All language subtitles for love_and_war_s02e13_slaughter_on_tenth_avenue

Hey, you don't know what's good for you.
When I wrote that column, I was trying

to help kids like you. What I want to
know is why aren't you in school?

Geez, Jack, what the heck happened to
you? Well, there were some kids out

trying to spray paint a wall. I stood in
front of it and they tagged me.

What do you expect when you write a
column entitled, And the Dumb Shall

the Earth?

What I want to know is who read it to
him.

I don't know. But, you know, they roam
the streets wearing their baseball caps

backwards. They wouldn't know a book if
it hit them in the head. I got news for

them. The Gaza Strip is not a topless
joint.

The Magna Carta is not a malt liquor
that you get in a 36 -ounce bottle.

And E equals MC squared is not a new rap
group.

Oh, my God, Jack, you've been shot.

Could you grab a sponge and mop of your
own blood today? We're a little short

-handed.

That's very cute, Dana. I'm defaced. I
mean, don't you want to know what

happened? Not really.

Nadine hasn't shown up yet. Either
something terribly wrong has happened or

she's found somebody selling sweater
sets out of the back of their car.

Excuse me.

We've been here 15 minutes and you
haven't even given us menus yet.

Look around.

Are you the only person in this
restaurant?

Are you?

No.

All right, then.

Oh, I am so sorry. I am late, everyone.

Everyone,

shouldn't you be doing all your
groveling in my direction?

Hi, Abe. I am so sorry. Please forgive
me. I was coming in from Westchester,

I stopped at a gas station to get them
to check my windshield wiper fluid, and

group of mechanics looked under my hood
and told me that I'd better take a seat

in their office.

Uh -oh. Oh, well, no.

Oh, it's a good thing I did, because
they said it would be very dangerous for

to drive my car even another block. And
then they went into the details, but I

actually couldn't focus on what they
were saying. There was a heavily

no -pest strip hanging over my head.

I was facing a poster of a topless woman
juggling California ruby red

grapefruits.

Anyway, anyway, I needed $740 worth of
repairs, and that is what held me up.

Yeah, you were held up all right. Let me
see this bill.

Oh, man, this is a work of art.

They replaced the bushings, flushed the
radiator, put in new points and plugs,

installed a retractable radio antenna,
and gave it a hot canoe blast.

But the only thing they didn't do was
scrape it for barnacles.

Yeah, Macy, wouldn't you see a sign on
the road that said gas, food, and

unnecessary repairs next thing?

Come on, how the heck was I supposed to
know? They said I needed these things.

Anyway, Charles was the one who took
care of the cars.

He always managed somehow to screw them.

Screwing people with his area.

Well, this is so typical. Women are
always getting ripped off when it comes

cars, electronics,

repairs of any kind.

Oh, boy, here we go again.

Poor women always getting ripped off.

Ever occur to you, Dana, that perhaps
women bring this on themselves?

I mean, instead of spending so much time
picking out furniture for Barbie's

dream house, maybe you should have spent
more time looking under the hood of

Ken's Corvette.

Oh, don't be so naive. A salesman sees a
woman and automatically tries to get

away with murder. Come on, Meg, back me
up here. No hard questions, okay? I had

a rough night.

I went to a karaoke bar and sang the
long version of Hey Jude.

Oh, look at me. When something breaks, I
throw it out and buy another one. I

don't want repair people in my house.
When they finish, they always want to

the phone. Then you have to buy a new
mouthpiece, and this gets expensive.

Look, women bring this on themselves.

They're not prepared, and they don't do
their homework. Support me here right

now. Jack's right. You know, it helps to
know the basics. That's right.

A woman goes to a car dealership or an
electronics store, and they up the price

before she ever opens her mouth.

Dana doesn't have a very good point
there.

That's a new shade of lipstick you're
wearing, right?

It looks very lovely on you.

Look, I have actually seen women drive
10 miles to the supermarket to save 50

cents on a bad avocado.

And then, when they're charged $3 ,000
over sticker on a new car, they don't

know what hit them. Now, back me up
here. Yeah, it's true. I've seen it

time and time again to my sisters.

Wait a minute, Ray. Let me get this
straight. Is what you're saying that a

is no good at anything but returning
rotten produce?

Is that what you're saying, Ray?

Well, no.

That would be insensitive and sexist.

Well, just wrong.

But that's what you're saying, right,
Jack?

