All language subtitles for its_garry_shandlings_s02e13_save_the_planet

Really, welcome to my lovely home. Thank
you.

You're an excellent audience, folks.
This is the kind of audience that could

probably hear this monologue two, three
times and still really laugh.

Anyway, welcome to tonight's show, which
I'm really excited about

because it means we have one less to do.

Truth right there.

It's really an exciting show tonight
because it's kind of a reunion show from

the 1960s with Pete and Nancy and my old
college professor, Dr. Paul Bosgang.

I really wouldn't be so quick to applaud
a teacher. He

could come in and give us a pop quiz.

Anyway...

You know, Pete and Nancy and I were
actually very inseparable in college. We

were like the Mod Squad, really.

Well, you've got to remember, Pete was
black in those days.

You know, Nancy was from a wealthy
family, and, of course, I was Peggy

That's right. I had long blonde hair,
and Quincy Jones made me cut it short

this, and then he dumped me like a hot
potato.

So anyway, okay, well, maybe we were
more like the Partridge family. I don't

know.

Anyway, getting on with the spirit of
the 60s, why don't we roll the opening

credits while we listen to the opening
theme sung by Flo and Eddie from The

Turtles.

Where's Dr. Boutgang? Oh, he's not here
yet. We're just getting ready to run the

opening theme.

Oh, okay. Well, we'll see you in 41
seconds.

Oh, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. The
turtles are going to sing the opening

theme. Oh, yeah, right.

Like you got Flo and Eddie.

No, I did. I'm not lying this time.

Come on. Have a seat. Have a seat.

Okay.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the
turtles.

This is the theme to Gary's show.

The theme to Gary's show. Gary called us
up and asked if we would sing a theme

song. We're almost at the finish. How do
you like it so far? How do you like the

theme to Gary's show?

This is the theme to Gary's show. The
opening theme to Gary's show. This is

music that you hear as you watch the
credits.

We're almost to the part of where we
start to pop off. Then we'll watch it's

Gary Shandling's show.

This is a game to Gary Shanley show.

Just a great job.

Just a great job.

Next week, we have a very special
version of the theme sung by Siegfried

Roy.

Anyway, good job, guys. I'm telling you,
this is the new single. I'm telling

you. We'll get in the recording studio
and really, maybe the next time you come

on and sing the theme, you won't need
cue cards. Who knows?

See you guys. Say hi to Mick for me. We
will, Gary.

We've seen Paul Bosgang since we
graduated.

Oh, dear, bye. How long is he going to
be here? Well, he's going to be here all

week. He's just coming by to say hi, and
then we're all going to go and have

dinner with him on Thursday.

Oh, great.

Thursday, I'll stay with you? Yeah.
Perfect. Look, I don't want to burst

everyone's balloon.

Why is everyone so excited?

I mean, isn't this guy just a teacher?

Oh, no, Grant. You know, Paul's actually
a... Oh, he was really a mentor.

Well, I was going to say an easy grader,
but...

So then I got an A in that class.

Well, sure, everybody got an A. No, no,
no. I got a B minus.

How could you... What? We graded
ourselves in that class.

Well, I didn't like my attitude.

Well, you know... You know, Pete also
set himself back in the fourth

grade.

Because he felt he didn't work well with
others.

Gary. Oh, it is great to see you, Paul.

Oh, Nancy.

Pete. Pete Schumacher.

Oh, it's so great to see you all. Great
to see you. And look at this place.

Well, you've done all right for
yourself, Mr.

How's my face?

No,

it's how's my hair now, Paul. My face
cleared up.

We've got some catching up to do. We
sure do. Come on, Nancy. You look great,

but no peasant dress, no sandals. Oh,
yeah. I'm wearing a bra now.

And look under her arms, Paul. No more
gorilla girl. Come on.

Remember when we lost the frisbee there
at the concert?

Come on.

Paul, come on. I'd like you to say hello
to my son, Grant.

Grant, this is Dr.

Bodgang. Hi.

Nice to meet you. Hello, Grant. What's
happening?

You know, Dr.

Bosking, my dad said in the 60s you guys
were all hippies. Well, Grant, I can

only hope that when you're in college,
you stand up for what you believe in

like your parents did.

Go on, have a seat, Paul. Have a seat.

I'll tell you, it doesn't sound like
you've changed a bit.

My values are the same, but I don't seem
to have the same support I once did.

That's why I'm hoping that things like
this article I'm doing for Life magazine

will revive some interest in what we
were all yelling and screaming about,

especially the ecology movement.

