All language subtitles for love_and_war_s01e15_whitewashed

Life can be very dangerous.

Most people keep an eye out for the
obvious perils.

Getting robbed in an automatic teller
machine.

Driving through an ice storm without
snow tires.

Being scalded by the searing jet of
steam when opening a bag of microwave

popcorn.

But what really does us in are the
little things.

Like those innocent conversations that
wind up changing the way people think

about each other.

Just wait. Just wait till you hear this
one. Just wait.

I'm in the press box covering the
Rangers game when some creep from

starts hitting on me. Oh, come on, Meg.
You always think just because you're the

only woman reporter in the press box,
all the men are hitting on you.

Abe, it was 30 degrees and the guy had
no pants on.

Am I flattering myself?

You look exhausted, Ray. What happened?
Everybody in New York throw out their

phone books at once?

Go ahead and make fun, Mary Margaret. I
haven't slept in 36 hours.

Yeah, he was up all last night watching
that movie channel.

Hey, Ray, you may have not heard, but
there's a little thing called women.

Hey, it was a Hitchcock film festival.

I got lured in by Rear Window.

Oh, that was a sick movie, sick.

And the birds came on? A very sick movie
made by a sicko.

And at three in the morning they showed
Lifeboat? Sickies watch those movies.

It's about nine people floating around
the middle of the ocean, food and water

dwindling to an end. Oh, thickies.

They were being forced to decide, you
know, who should live and who should

I couldn't stop thinking about it.

I mean, what would we do if we were in
that situation?

I got a bigger question.

What the hell would the four of us be
doing on a boat together?

Well, maybe we were flying somewhere
together and the plane went down over

and we were the only ones who paid
attention when the flight attendant made

speech, so we got the little raft.

All right, all right, let me get this
straight.

We're a million miles from nowhere,
looking death in the face, and there's

enough food and water for three people.

Sounds like a budget cruise I took with
my mother once.

Maybe we could try to ration the food
and water, you know, stretch it four

so we'd all have a chance.

I mean, I could never decide who should
live or die.

Every human life is valuable.

Face it, Ray, someone's gonna have to go
overboard.

Hi there, kids. What's going on? Our
plane's gone down. We're all trapped on

raft. We don't have enough food and
water, and a nice leg of ray is looking

pretty good right now.

God, am I glad I've got a girlfriend.

Hi, sweetie. Hi.

Oh, you missed dinner. The best salmon
on crouton you ever tasted.

Oh, I got in a fight with my editor over
my next column.

I'm telling people we should send our
souvenir piece of the Berlin Wall back

Germany. That way we can reassemble that
baby before those rascals decide to

borrow Poland again.

I'm almost ready to go. Let me just get
out of this apron and grab a bag of

coffee for home. Oh, don't bother. I
have coffee at my place.

Oh.

Um... So, you want to stay at your
place?

Well, yeah, I thought it'd be a nice
change of pace since we're hardly ever

there. Well, don't you feel more
comfortable at my place?

I have a lot of good things there.

Plates that match.

Toilet paper.

State knives that don't say Black Angus
on the handle.

Oh, hi.

Thank you.

No, you know what?

It's not the same.

I miss my own remote control.

You know, with your remote, I always get
the channels and the volume buttons

confused. There's nothing worse than
trying to change the channel. And

you just keep making Sam Donaldson
louder and louder.

All right, I've avoided saying this, but
I guess now I have to.

I don't like staying at your apartment,
Jack.

I mean, when I wake up there, I always
have this one panic moment when I think

I've passed out at a frat party.

The bathroom alone.

You have glass shower doors that I can't
even see through.

Wally, they're frosted. No, they're not,
Jack.

There's one clear area, and it's in a
different place every day.

Wally, I didn't realize this bothered
you so much. I'm glad you're finally

telling me this.

I mean, I want you to feel comfortable.

I will definitely straighten the place
up for you.

Really? Yeah. That is so great.

I'll tell you what. Tomorrow is
Saturday.

If we work together, we'll get your
apartment in shape in no time. And then

promise.

I won't complain about staying there.
Deal.

But tonight, we stay at my place.

There in the morning, I'll pick up some
explosives and a machete. You get your

shots, and we'll try and reclaim my
living room.