All right. I guess I'm just going to
have to show you how wrong you are.

I have been dreading it, but I have to
get a new stereo.

I am willing to.

Read all the consumer reports. Do all
the homework, as you say. And with you

secretly observing, I will go to Crazy
Ira's Sound Emporium on 10th Avenue and

attempt to get a fair deal on a stereo.

Hmm? All right, Danny, you know what?
I'm going to take you up on your offer

because I sense a brilliant column in
all of this.

Finally, I can put to rest the myth that
women get worse service than men.

And I know what I think I'm going to
call it.

women who pay too much and the men they
blame it on.

Better be careful, Jack, or someday
you're going to find yourself out in a

with a flashlight looking desperately
for you -know -what.

I'm going to start to browse.

Just watch how long it takes them to
notice me. You don't mind if I make a

notes in my column, do you? I want to
document the downfall of Dana Palladino

accurately. This is kind of like being
there when Hindenburg went down. I feel

certain historical responsibility to get
this right.

Can we help you find what you're looking
for, sir?

What? Uh, no, I'm just browsing. You
know, give a man a moment to browse.

Of course, sir.

This is a great system.

Yeah.

I never saw anything quite like this one
before.

Yeah.

Are you sure you don't need any help,
sir?

No, I'm just browsing. Look, I never
buy. Never, never, never.

This lady was here before me, all right?

She doesn't want service.

Did I say that?

No, but you didn't ask for any help.

Isn't that your job?

Can I help you?

Yes, as a matter of fact, you can.

And are you going to be buying today or
just checking the inventory until you

can consult with your husband?

Well, actually, I'll be buying today.

And I... I won't be consulting with my
husband. He's tied up in the basement. I

never let him loose unless I need a hot
meal or the house cleaned.

What I would like is a stereo.

Would you like to work with me on that?

All right.

How much do you want to spend?

All right. Well, the good news is that I
will be spending more than $200. The

bad news is that I will want some value
for my money.

Well, what music do you listen to?

Michael Bolton?

Kenny G?

You need the right stereo for your kind
of music.

If that was the kind of music I listened
to, I would have called my dentist and

asked him what kind of system he had.

I would like a stereo that's good for
any music.

Let me show you what we have.

This is our sound code system.

Top of the line for a rock -bottom
price.

You'll be very, very happy with it. And
don't tell anyone I said this, but I can

work with you on the price.

Look at that. It's got an on -off switch
and a dial for the treble and bass.

Look, Kevin, I read all about this in
Audio Monthly. It was number one on

Don't be a schmuck, Liz.

The guy who wrote that article was sued
by us, as a matter of fact. He didn't

know what he was talking about.

I happen to know that this particular
Soundco piece of crap was manufactured

India. A lovely country, but not one
well -known for its stereo components.

And you are not going to palm this off
on this particular female customer

And this is what I had in mind.

A CD component with direct track access
and separate analog and digital sections

and an integrated amp and a variable
-based synthesizer, Dolby Logic, 8 ohms

with 1 ,000 hertz.

What are you trying to do, bring someone
back to life?

I'd like a record player.

I still like to play records.

Okay.

Here's our top -of -the -line system.

Oh.

I can let you have it for close to cost.

Dana. Dana.

Breakdown, huh, Dana?

It's a little basic.

Maybe if you adjust the thing.

Oh, this is the Kenton system. Oh.

Oh, this is incredibly expensive.

If I was going to spend that much money,
Wyatt, I'd have to have a whole

performance report and an acoustical
analysis.

Oh, please. They do those in labs.

What, are they making stereos for rats?

You have to hear this in your home to
appreciate the true ambience.

Oh, I'm being paged. Excuse me. I'll be
right back.

Hey, Dana.

You know, they have those picture phones
on sale here.

It's a perfect gift for today's busy
pervert.

He can save precious time by making an
obscene phone call and exposing himself

in one easy step.

Please go away. I don't want the
salesman to see you with me.

He sees me with a man, he'll just want
to talk to you and treat me like I'm

kind of annoying fruit fly or worse,
your wife.

But I do think that I have proved my
point about there being a double

in the man's world. What, are you
kidding? You haven't proven anything

Oh, come on. He hardly... he wanted to
wait on me. My God, Dana, you were

walking around here talking to yourself
and coughing like you're on a day pass

from Bellevue.

