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Welcome to my honeymoon.
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I'm just getting these pillows set right
so, you know, no one gets hurt.
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Well, this is going to be some honeymoon
night. You know what honeymoons are all
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about. They're real hot and steamy.
That's never happened to me since I lost
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vaporizer. But tonight's going to be
different. Now, listen, I have to talk
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you parents. You know, you may not want
your children to watch tonight's show
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because there's going to be...
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Well, let's just say it's going to be
hot. So you may, if you have little
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like, well, okay, look, like kids, pull
your kids up to the TV.
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Any of them below that line, don't let
them watch.
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Now, keep in mind that I'm like way over
this.
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So it's okay for me to go ahead with
this.
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And keep smiling throughout the entire.
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Okay, it's going to take me 41 seconds
to get everything right for my
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and I'll see you right after the opening
theme.
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This is the theme to Gary's show.
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The theme to Gary's show. Gary called me
up and asked if I would write his theme
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song. I'm almost halfway finished. How
do you like it so far?
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How do you like the theme to Gary's
show?
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This is the theme to Gary's show, the
opening theme to Gary's show. This is
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music that you hear as you watch the
credits.
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We're almost to the part of where I
start to whistle. Then we'll watch his
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Sandling show.
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This is the theme to Gary's show.
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Honey, that's that joke.
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What is it? Look on the other side.
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Look, I wrote you something. Come over
here. Oh, you did?
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Yeah. Look.
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Love. Love. Oh, Gary. I wanted to put I
love you, but there wasn't enough wood.
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I ran out of wood. They never have
enough wood in these places to say what
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really feel. Oh, you carved that soap
into the shape of a little heart.
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Did you like it?
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That was the sweetest thing anybody ever
did. I had to use my straight -edge
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blade. I hope you can tell it was a
heart.
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You know, I wanted to actually cut a
swan out of the towel, but I didn't
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I left my good nail clippers at home.
Oh, well, it's off the count.
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You look very pretty tonight, Mrs.
Shanley. You look pretty terrific
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Mr. Shanley.
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Right on.
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Can you believe this, Gary? This is our
honeymoon night. Can you believe it?
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No.
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Ready for the bed?
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Well, well.
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I'm a little nervous. I don't know. I
mean, this is silly.
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We're acting like it's the first time
we're making love. I know.
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I'm nervous, too.
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Funny, huh?
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Boy.
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I tell you, I sure love when you call
you and I we and you and me us.
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I think it's... Those are just such
great pronouns.
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I love us.
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I love wee.
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Oh, damn it.
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Damn.
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Oh, damn.
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It's a three -way blow.
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There must be a million stars up in the
sky
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tonight.
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It's so easy to feel when you and me is
love
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tonight.
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Uncle Garth? How did you know we're...
Oh, no, that's terrible.
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What's terrible?
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Oh, yeah, no, we'll come up... We'll
drive up tomorrow morning. Yeah, no,
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I'm glad you called.
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What's wrong?
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Some honeymoon, huh?
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It's all right.
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It's all right.
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How are you guys doing?
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Everything all right? Better than
Grandpa.
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Well,
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he was old.
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First you get old, and then you die.
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Gary, you have your own TV show. Why did
he die?
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Well, I don't have any idea, Chester.
I'll have to ask Tony Danza.
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Chester, sweetie, let's go and eat
something.
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Come on, go ahead, Chester. You haven't
made these especially for you.
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Oh, Grandpa loved cabbage rolls. They
were a thing.
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Well, Gary, he's going to be missed.
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I know.
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God, so sudden.
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I was laying down to guess bath when I
heard.
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Where were you?
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Hey, that's Grandpa's plate. You can't
eat off of Grandpa's plate.
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That's Papa's plate. It's a bath family
tradition. God.
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Oh, sorry.
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Hey, that's Grandpa's chair. Get your
stupid butt out.
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Life ironic.
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You two on a honeymoon and something
tragic like this. Boom. Well, just goes
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show you. Well, I'm just saying life is
ironic.
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What's ironic?
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Oh, he's cold.
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Stuffed cabbage was his fave.