Sounds great. Yeah, terrific.

Yeah, it really is.

You guys want to see something great?

Take a look at these photos that the
magazine is doing.

They're from the Save the Planet
demonstration I organized back then. Oh,

gosh. Was that Peter, Paul, and Mary?

Right on. Now, you've got to remember,
that's 20 years ago.

And isn't that Abby Hoffman? With the
naked woman on his shoulder? Hey, hey,

me see. Let me see.

Hey, this is my mom.

This is my mom.

God, she's magnificent.

You know, Gary, I was really indebted to
your mom. She worked very hard on the

Save the Planet movement.

Oh, look, you know, I understand.

You know, I'm no prude when it comes to
naked pictures, but, you know, couldn't

you...

sort of doctor it up so maybe there's a
negligee on her. Just a real sexy one. I

mean, it would lead more to the
imagination, you know.

She'd still be hot, I swear.

You're just as funny as you were in your
old coffeehouse days.

Yeah, yeah.

Maybe a helmet with a visor or something
like that.

Paul, why don't you stop by the house
and see Jackie and the baby?

Oh, I'd love to.

But I've only got a minute.

I'll have more time to spend with you
all on Thursday.

Great, yeah. See you Thursday.

Yeah. What's the baby's name?

Oh, the baby doesn't have a name yet.
Gary's having a contest.

A contest?

Oh, so your mom's going to be naked. I
mean, come on. It's not like people buy

Life magazine to fuel their masturbatory
fantasies.

Ew.

Maybe I'm overreacting.

What do you guys think?

Take a look.

Oh, my God,

did you hear that? It's worse than I
thought, and I have a mature audience.

Oh, no, what if Paul's right?

What if this photo does bring back the
60s?

Oh, my poor mom.

What if it brings back the 60s? Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no, no. I know that look.

No, no, Gary.

You're not going to trip. I'm tripping
out. No.

I'm tripping out. Okay, all right. I'll
be here when you come back around. I'm

tripping. I'll be here. I'll be here.
I'll be here.

You're so right for manhandling.

That's because you're Ruth Shandling.

I really want you. Ruth Shandling want
me.

I know that Gary's whiny.

Cause everyone sees your hiney.

Take off your clothes please. Ruth
Shandling really.

Good job.

What a bummer. Really.

Kids, just say no to a dream sequence.

Really.

Oh.

I gotta go talk to Paul, but, you know,
I'm really nervous about it, so let's

have some commercial messages, then I'll
get some nerve, and then I'll go talk

to Paul.

That's right.

Commercials give me nerve.

And now for you Showtime subscribers.

On a clear day, rise and look around
you, and you will see who you are. On a

clear day, how it will astound you.

On a clear day, on a clear day, you can
see

forever and ever and ever and ever.

See, you can read and watch TV at the
same time. That's why the University of

Arizona gave you tenure.

Tenure? Yeah.

Gary, when Life Magazine publishes my
photo captions, they're going to make me

chairman of the department.

I am so up.

You know, I've been waiting for a break
like this my entire career.

Well, I'm really happy for you, Paul.

It's great. It's just great.

Gary.

We've been friends a long time.

Something wrong? No. I mean, we're still
on for Thursday, right? Oh, yeah. Oh,

Thursday. We're all really looking
forward to it. Absolutely, Paul.

Great.

Do you have to print that naked picture
of my mom, Paul?

I mean... We are serious.

Is this more your coffee house stuff?
Oh, no, no.

No, I have a lot stronger material than
this, Paul.

Well, look, Gary.

That photo is the centerpiece of my
article.

I've got a brilliant caption for it.

You know, without the photo, I'm not
sure that Life magazine would be

interested.

Yeah. Well, you know, I understand,
Paul, but I think that's going to really

embarrass my mom.

And, you know, now that I'm on
television, this thing could get blown

proportion.

You know?

I see.

Yeah.

Well, I, uh...

I would never want to do anything to
jeopardize our friendship.

You don't want me to publish the photo?
Of course I won't.

But do me a favor, will you, Gary?

Really think this through before you
make your final decision.

Okay.

Thanks. Thanks, Paul.

You know that, uh...

The trophy I gave you in my senior year,
the one that says world's greatest

teacher?

I display it proudly on my mantle.
Really?

Right alongside the popsicle stick cabin
you gave me in your junior year.

You still got that. Well, you deserve
them both, Paul.

Gary, please let me know your final
decision on Thursday.

Oh, right, Thursday, Paul. Great.

Well, when I have a difficult decision
like this, sometimes it helps me to talk

things over with my dad, you know, sort
things out.