So how many candy bars do we have?

Six.

I mean, four.

Uh,

we got four.

That's all we got.

that there's this critical point in a
relationship when the woman tries to

the man's apartment more to her liking.

That's how Yoko first got control of
John.

I think I know how to handle this.

Probably not bad.

You know, I'll just make a few
concessions.

You know, I ought to get it out of his
system.

But I'm drawing a line at this desk.

This is mission control.

What may look like chaos is really the
nerve center of Jack Stein.

Believe me, I know exactly what I'm
getting into here. This isn't about

Jack's apartment. It's about change.

He hates change.

He thinks compact discs are the work of
the devil.

So the key here is not to be too pushy,
especially when it comes to his desk.

If I can get him to clean that up, then
I've got him right where I want him. The

trick is to lure him into thinking it's
all his idea.

That will take all my powers.

Geez, that's a lot of equipment you got
there.

You think they use that much stuff to
clean up after the Exxon Valdez?

Hey, you know something?

I'm looking around here and I'm seeing
that maybe this place doesn't need as

much work as I thought.

Really? I don't know. I'm sure it could
use some cleaning, a little reshuffling

around. You're probably right.

So, how do you want to do this, Jack? Do
you want to just jump in and see where

fate takes us? Or should we have a plan?

A plan.

You're absolutely right, Jack.

Why risk wasting time when we can have a
plan?

What do you say if I start in the
kitchen? Well... Okay, so you want me to

in the kitchen.

Good thinking.

I'll clean the fridge, oven, stove top,
counter, and floors.

I'll shelf paper the cupboards, assess
the dishes, flatware, pots, and pans,

decide what will stay and what will be
replaced.

Now, what are you going to be doing?

Well, I don't know. I guess I could...
Work in the bedroom?

I like the way you think.

The closet of yours does seem pretty
full.

You could go through it and start to
weed out, but then what would you do

that stuff?

I don't know. Give it away?

Great idea.

Make a pile for goodwill.

I've got to tell you, you're impressing
the hell out of me, Jack.

Thanks. You know what I just realized?

This is our first project together as a
couple.

Only people as well -matched as we are
could pull it off so smoothly.

So I'm going to start in the kitchen,
and you said you'll be starting on your

desk, right? Right.

Oh, man, I never knew cleaning out a
closet could be so much fun.

Look at some of the stuff I found.

My Camp Olympus banner from our all
-Jewish softball team that miraculously

defeated the Catholic team from across
the lake.

And they were tough, too.

Whenever they got up to bat, they'd make
the sign of the cross, and we'd all

yell, hey, no fair!

Look at this.

My old Sigma Lambda Chi sweatshirt.

I only wear it when I'm sick.

Makes me sweat like a dog.

I wish I could wash it more than once a
year, but hey, this thing's gonna last

another 50 years.

All right, the kitchen is clean.

I think I got to it just in time. I
found a colony of ants constructing a

city out of graham crackers.

Jack, what have you been doing?

What do you mean?

Well, that closet's still packed.

Two hours and you've done nothing.

That's not true.

I found this.

Jack, you've got to be ruthless.

That's the key here.

I want you to ask yourself, do you
really need this?

What possible use could you have?

What if I get a dog someday? What's she
going to have puppies on?

Look at this place.

Did they film Porky 2 in here?

Camp pictures, baseball cards, comic
books. Ah, and this sad little pillow.

Wally.

Wally, what are you doing?

I got you some new pillows, Jack. You
need new pillows.

Are you insane?

You can have a new pillow. I love my old
pillow.

I mean, it's taken me years to get it
smashed to the right size.

Come on, Jack. That's not a pillow
anymore.

It's granules in a sack.

You deserve a better pillow. Look, 100 %
goose down.

Mmm, so cozy.

Molly, you know, I'm not the type of guy
who enjoys laying his head down on the

remains of a dead bird.

I need a man -made pillow. I need
polymers.

Why is it that men are so attached to
their past?

Jack, you have to learn how to let go.

Make a clean break.

Now, come on.

Put down the pillow.

That's right.

Nice and easy.

Drop it in here and everything will be
okay.

Just let it go, Jack.

I can't.

I'll throw away the rug instead.