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Now he's in the grave.
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Oh, hi.
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No, no, I know what you're thinking. Oh,
great, I'm having deja vu.
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I've already seen this. No, no, no, no.
Here's what happened, you know.
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Phoebe's family convinced us that
Grandpa would have wanted us to continue
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honeymoon. So... Yeah, well, I'm sure he
wishes he could make that sound.
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The thing is... The thing is... I
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mean, sometimes you have to joke about
these things just to lighten things up,
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you know.
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I never even met the man, if you want to
know the truth. But it's very difficult
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because I know Phoebe was close to him.
But anyway, we're going to try and have
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our honeymoon again. I'm sure you would
want us to continue.
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I have no insurance. I owe you.
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Oh, it's not what you think at all.
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The bellman was here and I had to tip
him, so I took $400 out of your purse.
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Yeah, I'm okay. Everything okay? Yeah,
I'm okay. You sure? Yeah, I was just
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thinking about Grandpa.
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Yeah, you know, I just feel kind of bad
because, you know, we kind of lost touch
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over the last few years. Yeah.
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Oh, I wish I'd had a chance to spend
more time with him, you know, to tell
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stuff. Yeah.
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But he knew, I'm sure, that you loved
him. That's the important thing, really.
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Yeah, I'm sure he did. You know, and I
just keep thinking of the stupidest
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things, like...
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Like how we used to slide out of
dentures and do the jack -o' -lantern
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No, no, that's what happened. When my
grandfather died, all I could think
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was the way he ordered in a restaurant.
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Well, what did he do? Well, the oddest
thing, we'd go into a restaurant, and he
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would order from the waitress, and then
he would turn and wink to the other
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people at the table.
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It was the oddest thing. He'd go, oh,
I'll have a Coke. There you go.
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And I'll have some salmon.
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And potatoes.
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That's what he would do. What did that
mean? No one knew it, just that it was,
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first of all, a strange combination to
order. Let's start there.
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But he would wink, and we never really
knew if we were supposed to wink back or
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what, you know.
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I love you, too. I love you, too, honey.
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Oh, I
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hate
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this hotel.
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Can you tell them to hold a call?
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Hello?
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Uncle Garth? What?
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00:11:47,420 --> 00:11:48,680
Uncle Garth?
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Oh, no.
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00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:05,640
Oh, he was never sick a day in his life.
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Yeah, he just grabbed his chest and
dropped like a roll.
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Two sudden deaths in less than a week.
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Seems like there must be a curse on this
family.
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Someone is doing this to us. I know it.
I just know it.
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You poor babies.
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Where were you when you heard?
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Yeah, where were you?
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We were just having sex.
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Gary! Oh, man!
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little sad but at least we're home
amongst our friends you know and i want
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thank you at home for your support you
know phoebe and i really enjoyed that
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book when bad things happen to good
people it's nice to know you think we're
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good people because we try god knows we
try to be well look phoebe if there's
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anything that we can do please thanks
jackie that's really great Gary, a
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more cannelloni? Oh, not too much. Here
you go.
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Thanks. I've missed your cooking. Oh,
thanks, Gary.
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It smells great. Feed a little more?
Yeah, a little bit more. They're worth a
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grant.
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Well, I hesitate to even mention it, but
he's at a memorial service for his
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teacher, Mr.
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Jameson.
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He got electrocuted last night, hooking
up his own cable. Do you believe it?
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Rightly. Just to save a buck, Gary. Do
you... Do you have any idea
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about what time that happened last
night?
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Well, um... Gee, I guess his wife said
it happened around 11 .30.
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We were done at 11 .25.
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No, Gary.
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You finished at 11 .25.
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I finished at a quarter to twelve.
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Honey, I don't believe you. Gary, what's
going on? You won't believe this. What?
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Every time, since we got married, every
time we go to make love, someone dies.
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Oh. I know.
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Gary, sit down. No, no. I know what
you're thinking. No.
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00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:34,060
Now listen to me. What? The Bass family,
they're turning plates over left and
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00:14:34,060 --> 00:14:35,060
right. Sit down.
