All language subtitles for love_and_war_s01e11_not_tonight_honey

At age 35, I never counted on having to
date again.

As the judge granted my divorce, I was
imagining my new life.

Sitting at a bar, sipping a Campari and
soda, while some periodontist who's a

member of the hair club for men tries to
pick me up.

It was at that moment I decided to spend
the rest of my life alone.

Twenty minutes later, I met Jack.

Look at him.

Isn't he great?

And hear that little sound he makes when
he sleeps?

You can't really call it a snore.

It's too musical.

I really should sleep, but I have to
touch him.

Well, is it time to get up? If you play
your cards right.

It's dark out. I had a deadline.

I'm tired.

Night, sweetie.

Uh -oh.

Look at that face.

Is that a perfect face?

She smells like a fresh garlic crouton.

I don't know why that always turns me
on.

Rise and shine.

Jack, wait.

Don't worry, you'll catch up.

Oh, my God, look at the time.

I'm going to get to the fish market. All
the good salmon will be gone.

I'll be stuck with the ones with all
those tumors over their eyes.

Okay, Walt.

I know what's going on, and I
understand.

What are you talking about?

Last night, I was tired and you weren't.
So this morning, when I was no longer

tired, you said no to even things out.

Fear is fear. No, that's not it at all,
Jack. I just didn't feel like it.

I'm in a rush.

Well, you've been in a rush before.

And you've had deadlines before.

When you didn't feel like it last night,
that didn't mean anything.

Did it?

No. It's just that we always feel like
it.

Don't we?

Sure.

But it's not like we don't find each
other attractive anymore. We don't have

get paranoid about this.

Do we?

Of course not.

But I should probably get a nicer robe.
I look like a chew toy.

Oh, come on.

We don't have to impress each other
anymore.

I don't mind you in something stained.

It's me who looks a little frumpy.

Frumpy? No.

Loose flannel is good.

It, uh, you know, it leaves a lot to the
imagination, and that's so refreshing

in today's society.

So what happened last night and this
morning?

I don't even know why we're talking
about it.

Well, I better go change.

Yeah.

Well, that went well.

We're brother and sister now.

Look at that couple.

They haven't said a word to each other
for 20 minutes.

Yes, they did. He asked her to chew with
her mouth closed.

You know, sometimes the quiet ones are
the most passionate.

I myself am quite soft -spoken. What are
you saying, Ray?

That underneath this green jumpsuit,
I've been known to seethe with passion.

You sure you're not just allergic to the
material?

I'm telling you, the minute a man
becomes comfortable with a woman, the

goes out.

All men should be sent off to an island
where they can walk around in ripped

underwear and drink milk out of the
carton until they drop.

Sounds like heaven to me.

I'm sorry, but I'm having a private
conversation here.

You're sorry? I had to hear it.

Oh, quite a humorous quip. One for
dinner, sir?

Yeah, right.

I'm looking for some guy named Wally
Porter.

I'm Wally Porter.

I'm Abe Johnson, Ike Johnson's brother.

He left me a stake in this place.

20%. Got a copy of the will right here.

Oh, please.

You expect me to hand over 20 % of this
place to a complete stranger who says

he's Ike's brother?

What kind of moron do you think I am?

I don't think the kind really matters.

Nice return.

They could definitely be related.

You have any ID?

Yeah, I got my driver's license.

You're from Detroit?

Yep. 24 years.

I'm an unemployed auto worker.

Let's just say I didn't have the best
luck.

Worked on the Corvair, the Pinto, the
Gremlin,

Pacer. Then I went to Ireland and I
worked on an independent model, the

DeLorean.

You poor soul. You have certainly seen
rough times.

a question. Would you categorize
yourself as an angry black man?

Not till just now.

Look, look, I don't want to take up any
more of your time, so if you just write

me a check for 20 % of this place, I'll
be on my way. Yeah, right.

What's so funny?

Sorry, but in order to write you a
check, there'd have to be profits.

Well,

when do you think you're going to see
those profits?

Well, let me see. I bought this place
three months ago in a moment of

I'm located in a part of town where the
main industry is hubcap resale.

And I'm just now starting to attract
customers who don't wear pantyhose on

heads.

All right, all right, I get the picture.

But as part owner, I got to protect my
investment.

There's only one thing to do.

Offer myself a job.

I accept.

It's obvious you need a bartender. That
man over there ordered a shot of

bourbon, and she put an umbrella in it.

Look, Wally, I hope I'm not overstepping
my bounds here, but I think you should

give him a chance.

It's what Ike wanted.

Well, we do need a bartender.

We'll see how well we get along.

Well, this is a sissy -looking apron.

Needs something with stripes.

And when we have time, we'll talk about
that menu.

Where's the baseball bat?

The what?