All right.

At least that's something.

You know, while you're finishing the
closet, I'll start working on all these

papers. Oh, Wally, Wally, Wally, be
careful with that.

It's in my 2B file pile.

I have a very organized method of how it
is.

Okay, I really want to try to understand
this. Other than the Library of

Congress, who needs to keep old
newspapers?

They're not that old. Besides, there
could be something in here I need to

Gee, Jack, I think you may have already
heard that Amy Carter got her driver's

license.

Do not touch the newspapers, Wally.
Okay.

I'll find something else to do.

Like collect your laundry.

Oh, God.

What is this?

That's my favorite sweatshirt.

Where are you going with that?

I'm going to call the EPA and find out
if I'm handling it properly.

Then I'm going to have myself scrubbed
down.

Now, Wally, be careful with that. It has
special healing powers.

You better use the gentle cycle and a
fabric softener.

Lay it flat to dry.

That way it retains its shape.

and wiping out what could have been a
new strain of penicillin.

I found this sealed box under the thing.
Do you know what's inside it? Oh, my

God, Wally. Be careful with this box. It
must stay sealed and intact.

What's in there, Jack? Jimmy Hoffa?

You've got everything else in this
place.

Look, when I moved in here 15 years ago,
I unpacked everything but this box.

As long as it stays all taped up, it
means I never moved in here permanently.

That way I'll never feel tied down.

Oh, good.

I'm having a serious relationship with a
man who lives like he's in the witness

protection program.

Jack, I don't think we're making any
headway here. You won't unpack this box.

You won't even go through your old
clothes.

That's not true. I made my goodwill
pile.

You did?

Where is it? Right here.

A bolo tie and a dickie?

How can this be your goodwill pile? You
have clothes in there that should be

melted down and made into insulation.

Wally, you obviously don't know how the
fashion industry works.

Everything comes back into style.

Now, why should I throw this stuff away
when I'm just going to have to go back

and buy it all over again at three times
the cost?

That's what they want you to do, Wally.
It's a big scam.

You're lucky you know me to protect you
from these things.

My God, Jack, you're worse than a woman.

Do you think you could do me a teeny
tiny little favor?

Could you go back into your closet and
try on a few outfits so we can see if

these things even fit you?

All right.

But don't call them outfits.

Men don't wear outfits.

We wear random items that just might
happen to look good together.

Well, hasn't this turned into a pleasant
little Saturday?

Jack accepts change less easily than the
Amish.

You know what really upsets me most?

I could be at the Bloomingdale's shoe
sale right now, wrestling a woman for

last pair of Joan and David suede ankle
boots.

Now that's a good time.

But no, I'm fighting a losing battle
against a man who gave the dust ball

his bed a name.

of a radio shack in Knoxville.

Okay.

You scoff.

But as soon as I lose a little weight
and these things come back into style...

All right, that's it. I've had it. I
quit. What? You're upset?

Molly, I thought you wanted to work on
this as a team.

I mean, come on. You know, there's no
teamwork if you're gonna have to have

everything your way.

Did you move this chair?

Yes, I moved that chair.

See? I'm moving it.

I'm moving it again.

Now, Wally, this isn't fair. You're
trying to change my whole place.

I've changed nothing.

I've had no effect here at all. This
place is set up for you.

There's no room here for me. How do you
think that makes me feel? That the man

I'm in love with won't even make the
smallest effort to open up his home to

You know what, Wally?

I guess I just wasn't looking at it that
way.

All right.

This calls for a big gesture here.

You see this box?

It's history.

It's going into the trash.

Because I want you to know how seriously
I take this relationship and...

What's this?

What's what?

You threw away my favorite sweatshirt.

Well, I throw away such a harsh term,
Jack. Let's just say I retired it.

How could you do that?

How could you throw away my most prized
possession?

I'm sorry, Jack.

I didn't realize it was that important
to you.

You know, I would never do anything that
would hurt... Hey, wait a minute. How

am I losing now?

I'm the one who gave up my time today.
What did I get out of it?

Nothing, except the realization that
your smelly past is more important to

than your present.

And you seem very okay with that.

So you know what?

That's the way you can have it.

You think I would have had more leverage
if I weren't dressed like Jermaine

Jackson?

