All language subtitles for its_garry_shandlings_s01e12_sarah

I'm pleased to see you. The show's going
great.

And I just bought bunk beds.

And I bought king -size bunk beds.

And what? This girl came over. She said,
I'll get on top. I said, I'll get the

ladder. She said, you think a lot of
yourself, don't you?

And since I saw you, I met one girl.

I went to a barbecue, and I met this one
girl who was very pretty. Blonde, I

think. I'm not sure. Her hair was on
fire. And all she talked about was

You know those kind of girls? I'm hot.
I'm on fire. Me, me, me, you know?

Help me, put me out, you know.

I'll wait on some of these. Now, I'm
excited because in the current issue of

.A. Magazine, there's an article written
by one of my old girlfriends, and I

don't know that girlfriend is exactly
accurate, but then either it's the word

my. So, Sarah Reynolds wrote this
article, and Sarah and I dated about

years ago, and then she moved up to
Canada.

All right, they all move up to Canada,
but, you know.

And I really had a crush on her, and we
were dating, and she wrote this article,

and I guess she's back in town, and I'm
really excited about it, and I thought I

would read you her article.

It's called Montreal, More Than Canada,
Less Than France.

You'll get that joke later.

When I first arrived in Canada, I
thought, brr, what a cold country.

It's a real article, ladies and
gentlemen.

Then I bought a jacket.

I discovered that goose down.

I'll finish this up.

Oh, hey, Pete. Hey, Gary.

Hey, Gary, I want to show you something,
okay?

Yeah, but you know, I was going to read
this to the audience, and we have to run

the theme yet. We haven't run the
opening theme. Oh, okay. Do you want to

down, and then I'll talk to you? Oh,
yeah, sure.

I'll talk to you as soon as the theme is
over. It should just take a minute.

Okay, you got it. All right.

41 seconds to be exact.

All right.

This is the theme to Gary's show.

The theme to Gary's show.

Gary called me up and asked if I would
write a theme song.

I'm almost halfway finished. How do you
like it so far?

How do you like the theme to Gary's
show?

This is the theme to Gary's show. The
opening theme to Gary's show. This is

music that you hear as you watch the
credits.

We're almost to the part of where I
start to whistle. Then we'll watch the

Shandling show.

This was the theme to Gary Shandling's
show.

Is the theme over?

Yeah, this is just the part dogs hear.

Good point, Gar.

Okay, you ready for this?

I have a lingerie catalog.

I'm getting Jackie a negligee.

Oh, yeah? What's the occasion?

Oh, it's no occasion.

It's just that when you've been married
for 11 years, your sex life is like a

roller coaster.

It's like clack, clack, clack, clack,
clack. And then all of a sudden...

even want to know what part this is, all
right?

So what do you do? Then you walk around
in a circle and throw up afterwards?

Or what's the... Well, sometimes.

Hi, guys.

Oh, hey, Nan. Hi, Nan. Gary, did you get
your new issue of L .A. Magazine?

Oh, Gary, you got your lingerie catalogs
out again.

Gary.

Your friend Sarah Reynolds has an
article in L .A. Magazine. Yeah, I know.

just getting ready to read it to the
audience. I remember Sarah Reynolds. She

was real pretty, long hair. She's
terrific.

Yeah. Why'd you guys stop singing? Oh, I
don't know. She just... She moved up to

Canada to write on this newspaper, and
it's just when we were starting to hit

off, too, you know? Well, I think you
ought to give her a call.

Yeah, I was thinking of calling her.
Yes.

This is Pete's, by the way.

I just don't know if I remember her
number. It's been five years.

It was something like 5 -8 -0 -9 -8 -0
-6.

Well, what if she's married?

Hang up.

Uh, hello?

Is, uh, is Sarah's husband there? This
is his boss calling.

Oh, you're not married. Sarah, it's Gary
Shanley.

I brought Sarah to five years ago.

Oh, look, they still have my picture up.

You think I look better in a hat?

What is the name, please?

Chandling, Gary Chandling.