The baseball bat, you know, for clubbing
the drums.

Oh, I suppose you're going to tell me
you don't club your drums.

Oh, this is ridiculous.

Hey, Walt.

I need something from you. Let me guess.

Your alimony check.

Wally, please. You think that's the only
reason I come here?

But it is late. Your purse is usually
right behind the bar. You want me to get

it?

Yeah, we do need a bath.

Thanks a lot, honey. I really appreciate
it.

Hey, who's this?

Abe Johnson.

Ike's brother.

He's taking over for him.

Maybe.

Hey, Ike's brother.

Welcome. I'm Kip Zakaris.

You know, you look familiar.

Didn't I see you on Jake and the Fat
Man?

Why, yes, yes, you did.

I played Mr. York, the psychotic math
tutor.

Oh, yeah, right. It was during that very
show I shot my TV.

Well, it was a very powerful
performance. I know that.

Here you go, Kip. This should cover your
debt at the tanning salon.

Thanks, honey. I was about to lose my
booth privileges.

If there's anything I can do for you...
Actually, there is something.

I have a question I want to ask you.

When we were together, did we... Well,
did we have a good sex life?

I'm still smiling.

Why are you asking me this?

Ah. Wait a minute. This is about what's
-his -name, isn't it?

Jack. His name is Jack.

He's having a mechanical problem, isn't
he?

Don't blame yourself. I've always
thought that he was a little unreliable.

And men slow down.

Well, not all men.

Forget I ever brought it up. Wally,
please, I understand.

Listen, you have needs, and you're
talking to the one person who

what those needs are.

You know, you and I can light that fire
between us again.

I have a date tonight, but tomorrow... I
can't believe I spent five precious

years of my life married to you.

I could have spent the time better
driving wooden spikes into my head.

An obvious sexual illusion.

Wally, I hope you don't think I'm a nosy
parker, but I've been watching you, and

I can tell you're troubled by something.

You don't have to keep it inside. You
have friends who will listen, right,

Say what?

Nothing. Not even worth talking about.

I'm fine.

It's Jack.

I don't think he finds me attractive
anymore.

I can get into this. Let's get a table.

So what's the scoop? And don't leave out
any details you don't think are

important. I still might find them
amusing.

I don't know. I feel like it's ending.

The heat is gone.

Things slowed down for me and Charles,
but eventually we settled into a very

comfortable pattern.

What kind of pattern?

Three times a day.

What?

Usually once in the morning, once after
nightline, and he'd either come home for

lunch or I'd drive to the office and he
would have me in the Xerox room.

And this is supposed to make me feel
better?

This is really bothering me because I've
been here before with Kip.

It's the first step, and then it's just
a matter of time before Jack loses

interest completely.

Jack. Jack.

Jacko.

At least you make her laugh. That counts
for something.

What?

Who's that?

You're never going to believe this.

It's Ike's brother, Abe.

He inherited Ike's share of the place.

Are you serious?

How do we know he's not an imposter
coming to take everything that Ike

all those years for?

Look, we owe it to the big guy to make
sure.

Excuse me. Yeah. I'd like to order a
drink.

I'll have a peach daiquiri.

Let me ask you something.

Do you pee standing up or sitting down?

Well, that's proof enough for me.

Hi, Abe. Pleasure to meet you. I'm Jack
Stein.

I was pretty close with your brother.

Then you must want a beer. And a bottle,
if you don't mind.

All right.

Is anything wrong, Jack?

Wrong? What would be wrong?

You look a little jumpy.

Molly, she seems like she could bite the
head off a chicken.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Everything's great.

What is she doing over there anyway?

I can't even think about it.

Two women talking together is scary
enough.

Three or more and it's a coven.

Doesn't look good.

Ray, do me a favor.

Stroll on over there and play a song in
a jukebox. And pretend you don't even

know they're there. But while you're
doing it, listen in.

Can do.

10 -4.

Roger Wilco. Just go.

You know, life used to be simpler in
bars when it was just guys slugging each

other. Yeah, we'll never see those days
again.

Well, we can hope.

So?

I only heard three words.

Sex? Problem?

Jack.

It never laughed.

When I was covering the rodeo at the
garden last year, I started dating a

clown. You dated a clown?

A rodeo clown.

They happened to be phenomenal athletes.

But eventually, we had problems.

After a while, he couldn't perform
unless I chased him around the room and

scared him into a barrel.

Oops.

Let me ask you something, Wally.

What are we wearing to bed these days?

Are we making our best effort, or have
we slipped into that old flannel

nightgown habit?

Well... Oh, well, there you are. It
looks like they're talking feelings.

They could be there for months.

Like women are the only ones with
feelings.

Men have feelings.

Absolutely. You have feelings, don't
you, Abe? My back aches.