Well, who died?

and made you queen.

All I'm saying is that we have known you
the least amount of time, so we care

less whether you live or die.

Why would you take something like that
personally?

I'm telling you the obvious choice is
Ray.

You have to stop fighting it and face
the fact that you're the most

I gave you my last milk, Doug, so you
could live another day.

Sucker.

I want you to look me in the eye and
tell me that your life is more valuable

than mine.

My life is more valuable than yours.

Now, that's a low blow.

I'm a little tired of all you coming up
with so many reasons why I should bite

it first.

All right, so maybe I haven't
contributed that much to society yet,

planning on my 40s being a really
productive time.

Yeah, right.

And anyway, haven't you ever heard of
women and children first? Oh, give me a

break. You deserve special treatment.
We're the ones who have to go through

labor. You try pulling a live turkey out
your nose and then you tell me who's

special.

Well, I don't care what anybody says.
The bottom line is I should get to stay

the lifeboat because I have a better
chance of surviving.

Oh, really? Yeah, face it. I am in tip
-top physical condition.

Well, then maybe you should jump out the
back of the raft and start kicking. Oh,

no. Oh, man,

I don't believe it. Are you still in
this lifeboat thing? It's horrible.

They're all trying to kill me, Jack. Oh,
no, no, no, Ray. We're not trying to

kill you.

We're trying to make the best use of
you.

Now, look, let me ask you something.

When your plane went down, wouldn't
there be more than one raft, and

there be more people floating around
with you?

What are you getting at?

Why don't you board their raft, take
their food, and push them overboard?

Hey, why didn't we think of that?

Okay, okay. All in favor of looting and
pillaging the other raft, raise hands.

All right, there you go. It's over.

Now you don't have to talk about this
anymore.

Thank God.

Let's discuss something else.

So did anybody see Towering Infernal
last night?

Hi.

Hello.

I was wondering if I could get a cup of
coffee. That's why we're here.

Look, Wally, I am really sorry about
Saturday.

We said a lot of things to each other,
and I'm just here to say basically that

behaved in a really selfish way.

And although that usually worked for me
in the past, I seem to have lost a lot

of ground here.

Well, maybe it wasn't all your fault.

I threw your sweatshirt away.

I had no right to do that. It's just
that when you didn't make room for me, I

felt like you didn't care.

And I guess I didn't handle that very
well.

Okay. So what we have here is two people
simultaneously admitting fault.

Now, that usually means that there's a
way to work the problem out.

So, what do you say we try tackling my
apartment all over again?

It would probably be less work if you
just moved.

Since that's not practical, sure, let's
give it another shot.

Okay.

Hey, Ron, I'll pick you up tonight.

And then tomorrow, we'll start work.

Hey, Jack, are you walking funny?

Well, you kind of reorganized my dresser
drawers. I couldn't find my underwear.

And I know some people say that no
underwear is sexy, but I find it quite

chilly, and one zipper mess happened,
that's all she wrote.

I can't believe we're going to do this
again. I'm still having flashbacks to

things I saw in your vegetable bin.

I may have to form a support group.

Okay, okay, let's just get this over
with.

Oh, my God.

It looks great.

So, what do you think?

It's one thing to say you love somebody,
another thing to show them.

This is the sweetest thing anyone has
ever done for me. The books are all neat

and straight. Your desk is immaculate.

I even said goodbye to my old friend
Milt, the dust ball.

And look, you bought a plant.

Something growing in your apartment
that's supposed to.

I hope I didn't get too carried away. I
just figured it would be good practice

in case, you know, someday we might want
to hang out in the same... You know.

You mean that thing where we might only
have one place, so we'd both be there

with all our stuff?

Maybe. Someday.

Yeah.

That thing.

All I can say, Jack Stein, is that I
feel like

you really thought about me here.

That you rose above your personal fears
and put me first, and...

I love you so much right now.

And I think I want to see your bedroom
now.

Really? Yeah.

Now. Right now, Mr.

No Underwear.

You go in the bedroom, and I'll get us
some wine.

Be my guest.

And you'll find my refrigerator is fully
stocked with all the things you like.

Except for me.

be in the bedroom removing my pants very
carefully.