Is it all right if I hold your hand?

I'd love you to hold my hand, Mr. Spine.

Oh, for God's sake!

Hello, how are you? Welcome to Mr.
Chang.

Everything tonight, very, very good. Oh,
well, that's great, because it's a very

special evening for us, and we're very
hungry.

Oh, what a wonderful menu.

This is going to be fun choosing from
all of this.

Okay, you ready?

You think I drink orders now?

Okay, I take that, too.

We're not ready to order yet. We just
sat down.

Okay, but you want to have time to eat,
you've got to be out of here by 8 .30.

What? We squeezed you in.

We have next reservation at 8 .30 for
this table.

8 .30? Nobody told me that when I made
this reservation.

Jack, Jack, it's not worth getting upset
over. I mean, come on, think about it.

Do you really want to spend the whole
night in this restaurant?

Uh, not when I'm sitting at this table
looking at you in a dress like that.

You start with soup, huh? It already
made.

We're not ready to order yet.

Okay,

maybe we should just look at these
minions. I think that's a good idea.

sharing, right?

Of course.

Oh, listen to this. The devil's jewels.

Shrimp and scallops sautéed in a
sizzling garlic pepper sauce.

Then there's a picture of a little fire
extinguisher next to it.

Yeah, that just means it's got some
flavor to it. You like spicy food, don't

you? Well, it's those little red
peppers.

You know, the CIA tried to assassinate
Castro with one of them.

Those peppers are like an aphrodisiac to
me.

Well, then order it.

I want you to have what you like. Yeah,
I'll find something. I'll get two of

those.

Okay, ready for order now? Not much
time, huh? Tick -tock, tick -tock.

a question.

This devil's jewel, how spicy is that
real? Not too hot. But it's hot. Not too

hot. What are you saying? It's hot. Not
too hot. Not too hot.

Because I like hot.

Oh, it's hot. It's hot as hell.

Okay,

whatever.

We'll have that and some fried rice.

Yeah, and a version of soup for two.
Also, the sliced duck and plum sauce.

Ooh, a lot of food. Hope you can eat
fast.

Please, don't get into an argument with
the maitre d'. It'll just take up our

time. Come on. I'm going to switch
gears. Dana. I'm fine in that chair,

It doesn't bother me at all to be in
that chair. Come on.

You'll see.

I'm just going to pull his hair up here
a little closer, you see?

I'm little.

Sit right in here. Okay.

Jack.

Jack.

to talk to Mr. Chang. Mr. Chang? There's
no Mr. Chang. We make that up.

Of course. I bet you think they're meant
for coffee, too, huh?

I get the point. I get the point.

All right, look. Could you give us the
menu again, please? We would like to

order some wine, all right? Okay, but
not much time.

Earth not turning any slower, huh?

Okay, choose a wine. Anything you'd
like.

Come on.

Okay.

Let's see which bottle comes with an IV.

You have any idea how sexy a sense of
humor is?

Why, thank you, Jack.

You know, I can't believe these popular
restaurants can get away without taking

credit cards. You know, you think it
really hurts business.

What do you mean, no credit cards? What
do you mean?

Well, it says right here we don't accept
credit cards. Cash only.

Are you kidding? I was going to pay with
a credit card.

I meant to stop at my cash machine on my
way to pick you up, but there wasn't

any time.

What do you have in your purse?

Five dollars and a lipstick.

Five dollars?

You left the house with just five
dollars? What if there's an emergency?

That's why I had a lipstick.

You have no idea how to live in this
city.

Dick, this isn't my fault.

All right, I know. I'm sorry. You know,
I just wanted this night to be so

perfect.

You are so adorable tonight.

You know, your eyes are just perfectly
spaced.

They've always been like that.

You know, there's a bank with a cash
machine right around the corner.

I'll be right back, okay?

Okay.

No, oh, no, no, no, no, no. You'll have
to take that food back into the kitchen

and keep it warm. My friend had to go to
his cash machine.

Maybe I should just put it in the take
-out container right now, huh? Save

No, he'll be right back.

Skate -slinging.

Food's been here 20 minutes already.

We need lids. We don't have enough lids
for everyone.

You porting lids.

What? Lids, lids.

We take lids off your food, put on other
food.

Listen, you.

These lids are ours. We've paid for
them, and we're going to keep them until

.30. You got that?

Sorry, lady. Time running out.

Oh, look. Here he comes.

Jack, where the hell have you been?
What, did you get robbed or something?

Yes. What?

Dana. They got everything.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Did they hurt
you? No, they got what they wanted. They

got my wallet, my cash, my credit cards,
everything. I'm wiped out. I heard one

of them mention a back -to -school sale
at Bloomingdale's, and then he ran off.

I don't believe this.

What are we going to do?

We've ordered a ton of food. I drank a
half a bottle of wine.

Oh, dear. Excuse me, sir.

You're still here?

Sir, the most unfortunate thing has just
happened. My friend here has been

robbed. At the automatic teller machine.

And we have no way to pay you. You see,
now, I run a restaurant, and whenever

something like this happens to us, we
just trust the customer to come back the

next day and pay in full, which they
always do. So we're hoping that you're

going to trust us to come back and do
the same. Because, I mean, really, you

know, when you think about it, aren't we
all just guests at God's table?

Take the food away.

Lily, Lily, come on. They say they don't
use their misty, but they do. They lie

and show.