Oh, of course, Mr. Chandling. I know
your work. Oh, thanks.

Table for one, no doubt.

Actually, I don't want to throw you off.
It's two tonight.

Oh, congratulations.

You know, my wife and I watch your show
all the time. We enjoy it. Oh, thanks.

How would you feel if I told you you
were on it right now?

No. Yeah, really.

Look.

Look.

I feel like Alan Funt right now. Okay.
You do?

Oh, yes.

Very nice. Thank you.

It'll be a short wait.

Probably all these other people have
their own show, too.

I can't wait to see Sarah. I wonder if
she's changed at all. You know, five

years, I know. My lips have gotten
bigger.

You, too. You just look great.

Oh, thank you, too.

No, really?

Yeah, really. How's my hair? Your hair
looks great. Come on. Really?

Yes. Are you still using the Conner
1500?

Old Bessie? Yes.

Good. Still got her. Good. I knew it.

Chandler.

Chandler. Oh, Chandler.

Well, I sat right behind him in
homeroom.

Well, come on. We can sit down. Okay.

Right here in this little coffin.

Great to see you. And I have so many
questions to ask you. How's your dad's

prostate? Good, good. Much better, thank
you. Oh, sure. Your specialist really

helped him out. Oh, he's great. He's...
Hey, I can go horseback riding again.

Yes, I can.

That's great. Shanberg?

Shanberg, party of two?

Mr. Jerry Chandeletti. Oh, that must
be... Chandeletti, party of two.

Jerry Chandeletti.

He wasn't in my homeroom.

That's so funny, Gary. You think so?
Yes, I do.

Yes. Yeah, sometimes when I watch you on
television, I find myself sitting in

the middle of my living room just
laughing out loud. Really? Yes. Oh, my

grandfather does that.

Do you drool and bitch about Roosevelt,
too?

If the mood strikes me.

If the mood strikes you?

Chandlich. Chandlich. Party of two.

Ling Shan. Oh, this is us. Ling Shan.

Ling Shan.

Damn.

Listen. If he just flipped those, we'd
be eating right now.

It doesn't matter, Gary. What's
important is that I'm just here with

happy to be here with you. You really
feel that way? I am, yes, I do. Is he

great or what?

That means a lot to me that you like
her, because frankly, your opinion means

more to me than my own.

Your table is ready.

Oh, great. Gary. Or did he say Larry?

Gary.

Anywhere you like.

We'll eat as fast as we can. I'm not
very hungry.

It's a great restaurant. I'm sorry it
took so long. She ordered dessert.

Why don't we take a nice walk?

Oh, I think that's a great idea.

Oh, great.

You know, it's a beautiful night, isn't
it? Oh, it sure is.

Smells like rain.

Or maybe that's what I'm wearing.

I love Sarah.

Yes, Gary? Isn't this romantic?

Oh, it is.

And look at the reflection of the moon
in the lake.

Our lake.

I'm going to name it right now.

Lake Sarah.

Gary, let's make a wish in Ireland. You
want to make a wish? Yeah.

Do you have a penny?

Yeah, I think so, if I didn't give it to
the waiters a tip.

You wanna make a wish, Gary?

Yeah.

I think I just saw Blue Jane.

Why don't you just make yourself at
home, and I'll be back in just a little

minute. Okay, great. Okay.

Yeah, is she great or what?

Good.

Really? You really like her that much?

That's great, because I know how picky
you are.

Well, if I blow this one, all kidding
aside, I mean, just come over and kill

I'll be right there.

She'll be right here.

You know what that means.

Well, we've been very close so far, but
this is where I have to draw the line.

Because I really got to be alone with
her.

And I don't want you to see I get
nervous.

Okay?

All right.

This is what my mother does right before
she puts the parrots to sleep.

Sarah, you look great in there.

Wow.

Oh, man, I never thought.

Let me help you unhook that.

Here. Here, wait. I've got it. I've got
it. Oh, man.

Oh, you look so great.

so I practice.

Like you don't.

Club soda with a straw.