See?

Maybe we could talk out what's happening
with you and Wally.

Might help.

Sure. Great.

So, uh... You and Wally... Well... Yeah,
I thought so.

I mean, you know, so Wally and I
didn't...

Well, you know how it is. Oh, yeah.

I mean, what the hell?

Am I right? Absolutely.

So, I'm thinking... Hotel.

No, sir.

Thanks, guys. I needed this.

Jack, I was talking... Me, too.

I was talking, too.

With the guys.

Jack, we have to talk. We have a
problem.

We are a million miles away from each
other, and we both know why.

We have to find some way to handle this
problem.

Well, actually, I was thinking about
this, and I figured, well, maybe we

to, I don't know, handle this by
checking into a hotel.

You want to take me to a hotel?

I'm pretty sure this is why hotels were
invented.

Actually, I was thinking about getting a
new teddy. Red?

Yes. Silk? Of course.

See -through? If that's what it takes.
You're on.

So, how about if you pick me up tomorrow
around 8?

Perfect.

He wants to take me to a hotel.

He saw the problem, too.

He was so sweet and sensitive.

Sex, tomorrow, Jack.

Oh, Jack, the room is beautiful.

It's so romantic.

Ah, what a gorgeous view.

That was a good kiss.

Very.

Once more, just to make sure it wasn't a
fluke.

Is it a little stuffy in here?

Yes.

I'll turn down the thermostat.

Oh, man, I shouldn't have had that
second piece of cheesecake.

Oh, I know what you mean.

I'm going to lie down for just a minute.

Guess we should have known that food was
rich when we...

Looked in the menu and saw that little
picture of a heart exploding.

Come here, Jack.

Feels great when you're lying down.

So, what's that you got there?

It's just a little something I picked
up.

I like it.

I'm going to put it on right after I
digest a few more potatoes.

pants and lay there with their hand in
the waistband?

It's cozy.

You're right.

You know, Jack, I have to be honest. I
was worried about us before.

But I feel so close to you right now.

Sorry?

No.

This is a good mattress, huh? Yeah.

Feels like we're lying on a cloud.

Yeah. Are you tired?

No. That was a sigh of contentment.

You want to watch TV?

Just for a minute.

Sure.

Oh, look. It's Wuthering Heights.

I love Wuthering Heights.

This movie is so romantic.

Talk about creating a mood.

Yes, you may kiss me and cry and wring
out my kisses and tears. I love you.

You know the word.

Don't tell anybody.

Oh, Jack, this is going to be some
evening.

Those potatoes were so rich.

Hush, hush, Catherine.

I'll stay.

He shot me through.

I expire with a blessing on my lips.

Oh, the last bit on my underwear is
sticking into my waist.

It is hard to forgive that you look at
those eyes and feel the weight it has.

Kiss me again.

You see my eyes?

How do I talk to you?

and installation.

So come to Kenny's Carpet for the
funnest in Carpet, Carpet, Carpet!

I had this horrible dream about carpet.

Free padding and installation.

All colors and styles.

Oh my God, we were sleeping.

Happened again.

You mean it didn't happen again.

We can't pin the... on the dinner, Jack.

We ate even more when you dragged me to
that steak and waffle place and we made

love all night.

We were kids.

It was three weeks ago.

Jack, I know you're not comfortable
talking about things like this, but we

to. Hey, I can talk.

We'll talk.

You start.

All right, I will.

Do you want to be with other women?

Boy, when you start, you start.

I have to know, Jack.

I mean, when Kip started to cool, it was
the beginning of a lot of bad stuff

between us. I'm not Kip. I mean, how
long am I going to have to take the heat

for all of his mistakes?

You know, lately, I feel so much
pressure.

The other night, I thought something was
wrong because I was tired. And I swear,

I was just tired. I was the tired person
who's crazy about you.

I'm crazy about you.

I guess I just keep trying to fight it.

You know, the inevitable.

Yeah, the inevitable.

I thought that was just for other
people.

No.

But I guess the couples who learn to
accept it are the ones who stay

I guess you're right.

Let me ask you a question, though, Jack.

Did we just agree to never have sex
again?

God, I hope not.

But let's make a pact.

We'll only make love when we want to,
not when we think we're supposed to.

Good idea.

Oh, wow, it's 4 a .m. We're gonna be
zombies in the morning.

I don't even have the energy to get
undressed.

Me either.

This will be good practice.

We're in bed, but we'll just go to
sleep. No pressure.

Forget about sex.

Great.

Good night, Walt.

Good night, Jack.

I'm not thinking about sex.

Are you?

No.

This is great.

Sleep well.

You're touching me.

You're touching me.

We don't have to do this, you know.

We can stop anytime.

Think about carpeting.

It'll pass.