Let's go. Let's go quietly. Come on.
Hang on to your lids, people. You pay

them. You keep them. Almost out of here
now. Come on. Dana, this now concludes

the exotic restaurant portion of our
evening.

Oh, God.

So full of bone.

Goodbye, favorite pair.

I guess you just weren't meant to walk
29 blocks in the pouring rain.

Dana, what kind of cab ride do you
expect for $5?

For $5, you get as far as 42nd Street,
then you have to walk the rest of the

way. And as you can see, offering a tube
of lipstick to a cabbie named Spike

didn't leave much of an impression.

Well, you could have used the $5 to take
the subway if you weren't so...

And you know why we're so upset?

We're just putting too much pressure on
this date to be perfect.

I mean, this is worse than New Year's
Eve, for God's sakes.

You're right.

We're trying way too hard to impress
each other.

I'll tell you what.

What do you say we start the date all
over again?

Right. And from then on, it's just a...
Okay?

Right.

You know, life's not perfect. No.
Sometimes you get rained on.

You see the real person.

All wet and tussled and walletless.

Thanks for this, Jack. Well, you look a
hell of a lot better in it than I do.

Mind if I get out of these wet things?

Think I could borrow your bathrobe?

Things are looking up already.

I'll be right back.

Jack? In the kitchen.

Oh.

So this is where the action is.

Yeah, I was mulling over the whole, you
know, starving to death scenario. This

is what I came up with.

Jack Stein should cook dinner for Dana
Palladino. My famous pasta marinara

sauce. Wow, wow. Now I am impressed
nobody ever cooks for me.

This is good, Jack. This is good. Just
us two.

No outside world getting away.

Oh, yeah.

What can I do to help you?

Nothing. You know what? I want you to
sit right down there and relax, because

want to show off for you.

Okay?

Okay.

Well, at least I can chop the green
pepper.

No, I don't put any green pepper in my
sauce.

You don't? Nope, no green pepper.

Hate green pepper.

Well, then I'll chop the garlic for you.
Oh, no. There's no garlic in Jack

Stein's famous pasta marinara sauce.

No garlic in your pasta sauce?

How can that be?

Just this, just this.

Jack, you can't make anything Italian
without garlic. It's against our

Who's making the sauce, Dana?

You are.

Okay.

I thought maybe, you know, it could be
improved.

Oh, maybe that's not the point. Maybe
you should just enjoy the fact that, you

know, I'm doing something for you.

Okay? You're right.

You're right.

That's too much basil in there, Jack.

What? I'm helping. I'm helping. Can I
help you? Maybe you learned something

Yeah, I don't want to learn anything
new. I mean, this is how I am.

You know, no peppers, no garlic, and
look at this.

Tomato sauce in the can.

This is the real Jack Stein. You know,
just heat and serve.

You know, I think things might have gone
better earlier when we were still at...

Acting like contestants on the dating
game. Maybe we should try and go back to

that. All right, Dana, please take this
in the right spirit when I ask you to

please get the hell out of my kitchen.
You're not the only one who knows how to

do things right.

Okay. Fine.

But I think I would have asked the
restaurant if they took credit cards.

Huh? That one little slip -up really
bugged you, didn't it? I knew it. I knew

was just eating away at you all night.
You bet it was.

But not nearly so much as the fact that
your eyes are so damn symmetrical.

Oh, yeah?

Who leaves the house with just a $5 bill
and a lipstick, huh?

Oh, here we go again. And who the hell
takes 20 minutes to get robbed? What

you doing, waiting for a receipt?

Well, excuse me, but I took an extra few
minutes to beg for my life.

Oh, Jack, forget it.

What are we doing?

This isn't working.

I know, I'm sorry. You know, this is my
fault. No, no, it's not. It's not your

fault. It's nobody's fault.

It's... It's us.

We're not kids anymore.

We're too set in our ways.

Maybe the reason neither one of us ever
had a good relationship is we don't know

how to make room for another person.

I guess maybe you're right.

But at least we found out pretty fast.

Saved ourselves years of pain and
denial.

Then the whole thing only cost us $5.

You think we can still be friends?

I mean, you know, as much friends as we
ever were.

You're the best sparring partner I ever
had.

Well, I should go.

You mind if I wear this home?

Well, you can let me walk you down and
put you in a cab.

Here, here's my laundry money.

This should get you home and also
through a load of whites

Delivery

slip is still on it.

Oh god, that's not so good

Oh, they're probably having sex.

Well, hell with them. If they're having
sex, they want a pizza, too.

What do you say?

Why not?

That's an illegal sublet. He's lucky I
don't turn him in.

Come

right

this way.

Let me show my good friend to our best
table.

And please.

Take your time, because here at Mr.

Spine's, our second seating doesn't
begin until midnight.

How about a little music?

Good. I'll get plates. Okay.

Oh, I'm so hungry I could eat the box.

Oh, God.

It's covered in anchovies.

I bet you hate anchovies.

I mean, I'm always the only one who
likes anchovies.

I always have anchovies.

Really?

My God.

Maybe it's a sign.

Italians are very big on signs.

Then I'm going to go out on a limb here,
and it's a pretty big limb as limbs go.

But I gotta find something out.

What the hell?

There's something here, isn't there?

I think so.

Let's check again.

This isn't gonna be easy.

Maybe we should just be... Shut up and
undress me.