We loved him very much.

Certainly a lot more than these other
people love their fathers.

Dad, I don't know what to do, you know.

I have this old friend who took these
pictures, and if I don't let him print

them in Life magazine, it could ruin his
career.

On the other hand, they're pictures of
Mom.

Well, now, Gary, exactly what kind of
pictures are you talking about?

That's right. You don't think I'd talk
to this thing if it didn't answer back,

do you?

What kind of nut do I look like?

Well, Dad, there... She doesn't have any
clothes on, Dad.

Completely naked?

Well, no.

Well, everything except for the part
that Abby Hoffman's head is covering.

Pretty sight, Dad.

There she goes again. Even in death,
she's embarrassing me. Look at this

monument. Do you think it was my idea?

Now she's thinking of adding tiki
torches.

Take it easy. You're going to make
yourself sick again.

Look, Gary, your mother's a beautiful,
flighty woman whom I loved very much. I

know. Like Mr.

Mooney loved Lucy.

You mean like Ricky Ricardo, Dad.

No, that was I Love Lucy. I'm talking
about Here's Lucy.

You know, they lived in Connecticut.
There was no Ethel. There was Viv. Oh,

right. By the way, is that still on?

Yeah,

I think it is, Dad. But, boy,

he can really drift, can't he?

The point is, if I don't let him publish
these pictures, it's going to really

hurt him.

Well, to hell with your friend, Paul.

Let him find someone else's breasts to
put in Life magazine.

You know, I can't believe this, Gary. Am
I the only one who cares about the

Shandling name?

Now stop that picture.

Now go on. Okay. Now get out of here.
Okay. Boo!

It's like talking to Casper.

Mr. Shanling, I got fired from my job
today.

That's right. My dad gives lots of
people advice.

Sure, I get Life magazine. Why do you
ask?

Boy, my dad sure can't keep a secret,
can he?

Leave them alone.

Barbara. Oh, hi, Mom.

I was just tidying up the apartment.

Oh, is it Tuesday already?

Well, it looks great.

Where did you get this picture?

Oh, Paul brought that.

You, uh... You haven't shown it to
anybody, have you? Oh, no, no, no, no,

course not, Mom. I haven't shown it to
anybody.

What was Paul doing with this?

Well, you're not going to believe this.

He was going to have this published in
Life magazine.

You're kidding. No, no, no. Why?

Well, because he said it symbolized the
Save the Planet movement and that it

would rekindle all our memories of what
the 60s were about, you know. Yeah.

Yeah. Gosh. But I stopped him from
printing it because I knew that would

embarrass you. I haven't thought of that
day in, oh, well, a long time.

Wow. I remember Abby was upset with me
because I was wearing synthetic fibers.

So I just showed him I could be more
natural than he was.

So that's the reason you gave me all
your polyester pantsuits.

Which, by the way, I had to wear all
through the 70s with clogs.

The movement had such meaning for me.

And you know what?

It still does.

And if I had the chance to do it
again...

I would.

Well, what are you saying, Mom? You wish
that he had printed those pictures?

Well, listen, maybe it wouldn't be so
bad.

No, well, after all, isn't that what
it's all about? The cause before the

individual? No. Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom,
Mom, Mom, Mom. You can't go throwing

the shambling breasts around like that.
This is odd.

You just can't.

Well, in case you've forgotten, these
are my breasts, not yours.

No, I've always considered them your
breasts, Mom.

But I don't know what to tell my dad. I
think he considered them ours, actually.

Especially at holidays.

Isn't it my decision to make? Yeah.

Mom, I guess I made a real mistake.

I forgot that the cause is more
important. You're right.

I'll, uh...

Call Paul and tell him that he should go
ahead and print that picture.

I love you, Bubba.

I love you, Mom.

Mom, I'm going to buy you a bikini in
time for the Sports Illustrated issue.

I'll see you Thursday.

Okay. And then on Tuesday, right, Mom,
for half day?

See you then.

Okay, here's where we are in the story.

It's six weeks later, Life magazine came
out.

And I was so proud of that picture of my
mom that I bought every single issue

Life magazine published.

That's right, all 3 .5 million copies.

Really, there's another million in the
bathroom.

Sorry, you guys.

So I'll see you all next week.

Hope you had a good time. And now, the
turtles.

Imagine me and you. I do.

I think about you day and night. It's
only right to think about the girl you

love and hold her tight.

So happy together.

If I should call you up in death to die
and say you belong to me and he's my

mom, imagine how happy we'd be so happy
together.