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And then we made love last night at
exactly the same time Mr.
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Jameson, this Mr.
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Jameson died. I'm telling you, there's a
curse on us or something.
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This is just too freaky.
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You're spooked.
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That's it. You're spooked. I'm really
spooked. Go to a therapist. Have a
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00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:51,680
Have a scotch. No, honey.
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00:14:53,370 --> 00:14:56,810
Honey, are you okay? Yeah, no, I'm
sorry. I'm fine. I just needed to take a
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00:14:56,810 --> 00:14:59,190
minute. No, you don't have to apologize
for a minute.
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00:14:59,850 --> 00:15:00,850
Let's go to a movie.
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A nice movie. Come on. You know, that's
a good idea. Or how about a drive?
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Anything. Just to change the scenery.
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00:15:06,010 --> 00:15:08,510
Let's just get out of here. Gee, this is
awful.
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I know. I love you so much. I love you,
too.
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00:15:11,970 --> 00:15:12,970
Oh!
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00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:40,500
Don't worry about Pete.
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00:15:40,620 --> 00:15:41,760
Pete's going to be fine.
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00:15:44,900 --> 00:15:49,700
But just to be on the safe side, Phoebe
and I thought twin beds was really the
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00:15:49,700 --> 00:15:54,440
only way to stop this senseless
slaughter, this murder, this genocide.
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00:15:56,700 --> 00:15:57,780
You still up, honey?
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00:15:59,210 --> 00:16:03,250
Lyndon B. Johnson probably initiated as
much civil rights legislation as Abraham
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00:16:03,250 --> 00:16:06,910
Lincoln, but it went unnoticed while he
was in office because of the escalation
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00:16:06,910 --> 00:16:07,910
of the war in Vietnam.
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00:16:08,630 --> 00:16:14,170
Honey, why are you thinking about this
stuff? What the hell am I supposed to be
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00:16:14,170 --> 00:16:17,310
doing? If I did what I really wanted,
we'd wipe out half this town.
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00:16:18,250 --> 00:16:21,210
You know, I feel exactly the same way,
okay?
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00:16:21,770 --> 00:16:24,730
Why don't we just go to sleep, get up in
the morning, go downtown and get
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00:16:24,730 --> 00:16:25,730
spayed? Fine.
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00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:29,760
Good. Set the alarm. Good night, honey.
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00:16:29,980 --> 00:16:30,980
Good night.
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00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:44,420
Phoebe.
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00:16:45,300 --> 00:16:46,300
Look.
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00:16:51,580 --> 00:16:52,840
Not tonight, fella.
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00:16:53,380 --> 00:16:55,020
You're not making this any easier.
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00:16:56,300 --> 00:16:59,360
Oh, great. He's juggling. You know how
that turns me on? I know.
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00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:02,980
I can't even go to the circus without...
Well, you know. I know.
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00:17:04,260 --> 00:17:08,260
Why don't you just go back to sleep, you
guys?
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00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:09,339
Come on.
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00:17:09,339 --> 00:17:10,800
Oh, brother. Oh, man.
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00:17:11,180 --> 00:17:12,560
They are awfully good.
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00:17:26,349 --> 00:17:27,410
Oh, who's that? Is that you?
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00:17:27,869 --> 00:17:28,870
That's me.
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00:17:28,890 --> 00:17:30,190
Oh, honey, look at them.
219
00:17:31,090 --> 00:17:32,410
Oh, that was frightening.
220
00:17:33,270 --> 00:17:36,990
They're leading a full life, and we're
sitting here like two loaves of bread.
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00:17:37,410 --> 00:17:39,690
Two loaves of bread, honey.
222
00:17:40,010 --> 00:17:43,870
No, Gary, we've got to be strong. We
can't live like this, honey.
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00:17:44,070 --> 00:17:47,530
No, we've just got to hold out, Gary.
Are you sure?
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00:17:48,350 --> 00:17:49,350
No.
225
00:18:02,340 --> 00:18:04,900
Damn. I can't take this anymore.
226
00:18:07,580 --> 00:18:11,240
Easy, Gary. You guys have forced us to
kill again. Who is it this time?