I did all my homework and he still tried
to scam me. All right, clearly you gave

yourself away. I mean, what did you do?
Stay up all night and memorize Audio

Age? And then you said, oh, I want a
record player.

Oh, my God. They're called turntables in
this decade.

And talk about hostile. You couldn't
have been any more terrifying unless you

walked in here dressed as a postal
worker carrying a violin case.

Where is that damn sailman? Would he
please take a walk? I don't want him to

you. He's going to be back any minute.
Go. You know what? You're on your own.

What can I show you today?

Nothing, thanks. I'm just waiting for a
friend.

Making notes.

That's a good idea.

My name is...

Rob, I'd like to work with you.

I think we can put together a system
that'll make you feel good about

Uh, Rob, well, let me save you some
time, okay? You're way out of your

here. There's no way you're gonna get me
to buy today.

We've got some great inventory.

Rob, let me ask you something.

Do you know who Magellan is?

Uh, the backup drummer with Pearl Jam?

No. Uh,

you ever wear your baseball cap
backwards?

You mean with the bill in front?

All right, look, Rob, I can see you're a
trainee. Please don't try any of your

sales tricks on me. There's no way that
I'm spending today.

The system you're looking at is fully
equipped for an intelligent,

guy who accepts only excellence in every
aspect of his life.

Solzhenitsyn. Do you recognize that
name?

Excellent cold medicine.

Just let me show you some of the
options.

It's the CD changer.

That auto -memory.

What is that? It memorizes the last five
discs you played.

Why? So you know what you just heard.

Look, there's a guy over there who looks
gullible. Why don't you go bother him?

Gullible meaning one who's well
-traveled, right?

Okay, now hurry along.

Okay. If another salesman comes by,
you're working with Rob.

Rob.

Rob.

Dave,

what is going on?

I mean, how long can I stand in front of
a wall of televisions watching Hoss and

Hop sing, trying to clear little Joe of
a murder charge?

I don't even know where the stupid
salesman is. I think maybe he's not even

coming back. Wouldn't that be perfect?
Just perfect if he just, like, abandoned

me. Now, why would he do that? You
already said you were going to buy.

Because I'm a woman, Jack.

Oh, it's getting very tired, Dana.

May I help you, sir?

Look, I'm working with Rob, all right?
But this lady was being waited on by...

Kevin. Kevin. And Kevin never came back.
Yeah, what happened to him? You got

some quicksand or an open trench back
there in that stockroom or something?

Kevin left.

What? He left?

Yeah.

Emergency at home.

No. He's on vacation.

I don't understand.

He's on his way to the Grand Canyon.

Classic, Jack. Admit it.

I was right. You were wrong.

I'm not admitting anything.

You simply don't know what you're doing.

What's the last piece of technology you
bought? A cotton gin?

All right, let's just take this little
experiment one step further.

You buy the damn stereo for me, huh?

Let's just watch how they roll out the
red carpet for you.

All right, I'll buy the stereo for you,
just to show you the proper way it's

done.

Jack, look, excuse me. I've changed my
mind. I would like some service after

all.

Sorry, I'm with a customer.

Okay. But allow me to send the manager
right over.

Okay, thanks.

Oh, the manager.

No, look, it means nothing. They're
obviously understaffed. Well, of course

are. One of their salesmen is on a raft
in the middle of the Colorado River.

I'm going to enjoy this. In some sick,
perverse way, I'm going to enjoy

watching.

Hello.

I understand someone out here needs
help. Would that be you?

Are you the manager?

Yes, I am. I'm Angela Carlisle. Welcome
to Crazy Iris.

Well, look at that.

The manager's a woman. Great. Never
mind, Jack. I'll take it from here.

I'd like to buy a stereo.

I see.

And what type of system are you in the
market for, sir?

Well, you know, something high -end, but
I want value for my money. Yes, that's

right. My husband and I want to buy one
of these thingamajigs, but don't try to

explain anything to me.

He makes all decisions anyway. He's the
boss.

Well, it would be my pleasure to assist
you, but first, may I offer you some

coffee? No, thanks.

Cappuccino, please. No, no, really, I'm
fine. Now, he's full. I gave him a

breakfast in bed this morning, just like
I always do, and he doesn't need

anything, right, honey?

Oh, that's right, dear.

And listen, don't try to explain these
stereo things to me at all, because, you

know, it'll just go in one ear and right
out the other.