Oh, you remembered.

I did.

You have a boyfriend?

Oh, you're going back to Canada. No, no.

I have a boyfriend. I'm going back to
Canada.

Come on. I really had a nice time
tonight.

Right.

And I really like you a lot.

Well... Uh -oh, here they come.

You have to get up early.

You're not that kind of girl.

You're helping your sister move.

You don't want to wake your parents.

You have homework.

Not in the car.

Not in the bus.

Not in my bed.

Not in your bed. Not standing up. Not
sitting down. Not lying down. Not with

you. Not with anyone who looks like you.
Not with anyone you've ever met.

Not till they clean up the Hudson River.

Not with this El Nino condition.

I'm still upset about Truman's death.

I've always thought of you as just a
friend.

All right. Well... Well, you know,
that's not as bad as the El Nino

condition.

No, nothing, nothing.

Well, as long as you had a great time,
because I really did. Oh, I did.

I did.

Will you call me sometime?

Oh, yeah.

I will. Good.

Now that we're friends.

Yeah.

go have some beers and pick up girls.

When shadows are deep I lie here beside
you

just watching you sleep Sometimes I
whisper Knock it off,

Ed. While I'm thinking of my cup Ed,
please.

Oh, what a bummer. We feel so sorry for
you.

I heard the echo.

That's why I'm here.

You heard the echo?

Yeah, it echoed all over the world.

You're kidding.

Yeah, people in Africa are talking about
the way Sarah gave you the kibosh on

that romance.

Really? Oh, listen, Gary, it's happened
to all of us.

Yeah, but I really liked her, Nance.

Yeah, but you'll get over her.

Yeah, right. Remember Dave? That guy I
had a really big crush on in college,

and, you know, he said he wanted to be
friends.

Yeah, and you got over him?

Well, that's a bad example.

Because, I mean, I really never got over
him. I think about him every day.

I guess no one really gets over those
things.

Well, but maybe it'll be different for
you.

Oh, yeah, maybe it will.

It's a good pep talk.

Uncle Gary?

while you're feeling so miserable about
yourself.

But I'm thinking of quitting your stupid
show.

What is it, Grant? What's wrong?

I mean, Opie had more lines than I do.

There. I said it. Bye.

I'll go talk to him.

Thanks.

Oh, Gary, listen, just to cheer up and
try to think positive.

I was in a relationship with Gary
Shandling, and it was paradise.

He was loving, caring, attractive, but
not intimidating, assertive,

but not overpowering.

He was the perfect blend of id, ego, and
superego.

And I'd still be with him today, had not
the circus come to town.

My voice is not being electronically
altered.

I never talked like this before I met
Gary.

But the lovemaking was so intense, I
blew out one of my vocal cords.

But believe me, it was worth it.

I'd blow out my brains for another roll
in the hay with Shandling.

We're a well -known Las Vegas lounge act
who once spent an evening with Gary

Shandling. And all we can say about the
experience is... Wow, wow, wow, wow,

Gary!

Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, wow!

Wow, Gary.

Oh, I'm sorry. I had to think that. I'm
sorry you had to see it.

But it makes me feel better.

Hey, your name's Shanlon Gary A.? Yeah,
who are you?

Captain Gordon, come to kill you.

Trust me, there's not enough story here
that I think you really care about. I

don't think you really want to know what
happens to Pete and his lingerie, do

you? Come on.

Number two, I don't think you really,
really care if I ever see Sarah again.

Do you? Really?

Number three, you know the Greenberry
isn't going to kill me because it's my

show. You don't bring a guy in to kill
you.

You wouldn't watch it if it was just a
dead guy who starred in the show. What

are you going to be sitting there going,
I don't know why she won't go out with

him. Maybe it's because he's dead.

So look.

I'll save you the trouble. I'll see you
next time with a new episode. And I'm

just going to go right back into this
pose.

They call it freezing, but you really
stay the same temperature.

That's a little inside tip.

Good night.

Hope you enjoyed. It's Gary Tanling
Show.