227
00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:14,260
Someone big.
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00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:18,700
Someone heavy. Someone with a big stuff.
Marlon Brando. We've got Marlon Brando,
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00:18:18,700 --> 00:18:20,440
honey. What a loss.
230
00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:23,380
They're doing the twist. Oh, Chubby
Checker. No.
231
00:18:30,060 --> 00:18:31,060
But there's still more.
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00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:32,560
Three people.
233
00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:34,020
We've killed the Hudson brothers.
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00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:38,300
Three of the four tops.
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00:18:38,620 --> 00:18:42,880
Who knows who we've killed at this
point? The three wise men. The wise men?
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00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:49,880
only Jewish family in Sherman Oaks? The
three wise men. Look, see that star?
237
00:18:50,220 --> 00:18:51,740
See that star? Hear that music?
238
00:18:52,740 --> 00:18:54,040
Get it, bonehead?
239
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:07,440
Oh, that was you on the phone? Yeah. We
killed Ian.
240
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:10,960
No, no. Actually, I have some good news.
241
00:19:11,220 --> 00:19:12,600
What? We killed Leonard Smith.
242
00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:16,100
Oh, Gary, I'm pregnant.
243
00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:19,220
You're pregnant? We made Nancy pregnant.
244
00:19:19,500 --> 00:19:20,500
Oh, that's great.
245
00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:21,860
Congratulations.
246
00:19:22,380 --> 00:19:25,580
Oh, congratulations.
247
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:28,620
Oh, it is great.
248
00:19:28,900 --> 00:19:31,440
I gotta go now, but I just wanted to
tell you.
249
00:19:35,790 --> 00:19:36,910
a good wedding. Oh, yeah.
250
00:19:37,950 --> 00:19:39,430
We got three of them. Congrats.
251
00:19:39,650 --> 00:19:40,650
Congrats.
252
00:19:41,190 --> 00:19:42,730
Oh, the curse is off.
253
00:19:42,990 --> 00:19:47,450
All right. The curse is off. I can't
believe it. Not only is it off, we made
254
00:19:47,450 --> 00:19:48,590
pregnant. We made her pregnant.
255
00:19:48,970 --> 00:19:50,150
Oh, honey.
256
00:19:50,450 --> 00:19:51,450
Oh, honey.
257
00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:54,850
Oh, that's what the shadows are trying
to tell us. Of course. Where did they
258
00:19:54,950 --> 00:19:58,310
I want to thank them. Let's go to bed.
Go to bed. Right on, honey.
259
00:19:58,510 --> 00:20:01,130
Wait. Let me. Okay, wait a minute. What?
260
00:20:02,460 --> 00:20:05,240
Let me do the closing monologue. Okay,
hurry. Okay, I don't have a lot of time.
261
00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:10,700
Wait, because... Listen, it's been a
good show.
262
00:20:11,900 --> 00:20:17,740
And we've learned a lot about sex and
family and cable TV and all that. I
263
00:20:17,740 --> 00:20:20,160
have time for this. I gotta... What?
264
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:23,260
Oh, look. Look, I think one of the wise
men came back.
265
00:20:23,460 --> 00:20:24,179
Oh, no.
266
00:20:24,180 --> 00:20:26,940
Oh, it's Barry Wiseman.
267
00:20:27,420 --> 00:20:28,420
Oh, Barry.
268
00:20:28,460 --> 00:20:29,800
Take us home, Barry.
269
00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:58,580
Just like a dream come true.
270
00:20:59,060 --> 00:21:00,260
Oh, baby.
271
00:21:00,620 --> 00:21:04,940
The stars are bright here tonight.
272
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,960
I'll give my heart to you.
273
00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:15,320
There must be a million stars up in the
sky
274
00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:16,320
tonight.
275
00:21:18,500 --> 00:21:22,900
It's so easy to see for you and me.
276
00:21:23,500 --> 00:21:24,760
It's love.
277
00:21:33,310 --> 00:21:38,290
It's love, it's love, it's love, it's
love tonight.
278
00:21:41,170 --> 00:21:42,510
Oh, baby.
22396
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