I don't need anything, you know, but
something to play my sweat into the

on. You know, something I can bounce
near and it won't skip.

All right, Dana.

Uh -oh.

Let me shut up.

Let me just ask you a couple of
questions, get an idea of the ballpark

playing in here. Look, just show us your
best system, we'll go from there.

Okay, well, first off, but I'm just
going to mention, although I know a

buff like yourself might find this a bit
simple, but our sound code system,

handcrafted in India, is an excellent
value.

Well, we're not interested in anything
that doesn't have at least five

you know, short path execution, separate
analog, and digital regulation. I mean,

this is a piece of crap.

Exactly. And I knew you would know that.
I mean, the directions are in Hindi.

To be perfectly honest with you, we
always show our customers this system as

way of gauging their level of
sophistication. If they respond

we know we're dealing with someone on a
whole other plane.

Well, as long as we understand each
other. Well, you know, we're a

Most of the people who come here are
always looking for something. Well, you

know, when I have a chance to work with
someone who's a serious audiophile,

well, then I get to have some fun, too.

You hear that? We need to train
professionals. We know exactly who

dealing with.

Come on.

Let me show you our Kenton system.

We're going to see the Kenton system.

Come along, Dumpling.

No, no, no. That system's way too
elaborate. I don't need that. Dana, this

the Kenton system. I know what I'm
doing. You want a good deal or not, all

right? Mr., uh... Stein. Mr. Stein.

I want to show you something.

This is the remote control.

It will fulfill all your remote control
needs.

Oh, my God. May I? Please.

Pretty impressive, huh?

Now, take a look at this CD player. When
you put it on random play, it

practically senses what you're in the
mood for.

Dana, did you hear that?

We don't need it.

This remote control, it is so big.

I mean, you could change the orbit of
the Earth with this baby, huh?

There's something else I should show
you. I think it's kind of fun, but here.

Take a look at this.

Wow. What is it? The remote control
holster.

Made in America.

You know, I let myself get cynical about
this nation's brain thrusts, but we've

still got it.

This is... Really? Well, go ahead. Turn
it on. That is if you have the time. I

don't want to rush you into anything.

Yes, Jack, that's right. Perhaps we
should shop around. I always think

the best idea. I mean, the Kenton system
is hardly an impulse item. No, there's

no point in shopping around. Not if you
know what you want.

Look at that cloud, huh?

Dear, but we really don't need this.

Oh, well, I think we do.

And if you don't want it, maybe I'll get
it for myself.

Mr. Stein, are you sure you don't want
to take a day to think about this? I

mean, the system will be here when you
come back.

Although it is our last one.

But what are the odds of somebody coming
in and buying it today, huh?

Oh, well, that does happen.

But not very often.

No. I'm a practical guy. I know exactly
what I want. I am ready to make a deal.

But, Mrs. Carlisle, you better sharpen
that pencil there because I am not going

to be paying a lift price.

Uh -oh, I got a businessman on my hands
here.

God, Kyra's going to go crazy when he
hears about this. But, okay.

I'll give it to you for 15 % off. 20.

I have a feeling you're not going to
budge on that, are you? Nope.

I want the whole stuff for free.

All I can say is...

I wish he were my husband.

He could be. What would you give me for
him?

I'd just put crazy hour in a straight
jacket.

I'll be right back.

Oh, cupcake.

Yes, my honeydew.

Have your lawyer call my lawyer
tomorrow. I want a divorce.

Why? Because I won the bet?

You won... I won the bet. Are you
kidding? I couldn't even get service.

but take off her shoes and walk on your
back.

Look, Dana, I have clearly won the bet.

I have gotten excellent service, plus I
made a great deal on top of it, but to

show you there are no hard feelings.

You're invited over to my place for the
listening experience of your life

anytime you want.

And maybe I'll let you wear the holster.

All right, don't rub it in.

I think I'll just go home and listen to
my refrigerator hum.

All right, I'll see you later.

Man, I'd love to watch Mrs.

Carlisle in action. The kitten system
has been there for months.

You know, Ira told me that tomorrow he
was going to slash 40 % off a thing just

to get rid of it. Oh, yeah, Mrs.
Carlisle can sell anything to anybody.

But, you know, she once told me she
always has to work a little bit harder

everyone else in the store. Why?

Because she's a woman.

She's still the best.

You know, I bet she wins a trip to the
Grand Canyon this month.